I overslept today and didn’t get up till an hour after my alarm was supposed to go off. Thank God that’s all it was. I don’t know why it didn’t go off. It wasn’t set when I checked it, but last night I could’ve sworn it was set.

I didn’t get into my trip to the dentist yet. I gave Tisha the phone number here and our PO Box, and we briefly discussed how we were staying in a short-term rental place while we were having a manufactured home built. Melanie asked me about it, saying she overheard my conversation with Tisha. I told her about it and that I may have to drop her for another ortho. She didn’t comment about that either way, but I tell you, she’d be happy to get rid of me. I always got the impression she didn’t like me much. Good-looking people rarely do, and I guess it’s fair to say I have done enough whining and complaining along the way, that’s for sure!

So, she took me to a room in back I’ve never been in before and the doctor came in a few minutes later and gave me two shots of Novocain. He filled my fillings, then filed my “hill” down. The bottom teeth were sort of uphill towards the right, so I had him file the tops of the left side teeth which were taller, and it looks better.

He also gave me a home fluoride treatment. It’s a tube of toothpaste with fluoride that I brush on as I’d normally brush my teeth after I’ve brushed my teeth with regular toothpaste, then I’m not to rinse it out. It’s to hopefully harden up my enamel. A part of why I could be getting so many cavities is cuz my teeth are too soft.

Later...

Tom got in with the groceries, ate, made some phone calls, beat me by two points at a game of miniature golf on the computer, then went to bed.

They’re still fucking painting and they called a little while ago wanting to paint our door. Tom said he saw them painting the doors purple as he was coming in. He told them today and tomorrow wouldn’t be convenient. They should just fucking wait till we leave. I’m sick of apartments out here! They always have to interfere with your life and have something going on. Why are apartments so obsessed with always having something going on? Do they feel it’ll help them do better business if they appear to always be working on some project? Well, I’m sorry, but they’re not gonna stink our place up with paint fumes and interrupt our lives at $850 a month. If they want to do that shit, they’ll just have to discount us or something.

I guess the people downstairs, but not directly below us, got fed up and didn’t pay up, cuz there’s a note on their door ordering any locksmith from opening the door. They’ll have to get their stuff at the office.

Despite all their activities, the last couple of days have been a little quieter around here. The black lady below us who is pregnant, had cut the banging down to only banging in spurts. She goes in and out but is home for the most part. The blacks next to us are gone, for the most part, thank God, but from about 4:30-6:30, black and white kids are out screaming their lungs out and I stay in the bedroom with the fan. Thank God their living room and patio are not next to the bedroom! There are 3-5 blacks next door who are friends with some white family that either live at the complex or somewhere nearby. The white woman who was out front yesterday talking to the black woman has a husband who’s one of the painters here, according to Tom. The black below us has a van, and I can see it from the bathroom window when it’s here. Nonetheless, see what I mean? Black below me, black next to me, black everywhere! Why oh why can’t I have white neighbors?! I feel like God’s rubbing these Mexicans and blacks into my face and forcing them and their wild lifestyles on me. At least Mexicans can’t afford this place and I think I was wrong when I said that there was a huge Mexican family downstairs. To my amazement, though, I haven’t heard bassy music. Just bangs, screams, and the sanding/painting work.

It’s hard to suddenly undo four years’ worth of damage and just be OK with blacks and Mexicans. It’s like if a woman gets raped - well, she’s not gonna be thrilled with the idea of guys for a while afterward, is she? Getting shit on and abused for no reason whatsoever by a pack of blacks for three years, then by a pack of Mexicans for four months, is not gonna be easily forgotten. It’s just like with the NHA and other people/places that have wronged me. I can’t just spring back and lose my general prejudice toward these people overnight. It’s going to take time. In fact, I may always be uncomfortable around these people for the rest of my life. The damage is done and it may be too late. Again, I wasn’t born a natural racist. I’m only the racist that they made me. However, if a black or Hispanic person is friendly to me, I can be friendly right back.

Tomorrow we’re gonna make a day of it and go out to Casa Grande to pay for the land, as well as check out some stores.

Later...

I should get writing before the late afternoon/early evening banging starts and breaks my concentration.

I’m having mid-cycle spotting again. More so than last month. It’s really weird how I do that a lot these days.

Tom was out at the property the other day and he says it’s big. He said it took him about 200 steps to walk across the property and that it’d probably take me 300 steps. He says you’d be tired after walking along the edge of the property. The bad news, though, is that there are tons of big, slow, black ants that no doubt bite just like the little red fire ants do. That sucks. I was hoping there’d be fewer ants, bees, and spiders out there, but it looks like I hoped wrong.

I trimmed Rapunzel’s hair cuz I thought it looked funny the way it was so overly long and brought it to the hem of her dress. It was too long, past her feet, after all. Especially with her wide-skirted dress. Anne, Edie, Summer Dream, Victoria, Lollipops, and Christina are in the living room, and in the bedroom, I had Patrice, Bailey, Maria, Katie, Ashley, Giselle, Liselle, Mary, and Falling Star. Well, due to all the activity around here, I decided to pack most of the dolls, so now I only have 5 dolls to hide in the closet on maid service day, which will be Patrice, Bailey, Maria, Falling Star, and Summer Dream.

I took pictures of the way the dolls were set up before I packed most of them, including pictures of my teeth with and without the retainers. I’ll make sure Dureen, Art and Tammy get copies of those, along with other pictures I said I intended to send them after we get settled in the house.

Like a lot of businesses, Ashton-Drake’s pretty pushy. They send envelopes with ads for just one doll at a time, with little posters of the dolls, so I started saving them and maybe I’ll make a little doll poster wall after I’ve collected a handful.

It’s definitely true that no two dolls are alike. Not even if they’re the same doll. Giselle and Liselle are of the same mold, of course, but due to the way no two bodies are stuffed alike, they have slightly different poses. Giselle appears to be leaning slightly to the right, while Liselle appears to be leaning slightly to the left.

Later...

It’s getting close to time for next door’s antics. In fact, I can already hear the screaming, so I’ll write later and maybe put my cordless headphones on.

Later...

OK, I’ve got my headphones on so I can’t hear the rude blacks next door on their daily banging spree. They do this mainly around lunchtime and dinnertime.

The time passes way too slowly here. I get bored a lot, and last night I was bored to the point of depression. I worry about if the book-writing doesn’t work out. God, I hope it does, cuz I’ll spend my years dying of sheer boredom after the house is all set up if I don’t have something consistent to do besides my hobbies. No, I still don’t want a kid. I don’t want to be run ragged either and have no life at all.

Yesterday we checked out some shops and found a lot of Indian dolls. The most impressive doll of all who looked a lot like Chyna was $1,200. They had a few adult Indian dolls that were pretty nice and that weren’t too expensive and some baby ones. At first I wasn’t impressed with the baby ones, but then they grew on me. They’re different, and I may get a couple, but not there cuz we can find them cheaper in other places.

I almost bought a $200 redheaded doll that was about 28”, but her outfit was a little too conservative and dull, and one of her eyelashes was screwed up. She just didn’t quite speak to me, although I do hope to have a redhead someday to add to the variety. Tom liked her face, though she didn’t look real at all. I was surprised at how lightweight she was. She had less porcelain than Ciara does.

We also stopped at Denny’s and I got a delicious steak and egg dinner. On our way out, Tom almost won me a stuffed animal. They have these glass cages with stuffed animals, and you get 30 seconds to try to grab one with a claw.

It’s funny, but I find myself wondering about that Mexican girl named Linda who wanted me really bad and whom I had met at the first club I ever danced at. I was living next to Andy and the butch at the Vista at the time, and never had I had a woman pursue me like she did! I had always fantasized about a woman chasing me like that too, but she just scared the shit out of me. I remember other dancers saying she looked hard-core, and she even came in with a few guys. She was extremely persistent, that’s for sure. What I wonder is - just what would have really happened if I’d let her come to my place? Would it have been fun? Or would it have been a nightmare? She just seemed so male, so that’s what scared me. I immediately got the feeling she could be violent or into rough sex, so I followed my gut and never met with her. I’ll still always wonder for the rest of my life if my gut instinct was right about her or not, but I’m sure it was.

Tom’s taking a little nap now, then we’ll be heading out to do some errands. He got the almost $21,000 check today from the house. Speaking of which, we were there yesterday. The house is completely empty save for a little bit of trash on the back patio and some hazardous waste materials in the garage. We didn’t do any more cleaning or vacuuming, either. He let their realtor know of this and he came and got the keys, saying something about the H's having till November 1st to move in. Tom questioned if he heard wrong and he really said October 1st, but it sounds like they’re gonna recarpet and maybe remodel too, before they move in. We know they can afford to. We’ll have to go by there a few years from now and see what it looks like.

Every single piece of furniture he put in the alley, including an old microfiche, was taken. Someone that knew we were moving was no doubt waiting around to see what they could get. I think most of the stuff ended up with the Mexicans, but according to Tom, they may not have been the ones to swipe the couch. I thought he had said he had it up against the block wall in the alley, but he had it by the garage on W. Weldon, and as he pointed out - they never drive by that way. They always go down N. 21 Ave. Well, it’s nice that someone, be it those assholes or not, could use the stuff.

It sure was nice seeing all the rooms empty and echoing. All the wonderful and shitty memories that place holds! Still, that house doesn’t come close to the kinds of shitty memories places back east I’ve lived in hold for me. The worst thing I really had to go through in that house was wanting the kid I couldn’t have, and the sexual games and frustrations, but that’s nothing compared to what I’ve had to endure back east. Besides, I don’t even want a baby anymore, and sex is a very low priority for me and I couldn’t really care less about what happens in bed these days. I’m bored by it all lately.

There was a makeup sample in the front door which I took, containing some foundation and some lipstick. I need to get some kind of a liquid foundation to give myself a smoother complexion. My skin’s so blotchy and because I’m so white, you can see ugly-looking veins in my face.

They disconnected the phone yesterday, but the electricity was still on when we were over there, so I hope they’ve shut that off by now.

We got a cell phone the other day.

Speaking of phones, damn are Larry, Tammy, Dureen and Art going to have huge phone bills on Thursday! That’s when Larry, Dureen and Art should receive their mail, and you know they’ll run and call each other about it. Tammy won’t actually get her mail till we get around to sending the manila envelopes out, which he’s making me wait on. Yes, he’s busy, but I still know how much he likes to make me wait on things.

Yesterday my allergies were going off for hours and I thought I had a touch of a cold. I still felt like a cold was just starting when I awoke, but my body quickly rejected it. It’s like I’ve become the opposite of how I was in Springfield. Instead of always being sick, I hardly ever get sick.

Last night I only woke up twice. Once cuz I was thirsty, and then just because. But when I got up at 7:30, I didn’t feel well-rested at all. In fact, I laid down for a couple more hours and almost fell back asleep.

Tom says he thinks my alarm may’ve woken up next door, cuz as soon as the alarm went off, he heard water running. I don’t give a shit if it did, but water has been running all day, and downstairs has been banging around since I’ve been up. Someone’s been running water for a minute or so every few minutes. What could someone want with so much water? I can’t always tell which direction sounds are coming from, but so far, it seems I’ve heard downstairs mostly. And maybe a little bit on the bedroom side, but not the blacks on the living room side yet.

After Tom went to dump our trash, he said there were only two machines in the laundry room. That sucks. We’ll be going to a Laundromat for sure, cuz those two machines will no doubt always be in use. He also said they were painting again. On a Sunday?! Well, I haven’t heard them. Except for people bopping around in the building, I haven’t heard any outdoor noise yet.

At around 11:00, an hour after Tom headed for the Phoenix house, I went to the pool. The water looked fine and it wasn’t as cold as I thought it’d be. There was a very nice woman with a 5-year-old girl and girl/boy twins at 3 years of age. She really seemed like one of those rare kinds that we need more of. She was polite and seemed to be a great mother. She doesn’t let her kids go off on wild tangents. She’d discipline them and tell them not to splash when they’d start splashing. She’d tell them to quiet down too, when they got too loud. It’s nice to see considerate people for a change.

I was there for about ten minutes and we basically talked about the apartments. She and her family will be here for a week. They’re on the first floor, she says, cuz the kids would drive anyone that was below them crazy. Again, it’s nice to know there are some parents out there who consider things like this. These walls are really no different than what you’d find for interior walls in a house, and they’re really no different than the Vista and Crystal Creek. I knew the guy was full of shit when he said they were close to soundproof. They’re not even close.

Our old couch is already gone. He called from the house saying he had gotten it up against the block wall in the alley and by the time he returned with something else, it was already gone. I told him not to worry about overcrowding the alley, cuz virtually everything will be gone in no time. He says he doubts it, but I think the Mexicans took it. If they really do know we’re moving then they’re probably watching to see what they can get. You know they don’t want to work for and earn anything. Also, judging by the speed it was gone and by the fact that at least two people had to be nearby to whisk it away that fast, I’d say it was them. Lastly, I didn’t see any couch in their living room when I was at their door bitching about those two little cocks in the white car the day we talked. It’s kind of a funny thought. I mean, do they know just how many conversations I’ve had about them while on that couch? If only they knew!

It’s subsided for now, but the banging had really picked up for a few minutes there, but due to my position in the apartment, I couldn’t say for sure if it was downstairs or the blacks.

Later...

How weird! Someone’s been running water for about ten seconds to a minute every two minutes. They’ve been doing this for hours. What would someone need with all that water?

There’s still a fairly regular stream of banging and most of it is definitely downstairs. I had gotten a vision of just a guy being down there, but that can’t be the case. Most normal adults wouldn’t make that much noise, except for those deliberately trying to make their neighbors’ lives hell. There’s got to be kids down there making all that racket.

The question is - will these people go to school/work starting tomorrow? Somehow I doubt it. I think most of these kids surrounding our apartment are too young for that and they, or someone, will be home all day bopping around. Anyone below or next to us will be home, I’m sure. God will see to it. As long as I can keep my schedule and it stays quiet at night.

I think I forgot to mention this, but about a week ago Andy got fired. Hey, what a surprise, huh? First he said he lost his job, then he said he didn’t like it. What really happened was that he made them fire him. He’s one hell of a fire freak, that’s for sure! What’s he gonna do when he’s too old to work? I mean, he’s not gonna have shit pension-wise, and since God doesn’t love him as much as he thinks he does, he’s gonna really be in for a surprise when he sees that his so-called buddy God doesn’t take care of him in ways he expects him to.

Later...

The banging has gotten to be less steady. It’s now down to coming in spurts.

I guess Tom will be home soon. I hope so, cuz we still have to go to the grocery store and he has to work tonight.

For now, I’m pretty damn bored and I don’t think I can concentrate on reading or working on my story. I may not get to those things until we get to the house.

I do intend to work on Giselle when she gets here to make her look different from Liselle. I might add beads to the skirt of her dress.

No more calls from Dureen. I’m not surprised. The idea was for me to see the number and decide whether or not to return the call. Well, that decision was made over a year ago. What happened in the past is done and over with and it’s in the past. I just want it to stay that way and not let history repeat itself.

Later...

Tom just called again saying it’d be another couple of hours and that he wasn’t gonna clean. That’s fine, cuz I think I cleaned the place well enough. If they want it any cleaner, let them do it.

Meanwhile, things are a little quieter around here, but I’m so fucking bored! I could go to the pool, but that’s boring.

Later...

I wish Tom would get in! He has to work tonight and I’m really worried about him. He played hooky both Wednesday and Thursday nights last week, but there are only so many days he can afford to do that. Luckily, though, he has vacation time coming up. A week off just doesn’t seem like enough to get shit done, though. He needs a few months off!

Tomorrow he has to sign the closing papers and take me to Mel’s. I hope he’ll be alright, but with the looks of it, it doesn’t look like he’ll be able to catch up on his sleep till Tuesday.

Blackie and whitey are out front playing football again this evening.

Downstairs shut up for a couple of hours, then decided it was time to start up with the banging again just as I had settled down to read, so I turned the fan on. The fact that most of the downstairs noise is coming from the bedroom also tells me there are kids down there. Wouldn’t an adult hang out in the living room? I think there have been kids playing down there all day and that the bed’s headboard is what’s banging against the wall. Some of the sounds are probably the kids banging dresser drawers, closet drawers, and God knows what else. I’m surprised I don’t hear any voices.

Except for a couple of loud car stereos, outside’s been pretty quiet today, but I’ll bet it’ll be quite hectic out there tomorrow with landscapers. I hated that at the other apartments! All in all, noise-wise this place is between the NHA and the two complexes I lived at in Phoenix.

I wonder if Sundays are the main check-out day or if people check out all different days of the week?

I was glad to have my mattress pad back last night, cuz this bed’s hard as a rock.

Food smells from people cooking nearby really seep in here well. I hate food smells, pleasant or not. All they do is make me hungry.

The Siesta Suites…

Talk about having a ton of writing to catch up on! It may not be easy, though, cuz right now the apartment’s as noisy as I predicted it’d be. Let me back up and go in order of events first before I get to the current stuff.

We spent most of Wednesday and Thursday loading up the crate. The 40-something-year-old cock with the gold car came in as we were having the crate delivered, accompanied by some bitch. I don’t think it was Deb, though. The hair looked too light. Maybe it was Fanny or someone else I’ve never seen before.

Goodwill won’t take our old furniture. They won’t take anything old or broken. That’s ridiculous! I mean, what do you expect for hand-me-outs? Brand new stuff? I don’t think so!

Late afternoon on Wednesday we stopped at Wal-Mart before going to Steven’s. I got a $16, 17”, blue-eyed, blond-haired doll. Her hair is really long, too. Nearly to her ankles. It’s straight. She wears a deep purple dress with white lace. I can’t believe she and Ashley cost about $30 while Anne and Edie cost nearly $80! Anne and Edie aren’t quite as nice either, and they’re the same size. Anyway, I put her in the box she came in, along with Angel. There was room to squeeze her in there too, and I’m gonna store both of them. The only dolls I have here are Bailey, Maria, Rapunzel, Patrice, and Summer Dream.

I named Meagan myself cuz she didn’t come with a name. In her box was a card asking for doll info which I filled out. They asked what I named the doll, how many dolls I had, where I got them, what my favorite hair and eye color were, etc.

When I was doing Bailey’s hair, which had gotten all messed up, her rubber bands crumbled to pieces, so I just left her hair down but saved her ribbons.

I’m hoping to order Sekarina and Chyna, or at least just Chyna if they still don’t have Sekarina, next Thursday. That’s about when we should know more about what’s going on with the house and what the money situation will be like.

I discovered a doll store nearby where we are right now in Scottsdale, which I sometimes call Snottsdale, and I may check it out. I figured that I’d first try to get Sekarina, Chyna, and Marisa, then check out stores, then raid Ashton-Drake with any leftover money.

Later...

After I got Meagan, we went to Steven’s, and what a house! It’s beautiful! Very different from what we’re getting. It’d be perfect for me if I was single, but again, the houses were just too damn close. You could hear his neighbor’s dogs, people shouting on the street, etc. The house was cool looking, though, and very modern. I loved the plush champagne pink carpet and decided to get that instead of the sculptured spice carpet, which was nice, but quite dark. This carpet’s more expensive, but it’s better and just so gorgeous. Just what I always envisioned color-wise.

It gets even better, though. He had one of those trees that’s about 6’ tall with beautiful pink flowers that I’ve always wanted. Well, he saved me over $100 of decoration expenses cuz he gave it to me!!! I couldn’t believe I got my dream flower tree for free! He gave it to me saying his kittens tear it up.

I was right about suspecting he’s gay. Hilda, his assistant, is at least 50 years old, but Tommy, the guy living there and helping him with his work, was definitely his boyfriend. So, between that, the pink carpet, and the pink flower tree, it was more than obvious.

Anyway, we have to go back to his house again, cuz he needs to find prices on some of the options, like my wanting to get two linen cabinets instead of two sinks in the master bath. This isn’t a regular option, so it’ll take some checking into.

Yesterday’s packing last-minute things, making trips over here, and fighting with traffic was very stressful. We were both pretty tense, and I nearly beat the shit out of a cock for pulling out and hitting us in Jack-n-the-Box’s parking lot. He barely tapped us, though, and the car was fine, but boy is that cock lucky! I was so close to just jumping out of the car and totally attacking him.

So, after we made two trips over here, we called it quits (the first trip here he forgot how to get here, and I of all people, was the one who remembered the streets and guided him, believe it or not!). They’re not picking up the crate till Monday, so he’s over there now finishing the packing of the crate and hauling out old furniture to the alley. We’re surprised we don’t have a scheduled walk-through. I mean, doesn’t he have to give them the keys on Monday?

I was going to mail the letters that are in regular envelopes myself by bringing them to the office, but instead of doing that today, I’m going to do it Monday. I want to make sure that house is legally out of our hands first and that the phone’s disconnected like it’s supposed to be on Monday. I once received mail on a Monday that had been mailed out from the east on a Saturday. That’s why I don’t want to mail anything out today. There’s always that slight chance they could get their mail Monday and contact us about it if there’s any delay with the phone and the house. I’ll have five envelopes and two postcards. One of the postcards is the first of two tests I’m going to do to see how well the forwarding works. I addressed this postcard to Tom to see if it gets to the PO Box in Tempe we opened up with no problems. Then, just shy of a year from moving, I’ll send another card to see if he gets it. The other postcard will be to Larry. There’ll be two envelopes to Dureen and Art, and two to the city giving them the final piece of my mind on lazy bums like next door and the ones before it. I’m using two different city addresses. Also, there’ll be an envelope with my final thoughts on the collies and their barking I had to listen to pretty damn consistently for six years. It’s over, though! It’s finally over! Never again will I have to hear those beasts!

I will have six manila envelopes - two for the black bitch, one for the Mexicans, then one for Tammy, Larry, and Andy.

Later...

It is extremely noisy here just as I knew it’d be, but so far, it seems to only be during the daytime. I did, believe it or not, sleep from 11 PM-7:30 AM. I woke up a few times, but it was just because. Not due to noise. Not yet, anyway. There’s definitely no way I could sleep during the day here. It’s just too noisy, and thank God I changed my wake-up time from 8:30 to 7:30, cuz at about 8:00 is when all the banging, slamming, and outside work starts. Last night, all we heard were a few subtle bangs from below, next door, or wherever, but nothing major.

I was right on another thing too - there are blacks next door to me. What else is new, huh? I’m a magnet for them. However, this girl, who was sitting out front when I came up here, seemed much nicer than a certain bitch I used to know once upon a time in Phoenix. She smiled at me and I smiled back.

I’m glad the people at the end of this strip on the bottom aren’t next to us. Huge Mexican family.

Tom, who got up before me, said it was a ghost town, but right after he left, they were making quite a racket when painting the back wall of the building. There are single-paned windows here too, so you can imagine just how well I could hear the clanking of their ladders, their shouting to one another, and the music they were blaring. They nearly smashed the kitchen window when they were covering it to paint around it. I couldn’t believe management would allow such noise and chaos around here early on a Saturday, but then again I can. It’s quiet here, my ass! I knew that cock was full of shit! Maybe it is, though. When I’m not here. If they’re doing all this shit on a Saturday, I hate to see what the regular work week will be like!

Then, after about an hour of listening to them paint, a tremendously loud car stereo rocked the building, but I couldn’t say if it was driving by the complex or if it lived here.

Then the blacks next door got into a fight. At first I thought they were laughing their asses off about something, and I could be wrong, but I think they may’ve been arguing instead, and I could hear shit being slammed and thrown. I’m not sure how many people are next door or who or what they are, but according to Tom, a black woman was babysitting the white boy next door last week when we checked the place out. I only saw the boy, not the black. I have no idea yet what’s on the other side of us or what’s down below us and I don’t care as long as they leave me alone.

Then I heard a sound that I thought was a lawnmower. Then I thought it was next door getting their place vacuumed, but then I said - wait a minute. No vacuum’s that loud, and why all the banging and slamming just to vacuum? So then I heard knocking and I opened the front door to find some cock sanding and hammering the railing in preparation to paint it. Meanwhile, the railing looked fine. It doesn’t even need to be painted.

What is it with Arizona apartments always having to have some big project going on, huh? If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. They’ve always got to have something going on. As soon as they finish painting, they’ll start some other loud, long, major project. I’m sure they’ll be up on the roof next.

Later...

Tom called from the house. He said everything won’t fit in the crate. I told him so. So, he’s getting a mini storage thing also.

He’s gonna haul out the old furniture to the back of the garage and put a “free” sign on it, which I hope won’t be all the more obvious of a sign to the local bums that the house is vacant. If he has any trouble hauling it, he’ll have me go back with him tomorrow to help.

As fate would have it, and it fucking figures too, and I just knew this would happen within days of moving, Dureen called looking for sympathy. She never left a message, though. This just goes to show just how desperate she is to get me back into the same old vicious cycle I went through with her and her associates for 32 years. Well, it’s not gonna happen. They’ll get my letters, then some pictures of Tom, the animals, dolls, and the new house, and that’s it. There’s also one picture of me before and after cutting my hair.

This is the second time she’s called to leave their number for show, hoping I’d be dumb enough to be snared into her trap again. It’s only been four months since her last call, too. I suppose Tammy’s gonna try next. God, just have her wait two more days! Just two more days!

Also, Tom says that they’ll paint everything, whether it needs it or not, cuz there’s no sense in them hiring painters to do the building, then come back and do the railings a few months later. Whatever. All I know is that it’s gonna be one thing after another here, and I’m really damn lucky I finally figured out how to keep a schedule. Thank you, God, for that much! I just hope nothing fucks it up.

Monday, I’m going to send the message I’ve been planning to send Marla, explaining why I felt it was best to walk away from Andy.

I also decided to go ahead, after all, and end my ties with Kim simply because there’s nothing we can really offer each other. She can’t go anywhere alone. She has to bring her current boyfriend out to visit, her friend, and her friend’s friend too, and I don’t need it or want it. I’d want to visit with her. Not her and three other people I don’t even know. I also don’t have any intentions of ever going back to where she is, so what’s the use of being friends? There’s really no point and I can’t be much of a friend to her or offer her much of anything.

I like how the computer’s set up so I can go online without having to string wires. There’s no switchboard here either, by the way. We have a regular number here.

Later...

They’re still painting the railings, but at least it’s not as loud as the sanding was. I wonder how many more days of this painting shit there’ll be. Well, it doesn’t matter. As soon as this is done, it’s off to something else.

I took pictures of the apartment, which I’ll get into describing after I give my back a break. It aches like hell.

Later...

Still a steady stream of bumps and bangs throughout the building. I don’t think it’s all coming from the painters. In fact, they may be done for the day. It’s coming from the surrounding apartments. A black kid and a white kid were screaming outside the door for a few minutes playing, and I’m sure kids will be zipping up and down the patio on and off while we’re here.

Earlier I brewed tea in their coffeemaker, and now I’m making a TV dinner in their little wimpy microwave. Haven’t used their toaster yet.

Later...

We’re scheduled for maid service on 10/6. I’ll hide the dolls in the closet at that time, cuz you just never do know. And all my dolls will be here then, except for maybe Ciara. Tom’s bringing them over. It’ll be nice to have them here.

In our second phone call, I told him about my feelings about having the house look too obviously vacant to everyone in Phoenix if he put the “free” sign out by the furniture, which he agreed to. He says he’s got the furniture pretty much gathered up in back, so tomorrow he can just drag it to the alley. That’s where I said it should go all along, and I tell you, it’ll be gone in no time. If the freeloaders don’t help themselves, someone else will.

The layout of this apartment is nice, but the noise and some other things aren’t worth its cost.

The carpet is really dumpy and is as hard as concrete. Thank God for my exercise mat or else I wouldn’t be able to sit in the yoga-style position I like to sit in when listening to music. It’s a brownish color in the living room and a dark blue-gray color in the bedroom.

The white, porcelain sinks are peeling, and the tub’s got brown water stains on it. The water itself was brown for the first minute I had it on to shower with. Also, some of the white towels are stained, and the bathroom’s only outlet is way up where the lights are. So, we’ve got the toothbrushes charging in the kitchen. Still, the bathroom’s way nicer than what we had in Phoenix.

I was surprised to find a comforter on the bed, rather than a regular blanket.

The bathroom, little hallway, and kitchen have vinyl flooring with squares of whites, light grays, and light blues.

There’s a pink and white curtain in the frosted bathroom window, horizontal blinds in the kitchen, and dark teal drapes in the bedroom and living room windows. The living room window’s huge. It’s about 8’ wide and goes from the floor to the ceiling. I keep the drapes drawn, though, cuz it helps a little bit with sound, and it blocks too much sun and light from coming in here. I also like my privacy and don’t care to see the constant stream of people walking by.

The exterior walls and walls in between apartments are of brick and the rest is a regular smooth wall. Everything that’s not part of the floor, carpet, or drapes is white. The walls are white, the counters and cabinets are white, and so are the appliances. But it’s bright and cheerful compared to the dull browns, golds, and oranges in Phoenix.

At night the bedroom is so lit up due to the light outside that I can almost read my CD titles.

So they say that their animal policy is that you have to remove any noisy animal within two hours, and if you don’t, you’re immediately evicted, but I don’t buy it. I’m sure people with barking dogs could get away with it for a while and that it’d take several people complaining before any action was taken.

According to their inventory list, the linens consist of 3 bath towels, 2 hand towels, 3 washcloths, 2 pillowcases, 1 bottom sheet per bed (I don’t know if the hide-away bed in the couch is made up), 1 top sheet per bed, 1 kitchen towel, 2 rolls toilet paper (only provided during a maid service).

Also, 1 saucepan, 1 frying pan, 4 plates, 4 coffee cups, 4 saucers, 4 cereal bowls, 4 water glasses, 4 juice glasses, 4 forks, 4 knives, 4 spoons, 1 cutting knife, 1 large spoon, 1 spatula, 1 can opener, 1 dish rack, 1 mixing bowl, 1 shower curtain, 1 bathroom curtain, 1 dustpan, 1 broom, 2 ice cube trays, 2 garbage cans, 2 pillows, 1 mattress pad per bed, 1 blanket per bed, 1 bedspread per bed. These last two make no sense. They don’t give you a blanket and a bedspread, you get a fitted sheet, a cover sheet, and a comforter. Also, there’s 1 ice cube tray, not 2.

Lastly, you get 1 TV, 1 cable box, 1 remote control, 1 microwave, 1 coffeemaker, 1 toaster, and 1 refrigerator/freezer.

I’ve finally managed to write just over four pages during all the commotion today, and now I’m fighting to stay awake. I had a bad allergy attack, so I had to take Benadryl.

Later...

I’m still pretty groggy, but managing to stay awake.

The thing I like about the layout is that the kitchen is further away from the bedroom, and the bedrooms are back to back. Meaning, to each side of every bedroom, is your living room and someone else’s bedroom. If someone’s kitchen was behind the bedroom wall, then all the bumps and banging of cabinets and shit like that would be much louder. It’s definitely louder in the living room/kitchen side of the apartment, versus the bedroom/bath side. I also like how you can’t see into the living room from the bedroom. In Phoenix, I felt like the living room and bedroom were almost connected.

I like the storage in here. There’s not only a good-sized closet in the bedroom, but a walk-in closet, plus a little closet with shelves in between the kitchen and bathroom.

There’s a big square pillar-like thing with a couple of cabinets in it by the eating counter where the computer is. The shorter cabinet up top has phonebooks in it, and the longer one below it has a broom and a dustpan. This is where I’m storing our boxes.

Due to the extra counter space in the bathroom, and not needing all the bath stuff in such a short time, I only put things on the counter, the two cabinets below the sink, and one of the four little drawers.

There’s a full-length mirror on the bathroom and bedroom doors, as well as a large one over the bedroom dresser.

For furniture, there’s a long dresser in the bedroom with two chairs on the ends and a lamp on this dresser. There are two little wall lamps above the bed and one night table (the lamps have fluorescent bulbs). There are three chairs and a stool in the living room and three small tables. One’s at either side of the couch and one’s in front of it. There’s also a computer desk, which the TV’s on.

While we’re here, we’ll both be using my computer. We didn’t bring the scanner.

Tom wanted some type of countdown for the month we paid for here, so I made a screensaver countdown. I can’t believe we paid so much money for all this banging! This is almost as bad as the NHA, but that’s apartment living in Arizona for you. So, we have at least 29 days to bump and bang here, then we’ll go do it somewhere else, stay here, or pitch a tent or a trailer on the land. Come October 7th, it’s ours to do what we want.

At Tom’s suggestion, I took today off as far as getting up when the alarm went off and I got caught up on my sleep. I would’ve been fine if I’d stayed asleep last night the first time I fell asleep. I did fall asleep earlier, at 8:00, but then I woke up to pee at 10:30, was tight, and couldn’t get back to sleep till 1:00. Anyway, I was so tired that I slept straight through from 1:00 to 11:45 this morning.

I’ve been a little tight due to the mix of emotions. I’m psyched to get out of here, but I’m nervous about the apartment, hotel, whatever you want to call it. He says it won’t be noisy, but I know better. It’ll be noisy when I get there, just because I’m there. I got my new inhaler, which is called Flovent and is supposed to be just like Vanceril, so that should kick in soon.

He got the PO Box today.

Tomorrow, they’re gonna be doing a termite inspection at 9:00, so I’ll be wicked tired tomorrow. I won’t get to sleep till 4:00-6:00 and will have to get up at 8:00. Tom said he’d get me up with a doggie mug (a regular cup of caffeine coffee). How sweet.

I went online to check out that JBS dolls store. The one that’s really a distributor in Kingman and not a store in Phoenix. They should be opening the doll store they said was to open in Mesa in about ten days. I found one site and it started by loading a picture of a gorgeous Indian doll, but then it’d crash. It fucking figures, too. I have such shit doll luck! I’m still not sure if I’m gonna get dolls from stores, online, from the home shopping channel, or from Ashton-Drake. They may still not have Sekarina on the home shopping channel, and who knows when Marisa, the doll I found online, will be back in stock again. There’s a New Jersey number we can call to try to find out.

I really believe, though, that something’s trying to tell me - no, you cannot get a doll from a store this time around. First the mall store changed for the worse, then the wild goose chase, and now I can’t get into this site. And this JBS doll store is totally me. So, I’m just gonna call it quits as far as store-bought dolls go, and just order the 5 Ashton-Drake dolls I’ve picked out, and Chyna, and hope I can get Sekarina and Marisa, too.

I changed my mail controls so anyone can email me, and I emailed the people handling Marisa and asked if they could tell me when she’ll be back in stock.

Later...

That was fast! I was told they couldn’t anticipate when they’ll start deliveries again, cuz they’re moving their warehouse. It fucking figures! So now I can’t get Marisa either, cuz if she doesn’t know when they’ll be delivering again, it’s not going to be for a long time. Shit! Now I may not be able to get the top two dolls I picked out.

Tom’s cleaning the garage out some more and blowing old oil gravel out with the blower.

Yesterday, we were talking about my singing in the apartment, and Mr. Paranoid was telling me how people in Arizona tend to be noisier the noisier you are. Well, that hasn’t been my experience. Who was being noisy for that little boy to be so noisy? What kind of noise did I dish out to the NHA, to the mad butch at the Vista, to the blacks, and to the Mexicans, to deserve the noise they threw at me? Sorry, but noisy people don’t need excuses. If they’re gonna be noisy, they’re gonna be noisy no matter what.

Anyway, no one’s ever complained yet about my singing, and I’ll tell you one thing for sure - I don’t care. The people out here never cared about their noise, so I don’t care about mine. Until and if I get a complaint about my singing, I shall go about my business as usual. Naturally, I’ll use common sense, though, and I won’t go singing late at night. As for my stereo - I’ll be using headphones for the most part like I do anyway, so there’ll be no problem there.

I was pretty tired yesterday so I took a nap after we came home. It’s been easier to take naps lately, but maybe that’s because I don’t sleep till I’ve had enough sleep and I wake up on my own anymore. I’ve been getting up, tired or not. It’s been a little harder getting up today and yesterday, but tonight, hopefully I’ll fall asleep earlier and catch up.

We’re coming to the end of our final weekend in Phoenix!!!

I’ve even decided to bring to an end the freeloader file and seal up their envelope. I’m also gonna chance that Andy won’t be coming over demanding his phone message tape for any reason and I’m gonna seal his envelope up, too.

The weekend was quiet. All I heard was a few bouts of some guys yelling about some shit or another next door last night, but I turned the fan on and tuned them right out of my night. Also, there were a few bouts of kids screaming, too. No music, though, so they were tolerable.

On Friday there was a navy and white striped pickup with rails just like what the cream pickup has. It was just loading a ladder onto its rails when I stepped up to the window. Why they’d need a ladder when they’ve got the city and their ladders at their beck and call beats me. That day, Deb was wearing a white shirt and black shorts and she had that ridiculous poodle pom-pom. She also had what may’ve been a baby bag with red straps and Winnie the Pooh on it. The girl that cut her hair had on blue shorts and a blue striped shirt. Lady butch was out running around today in the yard and in the street with an adult female, the black girl she’s buddies with that lives nearby, and a couple of other fellow kids.

The red car was here last night, and earlier at around 5 PM, the blue pickup was here. I saw Deb leave with two guys in the back of it. Inside it was 2-3 people. Deb was wearing all black, and this time, instead of her pom-pom, she had her hair in a ponytail that fell to the middle of her back. She looked more Mexican than I’d ever seen her look before.

Today, the blue pickup was over from around 3 PM-4 PM, and so was the gold car. Deb’s parents' gold car, I believe.

They’ve done everything I’ve predicted they’d do so far except getting a dog. The company’s coming earlier now that it’s cooling down and they’re no longer hanging outside during the dark hours.

Lastly, the van moved. I haven’t seen anyone driving it, but it’s no longer deep in the carport. It’s just inside it.

Later...

The manufacturers have suddenly decided to stop making Vanceril, the preventative inhaler I use, so tomorrow he’s gonna fight with Dr. Brown’s office to get something else. I hope to hell Tom’s right when he says he thinks I’ll be 90% better once we leave the valley, and maybe I can just go without these damn inhalers, cuz I’m sick of there being a problem getting them every other time I call for them.

We made reservations to stay in an apartment in Mesa. They’re short-term rentals that are just like hotels, only you get a kitchen, a bedroom, and a little more space. However, we’re going to cancel the reservations, cuz when Tom called back and asked about pets after he forgot to in the first place, they said no pets allowed.

Tom looked at other places by himself that he thought were too dumpy, then today, we went together to the Siesta Suites in Scottsdale.

They consist of two two-story little strips - one’s studios, the other’s 1-bedrooms. There’s a pool in between the ends of the strips. No Jacuzzi. Tom said he’d prefer it if I went to the pool with him at first and not by myself cuz it didn’t look too healthy. Well, I always prefer to swim with him than alone, but why do I get the feeling he’s just worried I’ll have a problem with someone? I don’t need a babysitter if I’m right about his motives, and there’ll be no problems with people unless they make problems. And like I told paranoid Tom, who’s worried about me going off on someone there, if someone makes trouble, I’ll call the office. It won’t do me a damn bit of good, but I’ll start with that, and I’ll tell you something else for damn sure - if I ever “go off” on someone again in my life, it won’t be with words.

Yes, it is going to be noisy, even though Tom doesn’t think so. I know my construction when it comes to apartments in Arizona, and there’s a little kid next door to where we’ll be on the second floor. Tom questioned my taking a room right by it, but I can just fan out its screaming. It’s people’s movements within the building and car stereos that will be the biggest noise source. And I know God and my shit luck. Even if the rooms next to us were empty, God would make sure little kids and other noisy people were right next to us. I always get the noisy people no matter where I go, so what the hell? Why try to fight an inevitable fate? It’s the same shit wherever I go. I asked the guy (Chris) if he’d be honest with me if I asked about noise complaints and he said that it’s a brick and concrete structure which isn’t soundproof, but pretty doggone close. In fact, one of the biggest compliments he gets is how quiet it is there. Yeah, right! I should’ve known better than to ask, but even if it is quiet for others, you know it won’t be for me. God just has to sic noise on me wherever I go! Tom was like - but it’s the middle of a Sunday afternoon and no one is out at the pool. Yeah, but I wasn’t there yet. I’m a magnet for noise and once I get there, there’ll be more than a screaming kid out on its front patio playing. Tom said he thinks he’s old enough to be in school. No, he’ll be home all day. Even if he wasn’t, just an hour of feeling the vibration of his footsteps running back and forth, and other people’s footsteps, cabinets, and doors, will be rough enough, but it’s worth it. At least the doors aren’t right smack next to each other like the studio doors were at the Vista. The only thing I wish was that the bedroom was in the back, but that seems to be how it is in most cases. They put the bedroom in the front. At least a car can’t get closer than about 20’-30’ to the windows, rather than 3’.

The guy said there’s concrete between the floors. That’s what Crystal Creek told me, but look how well I could hear those below me and how well they could hear me. Steve, the warped security guard there, told me he could hear every key I’d hit on my electric typewriter.

At least this time around I’ve got things to help me get through this upcoming noisy ordeal that I didn’t have before - a great guy like Tom, the fan, the cordless headphones, the sound machine, the fact that it won’t be longer than a few months, and the fact that I can keep a schedule!

The place is square-shaped, and it’s about 450-500 square feet. Their pictures online made it look bigger than it really is. I’ll be able to give better detail once I’m there, but it has one door opening into the living room that has a hideaway bed in the couch, and a mini entertainment center. The kitchen has a bar area with a stool for eating at, and it’s stocked with the bare necessities. It even has a toaster and a coffeemaker. There’s no dishwasher, but at least I can have the animals. It has a big walk-in closet, a little closet of shelves, the bedroom has a long dresser and night tables, and a nicer bathroom than what we’ve got here cuz it has some counter space. The bedroom had two twin beds in it, but he said it’s one of those adjustable things that can be made into a king-size bed, which is what we told him to do.

They have free maid service every week, and we forgot to ask where the laundry room was.

Later...

I was wrong about saying the bedrooms were in front. I lost my bearings in my mind but Tom reminded me that the parking lot is in back by the kitchen and bath. There’s nothing but a strip of grass and a street on the bedroom and living room side. And patios for kids to play and scream on. I’m sure that little boy will be running up and down the thing making the building feel like an earthquake is shaking it. Meanwhile, the mother won’t do shit about it and discipline it, and if that kid leaves while we’re there, something else will rock the building.

At least there are plenty of outlets for being an older place. Scottsdale is an older town, but when I say something out here’s older, it’s pretty damn young compared to something older in New England.

I decided to take only my 6 most favorite dolls and to store the other 12. I’m taking Bailey, Maria, Patrice, Summer Dream, Rapunzel, and Angel. This way, there’s room for any dolls I may get while I’m there.

I don’t remember if the carpet’s plush or that indoor/outdoor kind like I had in Deerfield. I hope it’s plush. 

Andy just doesn’t get me. I mean, he’s totally clueless! Thank God we’ll only be here for one more week, cuz he’s getting to me again. I’m not pissed, but I am annoyed. I’m gonna remember these times whenever I may feel guilty about disappearing from his life.

He never mentioned Linda in his latest message, but he did excitedly tell me about this new temp job he got as a receptionist and how much he hopes it’ll be a permanent thing (till he makes sure he gets fired). At this point, I said to myself, here comes the God shit I’m so sick of hearing over and over and over. Sure enough, he did go right into God and how much he’s come through for him this year. Then he says not to be mad at God for answering his prayers, and I’m like - what?! God’s answering someone’s prayers never made me mad. All I ever told Andy was that I felt he gave God way too much credit and that God’s mostly mean and vengeful, not loving. To me, he’s insensitive, with not much compassion. Especially when it comes to women. He seems to not care about their hardships and their emotions. He seems to inflict more pain and punishment than not. God may answer a few of Andy’s prayers but look at him and his life in general. He’s still alone, and the main reason he’s alone is cuz of God. So, I get embarrassed for him when he degrades himself by overpraising God. That’s just like a woman or a man boasting about how great their spouse is when in the midst of their being great, they’re also beating the snot out of them. It’s like - wake up, Andy! God’s not all you think he is! If he was, you wouldn’t be where you are today and neither would most people. Yes, I’m truly blessed compared to your average human being, and yes, I’m glad I can’t have a kid and don’t know why I ever wanted one in the first place, but still, God took away my choice and my right to choose, as a woman, whether or not I have a kid, and I’ll never forgive him for that.

Later...

I did it again. I was getting short on sleep, so I was able to fall asleep last night at around 11:00 instead of 1:00-1:30, and I got up just before 8:00 rather than just after 9:00.

I’m glad we’re moving, cuz this new mailman we’ve got isn’t much better than the other one. I’d hang my letters to the mailbox flap with a clothespin. Well, this dude would yank the letter and clothespin off and not have the decency to put the clothespin back, the rude little shit. Tom rarely mails anything from here cuz when he does mail stuff, it’s usually bills, and it’s safer to drop those in a regular mailbox. It’ll be different at the house cuz we’ll have a regular mailbox at the end of the driveway where you put the flag up when you have outgoing mail.

Tom called about the storage crates today. Instead of getting a couple of crates, we’re gonna get one huge 8x20 crate that’s 8’ 6” high. It’s weather-tight and will be stored in a place with good security. It’ll be here next Wednesday morning. I moved most of the boxes out of the bedrooms and into the living room so that’s a few fewer steps he has to take when it comes time for him to load up the crate.

We’re getting a furnished apartment, and we were talking about getting one with maids to spoil us for a few months, but we’ll see. They’re still all going to be noisy, but I hope I can at least have a dishwasher!

We talked about getting a backup vehicle of some kind when we move. When the car breaks down, it’s not like he can just walk to a bus stop and get to a car parts store easily. So, we might get an old pickup or van.

I shortened the rat’s cage, and you know, I really like it better this way. See, the cage has two square sets of bars that stack on top of each other and sit inside the base, which is like a huge litter box. The top stack of bars has a roof, naturally. Anyway, having the two square sets of bars is a bitch to deal with, cuz it’s harder to lift the two stacks off the base at my height to clean the bass. Especially when it’s up on wheels. But with one set, it’s easy enough to lift off to clean the base and the bars, too. I hope I can find another base (and roof), cuz if I can, I’d rather have two mini cages each with 2-3 rats in them. That way it’s easier to clean the base and the bars. If I have to have it tall again, at least I’ll take it off its wheels. That way, it’d be easier to lift the two stacks of bars off. It also makes vacuuming the sawdust these slobs throw out the cage easier.

For the longest time, I had the rat’s cage right by the back door, but now they’re sitting on top of the drawing table by the shelf where the mice are just inside the back room. That’s right - the H's will be getting a couple of little wall shelves that are in the back room. We certainly don’t want them. They’re so small and they’re not very nice, either.

Andy was getting to be a pest again yesterday with all his calls. His last message to me was that he’d give me a concert review to let me know how Linda was, but I haven’t heard from him.

The voice messaging system is all fucked up again. For a few days, the system was all fouled up, then things were back to normal. However, when I just went to send Andy a message asking about Linda, it wouldn’t let me send it. Fine. Fuck it. I’m sure as hell not going to call direct, cuz he’d no doubt answer since he’s always home and always has his ringer on unless he’s sleeping, and get stuck on the phone with him for 1-3 hours.

Woke up at 108 today cuz I’ve really been watching what I eat. I finally shit yesterday for the first time in a week, so now I’m done with that for a week. I still think it is cuz of the Melatonin for two reasons. One, cuz of God’s theme for me - being different. So, if most people don’t get constipated from something, then I’m more likely to. Two, I think it goes along the lines of his compensation game and making me pay for things, whether or not they’re normal, everyday things or not. Of course he’d make sure I could only shit once a week if I was gonna be allowed to be able to keep a schedule. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up, though. I don’t know how much longer I’ll even want to keep it up. I may want to take a break once we get to the apartment, but I may not be able to sleep there during the daytime with the noise. I may just have to wait till we get to the house, which won’t be till Dec-Jan.

I got a card in the mail from the home shopping channel with an ad about an artist named Rustie and a doll of hers that’ll be airing later this month. I’m not fond of Rustie dolls. I think all her faces look the same and her outfits are too frilly. Also, the hair on this particular doll is hideous, even though it’s long. It’s too bushy and the curls are way too tight. Anyway, it was still cool to get this card, cuz it makes me feel all the more like I’m an official collector. I’m known now for collecting dolls, so I should and will get stuff like this.

Last night, after sifting through all the childbirth, the kids having kids, the druggies who lost custody of their kids, and the like, I saw some pretty neat stuff. As you know, I’m fascinated by airplanes. I love to fly. It’s a total adrenaline rush for me. This was about air disasters. It was a bit scary, but neat anyway. I also saw a documentary on technical disasters such as The Challenger, Chornobyl, The Exxon Valdez, a burst dam in China, and more. Tonight I’m gonna watch a hurricane documentary. Florida’s getting swamped with Hurricane Floyd right now, and that reminds me - typical Andy. He mentioned that there was a big hurricane and wondered how it was affecting my parents. He just had to bring them up. As if he doesn’t know they’re not my favorite topic of discussion. As if I even care about how it’s affecting them?

I wonder about past people I’ve known. I don’t care about them, but I’m curious. Did Kacey ever find another long-term girlfriend? Or did she continue dumping them every other week? Is Brenda still miserable, hanging out with losers? Are her kids still living with her sister? Are Ron and Al still alone like they deserve to be? Whatever happened to Mary C, Emily B, and Crystal C? Is Mary still with John? Did Emily’s third marriage work out? Is Crystal still using and ripping off roommates and attracted to bad boys? I even wonder about Fran. Is his life still the same? Probably. What about Jessie and Steve? I hope they’re happy. What about Tammy W and Anne Marie? What about Denise M from Valleyhead? Is that mean, snobby, insensitive bitch Maliheh still alone as she should be?

Anyway, I can’t believe that in just a couple of days, it’ll be our last weekend here!!!! Next Friday the 24th is when we’re gonna load up the crates. Over the weekend on the 25th and the 26th, he’ll come back and take care of last-minute things and clean the oven with that shit that smells like bleach and makes my lungs tight while I’m at the apt.

Andy made a generous offer earlier. He said he had free tickets to see Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris tonight and that he’d take me. I thought about it but declined cuz he’s about ten years too late. It’s funny how I was once dying to go see her as a teenager and couldn’t cuz I got in trouble for smoking or something like that, but now that I can see her, I decide not to. I would’ve up till I was around 24, though. I was tempted at first, cuz I have been a fan of hers since I was about 9 years old, after all, and since it probably wouldn’t be so wild of a crowd, but then I was like - nah. He’d insist on either taking me to his house afterward or coming here to use the Internet, so nah. And the more I tried to tell him that I just wanted to go straight home afterward without him, he’d push harder to come in or to go somewhere else first. Also, I can’t tell him not to smoke in his own car, so I’d have had to put up with his cigarette smoke. Also, you just don’t get the kind of views you can from TV and videos, and she is old and fat now. I haven’t one stitch of lust left for her. Still, it was nice of Andy to offer.

We ended up going on a wild goose chase today cuz the fucking doll store we thought was in Phoenix is really in Kingman (it didn’t say in the phonebook, so we assumed it was in PHX) and it’s not a regular store. It’s a mail-order service. We called them on the cell phone when we couldn’t find them, and they say they’re opening a regular store in Mesa in a few weeks. I think, though, that after two tries at looking in stores and not finding anything, I might call it quits for now and just get Marisa, Chyna, Sekarina, Tiffany, Sacajawea, and Pine Leaf if they’re still available.

Again, everywhere I looked, as we were cruising down the streets, was nothing but those fucking, filthy, lazy, freeloaders! I swear, Phoenix is 60% Mexican, 30% black, and 10% white. Will there be any white people left in this country, especially in the southwest, a century from now?

Speaking of freeloaders, the ones next door have oil-absorbing gravel all over their driveway, cuz the pickup has a very bad oil leak. But if they don’t want oil in the fucking driveway, why can’t they just park the damn thing in the street?

Also, the dark red car wasn’t here long last night, it didn’t come and go a million times, and there was no music, no yelling, no loitering, or any trashing. I tell you - it’s cuz we’re moving, so there’s not gonna be much in the way of shit to deal with from them. If the house was still on the market, then yes.

Later...

I just changed the animals’ cages.

Andy left a message regarding the animal pictures I sent him. He said he’s normally grossed out by rodents but can see how they’d make cute pictures. He’s also going to see Linda alone. This will be at least the third or fourth time he’s seen her.

Tom’s mom had to return early from her trip to Michigan. She had problems getting on and off the planes. The law requires planes to accommodate handicapped people, but I guess they didn’t feel like it, so they had to deal with that shit, and getting on/off the planes was a big to do. Then when they finally got to Neva’s door she collapsed. All the while she was there, she was out of it. For some unknown reason, her brain isn’t working right. She remembers old stuff better than new stuff, and since it’d been a really long time since she was at Neva’s, she had a hard time remembering the house’s layout.

At first I had a hard time feeling sorry for her and was like - what? Does she want to be a burden to people? How could she have been stupid enough to go in the first place? But according to Tom, she doesn’t know any better. But Mary and her doctors do and they should’ve put their foot down since she obviously can’t make her own decisions. As Tom said, the question is - will she go to California like she was originally planning to with David and Evie? I’m sure she’ll be stupid enough to try. And Mary will be even more stupid and not stop her. Anyway, Evelyn’s gonna be with her during the daytime cuz she just can’t be alone anymore, then I guess, and I hope, she’ll be in some kind of care center where she belongs. It may be more expensive and she may not be as happy, but she belongs in a nursing home/care center of some kind. She’s only got about a year to live anyway, so she may as well go where people can care for her 24 hours a day and where she wouldn’t be such a burden to Tom and Mary. I doubt Tom would ever admit she’s a burden, but still, he doesn’t need to be her daddy. He has too many other things to do. The man’s got a right to have a life one of these days! We need to move and then relax for a change. Not play parent to someone who should be in a facility with people who are trained and equipped to deal with her and her needs. No wonder God didn’t want us to be parents. He knew we’d have to be her parents.