After I came back from grocery shopping with Andy, I ate dinner and went across to Steve’s and gave him some tips on all kinds of stuff such as hair, makeup and nails, and even filed and buffed his nails which he really liked. Then we showed each other pictures from photo albums.

In a little over 21 hours, I’ve had about 5 cigarettes and he’s had maybe 3. I’m really not craving one that bad either, and those 5 that I had were 98% psychological. I think my mind is smart enough and strong enough now to hopefully get up the willpower cuz my lungs and nose are worsening by the day and as time goes on you get madder and madder at feeling so lousy. And then there’s my singing to worry about too, and saving money, gaining weight, and getting a better complexion and blood circulation. It’s amazing how much time it’s been taking too, to realize my price for smoking and that it’s no joke anymore when one day your lungs say, “I can’t take this anymore! Quit!” But then again, I’m not surprised, as it took me years to wean my way off the Navane. Years ago, I never thought I could stop cutting my wrists or that I’d ever make so many personal strides, except for my temper. The only thing I know that can never be is a loving relationship with a woman. As for a baby, I don’t know yet. I do hope so, but that’ll probably never happen either.