Thank God it’s Monday! In just two hours we’ll be going toy shopping for the mice, and to the library.

God answered my prayers to let me sleep late enough and throw my schedule around further, but it didn’t seem like he’d grant me this wish for a while.

Yesterday turned out to be a bit shitty. As far as we know, he came and went quietly. I saw him leave around noon. Then later, as we were talking in bed, this white car that visits on weekends with its music at a so-so volume came blaring in. We never heard this car leave, though, so that tells me once again that maybe she doesn’t like loud bass and that that’s his department and maybe she even left with these people.

Something did not want us to have fun, that’s for sure. This is the third weekend where it was rather painful when he entered me. Then came the sound effects - the bouncing ball. So we quit sex long before either of us could get off and I’m like - why? Why?! First it’s internal pain, now external. Meaning, with the waterbed, I had had a discomforting pressure feeling at times when we’d screw, but now it’s all irritation around the opening. Can God ever leave us alone sexually?! The part-time sex and his getting off very little is fine now, but must one of us deal with problems of pain/discomfort as well? Forget about the idea of me having sex with the same gender being a sin for me! It seems it’s a sin and I have to pay to have sex with anybody. So now I gotta deal with that too, and am putting hydrocortisone cream down there regularly. You tell me how one gets and stays irritated like that after they only screwed once a week for the last month or so. I know it’s just a reminder from God that he doesn’t agree with what I’m doing and as far as he’s concerned, my female parts are bad, dirty and abnormal, and he’s marking these things in ways to remind me of that and inflicting pain upon them.

No wonder it’s been peaceful as far as the cats go - White Feet apparently took off for a while. He’s the one that kicks the walls and jumps in the window for the most part. We think he’s a male and that Blackie’s a female. Blackie’s friendlier and less aggressive.

I just saw something really weird in the sky just as dawn was breaking. I guess it was a cloud, but the only difference was that this was the only cloud in the sky and it glowed and had pink, blue and other colors swirling through it. It was kind of pretty and definitely cool looking, so I shot a picture of it.

Anyway, it turns out that the basketball player was some little blond boy and he apparently wasn’t playing for long cuz he came in. At least we didn’t know he came in, though, till I looked out and saw him.

By then, at around 2 PM, I crashed and awoke at 10:40. About 6 hours earlier than I’d have liked to have gotten up seeing that my dentist appointment’s all the way at 4:15 on Tuesday. The toy shopping and library could be done early, though. So I upped and had a bagel and a Benadryl. At 11:15 I heard 15-20 car doors at least, but it wasn’t next door. After lying in bed and praying hard till just past midnight, I finally closed my eyes till just after 4:00. Thank God!

I’d still take those Mormons back, though, if I could. They were noisier in a sense, cuz their noise was more consistent with their dog/kids, but they didn’t make going to sleep stressful and they weren’t sick, selfish, psychotic fucks. So these new bassy stereos have upped my tolerance level for screaming kids. However, if one were in the house 24/7, then who knows? That’d probably be different and I’m sure I couldn’t handle it. Hell, I can’t even take care of my husband’s dick and he’s all grown up, so I don’t see how I could take care of a screaming, demanding, destructive child.

Tom now estimates our being out of here in 12-18 months. I hope he’s right and if he’s not, I hope he’s wrong in a way that his guess was late, but we’ll see.

I had some very weird dreams during my nap. You can’t hide very well in Massachusetts even at night in the woods when there’s snow on the ground. The woods are just tree trunks and twigs in the winter without the density of their leaves, and a white ground shows up better in the dark than a darker-colored ground. So, you can be seen many yards away as the snow glows and illuminates your form. In the dream, I was being chased by someone with a gun.

Then there was this professor. I was still single, still living in Massachusetts, and obviously taking college courses, too. I had apparently moved in with, or near Tammy, but Tammy didn’t live in Connecticut. I guess I had a thing for this professor, an older guy, and sensed he liked me too. It was later than usual, cuz he and I got to talking after class. He asked me where I was from. I told him I was from western Mass. now from eastern Mass. Guess Tammy lived near Boston. I then asked where he was from and he said France. I said I should’ve known this by his accent. He offered me a smoke. I said I quit. Then I asked him for a ride home since it was dark, snowy and cold out. I knew that I couldn’t count on the darkness to hide me cuz of the snow. Also cuz of oncoming car’s headlights. He said no to the ride request. Apparently, he was afraid I’d tell Tammy (I said I intended never to tell anyone, though) and use it to my advantage somehow. So then I expressed my fears about walking alone in the dark and how I’d be terrified every time a car passed (this walk was through the woods). He was telling me I’d be fine and how he liked that thing I brought in to show him, as a way of suggesting I take it with me. That “thing” was a stun gun, I think. So I frantically looked through a file cabinet to see where I’d put it, then threw on a ski vest, put my braid inside it, looked down at my black T-shirt, and commented on how I’d be freezing. Then we hugged and he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him, and that’s all I remember.

I’m printing out some journals for proofreading. I figured out a neat way to hide anything I don’t want Bob to read since I’ve decided to send him these sheets in a manila envelope at some point. I just count how many lines down the text is that I don’t want him to read (like jokes Kim and I would pull on him and how we’d share his letters with each other) and then I pull up a blank page on the computer, count out to those lines, then type x’s and print it out. So that way it’ll x-out what I don’t want him to read.