Well, Tom’s 40th was yesterday and it didn’t go too well. A part of me feels that was my fault, as well as him just using stuff I said as an excuse to put a guilt trip on me for making him feel bad on his birthday and so he could get me back on mine. I know my next birthday will be a depressing day of hell just like my 30th birthday was, and of course, he’ll deny that he’s gonna get me back. He’s gonna make damn sure I’m not pregnant by my birthday, cuz of my making him wait to go into business if he really wants that as much as he claims to.

Supposedly he got all bummed out when I mentioned him going into business from the house and he said he was depressed cuz of how much it meant to him, but that cuz I had ordered stuff in the mail under bogus names, it was holding him back. I went along with this, but I don’t believe this is really what’s holding him back. He said it means more to him than I realize, but I haven’t heard him mention it, so I didn’t think his heart was really in it. The same goes for the kid. His heart isn’t into it nearly as much as mine and then he goes on about how having to wait for the kid, will make us all the more grateful and cause us not to take it for granted when we get it (like I would really take it for granted after all these years? I don’t think so!). Yeah, I know how he’s making me wait on that for various reasons and how he’s trying to instill patience in me and all that, but there’s nothing to get or to wait for. He just doesn’t get it. He keeps insisting there’s nothing wrong with me and that we’ll have this kid. He is so delusional about this and so in denial and I wonder how many more years it’ll take him to wake up and smell the coffee.

Once again, I know my husband really damn well enough and I can guarantee you right now that he won’t cum when it’s prime time. Good. Then I won’t have to have reality slapped harder in my face when I see that I get a period that I shouldn’t get. I may not like to be set up for reality to be further rubbed into my face, but at least I’ve faced it and am not running around saying I’m OK, I’ll get pregnant, etc.

If he’s so sure he’s gonna cum more and that I’ll get pregnant, then why hasn’t it happened? Cuz he won’t cum more and cuz I can’t get pregnant.

So, we didn’t screw yesterday cuz he was too depressed. If I had known this conversation that I initiated about a home business would bum him out so much, I’d never have brought it up. He says it’s not my fault, don’t worry, we all say things that either depress or anger a person without meaning to, we can move on, etc, but I’m not stupid. I know I’ll be paid back on my birthday and all the more he’s gonna go out of his way to cum less or at the wrong times cuz of this.

Hey, it’s his choice.

Other than that, things have been fine with us. Last night he mentioned screwing today, but I know that was just a tease out of spite. There’s not gonna be any time to screw today and if there is, he’ll be too tired to screw much, cuz after spending about 4½ hours here without touching me, he left to do his mom’s yard and when he gets in in the afternoon, he’s not gonna be in the mood. So, I guess we’re back to part-time sex for a while. We have had some good laughs, though, and have done some fun things in the midst of all this. We went swimming and enjoyed the roast and chocolate pudding pie I made.

He’s also gonna be selling some of the coins that his dad had collected and I just sorted a little jar of pennies by their years. They go from 1920 - 1963. They’re mostly from the 40s and 50s, though.

Unfortunately, it does appear for sure (unless I’m seeing this all wrong) that next door’s basketball hoop has been unlocked. I just hope the neighborhood kids don’t see this.

This is the second weekend that asshole hasn’t been next door, so next weekend he’ll more than likely be here, the fucking filthy piece of scum!

Teddy Bear’s adjusting well. Unlike Piggy and Bunny who are up on and off throughout the days and the nights, he’s asleep in the daytime and up at night. He loves to sleep in the tube. He’s got his favorite spot picked out.

When I got up, I saw him unload a pile of food from his pouches and it looked like he was puking up seeds.

Ma sent back home with Tom a couple of pictures of one of Mary and Dave’s hamsters walking along Dave’s arm.

Perms dry the hell out of people’s hair and I asked Tammy, who always gets perms, what she uses to help with the dryness and the frizziness and she said to go to a salon and get Gold shampoo and conditioner. If that doesn’t help me, nothing will.