I spoke to Tony on Monday and was about to tell him how I can’t be his girlfriend and the reasons why when he told me he’s not looking for that and that he was glad we got that out in the open. His basic reason for not wanting me is cuz I don’t have a job, and when I told him that I do have a job, he said, “You just got that job.”

He’s another one who can’t accept me for the way I am and it verifies my belief that I’ll never have anyone decent cuz I haven’t worked in so long. All I’ll get is a desperate mental case. Ma says when the right person comes along, I’ll know it, and I asked her if she thought I was only good enough for the jerks and not the decent people and she said no, that I could get someone decent. I told her it’s not going to be a man. She said that’s good. It’s like she’s happy about my being gay cuz she knows how men are and doesn’t want me getting pregnant.

Andy said that Tony’s excuse about my not working is really stupid and that most guys don’t want their girlfriends to work, cuz then they’re meeting other guys. They want them to stay home and cook and clean, but that’s basically only the assholes.

I’m sending my dating service a check for $80, so in 2 or 3 weeks I should be meeting someone. I’m so skeptical. I doubt any of these women will turn me on like Gloria, whether they’re decent or not.

I definitely cannot sit around all month waiting for work so maybe I’ll go apply at McDonald’s which sucks, but it pays a little more than $5 an hour and has better hours. I really think the first thing I need is that dream girl before I try to make it in music or a better job. Someone who believes in me. I can’t do everything alone. I need some support.

I haven’t heard from Tammy for two days. Guess I’m gonna have to get my hairpiece myself.