I decided I’m finally ready, for once and for all, to shed this extra bulk. I’m 120 pounds. I’d like to be 100 pounds, but I’ll settle for 105 pounds. This is what I’ve decided to do about it this time around. I’m going to have a 1000-calorie diet until I hit 115, where it starts getting really hard. Then I’m going to cut it down to 800 calories till I hit 110, then I’m going to starve off another 5-10 pounds. If the 800-calorie thing works well enough, then maybe I won’t have to, but we’ll see once I hit 110. In order to maintain this, I’m going to have 1400 calories a day. At least I think I can maintain it at that. I may have to drop one or two hundred calories, though. Meanwhile, while I’m losing the weight, I’m going to jog for 20 minutes after each thing I eat and rotate every other day between upper and lower body workouts. Once in the maintain status, I’ll jog once a day for 20 minutes but will keep up with the upper/lower body workout rotations. Except for a chocolate malt after next Monday’s appointment, I won’t allow myself weekly treats till the weight’s off, but even then, I think I might go more with biweekly treats. Once my dentist and therapy appointments are done, I should only have to go out twice a month (going out tempts me to stop for treats) to report to Scot. That’s when I’ll get myself candy or ice cream.

Later...

I didn’t get any mail from Mary today. I wonder if she’s having another case of writer’s block.

Tom stopped at Mary’s, and just like she said she would, she had a music CD for me. A data one, though, not audio.

I’m down to 119 pounds and starving. I am soooo hungry!

I saw a movie based on a true story that made me hate pigs, lawyers, judges and everyone in the “system” even more. And I thought I couldn’t possibly hate them anymore than I already do! This case of people that got fucked over makes mine seem like a joke in comparison. This woman wanted custody of her two granddaughters. In order to get her way, she accused her granddaughter’s parents, as well as a couple they were best friends with, of child molestation. As are the ways of the system nowadays, the kids were immediately taken away and the two couples were thrown in jail. The kids were threatened and bribed into saying that the parents did these things when in fact they did not. The parents ended up in prison for a decade while the kids played musical foster homes. The kids were already grown by the time the adults were set free.

The public defender and the black pig have to have kids. God gives kids to people like that like he inflicts AIDS, pain and suffering upon gays. Wouldn’t it be nice to accuse them of child abuse or molestation and ruin their lives for a good decade or so?

But they all protect their own. It’s nearly impossible to bring down anyone within the system. They’d just laugh at the allegation and say, “You’re a cop or a lawyer. You’re incorruptible and invincible.”

Maybe I should’ve become a cop or gotten a job somewhere within the courts, so I could be protected by freeloaders like what we lived with for 3 years in Phoenix and nearly 2 in Maricopa, and from pigs like Mr. Biased, who were biased all right. Biased against whites.

If I suddenly wanted a kid all over again and could conceive at the snap of my fingers, I’d never bring a kid into this fucked up world. A classmate of the kid could tell its mother to accuse me of molesting the kid out of spite and I could lose the kid forever. It takes so little to lose so much and to have your whole life turned upside down, while it can take years and years to build a life in the first place.

Frosty’s turned out to be the coolest mouse. He’s the first mouse to ever take food right out of my hand.

There are 19 babies and more on the way. So far, most of the babies are white. A few have markings and a few are dark brown.

Tom said not to get my hopes up (I never do) but Monday he’s going to call about a computer programming job where you work from home, but I don’t see it. I don’t vibe it, I mean. Perhaps this is a good thing because I might feel smothered if he’s at home all the time. Then again, I could never feel as smothered as I did in jail!

Today I’m 118 pounds.

I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to keep up this letter writing to Paula. I never hear from her. I’ve only heard from her once since I got out of jail, and that’s not fair. I’m spending a fortune on stamps for someone who could be dead or in jail herself, for all I know.