Yesterday I called Tammy, as I realized that this inability to pay for what I need has got to stop. Wishing it all away wasn’t going to make it go away—as far as making ends meet, I mean. I discussed with her how the owner flattered me with such approval on my first day of work. He complimented me on how I learn quickly, while other employees were saying he isn’t punctual or a great businessman. After all this, he tells me to call him but never returns my call. That job would’ve been a real bore and a drag anyway in no time at all, especially when, once again, it’s nothing I live for wanting to do.

I told her how the real thing that was upsetting me was the band. At least they’re saying that I’m good but not their style, rather than that I need work. The thing, once again, that upsets me is when they cry about my not having experience, which I’ll never get till someone gives me a chance. All these people had to have their first time being hired into a band. Of course, I was hired till they moved out of state.

So Tammy gave me a suggestion, as well as others in the past, which I may consider. Rather than looking for ads where bands are looking for singers, I should put my own ad in saying I’m a singer looking for a band. She also said for me to put that I’ve had no experience, so I’m honest right up front. I was considering lying next time around and saying that I have been in a band.

Then, when I least expected it, she asked me how much extra a month I felt I needed. I told her, and she’s sending a check for $50 monthly to supplement me. That’s fantastic! I’d normally be upset at needing help like that and didn’t want to ask Mom for more money, as she just added an extra $10. I hate having to take and not being able to give, but at this point of desperation, I’m more grateful and relieved than upset.

Also, I have taken care of SS and the food stamps successfully over the phone, so now the only place I need to go is Food Mart when my food stamps come tomorrow or the next day. Tammy’s check will be here tomorrow, and God, does that ever help. So now, from the end of each month till the twelfth of the next month, I don’t have to practically starve. I sure feel like shit when I have to do that. I’d use my food stamps up, then have very little cash left for my non-edible stuff, then go broke. Then get my checks on the first and third, have no food, and need to use too much cash for food till my food stamps arrive.

As far as changing banks is concerned, it was much easier than I thought. My new bank is right across the street. SIS in Northampton charges $8 a month; my ATM card got too scratched up, and I was down to only three checks left. Perfect timing. My new bank is small; they’re friendly, and I got nicer-looking checks for cheaper, and they do the food stamps there. I called SIS, and they said to open with the new bank first and fill out the direct deposit form, which I did, and wait till the checks go to the new bank before closing SIS. I had $50 in SIS, so I wrote a check to the new bank (United Bank) for $40. I took $20 and left $20 in the account to cover the cost of the new checks. So as soon as the checks get put in the new account, they’ll write a letter to SIS, which I’ll sign to close out my account. Instead of $8 a month, I pay $1.50 for six checks. If I go over six checks, which isn’t that often, it’s seventy-five cents for each additional one. This is a better deal.