Well, right now I’m a little depressed and lonely but I’m finally starting to get used to it and accept being alone. It’s always better than settling for second best.

I’m cooking some chicken rice right now, hoping Linda the cab driver calls.

I went out earlier to the Holyoke mall with Jessie. There, I bought both Tiffany and Debbie Gibson’s cassette singles.

Surprisingly enough, but then again I guess it’s no real surprise, I haven’t heard from Tammy all day yesterday or today. She’s no doubt out with Will, says Jessie.

Ma called saying she bought me this beautiful dress and it’s a size 6! What is she, crazy? She doesn’t realize how much weight I’ve lost. She hasn’t seen me in a while. She says it’s a loose-knit dress with no zippers or buttons. She’s gonna mail it to me.

There’s this guy, Bruce Y, who I ran into downtown. I’ve run into him a few times. He’s going to Holyoke Community College for the two-year music program for an associate degree in music, which I’m also thinking of doing. He’s nice and he’s not ugly either, but he’s so dull and wimpy, and of course, he turns me on in no way shape or form. Even Jessie spoke to him using my 3-way calling and she agreed.

Bruce says he thinks I’m very attractive and sensitive and seems so amazingly respectful, saying I shouldn’t be with a guy if I’m not happy and would rather be with a woman. He says don’t do anything I don’t want to do that doesn’t feel right.

I was hoping Linda would call cuz I really do like her even though she’s no beauty, and I could really use a chat with her. She really understands being gay too. I wish she’d give me her phone number.

I called Pamela at my dating service and told her our mailboxes are broken and she said she’d give me a call before she mails out anything. I’m still so skeptical about it all, though. I still fear that my type of woman isn’t meant to be.