Yup, something doesn’t want us screwing around, that’s for sure. I didn’t realize I was gonna sleep in so late today, but I did. So, instead of playing around, Tom’s now napping till he has to go to work.

He said we’ll get together tomorrow and there should be no excuse. Meaning, according to him, he sees a pattern. He says that every time we make a date, I sleep in and he ends up being too tired. Well, if there is a pattern, I’m not doing this intentionally. Tomorrow will be no problem, though.

I also told him that since we agree I should do something about getting what I want, rather than just bitching about it, we should make a date to get together from the 5th - 11th. The only thing is that there’s no way in hell we can screw every day or that he’ll cum more than one day in a row. If we could get together every day during those days and if he could squirt, I should be pregnant and I shouldn’t get a period, but since I know I will (at some point) then I’ll just mention this and how we’ve been trying for years to the doctor to no avail.

Evie has become such a pest. I got 4 messages from her yesterday. She’s really starting to smother me. She goes on and on about shit that either bores the hell out of me or that I can’t relate to. Again, forgive me for sounding like Dureen.

Andy got fired yet again. Jesus! He said 3 gay guys got him fired and that he swears he was just being friendly but they took it the wrong way and got him canned. He said if he sees them in the bar, he’ll tell them they got him fired and ask them, “Does it make you feel better? Do you sleep well at night?”

Yes, there are a lot of stupid people in this world and most people do take things all wrong, but isn’t it about time Andy looked in the mirror? Maybe, just maybe, it’s something about the way he presents himself.

Later...

No outside activities my ass! Just when I thought this cold, rainy, dreary day would keep things quiet around here, out comes trouble. Not with the freeloader, but with some white boys playing ball. They played for an hour but may be back to play more till sundown. Adults may not do stuff outside in yucky weather, but kids do. It’s better than music, though, and it can be drowned out.

These kids woke poor Tom up who’s usually able to sleep through anything. From now on, though, when he sleeps in the bedroom, he should use the fan, rather than the sound machine (I use both) cuz the fan will drown it out. People with houses this close, shouldn’t have basketball hoops!

As expected, I got a full flow today. Did one of his fishies get up there and start a baby, and was that a miscarriage? Or was there some other reason why my period was so screwy? And it’s weird too, cuz when I had that other weird experience in 1996, I felt I’d have another strange period in 1998. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did every couple of years. Guess the year 2000 will be the next wacky period.

Later...

My favorite time - sundown on Sunday. Meanwhile, God continued to see me harassed by other people’s kids. It’s like he’s said, “First I’ll tease you with thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m finally gonna let you have your own, but nope, it’s other people’s kids I want you dealing with.” They played from around 4:00-5:00, then again at 6:30 for about 20 minutes. Tom thinks that these kids are associated with next door and not neighborhood kids wandering by to use the hoop. Yeah, that’s something she would do, too, is bring other people’s kids over to badger me. And I’m sure this will become an every weekend event. Before I know it, kids will be popping over every day after school, too, to play ball.

Is God trying to tell me he wants me to work with kids, as well as care for animals? Kids have been shoved in my face over the last several years so much, that there’s got to be a reason for it. Could he possibly be telling me to fight for and to pay for a child of my own? No. He knows I could never handle a child and he’ll block me from ever having a child under any circumstances, no matter what it takes.

Him and his fucking control, though, and making me pay for this and pay for that. Hell, I’ve got to pay for breathing! Now his latest kick is to make me sick when I try to diet by way of having shakes. First they bothered my lower stomach by making me gassy. Then I got those Lactaid things and just when I thought I’d be OK (he loves to tease me and make me at least think things will be OK and that I’ve found a way around an obstacle) now I can’t even have shakes with the Lactaid cuz I feel so nauseous if I do. The last time I came within inches of puking. So, he doesn’t want me losing weight, I can’t lose weight, I’m not going to lose weight, and that’s that. I have to be fat as long as I’m given the right to breathe.

Later...

Now it fucking rains. About two hours after the ballplayers split, it comes down. Why couldn’t it have rained earlier? It did rain earlier, but then it stopped. It feels like this is the coldest winter since I’ve been here and like it’s never gonna end.

Another weekend message from Andy. I tell him I’ll call him tomorrow and what’s he do? This guy is so damn lonely. He just has nothing but his phone. He tells me he talked to his folks who said they’d let him live with them for a while if he wanted, and that he wants to get together with Steve in Enfield Connecticut cuz he’s so lonely and needs love in his life. I know he won’t move. I sort of wish he would so he wouldn’t pester me as much, but he won’t. No way in hell will he give up this warmer climate and go back and deal with all the cold, snow, ice, rain and humidity over some dick. It’s really sad, though, to see him this desperate. And he’s even naïve and immature, too, about this Steve character. This is someone he once met in a bar and who he hasn’t seen in years. So what makes him think he’s gonna be there for him and that he’s gonna love him and be faithful and all that? And why won’t our merciless God give him a break? Can’t he just send him a good guy and get him off my case and make him happy? Although, he’d still live on the phone if he had a guy. He’d have to call to tell me every single detail of their sex together, and he’d probably get a guy who also loved to live on phones. Like I said, though, he won’t leave Phoenix.