Brenda and I went to Tammy’s today and I got the upright vacuum I’ve been wanting from Mom and Dad, and Tammy and Bill and the kids gave me a gorgeous necklace with matching earrings and another pair of earrings and some perfume.

Tammy was upset cuz she could sense something was wrong with me and at first, I wouldn’t talk to her. I explained to her how I broke up with Brenda cuz I’m so used to being alone and I felt I wasn’t stable enough for her. I told her that cuz I’m a night person and I don’t have a bigger sex drive and I’m not calm 24/7 I felt I wasn’t good enough. Tammy says every relationship I get into I run scared when a person gets too close. She also says my past has affected me badly and that I’m too negative. I told her I didn’t feel I was pushing Brenda away and that I felt I was doing her a favor. I also told her that I felt I was being practical, not negative. After being alone for 25 years it’s too hard to jump into a relationship and I no longer care to put the effort into a relationship and have to deal with trying to communicate and compromise with the person. Also, I never was overwhelmed in a good way by Brenda and I’ll never have anyone I am overwhelmed by. What good would it do me anyway, to have a person I’m overwhelmed by? All they’d do is dump me. Either that or I’ll get someone I’ll end up dumping.

Andy will be moving in within the next two weeks so we can save money and move to Phoenix.