Ready to give up on The Killing and perhaps TV in general for a while. I’m tired of the unfair and unrealistic portrayal of society in general, even though I should probably tell myself hey, it’s just TV. But it’s all about how horrible white people are and how innocent everyone else in the world is and I’ve had enough. There are plenty of ways to have good, entertaining shows without making reference to race. It simply isn’t necessary to keep bringing it up as often as most shows do. When the producers start mixing in some characters that play the race card and stories about whites who are discriminated against, then I’ll be inclined to watch more.

I slept shitty as hell. The fucking trash and recycle trucks woke me up half a dozen times since they always gotta make a big production out of things and can’t simply get the shit and go. They shouldn’t need to be here for hours yet they are. It’s just fucking ridiculous.

They weren’t the only ones to wake me up, though. I woke up several times for no particular reason and to pee. At least I didn’t have that nasty foot cramp I had the night before.

Enjoying a break from the planes tonight which was annoying last night.

My nails are continuing to look better, so I’m just going to go and dump all my old nail polish and start anew with a brand that doesn’t mess them up.

Tom brought home a bucket of KFC after work. We’ll both enjoy this, the sides that came with it, and other things he got for a few days. He’s working tomorrow so he won’t be going to Sam’s until Sunday.

Each month I count the days that I ranged anywhere from barely borderline anxious to actually anxious and at first I was horrified when I counted six days for January, more than November and December combined. Then Tom reminded me of the experiment I did which means I didn’t go as low as I normally go with my meds and that’s why I had more anxious days.

It only makes me angrier and more mistrustful of doctors in general. The problem is mostly on the meds just like I said 5 years ago. At least now the good thing is that I know what to do about it when I start to feel anxious. It just sucks that I have to choose between anxiety or fatigue. I really love the energy I’ve been having, though, which is a sign right there that it was building up in my system, so of course I would have some anxiety. I skipped yesterday, cut today’s pill, and now it’s every day until labs. I just have to remind myself it’s only for 33 days. I got this. I can do this…and then I can trade any anxiety that should be building up about then if not sooner for fatigue.

He still thinks that I’ll one day be able to take it every day without being anxious but maybe not until he retires. He also thinks that together we’ll help each other lose weight when he retires. Well, he has a great track record for being right, but I don’t think so. He might get the first one right and he might lose some weight when he retires but I honestly don’t see myself ever losing weight unless something was wrong.

Last night I was bored out of my fucking mind. My mind flashed through all kinds of writing projects and other ideas yet not a single one of them appealed to me. It wasn’t like I couldn’t come up with some basic story ideas. I just couldn’t motivate myself to actually put them in print.

I found myself a touch anxious and depressed, obsessively worrying about the future as I tend to do way more often the older I get. Trying to tell myself not to worry about the end of our lives because that time isn’t here yet and I can’t control it anyway just doesn’t always work. Trying to distract myself in a productive way isn’t always that easy either.

I still miss some aspects of and feelings my old self would experience, but then I know I should be glad that my worst problem in life is being bored and not finding things as new and as exciting since I’ve been there, done that, etc. Most new things I would like to try simply can’t be done at the snap of my fingers just because I may be in the mood and have the time.

I’m going to try doing a puzzle walk at the start of every hour. Hopefully, that will keep me from having too much free time on my hands while being beneficial to my health at the same time.

I read an article the other day that said that weight loss and aging are actually not normal, but a sign that something is wrong. This does make sense when you think about it, too. The metabolism only keeps getting slower with age. Not the other way around. But there definitely does seem to be a loss of appetite in older people for a variety of reasons. I’m already noticing a slight decrease in appetite now that I no longer have PMS hunger to deal with and then the hunger that often comes with perimenopause. Not a 1000-calorie-a-day kind of appetite, but I find it’s easier to go down to 1200-1500 rather than 1500-2000. Even so, that’s still too high for weight loss as a short female with a bum thyroid.

I realized a couple of days ago that I no longer get dizzy when I lie down or get up. Those ear crystals must have found their way back home.

It’s Aly I’m worried about. She’s been through so much shit for as long as I’ve known her, and while I know life isn’t fair and I shouldn’t let it get to me, I can’t help but find myself comparing her to Kim every now and then and getting angry. Here you have this great person who has one thing after another while the insane person who has no ability to feel empathy, guilt or remorse much less any ambitions in life other than to live in a fantasy world gets off easy. She sleeps like a baby, she’s never had cancer, she’s never had any stomach issues, she shouldn’t need a hysterectomy anytime soon if ever, and of course, Novasure was a complete success for her. It just hardly seems fair any more than why it always has to be me who doesn’t get to live in peace. Everyone else either has a quiet place or they don’t mind it if it’s noisy. That’s just life for you. the murderer always wins the lottery while the good people struggle and suffer.

There are at least some new and exciting things to look forward to, though, and that’s likely to be the RoboRock we’ll probably order in about a week. This is a combination vacuum and mop robot and is less expensive as well at just over $300. We checked all the particulars on how it functions, including reviews, and now we’re going to sit on it for a week or so since we don’t want to make impulse purchases, and if this still seems to be our best deal at that time, we’ll probably get it. Our old one can be used for other projects. Sometimes it’s easy to drop some bedding and turds when we go outside to shake out the pigs’ liners, and it can be used to sweep up little things in the carport.

Went back to separate books for what I share with the public versus what I keep private on PB. It was just too much of a pain in the ass to break them up into separate parts.

I didn’t sleep as well last night. I woke up many times and even had another spider nightmare. This one wasn’t super-sized or anything. I was lying in bed and watching it move across the ceiling. Then it started to fall down on its web on me and it’s like I was paralyzed, unable to move out of the way.

Then I dreamed of staying in a large house with many rooms. The drama queen was in the room next to me and not too far from us was our cousin Philip. Philip and I had some kind of problem and I later overheard him telling Tammy that he hid a note for her inside his pants that he placed on her bed. When Tammy was out of the room, I quickly snuck in and pulled a sheet of paper out of the pair of jeans that was laid out. I was curious to see if he mentioned whatever problem we had but found that he didn’t.

Then my PCP was visiting in the last dream and she wanted to take a picture of my dresser because she thought it was decorated so cutely. I told Alexa to turn on the light since the room wasn’t very bright at the moment, and she ignored me as she usually does in dreams. But the second time around she listened to me when I told her to turn on “dawn.”

I think it’s sad that people regularly refer to whites these days as white trash, and it’s okay. Call anyone else names and it’s not acceptable at all. Yeah, I think we’ve taken the politically correct bullshit a little too far these days. Yet the fact still remains that two wrongs don’t make a right any more than applying new or fancy labels to things changes what those things are.

Went out walking for about 15 minutes. I’ll walk more on the treadmill later. The breeze was cool, the sun was warm. I ran into Dixie on the way and she stopped to chat with me for a couple of minutes.

She told me that yes, there was a death in the house across from next door. Dahl’s wife Barbara had cancer before they moved here, thought it was gone, but it returned and killed her. How sad. Imagine buying a new house and then dying just a few months later? Now the question is whether or not he’s going to stay there by himself. I hope the house doesn’t go back on the market, but the guy has to do what he has to do.

The winds are northerly again which means the planes are back to being a nuisance. I could hear one roaring overhead clearly when out on my walk even with the headphones playing pretty loud. If the damn thing was just a little lower I could probably make out the airline.

I found a flaw in the Kindle app I’ve got on my phone and that’s that it doesn’t sync after I’ve been listening to Alexa read me parts of a book.

Aly completely ignored my question when I asked her if Molly was continuing to ignore her and not realize she’d been ghosted, furthering my suspicions that they’d picked up their friendship elsewhere. But why the secrecy? I don’t get why Aly feels the need to hide it at this point. She knows I know they’ve been friends and that I know it’s not my place to tell her who she should or shouldn’t be friends with.

I signed up for Google Alerts on Tom and myself, plus a few others a while back. Last night I got an alert with Tom’s obituary, LOL. A 74-year-old guy with the same name died in Wisconsin.

Love how I can connect the Kindle app to Goodreads so I can mark the book I’m reading as “currently reading” and then shelve and rate them from there.

I also discovered that I could use the email account I created for sweeps for its own set of Google Docs and that way I can keep journals separate from everything else. I didn’t want to have to sift through so many documents to get to a certain thing on my main Google Docs but would still like to have journals available so I can access them on any device in any location. Not going to bother to sync my docs on the Mac because I just don’t see myself ever using the Mac full-time again.

I decided to go ahead and share public entries on the shit I got from the subtropical drama queens. Why? because I want them to be reminded of why I’ll never forgive and accept them back into my life when they get to missing me someday. I don’t expect the girls to ever look for me unless maybe to tell me if Tammy dies, but Tammy’s going to want to play kiss and make-up someday. Not going to happen, and she can read why when the time comes. Then again, I’m sure they all truly believe deep down in their heart of hearts that they did absolutely nothing wrong.

Two cars in the carport and three on the street by Dahl and Barbara’s place. Now I’m starting to wonder if someone died over there. I sent Dixie an email asking if she knew anything. Something’s got to be going on over there. Plus, I wanted to see how her wrist was doing.

Tom has this thing that tested the Roomba’s motor and it said it was working fine. It still works, it just doesn’t do as good of a job as it used to since it’s now over 6 years old. We paid nearly $500 for this one but now they have non-name brands that are a lot cheaper. I really want one that mops as well. They have some that vacuum and mop that are close to $500 and then they have separate robots that are roughly $170 each. I don’t know yet what we’re going to get.

My tits aren’t as sore as they were yesterday. I’m wondering if the anxiety might have been connected to that somehow like if there was a shift in my hormones or something like that. But since things are usually caused by what we least want them to be caused by, I skipped my meds today. I’m sure it’s building up in my system and that’s part of why I’ve had more energy lately as well. I’m going to cut my dose until the first and then ramp it up for the lab.

I’m back to having to get up during my sleep to pee, but my weight has been back to where it usually is. Can I keep from hitting the 160s this year? I still don’t know about that but I’m certainly going to try.

This is going to be my last “processed” day. I had one of his burgers and I’m already feeling that funny feeling in my head that I tend to feel when I don’t eat healthily. It’s sort of like a pressure or a vibration. I don’t know how the hell Tom can stand to eat so unhealthily as he does, but it’s lucky for him since he refuses to change. Later I’ll finish the last of my fried fish and then I’ll have mostly unprocessed stuff.

Been watching The Killing on Hulu but it’s just so-so. I also watched a horror flick called The Prodigy which was pretty good.

My memory is so bad that I totally forgot I’ve actually met Elaine, one of Dixie’s neighbors whom she mentions quite often. She walked by our place one time when I was outside, and we began to chat. The only thing I remember her saying, and only because I wrote it in a journal entry I saw on the On This Day sidebar on Prosebox was, “My only complaint” before someone called out to her and cut her off, leaving me to wonder if she was going to say anything about any of the plants on our lot.

The new headphones sound surprisingly good for the price. Just a little big for my head, so I’ll have to wrap some foam around the top of it or something. I went on my first walk with them. It was pretty nice out and the sun actually felt warm, so I didn’t stay out for more than 15 minutes so as to not get all sweaty. Anything loud or close could still be heard, but they definitely helped. I could still hear some planes and landscaping, but I didn’t have to walk three blocks in order to escape it.

The new guinea pig bowl turned out to be green instead of blue, but they did say “assorted colors” and green is fine. It’s not quite as big as the other ceramic one, but it’s bigger and heavier than the plastic one.

Decided not to get an iPad even though I found a good deal on one for just $300. According to what I read, it’s not as customizable and may not have the features I know and like on the MacBook Air. But Apple is pushing people to use iPads and fucking up their operating systems. Laptops are probably going to become as obsolete as computers. I get so tired of so much change so fast! Can everyone at least have and keep the same features even as new ones are being added? $300 is a bit much to spend on something that I may not like better than my new Windows computer.

I was going to get a new Kindle because my Paperwhite has gotten old, sluggish, and has issues going back through the pages. The battery doesn’t last nearly as long as it used to either. I was considering an 8-inch Kindle Fire HD but then decided to download the Kindle app on my Samsung Galaxy and try reading there. So far, I like it! The only problem is that the phone is heavier than the Paperwhite. But the app is much better than the Paperwhite because I really prefer white on black. It’s much more relaxing, especially in a darkened bedroom as I prepare for bed. It’s much faster and easier to navigate through the pages as well, and I like how it tells me both how much time is left in a chapter as well as how much of the book I’ve read. So, no iPad or new Kindle.

Even though Tom put new brushes and a new filter in the Roomba, that’s what we might have to replace because it’s still not doing a very good job lately. He said he’ll check the motor. I think it’s just getting old. I would totally love to have one that could mop floors as well!

Since I don’t feel as bad as often as I used to back when I was in hormonal hell and having trouble with my meds, I really don’t mind vacuuming by hand for a while because then at least I don’t have to prep and move things and all that. No, I may not be as thorough as Roomba when it’s working well, but I can at least throw the vacuum over the main walkways easily enough

I hope nothing is wrong with the hot water tank. It used to be that you could hear it running, but now I can hear these tapping sounds. Then again, the one in the trailer did that and so did the one in our Phoenix house, so it’s probably no big deal.

Since we have 6 1-gallon bottles of water, plus a 5-gallon jug of water, I decided to drain the tub. As for the toilet, it’s flushing faster but there were a couple of times I had to press the button to get it to flush. So we’re going to have to order a new actuator for it. It will cost 80 bucks but it’s a quick fix, he says.

He asked me what I thought about the idea of putting rocks alongside the carport instead of fake grass. After he thought about it, he realized that dog walkers might let their dogs pee on it, and being fake grass, it wouldn’t sink down into the dirt but leave a puddle on it instead. Even the turkeys could decorate it with puddles. So yeah, I agree that gravel would be better. We don’t want to leave it the way it is because that just makes more work for him since he would have to weed it, and when it rains it gets muddy.

It’s tough trying to be a raw/fresh/natural girl in a processed country. Walmart didn’t have my raw peanuts. I don’t like salt and I love freshly baked peanuts in the shell. But as Tom said, most people don’t want to work. They want to be able to just open a bag and eat their snacks. Well, there are plenty of salted peanuts out there, that’s for sure.

The reasons I’m sexist are because of the way most men treat women in general, and the other is because so many of them are dumb compared to women. My husband is smarter than 95% of the population will ever be, female and male, but yesterday was a reminder of just how dumb so many men are. We went to Target, and amongst a few annoying brats, I asked a guy who worked there if they had raw peanuts in the shell. He said they were in the nut aisle but all they had were roasted and salted which is everywhere.

Either way, we decided not to go to Target as often because Walmart is cheaper and has more things we like. I do like Target’s selection of coffee, though, so once a month or so we’ll go there to stock up on coffee.

I was thinking about how my father told me he and Mom couldn’t eat as much during one of our final conversations. At first, it’s easy to think that once I get to the point where I can’t eat as much, it will drop me to an ideal weight since I’m not as overweight as most people end up getting when they get older, I’m shorter which makes weight loss more noticeable, and I’m heavier than I look because I’m muscular. But then when I thought about just how far away I am from this happening, I could end up much more than 30 pounds overweight by the time I get there. If I were to end up something like 50-80 pounds overweight by the time I get too old to eat as much, then lose 30 pounds, I’d still be heavier than I am now. I guess that for now the best I can do is try to keep from gaining since all I can lose is a few pounds and we don’t have as much control over our weight when we get older as we might like to think we do. I’m not ashamed of my weight/size but I’m never going to be “proud” of something that has potential health risks in the name of political correctness either.

My blood pressure has definitely improved with healthier eating and less stress in my life. My systolic number is still high but being in the 130s is definitely better than the 140s and 150s. My lower number used to be in the 90s and that’s been close to normal. Right now, I’m 131/75.

I did have a little bit of anxiety last night but we’re hopeful that it was just because Monday was looming right around the corner which isn’t my favorite time of the week. Rather than skip my meds, I knew I could find out for sure if it was just an end-of-the-weekend thing if I took it today, so I did. So far, I’m fine but I’ve only been up for 6 hours, so we’ll see. If I get anxious in a few hours or so when the meds peak in my system, then yeah, time to back off a bit.

The weird thing is that my boobs have been sore lately as if I’m PMSing, though I’m not worried about it. As long as I don’t have any bleeding. But why do I have this symptom 3 months into menopause? I’ve even had faint cramp-like feelings which could be from a few things, some bad and some not, but not often or severe enough to be a concern. Last year around this time I also had sore boobs, which are unfortunately quite large, and it was the only time a period didn’t follow. Hopefully, that’s all this is and just a bit of a rise in estrogen which I would have thought I would be done with since it’s been 13 months since my last period.

We were glad to learn we’re going to get back nearly 2k and taxes since they withheld more because of the way we had to take from the 401 to get Candy. It’s still one of the best purchases we ever made, and he absolutely loves not having to stop for gas. Anyway, we still have quite a bit of debt, so most of the money will go toward that.

Even though it’s very unlikely that we’ll ever move to Stuart, I briefly entertained the idea of having my Facebook saying I live there when we move, regardless of where we end up. For one, I would rather people not know where we really end up that I’m not close to, and secondly, of course I find it funny to think of the drama queen and her shitsprings seeing it somehow, even if some of them might have moved by then.

“Why not someplace like New Jersey?” Tom asked.

Well, because they know damn well I would never move there. Then the perfect location came to me. Hawaii, of course! ROTFL! Sadly, we can never move there in reality, but we sure can on Facebook. LMAO! I just have to make sure I don’t mention the state in any of my journals which is almost certainly going to be Florida, just probably not Stuart.

We’re just beginning to see faint traces of spring here. They’re very faint but they’re there. More sunshine. Highs in the 60s more often. Low’s in the thirties less often. In fact, the motorcycles are getting more annoying. Some bastard just roared around the house. Dixie said something about the guy’s son visiting on a motorcycle that lives across from her. So fucking rude. Those things just don’t belong in a retirement community.

Dixie stopped and chatted with Tom for a few minutes when he was outside earlier.

Something bad must’ve happened to Dahl or Barbara because lately there have been 3 or 4 vehicles over there instead of the usual two that they own. The paramedics were there once or twice, and I’ve seen a medical equipment truck there a couple of times as well. It said Respiratory Care on it so I’m guessing he needs to be on oxygen just like Ralph was.

Lots of loud engines when we were out and of course some loud car stereos which the nicer weather brings out the worst of.

It was a little over 50 degrees when I was walking at around 9 a.m. I didn’t take my hoodie. I just wore my black leggings and a sweatshirt.

Yesterday I got two letters in the mail. One pissed me off while the other had me a bit bummed out.

Let’s start with a pisser. That would be from the park. Did we get a letter apologizing for the 5 days we were without water and promised a discount for those days that services weren’t rendered? Of course not. Instead, they wrote to brag about how wonderful they were in handling it and how little sleep they got. Okay, so they did pat the backs of a few of the residents for handing out water and all that but come on. Who the hell do they think they’re kidding?

The letter I got that was kind of sad was inevitable. I knew the day would come and that’s that my dentist, the best doctor I’ve ever had, is moving to Georgia with her husband so he can pursue his career in law enforcement. I was surprised. I thought she would say she was retiring and moving to Hawaii, but I guess that being older and all that, her husband was likely offered a job as sheriff or something like that.

Holly may stick around but it’s no longer worth driving all the way out to Roseville, so I intend to find a new dentist closer to home. If we were moving in a year or less I might stay with them but we’re going to be here for a long time, so I’d rather find a place closer. Plus, I still prefer to be treated by women and she’s having a guy take over for her. He could be wonderful for all I know, but he and I would rather not have to travel that far in such a crowded place. I appreciate the nearly eight years she helped keep my teeth in shape!

There are a couple of lady dentists just a couple of miles away that are from here from what I read and therefore I wouldn’t have to deal with any hard-to-understand accents of any kind which really annoys the hell out of me.

Even though my PCP has a bit of an annoying accent, I’m used to it, I’ve been with her for a while and am comfortable with her. So I’m going to stick with her for the rest of the time we’re here even though she too, is in Roseville.

Earlier we went to Burger King to try their Impossible Whopper and it was actually pretty good. It tasted very similar to real beef. After treating myself to the burger, fries and some M&M’s, I ended up napping for a little while. Not used to eating that much food and so unhealthy these days. The plant-based burger may be healthier than red meat but the rest of it wasn’t exactly healthy and it was a million calories to take in at once. This burger still has close to the same calories regular burgers do.

I’m having a second cup of coffee now to try to perk myself up. Definitely not going to unwind with Merlot at the end of the day if I stay this energyless. I hope I’m not at the end of the wonderful burst of energy I’ve been having this last week or so. I really like having good energy even if it means having a bit of insomnia. The last two nights I had trouble falling asleep but slept well once I did manage to crash. For a while, I had been getting up twice during my sleep to pee, but lately, I haven’t even gotten up once.

He’s working from home for a few hours today. Earlier, he replaced the brushes and filter on our Roomba and fixed the toilet that wasn’t always flushing properly. Hopefully, it’ll keep working, as he said, but if it doesn’t, we might have to get a new actuator for it.

Alexa has gotten so many devices and gadgets and her app has gotten so confusing and frustrating to use. I was trying to pair the Alexa clock in the bedroom with the remote and also with the Bluetooth speaker, but instead, I paired the remote to Bluetooth. Smart, huh? Fortunately, Tom was able to unpair everything for me.

The more I use Windows the less I like it. Too many things it can’t do that a Mac can do.

The more I use Healthy Hoof, the faster my nails seem to grow. I can’t swear to it, though, because my nails grow fast anyway. My nails are looking healthier as well but that could have been a particular brand of polish that caused the discoloring and lifting I was having. I’m sticking to Nicole polish which has never given me a problem. If my nails continue to do well, I’ll dump all my old polish and get a set of Nicole polish on Amazon. There’s a set of 15 mini bottles for under $20 that I’ve got saved for later.

For now, we’re going to be ordering another heavyweight bowl for the pigs since Blitz sometimes pushes on the divider. That way each side will have a heavyweight bowl since I already have one. This one is white with silhouettes of rabbits and ferrets. The one I plan to get is blue with tan guinea pig faces and paws. Plus, I’m going to get the pink lightweight headphones for when I’m out walking.

Tom said it’s the year of the rat in China. Right on, China! Even though I don’t know what the hell that means.

Went for a half-hour walk. It’s 50 degrees out. The kind of weather where you wouldn’t want to be outside reading or something like that, but that’s ideal for working out.

I’m now down a total of 2 pounds and so far, it’s been easier than expected. I’ve just got to remind myself once I do start craving variety why I’m doing this and that’s to be healthier and lower my risk of diabetes. Even so, I still don’t expect to lose much more than another pound or two even if I keep dieting and exercising as I have been. My body just doesn’t give up its weight which tells me I’m probably where I’m supposed to be and perhaps not as much of a health risk as I may think at times. At least I know what to do when I start gaining a little extra. I’m not in my 70s yet. No letting it all go to hell until then!

I know Aly isn’t going to be happy about this, but I’ve had it with WhatsApp. They’ve been way too hit-or-miss lately and getting worse. If she ever tells me it’s been a few months since there were any problems there, since I don’t expect her to give up WhatsApp just because I have, maybe I’ll return then. For now, I would prefer Skype. I’ve used both apps for a long time and Skype is definitely more reliable. Rarely does it have problems.

Hard to believe we could be meeting in just a few months. I’m so excited! I told her what my schedule is likely to be in May and June but that’s always subject to change at least a little. I thought she was going to stay here but she prefers a hotel or motel just like Tom and I do when we travel, and while it would have been no problem putting her up for a night or two, I will admit a hotel would be easier on us as well. That way we can go in the kitchen and not have to worry about waking her up and things like that.

She gave me a great idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before but she’s bringing her Alexa with her because she likes to relax to nature sounds like I do and I realized I could take one of the older, smaller Dots to play pink noise and then play brown noise through an earbud so I have a wide range of frequencies when we go to Hawaii.

I don’t know why, but the helicopters were more annoying than the commercial planes and small planes yesterday. There were easily over a dozen low-flying helicopters zooming over that it made me wonder if there was a huge accident or something else going on. But when I checked the local news and to see if anything was trending on Twitter in my area, I didn’t find anything. I think it’s just like Tom said, helicopters are much cheaper than they were years ago, so everybody’s got them. I swear the world just keeps getting noisier and noisier, especially in heavily populated areas. I am so done with big cities when we finally get out of here!

Down 1.2 pounds after the first day of having under 1000 calories. Wasn’t as hungry as I expected to be either. I just had fruits, veggies and nuts, along with a few thin slices of turkey, a piece of tilapia, and a kiddy smoothie. I try to make sure I have a few bites of veggies or fruit every hour or two, so my body doesn’t think it’s starving.

I emptied out a plastic storage container that was big enough to hold both pigs. It would actually hold three. I coaxed them into that while I changed their liners today and that made it so much easier. It took longer but it was easier because then I didn’t feel rushed and I could take the time to clean things properly. Of course, they didn’t pee in the container which would have been much easier to clean as opposed to the floor.

Since separating them, I’ve been in the habit of pushing the divider in place as soon as they each pick a side. Today’s the first time Blitz ended up closer to the refrigerator. I don’t know that they have a preference either way. As long as they’re fed, that’s all they care about.

Took care of the rats as well which I do every 10 days. I did their lower level yesterday, so all I had to do today was the top. I also changed their hammock which has been these thick blue cloths that people typically use for things like cleaning their cars. They’re about one square foot and the perfect size for them. If I had more than two rats, I would need a bigger one or to set up an additional one, not that they don’t have any other hangouts. This one is the most comfortable, though, being soft.

As soon as I heard how loud the freeway was this morning, I knew the planes would be bad, and sure enough, they’re so loud I can hear the rumble of them over the sound machine. I switched to the earbuds. Ridiculous. Just fucking ridiculous as always. I can’t wait till the summer when things are warmer and quieter even if that means more motorcycles.

When I can get brave enough to go out in the 46-degree morning for my walk, I’m going to have earbuds plugged into my phone so I can hear the music better over things like planes, landscaping, traffic and any mutts that might want to go off on me.

Just looked on Amazon and found what looks like the perfect lightweight, small headphones for ten bucks. Because one of my ear canals is deformed, I can’t wear an earbud on that side, so these would be great. Flying coach could mean negligent parents that let their brats scream up a storm, so they would be good for things like that as well.

Said hello to Bob yesterday and Dixie just sent me the dumbest joke… “Our town is so small we don’t have a town drunk, so we all take turns.” eye-roll

Really getting sick of getting notification alerts for this number that I’ve blocked and that tries to call at the same time every day. Having it show up on the pull-down is annoying enough but to have to hear the notification sound is even more annoying. However, I don’t see any way to disable it. Again, what’s the point of blocking someone if you’re going to have to know about it every time they try to make contact? And do these assholes not know they’re blocked, or is it an automated caller?

We’re going to have to fix the toilet in the master bathroom this weekend because the float keeps sticking. I had to remove the cover and I have to press down on it when I flush it to get it to flush all the way.

Started watching Guidance. Some of these high school drama shows are actually kind of funny. There don’t seem to be many episodes in the first season. I miss the days when a season would contain at least 20 episodes. It seems 6-10 is most common now which kind of sucks.

When playing around with the countdowns, I learned that I have 9446 days until my 80th birthday. I still don’t expect to make it to 80, more like to around 77 in which case I have about 8000 more days to live and over 1000 of that will be spent here.

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t resist sharing the Stacey story with her kids which I know will get back to her, haha. She has two daughters and a son. The son doesn’t appear to use Facebook much unless he’s very private. One of the daughters allows comments from everybody, so I’ll be sure to give Abby a heads-up once it’s ready and posted on Prosebox. LOL

Saw Stacey on YouTube in an interview about a housing management award she won last year, and bitch or not, hatred for me for reason(s) only she knows, she aged tremendously well. The video isn’t the clearest and she looks like she could still be in her twenties for all anyone would know.

I visited Dixie yesterday and found her to be the same. She’s still struggling but in denial. She’s able to admit that with her wrist still in its cast and her arthritic knees things are hard for her, but she insists she’s “not that old” and isn’t ready for any kind of assisted living. Again, she says Diane is getting harder to care for and needs to be put in some kind of care home, but she’s reluctant to do so. Understandably, she doesn’t want to be alone and she doesn’t trust that Diane will be looked after properly.

We still had a nice chat about this and that and she asked what was going on with me. I was happy to help her change Diane’s sheets, do a little vacuuming for her, and wash her potatoes. when I first got there, I zapped myself a mug of water, which happened to be one of the mugs I gave her, and prepared myself a cup of caramel tea while she put on her makeup. Even at her age she’s very into makeup and feels naked without it, she says. I would wear mine more often if I wasn’t so blind. Even though she’s almost 30 years older, she has better vision than I do.

For the first time since we got them a few years ago, I regret getting these motion-sensor toilets. Too many problems. Not a whole boatload of them but enough. It was also easier to pour buckets of water directly into the toilet bowl to flush it rather than have to uncover the tank and pour it in there when it’s time for water games. They would have been better if they were the kind that flushed automatically when you stood up. You still have to wave your hand. So if you have to do that, you might as well push a handle down and not have to deal with batteries, corrosion in the sensors, and shit like that.

I woke up at the highest weight I’ve ever been (158), despite increasing my exercise. Really believe I’m going to see the 160s this year. The question is whether or not I’ll hit 200 before I die. My first instinct is to fight it as hard as I can because I don’t want to become diabetic and I know it wouldn’t be good for my blood pressure and cholesterol to keep gaining, but it really truly is totally out of my control. Sometimes we really can’t change our size any more than we can change our height. If it weren’t unhealthy and affecting my mobility, I would love my size. Being a big girl definitely keeps the perverts away and me less of a target since most people believe smaller is weaker. Either way, If I could settle for not being so damn buxom and get rid of my gut, that would be enough for me, but that’s not going to happen. I’ll still try to eat as little as possible today, even though not eating much always leaves me hungry, tired and cold. I’ll just have to remind myself that that’s better than diabetes, heart disease, and all the fun stuff that goes with being so big.

I don’t know why I didn’t notice this before when doing periodic checks of my books on Goodreads to see if there were any new ratings or reviews, good or bad. Yesterday I noticed that two people “liked” that nasty review that was also left on Amazon before it was removed. Curious, I clicked to see who they were. One of them was someone named Adam with a private account, and the other was Sarah (no last name).

I’ve added this latest discovery to my harassment log since I don’t expect to never hear from them again as much as I wish that could be the case. Oh, it may be quite a while, but I know my sister. Sooner or later she’s going to want to reach out to me and when she gets no response, she’s going to once again lash out at me and encourage her carbon-copy offspring to do the same.

I’m going to stick to my golden rule of treating everyone equally. I don’t look at anyone as just family. I don’t look at anyone as just a friend. I look at everyone as people. Just people, and if I feel any of those people are toxic in any way, I don’t have anything to do with them. It really is quite simple for me. There is no “because you’re family” or “because we have a lot of history together.” It’s all about how you treat me.

Then I did some thinking and decided to unpublish my books for reasons that go beyond Tammy and her crazy brood. Basically, it’s a lack of sales and therefore lack of confidence.

I can’t go back and untell these assholes about my books and use a pen name, but this way they have less ammunition against me in the future. They could still go and bash books of mine on Goodreads that no one can ever read, since those remain forever in their database. But they can’t hurt sales if I’m not selling anything.

The biggest problem is what’s always been an issue… I’m just an okay writer and not a fantastic one, I don’t write full-length novels that most people prefer, and I’m not famous. From what I’ve seen, the only way you’re going to get regular sales is if you’re at least somewhat well-known. Yes, all books and authors may get negative reviews at times, but most of the ones with negative reviews have dozens of positive reviews for every one negative review they may have.

I can’t block these sick fucks on Amazon like I can on Facebook, Prosebox and other places. The only thing that makes no sense is that if that is the Sarah I think it is, why didn’t she leave negative ratings and reviews on other books instead of just “liking” someone else’s shitty review?

None of her kids ever struck me as the type to be into reading which fits with how empty the account is. These are the kinds of people that basically only do what they have to do in life and anything else would mostly be about food and TV and that’s pretty much it. They have no real hobbies.

But why is she listed as being in Pompano Beach, Florida? That’s 73 miles away from Stuart. But just being a Sarah in Florida who happened to join in November of last year can’t be a coincidence. It’s got to be her. Plus, she has no books, no reviews, no ratings; just that one “like.” I’m sure that when Tammy saw her review get kicked off Amazon, she encouraged the narcissistic bitch to join Goodreads.

And Tammy really thought she could scare me into believing she had an actual legal case against me that she’d already gone to the police with and that she would return to them if we didn’t call her by Sunday, December 1st? She’s even dumber than I ever thought she was if she thought I would be dumb enough to believe that shit.

I thought about unblocking them on Facebook long enough to share the entries I’ve made since the shit went down once we got out of here, but that’s just the thing… She and her kids truly are a bunch of fucking idiots and I knew that a long time ago. They’re not going to get a damn thing I say. Instead, they’ll just turn everything around like they always do and make like I’m the one with the problem, everything I’ve ever complained about where they’re concerned is false, they’ve never said or done anything wrong to me, and they’re the ones that cut ties with me. They’re true counter-attackers. I could accuse them of basically anything and they would automatically insist that no, I was the one who did it. I don’t doubt for a minute that they truly believe they’re totally innocent in everything and anything.

As far as unpublishing my books, there are other reasons like how Tom said I should do something because I want to do it without thinking in terms of what money it may bring. Oh, I’m still going to edit old stories and write more if I ever get any fresh ideas because it’s what I like to do.

Lastly, I still think the less of an online presence you have and the more private you are when looking for jobs or places to live, the better. Maybe not everyone is going to Google you and judge you based on what they find, but if someone who’s conservative can learn I’m liberal and won’t give us a place we want because of it, I could be lessening our opportunities in the future.

It’s not necessarily forever, though. The books aren’t gone. They’ve just been reverted to drafts. I can always change my mind and relist them if I want to. For now, I just feel like a few bucks a month if even that isn’t worth giving these assholes one more connection to me.

I’m currently editing We’ll Meet Again Someday which is the story that Stacey inspired. Some real-life characters and events are mixed in with what I’ve made up, though some have had their names changed. Of course, I changed Stacey’s last name.

I looked up her kids and found that they unblocked me. Stacey hasn’t, though. When I finish editing it, I may share it with them. I’ll know if they see it too, because they’ll just block me again. Hee-hee!

My God, I’m as sick of hearing about Harry and Meghan as I once was to hear about Brangelina. Can we please move on to someone else now? Someone we’ve never heard of before? And can we only obsess over them for a few months or so?

It’s just after 6 a.m. and here goes the first of the small planes. Hopefully, the commercials will be as quiet as they were yesterday. Let’s check the wind direction. Southeast and rainy.

They’re back to doing OT at work so hopefully that’s a good sign. Honestly, the last thing I sense is him getting laid off. I just don’t “see” it happening. Worst case scenario if I’m wrong…they lay him off, he gets another job in the area, and we take a pay cut and have to curb our shopping. Instead of fun stuff every week, it may have to be every month. I’m not worried about it, though.

Yesterday Kim asked me if I’d heard about the impeachment and all that, and I told her I don’t usually pay attention to the details of politics, even though I am aware of it. Sure enough, today she tells me she doesn’t pay attention to politics either. What is it with her and her constant need to be a carbon copy of others? I still don’t get that any more than those who “happen” to always disagree or be different, both of which drive me nuts. Don’t those who always agree or always disagree and claim to have different experiences realize how obvious they are? I’m sorry but nobody’s that similar and nobody’s that different.

Next to get on my nerves were the pigs. Can’t even go two minutes without pissing and shitting and getting in the way when I’m trying to change their liner. I lay down the towel and they conveniently miss it. It’s like they want to make my life harder. From now on I’m going to contain them in something washable like a large plastic storage bin because I’ve had enough of their shit. Like literally. They were cute, though, as soon as I washed and dried their beds and returned them. They both hopped right in and went to sleep.

I was laughing when I saw the pictures of Guatemalan immigrants storming Mexico in today’s news. It’s about time THEY got to see what it was like being bombarded with illegals burdening the hell out of THEIR system. My laughter didn’t last long, though, because I know damn well where those immigrants are eventually going to end up. Yeah, you guessed it. Hey, why not just move the whole damn world here?

Wearing my stretchy jeans right now for the first time in a while. They seem both stiff and heavy. I’m just not a jeans person. I prefer sweats and tights when I’m not in shorts, skirts or dresses.

Got caught up on the latest episode of Law & Order SVU. It was good despite the usual derogatory anti-white comments.

Had a scary dream last night. We were at home even though the house looked different. In the dream, the living room was sort of in the middle of the place, although the house was rectangular like this one. I spotted a humongous black spider crawling along the baseboard of the living room and even Tom was scared because it was so huge. It was bigger and darker than the monster spiders we would see in Phoenix I’m pretty sure were Avondale spiders. Whatever it was wasn’t a tarantula because the thing ran fast when he went to swipe at it, and I grabbed a can of bug spray and tried to spray it. We had a powerful box fan going in the room and I wasn’t sure if the spray actually hit the spider before it ran and hid somewhere.

I begged Tom to take the following day off of work so we could bomb the place, but he said he couldn’t without giving a little more notice because they were in the middle of a big project. He said he would take the next day off instead.

Then I saw a smaller spider and wondered if it was a baby of the monster or just a lone daddy long legs.

I ran through the house to see if I could spot it and get it with the spray but every time I entered a room and demanded Alexa to turn on the lights, she ignored me (she always does in dreams). I said something about needing someone to help get her working. That someone was a young woman who appeared in person in a split second and turned the lights on.

When she was putting on her coat to leave, I said I wished I could stay at her place for the night and told her about the spider. She looked around fearfully and Tom shot me a look as if to say, “Why did you have to tell her that?”

“You’re okay,” I assured her. “You’ve got shoes on and you’re leaving.”

That was the end of that nightmare!

Enjoying a break from the planes this morning but traffic and landscaping will start up in a couple of hours. It’s getting my peace until 8 a.m. that’s nice instead of only until 5:45 a.m. I got up before midnight and even the small planes and helicopters were quiet throughout the night.

I’ve come to hate Rockefeller as much as I love him, LOL. Seriously, I hate it when those who don’t get along put others out because of it. Sort of like how other countries have to pick up the pieces because countries like Syria can’t grow up and get along. Well, Rockefeller not getting along with Blitz definitely puts me out and makes things a little harder on me. Changing their liner definitely isn’t as easy because I only have so much room to move the fence to and the middle divider I added gets in the way.

But I realized that if I just lower the dishwasher door, they can hide under that when I’m changing them. Lately, they haven’t had anything to hide under and that’s also part of why they’ve been getting in the way, peeing off the towel I put down, and just being a real pain in the ass. I’ll try that when I change them tomorrow and see how it works out since I shoo them over to that side of the kitchen when changing them.

Rockefeller may prefer his solitude, but he’s just going to have to deal with being with Blitz in the cage we got for them when we’re on vacation next year. I could leave them in the kitchen in the pigpen but I’d rather not because the last thing I want to do after being on a plane for several hours and awake for God knows how many more is to come home to have to change them right away. With traditional bedding in their cage, it won’t be nearly as filthy after 4-5 days as the liner would be. I’ll make sure I lay down a fresh liner before we leave so all I have to do is transfer them back. I could separate them and put Blitz under the rats but then Blitz would be depressed, and 4 days on a fleece liner, even if it’s just one pig, is going to call for quite a mess. I’d rather them both be on paper bedding, and I’d rather Rockefeller feel like his space is being invaded than for Blitz to be lonely.

Tom and I agree that in order to save money, we’d be willing to fly coach even if first-class is so much better. With my short legs, I’m not hurting for legroom, though, and if God forbid we get stuck next to a screaming brat with parents who don’t give a shit, at least it would only be for a few hours.

Since I couldn’t use speech-to-text on the plane and probably won’t take my laptop, I’ll take an old paper journal and then just speech-to-text it into my Windows PC when I get home. I’ll be taking my phone for pictures and whenever I have the opportunity to take notes and check in with friends. Even if I don’t have time to interact with them as I usually do, it would still be nice to let them know we’re alive and well. I can’t fucking wait! 2021 is too far away. :-(

In other pet news, I didn’t latch one of the lower doors properly to the rats’ cage. Then when I walked up to it later, I found it wide open. Fortunately, Woody stayed put, but of course Fuzzy escaped. Where did I find him? You guessed it; in the pigpen scavenging for whatever he could find, LOL.

The weather has been showing signs of the gradual warm-up that begins at this time of year with temperatures slowly reaching toward the 60s and actually getting into the 60s by the end of the month.

We had a nice weekend. We went to Sam’s on Saturday which was probably our quickest and quietest run ever. We didn’t get as much stuff and those annoying forklifts weren’t running around beeping really loud. They did have music playing for the first time that I remember, and of course, so did Denny’s and Walmart. Denny’s was a little annoying, but Walmart was worse, especially when you were right under one of their fucking speakers. I just don’t get why so many stores and restaurants in this state feel the need to entertain us while we eat or shop.

I got steak and eggs at Denny’s, and the steak wasn’t quite as good as I hoped and a bit tough. The eggs, steak fries and English muffin were delicious, though. He and I want to try one of those plant-based burgers that many places have these days and that people swear tastes exactly like real meat.

Soon I’m going to make a salad. That Greek yogurt dressing has really grown on me. I want to try Green Goddess avocado dressing sometime, too. I picked up a few apples since we have this wonderful peeler. The rodents really love the skin and I take a few bites of the meaty part. I hate the skin of apples because it’s too much like biting into cellophane.

After Denny’s, we went to Walmart to get some groceries. We would have normally gone to Target, but I wanted new bath gloves and I picked up some more brushes for my painting. Whenever we want more than just food, Walmart is the better place to get it if we don’t get it on Amazon.

When Rite Aid opened, we went to get treats and Merlot for me to have during the week. Ramping up my dose for the March 6th blood draw has me a bit nervous. This way, if I really start feeling wound up, the alcohol may calm me down. Plus, I got slices of turkey, so I’m armed with both alcohol and tryptophan.

I was borderline anxious on the 16th, anxious on the 17th, and I was borderline earlier today but I’m feeling better now. Thanks, Barefoot!

I started throwing copies of my journal in the ‘notes’ section of Facebook, and it’s kind of cool how they now list the reading time. So far, my entries for this year range from taking 1-9 minutes to read.

When I was working on the rewrite and editing of my book, I realized I no longer had to guesstimate property distances. Thanks to Google Maps, I can now measure the actual distance of our old property in Phoenix so I could be a little more accurate in my current story where “Riana” lives in a guesthouse in the backyard of a property with a similar layout. It was much deeper than it was wider. Tom guessed it to be 150 ft from the front of the property to the very back. It was actually 133 ft. I thought the property was about 50 ft wide. Close, but not quite. It was actually 55 ft wide. The house itself was 36 ft wide. That house was square whereas this house is rectangular. It wasn’t quite as big. It was closer to 1200 square feet whereas this house is closer to 1400 square feet.

My measurements in my book weren’t too far off but now they’re a little more accurate. The backyard we had there seemed puny compared to the yard of my childhood home, but it actually wasn’t that tiny at 55 x 40. The yard in my book is a little bigger, though.

The more I use it, the more I really like Goodreads. Discovering I was being bashed and trashed there turned out to be a good thing in the end because it not only brought positive reviews to my books later on, but it really is a great way of keeping track of what I’ve read. I love how I could add all my Amazon book purchases. So I will be adding hundreds of books over the next few days to my ‘read’ and ‘want to read’ lists. This way, from now on, if a book looks interesting to me, I can always check and see if I’ve already read it or not.

Still enjoying my new electric razor which Rite Aid sells for twice as much as what I paid for mine on Amazon. I wouldn’t have liked it when I was young, though, because it doesn’t quite shave as close as a regular razor. As we age, our hair not only thins out, but the hairs also get thinner, so any stubble is less noticeable. Plus, our legs don’t look as smooth so any stubble kind of blends in with the blemishes. So it’s good for older people.

I saw markings in the road about a week or two ago that I forgot to mention down by the office. So they’re going to be working in the road again if they haven’t already, not surprisingly. I knew they couldn’t go that long. They can’t stay out of the roads for more than a year here. Why they bothered to seal-coat them is beyond me since it’s only a matter of time before they tear up the entire park yet again.

Something was recently done in the road outside the front gate since there is a section of newly paved road, but that’s way too far away to hear anything at our place.

I had dreams about being in Florida, but they didn’t make any sense. Maliheh was working out with someone in one dream, and then I was outdoors at night when a deep fog suddenly lifted and I could see this enormous lighthouse a few hundred feet away.

Enjoy this entry that Facebook says should take you 8 minutes to read.

Every now and then I do a search to see what new writing sites may pop up, and I found one called Up to the Sky. It’s like Penzu only better. It’s totally private unless you choose to create and share a public link. I figured I would use it for story drafts since anything I want to share can be done in the usual places.

I like how it has themes, though I wish it had more, and also how it has a handy area for notes, countdowns, to-do lists, and other features.

I created a countdown to when I go to the lab, hoping that it would ease my mind while ramping up my dose if I know I have only a specific number of days to have to deal with any anxiety along the way.

I also created a countdown to next February since that’s about when we’ll take off for Hawaii. I can’t wait! I get so excited just thinking about it.

The last countdown I set up was a little depressing. He reaches full retirement on January 1, 2024. Well, that’s 1443 days from now. :-( As he says, it’s nothing compared to how much time he’s already worked but still a long way to go if you’re anxious to get out of here and into a warmer climate as I am. We won’t necessarily be moving that day either, of course. It’s going to take a few months to sell the house and get out of here, so we’ve likely got 1500 days left.

The new company owners are talking about downsizing and closing some of the buildings where he works which means the threat of a layoff is looming and the dream I had about him getting a raise may mean absolutely nothing at all. It was kind of funny when he said he would look at all his options if that happened because there are only two options to look at. He either gets a job here or we get out of the state. If we want to play it safe and smart, he’ll get a job here.

Finished watching S1 of Twisted and it was delightfully entertaining with all kinds of twists and turns and probably the only show made in the last 20 years that doesn’t reference race/racism. We need more shows like this!

Re-writing my 2007 book, We’ll Meet Again Someday, for publication which will hopefully be in April. I’m modernizing it along the way.

Had fun painting the angel figurine yesterday. She came out much better than I thought she would. Watercolors are way easier to work with than acrylics. Love how easy it was to wipe off accidental dabs of paint and to paint over areas as well. Because this figurine has a coarser surface, the color adhered well enough with a couple of coats. I found that it was actually better not to dilute the paint as much. If I made it too watery it would make the paint too thin and then there wouldn’t be much color.

Decided not to paint my fairy figurine because she’s much smoother, and even diluted, it would be very hard to get much of a consistent color. The paint would just thin and bead.

I also love how I don’t have to worry about the paints drying out. I used to hate when I’d forget to close the caps on my acrylics and they would dry up.

Google Docs gave me the option to insert pics related to the journal subjects, so here’s one.

Had a touch of anxiety Yesterday and the day before, so I’m skipping today’s dose. I’m never going to get past 5 weeks! :-(

It took three days but yes, Aly did notice and ask me about deactivating on Twitter. I told her I deactivated because no one was tweeting. Then she turned her account into a dream account. Not sure if her timing has anything to do with me deactivating but we’re still connected on my sleep account.

Love my new electric razor! I don’t know if it will stop me from getting irritation under my arms like I’ve been getting these last few years for reasons I don’t understand, but it’s great for my legs.

Haven’t used my watercolors yet but I’m about to after I post this entry.

When we first separated the pigs, Blitz was trying desperately to get over to Rockefeller’s side while Rockefeller was showing absolutely no interest in visiting Blitz on his side. Why Blitz would want anything to do with Rockefeller with the way he bullies him is beyond me. Hopefully adding the dividing wall won’t make even more work for us since there’s only so much room to move it out of the way when I change liners. Plus, Rockefeller hates being handled.

I added a corner hideaway that you hook on that’s made of cloth to Rockefeller’s side because Blitz has the tree trunk hideaway. The top of it is gray and pink fringes hang down across the corner. It’s not as private as their other burrows but it’s still cute. They come in many different colors.

Anyway, I’ll find out if it’s any harder moving the pen out of the way to change them when he gets up since that’s something we do together because it’s so much work. The liners have to be shaken outside as best as possible, which is better for a tall person to do, as we don’t want bits of hair and hay clogging the washer. Then I have to disinfect and sometimes mop the floor underneath the liner since it’s not a hundred percent waterproof like it’s supposed to be. Maybe their nails pierced the silica coating underneath? Then I have to lay down the new liner, shoo the pigs onto it (it doesn’t matter who ends up on which side), shake out and wash the towel I move them onto while changing them, then sweep and sometimes mop the floor outside of the pen as well. Then I have to reload all their supplies. So it’s not exactly a 5-minute task.

Right after I said they’ve been better for a while, the planes got a little annoying yesterday morning. At first I thought it was the distant rumble of thunder since we were having 20 MPH winds and rain, but nope. They weren’t the most annoying they’ve been, but they were noticeable enough. I thought they’d be annoying tonight but they’re not. Just when I thought there was a pattern, though, there isn’t. I’m not sure the direction of the wind really determines whether or not I hear them, but they definitely do seem worse when the winds are heading north. Unfortunately, that’s most of the time, too.

Had a bunch of weird dreams throughout my sleep which likely means I didn’t sleep all that well even though I’m not too tired.

In the first dream, the Twenties were still our neighbors, but we were living attached to each other in two-story condos. I headed out for a walk one day when I noticed some guys holding up these large metal sheets at the sides of their driveway. They weren’t solid sheets or thin. It’s kind of hard to describe them but I knew they were about to put up a garage and wasn’t looking forward to the noise. The bedroom was on a shared wall and I worried that the vibration of the garage door opening and closing would wake me up when I was sleeping, even though it was downstairs.

Then we adopted a baby of all things and I thought to myself that I never would have believed in a million years that we’d be parents. I don’t know what gender it was.

Then I was standing with a few other people by a counter that was as high as my chest. Maybe it was a place of business. Some guy sat his toddler on the counter and then turned away to talk to someone behind him and I secretly hoped she would fall.

Then I was doing an exercise video with Tom when I hit the floor - yes, it was a floor and not carpet - because the crystals in my ears were making me dizzy. They still are in real life, too. If my doctor doesn’t find any wax in my ears that we can’t find when I see her in March, I may need her to take me through those exercises that help get them back in place, even though it’s no big deal. I mostly only feel the sensation when I lie down and only for a few seconds. I wonder, though, if this is a glimpse into the future in a place that has the laminate flooring I wish we’d gotten here.

The last dream I remember is him getting some kind of report card at work. In the report was a list of work behaviors, including taking naps. The box next to that one was checked because, in the dream, he would take naps during breaks. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not in his boss’s eyes.