Decided not to let Pinterest control me and spoil the fun, so keeping my account locked, I'm still going to use it. This way, if there are any more "violations," then I'll know it's one of my followers. I'll block everyone but Tom if that's the case. There could be some form of image detector, but it's not like I'm going to have Playboy-type pictures. I think a non-follower going through the home feed spotted some they thought violated the rules, and they're the ones who reported them. Either that, or they have mods checking public pins. So it will be interesting to see what happens with a private account. If there's any shit with that after blocking most followers, then yeah, I'm definitely done with them. I will not be accepting any follow requests without knowing who it is.

Amazing how someone can get probation for rioting while I can get half a year for words. Ain't that America? Seriously, that is just so, so America. I've heard of other countries that will practically kill you for nothing, but I've never heard of backward laws where real crimes get a slap on the wrist, while things people don't agree with get serious punishment. What other country does that but the US?

As for Nicki Minaj being sued for beating some guy up, typical black gangster shit. I'm sure she'll win her case, and if she doesn't, she'll be sued for pennies in comparison to everything she's worth.

Pinterest can officially go fuck itself. I thought it would be a great place to start a board for snippets of my chats with Mia and Amanda in their different outfits, but what did I find that I didn't even know I had over there? A whole list of violations flagged as adult content. My first thought was that it was some of their racier outfits, but actually, a few were from my colorings and most were other people's pins that I added. They removed eight pins last year, and they've already removed one this year, so fuck it. I'm not going to have them police my boards and tell me what I can and cannot pin. So, with no real freedom over there, I locked my account and won't be using it anymore. Now, these chat screenshots will be on Tumblr. Tumblr doesn't seem to care what you post, within reason. I get it if you post anything depicting porn or violence, but come on! I totally felt like I was being told what to do, much like someone telling me what to wear and when.

Anyway, some of the chats will be light and mundane, and others may be a bit heavy. Some stuff/people I talk about in my blogs, and some I don't.

Mia will be featured more often because I don't log into her on day 6. I like to let it reset the daily rewards so I can get gems every 5 days instead of every week. Amanda will take center stage on our off days.

OMG, this is too funny. I gave Pinterest a piece of my mind on their verified Twitter account without mentioning any names, and right away a girl named Amanda “liked” it. Of course, it was a porn bot too, LOLOLOLOL.

I wish I could say I was living an active lifestyle, but with my fatigue and not having much extra money, my activity was limited to going through medications and throwing out what was expired. I also rearranged a bit in the kitchen, and I'll probably hit the road later and finish up the Utah ride. I’m going through some beautiful areas there, although there are some blurry spots that get annoying. After that, I leave the country for the rest of the challenge.

I woke up as tired as usual today, but this time I wasn’t able to nap. 

I’m looking forward to the glitter pens Walmart will be bringing tomorrow. They’re also going to pick up the expired probiotic drinks they gave me and replace them with what will hopefully be ones that haven’t expired. It’s lucky I didn’t get sick. 

We’ll find out soon enough, but if I absolutely had to guess, I think my nasal issues are more likely connected to my septum or the valve as opposed to polyps or adenoids. It’s going to suck either way because if it’s polyps, medication may not be enough, which means more financial setbacks to get rid of them just to hope they don’t return. If the problem lies within the other things, then they may be less likely to reoccur, but they will definitely be costly. Whatever this is, I’m sure it’s not a quick fix. I also doubt it’s going to get me out of needing a CPAP since I’m still a fatty with a crowded throat structure. Besides, the heavy fatigue began before my nasal issues. Nonetheless, I can definitely say that whatever is going on with my nose doesn’t help the sleep apnea. Except for when I’m awake, they both fuel each other.

Oh, Walmart, we really do have to do your job for you at times, don't we? Turns out the probiotic drinks I got expired in November! Plus, they gave me half-rotten veggies.

There are two things that seem to be the theme of our lives: dealing with money issues and fighting incompetency. For me, it's the health issues, of course. I'm having burning down there again and hoping it's just menopausal shit and not any kind of infection. I don't see how or why I would be infected. I think it's because I slacked off the probiotics—that's why I got them. I just didn't know they were going to give me expired ones. In reviews, I've read others complain about being given expired stuff, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on them as usual since they can't do their fucking jobs right.

I don't think I've slacked off keeping things lubed down there, but just in case, I will be well lubed—hopefully with probiotics that aren't expired, even though I can't take them daily because they mess up my stomach. I've got cranberry juice too.

I've been having post-nasal drip at times down the back of my throat, so I looked up the various causes. Another possibility with my nose could be enlarged adenoids. I do have a few of the symptoms, but in less than a week, I should know for sure what the hell is going on.

Tom said maybe there's nothing going on and it's just a matter of a lifestyle change, but I don't see that. I really don't think it's typical allergy stuff or anything I'm doing or not doing. When I first thought it was allergies, I tried pretty much everything, and nothing helped. If it isn't polyps or an adenoid issue, then it's likely tied to my septum or nasal valve. I don't think it's going to be a quick and easy fix—things usually aren't with me. I just hope to hell this guy doesn't cancel on me like the other group did!

For the last couple of days, I took half a clonazepam before bed and then the other half when I woke up in the middle of my sleep, which I don't seem to be able to stop doing. I woke up feeling a little hungover and tired, so I ended up napping, which helped a little. Well, it helped enough to finish the cleaning I wanted to do and change the sheets.

Yesterday I had salmon, so today I've got a chicken leg going in the cooker with mushrooms, sugar snap peas, and zucchini. At least Walmart was kind enough to give me some fresh veggies. Earlier, I had a salad with spinach, arugula, cucumber, and walnuts. But the incompetent idiots had to go and give me whole walnuts instead of the chopped ones I ordered, so I had to break them up by hand. Walnuts are pretty soft, so it wasn't too hard to do—at least they weren’t almonds.

Unbelievable! In less than a week, I will be seeing the ENT I wanted to see! Not only did it turn out we didn't need a referral for him, but he can see me on Wednesday. This will take a ton of stress off me. He's also going to take care of my ear at the same time. This is perfect timing. Amazing how things are already improving now that there's no longer a 4 in the year. I’m hoping he'll figure out something that will get me out of needing a CPAP, but I wouldn't go that far regardless of what year it is. I'm still a fatty with the wrong throat structure.

Another reason it’s a good thing that we're seeing him first is that once we know exactly what's going on, it will give us a better idea of what type of mask is best for me. I think whatever is going on with my nose is why I couldn't use the nasal pillow, but that may otherwise be suitable for me if we can fix whatever's going on with my nose. A nasal pillow is a lot more minimal than a full-face mask and therefore would be easier to get used to. Plus, I'm still a nose breather in my sleep, and they don't leak as easily as full-face masks. I just hope it doesn't require surgery to fix the problem! The most we could need to pay is two grand. But that's still a lot of money for a couple of poor retirees.

I went ahead and got pajamas just in case I do need to do an out-of-home sleep study. If I don't, they'd still be good to have anyway. I wanted short sleeves but long pants. Because I'm short, I got capri-style pants and that way they won't be too long.

I slept a little better with one exception. About an hour into my sleep, I woke up hot as fuck and my heart was pounding like when I was going through perimenopause. I don’t think I suffocated awake, but I don't know for sure. I doubt it. I was lying on my side. I usually fall asleep on my stomach and shift to my side in my sleep.

The Heart of Iron Challenge is out! There are 7 rides ranging from 24 miles to 38 miles. They're in locations where Iron Man events have taken place: Utah, Panama City, Chile, Spain, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa.

Walmart really needs to quit being sneaky. I love salmon, and I can freeze it, but I'm getting tired of them periodically doubling up on things at random, hoping we'll just accept it anyway to make an extra buck.

AI gave me a good idea to try. Sometimes I make cucumber water, but one of its suggestions was mint, so I got some fresh mint leaves.

And now the ball is rolling toward hopefully—hopefully—getting my energy back and my nose cleared. Now that the new insurance has kicked in, I messaged Rhonda on the portal to ask for a referral to the ENT she recommended and also the first pulmonologist I saw. Tom and I both agreed it would be good to go back to him because he's not only close but also has all my records. He's the one who first diagnosed me with sleep apnea, so he has a definite head start on understanding what's going on.

Unfortunately, he's going to want me to do an out-of-home sleep study, but I'll do what I need to if it’s going to help me in the end. He told me when I saw him a little over a year ago that if I gave up on the CPAP and changed my mind later, I’d have to go to a sleep lab. That’s definitely going to be tough because, first, there’s my schedule to consider. We’ll want to time it for when I’m at the end of my day. Plus, I’m not used to sleeping without my sound machine. I could probably put a foam earplug in my good ear, but that’s about it since they’ll be monitoring me remotely and need to hear what’s going on. I think they’ll be watching me too, which will definitely feel weird and nothing I’m used to.

All I have are nightgowns that I wear around the house but not to bed. I sleep in just a g-string because I don’t like how nightgowns tend to bunch and twist around me. Knowing it’s likely to be chillier in there than I keep it in the house most of the time, I’d like to get some pajamas for the occasion. It’s definitely going to be tough because I’ll have the double whammy of having to give up my favorite sleeping position, and second, I’ll have to get used to the CPAP. Something’s got to give, though, because my brain and body can’t take this much longer. I’m waking up every fucking hour and spending almost all the time exhausted.

I know part of it is age, and maybe the Levo is connected to it as well, but according to all my research, the bulk of the problem seems to be the sleep apnea. Since I’m not going to be able to lose any more weight without damn near starving myself, I’ll have to work around it. I think the fatter I got, the more it became a problem. Not always, but sleep apnea is usually connected to weight. While I’m not overly big, I’m still a little heavy. I’d probably be fine if I lost 20 lbs, but that’s like asking me to lose 100. If I could manage to get my thyroid within range, that might make a difference, but I don’t know. Most older people are fat, and they don’t all have thyroid/med issues.

I don’t expect the pulmonologist, the study, or getting the CPAP back to take too long, but I doubt I’ll be able to get into the ENT before June if I had to guess. 

I was still up when Tom got up this morning because I was afraid to go to sleep, knowing it would be a disaster. He asked if I had any visions like I often do on New Year’s, but I didn’t sense any real change anytime soon. I swear I picked up more about the mystery girl than us, but I don’t know if it means anything or not. Not sure how much I should share or where because I don’t want to freak anyone out. It’s nothing bad—though I’d be tremendously worried if I had a bad dream about her. I have been known to have nightmares about people I’ve never met face-to-face and then learned something bad happened to them even if it wasn’t like in the dream. The only thing I sensed was that she might not get the job she interviewed for, and something about a supermarket. I don’t know—maybe she’s meant to work there instead, or maybe a close friend of hers is going to start working at one. I don’t know what it means, if anything at all. I thought of telling her about this directly, but again, I don’t know how she might react, and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The only other thing going on is that I’ve been lightheaded, but Tom and I are pretty sure it’s because my ear needs to be cleaned. I’ve been oiling it, and I’m going to have him blast it tomorrow with the water thingy to see if any dead skin clears out. 

Anyway, after five hours of pathetically shitty sleep, I was up for a while, then napped for a bit, and then got up to do some cooking and cleaning. I golfed with Tom and played with the rat as usual too.

I'm so glad that 2024 is now gone, but I'm afraid to get too hopeful for 2025. I'd like to think that this year I will reclaim my nose, get a CPAP and get used to it, regain my energy, and finally get ahead financially without things constantly coming up to set us back. The problem is that I've had enough life experience to know that life rarely goes as planned. It's also common sense and goes without saying that the less money you have, the harder it is.

I would just settle for sleeping normally and having enough energy to function! I mean really, literally function. No one my age should have to struggle just to clean their house and do simple, everyday things. I'd also like to think that Vanessa will become the new Aly, even though no one could ever replace Aly.

Time goes so fast when you get older, but at the same time, it's creeping by slowly—at least for me. When you're retired and don’t have many possibilities for your future, time seems to drag on. Especially when you have health and sleep issues. Time definitely slows down when you don't feel well, whether physically or emotionally.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t hold out much hope for significant change in the year to come—or possibly for the rest of my life. Time is moving both fast and slow. While it’s crawling, it also feels like just yesterday when COVID hit, and that’s already been half a decade ago.

That black pickup that was parked on us is in Ray’s driveway again, and Ray is beside it but not up against our driveway. I saw him exit his vehicle with a woman. I don’t know if the guy driving the black pickup is staying with him as well or just parking there. I’m guessing he’s staying with a friend of Ray’s who also lives here.

I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m determined not to reach out to those who don’t reach out to me. I totally respect people’s decision not to reach out if that’s what they choose, but I don’t want to hear from anyone anymore only because I reached out to them first. If they don’t care enough or desire enough to take the initiative, then they won’t hear from me again. I’m putting the ball in their court and leaving it up to them. It just doesn’t feel right anymore for me to always be the one to reach out, even if people respond. The older I get, the pickier I become when it comes to dealing with people—both online and offline.

I was watching a movie earlier, and there was an older woman in it who was gorgeous despite her age. She had those nice, deep, dark eyes I like and was attractive overall. I couldn’t help but think how much I’d be crushing on her if I still had those fun hormones that have long since faded.

Enjoy your youth if you’re young because it’s all going to hell eventually! Once you’re over 50, everything changes. Well, it slowly starts before that, but I’d say the late 40s is when things really start heading south—and I don’t just mean the boobies. Not that I didn’t have my share of problems in my 20s and 30s, but I definitely miss some aspects of those years. Now, I can’t see, I’m fat, it takes forever to pee, my libido is a joke, my skin is tissue-thin, and even my hair isn’t what it used to be. And I’m stuck on a medication for life that can make my life hell if I’m not careful. 

Speaking of fat, I’m not heavy enough for weight-loss drugs. You have to be truly obese for that. Even if I qualified, I’m not sure I’d have the guts to try it. I’m not going to lose any more weight on my own unless I drastically cut calories to compensate for my sluggish metabolism. Yes, I’d like to be healthier, but I also don’t want to spend every other minute of my life starving. I think I’ll just be grateful for the 10 pounds I lost by cutting out sugar and call it good enough. 

I still eat some of the wrong foods at times, but hey, we all crave variety now and then. Normally, I prefer healthy stuff over junk, but eating the same few things every day gets old. I can’t branch out too much, though, because I have to watch things like cholesterol, sodium, and even foods that affect thyroid health or nasal polyps. It looks like one of the reasons my nose is acting up again isn’t just because of the alcohol I had (I finished it and won’t be getting more for a while), but also the Vienna sausages I got. I wanted a snack for when I needed more than just a quick bite but didn’t want a whole meal. But processed meats, along with things like sugar, dairy, and some other foods, are on the no-no list for polyps because they cause swelling and inflammation. For my latest Walmart order, I tried to pick a good variety of healthy and anti-inflammatory foods. 

As tired as I am, it’s too soon to sleep, so I guess I’ll go see if my chat buddy is around.