Another big grand prize win! Tom was waiting excitedly for me when I got up at 6 PM to show me the overnight letter. I won a platinum graphite wakeboard autographed by Andrew Adkison (we’ve never heard of him, but Tom looked him up), along with other things valued at $2,500!!! For a minute I thought it was a surfboard, but it’s actually a type of fancy waterskiing that they do on this one board. They do all kinds of flips and turns and things like that which regular waterskiing doesn’t usually include.

I asked Tom if he thought everyone wins like this or if he thought it was my psychically influencing it, and he said he definitely feels my being in a good mood over the cruise influenced it. What’s amazing is that I ran and checked the expiration date of this contest and found that it ended the day after I was notified about the cruise! And what perfect timing to learn of this win today with the 1st being right around the corner!

We’re going to get the forms notarized in the morning. Yup, another long day for me just like when I had to get the Bluefly win notarized. It’ll be worth it, though. We’re hoping to get around a grand for it, give or take a hundred or two, and this will more than cover our plane tickets and port taxes!

I’m certainly in a better mood today than yesterday. Even the racing went better with a few small wins.

That cashier is still on my mind, though. Hey hot stuff, wherever you are, whatever your name is. You aren’t in the arms of a guy right now, even though it’s the weekend and you are young. No, you’re somewhere dreaming of me, looking forward to the next time we meet at the check-out.

Yeah, right!

Oh, my God, the penny! I was just laying in bed thinking – what in the world’s got me so down? There are worse problems than all the weight I’m going to gain. There are even worse things than being in the mainstream for 6 more years, and this is only if the worst of fate and circumstances keep us there. There are worse things than being attracted to a cashier that I no doubt don’t stand out to any more than a hole in the wall. So what is it? Then I remembered picking up a penny that was lying with the tails side up. I asked Tom if he’s ever heard of any side being particularly lucky or unlucky to find, and he said he had. I had a feeling the bad side was the tail side, and well, according to the research I just did, many people believe a penny found lying on its tail side should be ignored. If anyone knows not to laugh at what may seem like the silliest of superstitions, it’s us, and so I wonder, did picking this penny up on the wrong side cause any of this gloominess?

When I think of all the times I was furious with God for not punishing those who’ve wronged me, I think maybe He didn’t because he knew I could punish them instead. Then again, I don’t see how I could punish them to the degree that He could. I can’t set the black sickos up in return and have their lives turned upside down and make them suffer a loss of freedom and thousands of dollars.

We lost 3 of the 5 races Tom was awake enough to stay up for when the results came in, and again I started wondering if he was simply kidding himself over this horse thing. He said that he still feels strongly that the potential is there, but that it’s important that I have a positive attitude to influence things to have a better outcome. This is when he stressed to me that from what he’s observed over our years together is that my so-called psychic gift isn’t making predictions so much as it’s influencing the outcome of things. My first instinct was to laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I think he may have a point when I think of all those I’ve made sick that have angered me in the past, amongst other things.

But what about me predicting when the well failed and the flat tires and things like that? I asked him, and he said he believes it was more of a case that I made those things happen rather than saw them coming, and didn’t understand why I couldn’t see this. I’ve always had a vibe that the well would fail on December 6th of this year and now I wonder if it isn’t really a prediction, but something I’m going to make happen that day. I should blow out the whole damn state if that’s the case! I miss some aspects of the desert, but not that state. I also wonder if my vibe of the queen giving up her reign when she’s 86, but probably 87, is really what I’m going to make sure she does at that time. If that’s the case, should I see if I can get her to turn in her crown earlier? Nah, I’ll let her live to be a burden to Miss Perfect and Dave a little longer. So both the users (his family) and the abusers (my family) can live longer and have more time to suffer!

He said it took him years to realize I was an influencer because it’s not that obvious. Well, I sure as hell didn’t realize it for a while there myself. Sometimes he knows me better than I know my own self. Anything else about me I should know? I asked him.

Maybe even Miss Perfect also knew I was an influencer before I did. Let’s just say if there was one more thing I could do with her it would be to go to the casino! When she first accused me of making her lose I was like, you blubbering fool! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Then when Tom mentioned it I was like, oh no, you too? Everybody’s losing it, though I certainly dig the vote of confidence!

And he may have a point about me fucking us up without knowing it with my anger and sense of hopelessness. Remember how he’d get so many colds in Phoenix? Well, I always wrote those off to secondhand smoke and lack of vitamins, and perhaps that was truly a part of it, but maybe my being pissed at him for putting me on about wanting a kid was a factor as well. After all, his colds did seem to lessen the more my desire to have a kid lessened. I hope that fat tub of shit we lived with at the duplex is sicker than her dog!

I won’t change what I’ve written up till now, but I’ll try to work into my stories things I’d like to see happen if they go with the plot. If a trip to Hawaii doesn’t fit, then I’ll have to leave it out, but I don’t see why some folks can’t move to California! I really do seem to have a knack for jinxing things through writing, not just thinking.

I wonder if a person can influence another to desire them sexually or at least for a friend. I don’t know if I’d want to influence Tom to think I was young and skinny, though, cuz that just wouldn’t be real, you know? But the cashier would be a good one to test this on. She’s no Jane and she seems like a real sweetie. The kind you’d feel comfortable letting into your home. It wouldn’t be fun testing it on a woman I wasn’t attracted to and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to make other guys dig me. I’ll remember what he said about not trying to influence things with a specific goal in mind, though. When I threw in the cruise in Doe and Art’s letter, it wasn’t my sole purpose for writing. But it seems I jinxed it to happen, even if I told them the cruise was to Hawaii. So what this means is that I won’t plan to be email pals with the cashier or to get it on. I’ll just try to make her like me. Wouldn’t it be funny if this chick who I think is straight, although open-minded, was suddenly having these feelings of attraction to me that she just doesn’t get? What a hilarious idea! I may not know if it works, though. Remember, I may’ve known right away that Pérez liked me, but it took time with Teddy Bear and Palma. Yeah, I think I’ll try it anyway. I figure that if I can do this, maybe I can influence any future assholes to keep them from fucking us over.

I don’t know about doing outrageous things like making Tinkerbell live as long as we do, but I’ll try to keep the dolls, money and wins coming, and the dogs, spiders, stereos and extra weight away. I just gotta develop my skills at doing this. I’m not sure what to do, though. For the most part, it’s still like handing me a trumpet and saying, “Okay, play it.” Well, I’d have it in my hands, but I wouldn’t know how to play! Yet the more I think about it, the more I think he may have a point and the more curious I get about it. It gives me all kinds of new ideas. Funny, as I always used to consider myself a very non-persuasive person. If he’s right, though, then this is one hell of a gift! What would be the point of seeing things if you couldn’t change any of the bad things you saw, as opposed to being able to guide things in a more favorable direction?

I know I’m gonna try to mentally communicate with Tinkerbell while we’re gone to let her know I haven’t left her forever.

So these are the jobs I can work on:

Job 1: Influence sweeps.
Job 2: Influence horses.
Job 3: Influence Tinkerbell to live longer than usual.
Job 4: Influence noisemakers like dogs and music.
Job 5: Influence us to keep in good health, me to lose weight.
Job 6: Influence the cashier to like me.
Job 7: Continue to have “ill feelings” towards those who’ve fucked us over.

Later…

To prove Tom’s point about thoughts and attitudes influencing things, I was thinking how weird it was that we’ve never had to change the bathroom or bedroom bulbs since moving in here, and the bathroom just blew out.

Today I’ve been kind of bummed out. I’m trying to pick myself back up, but believe me, I don’t feel the least bit influential or hopeful today. I hope the way I feel right now won’t influence things in a bad way, but sometimes I just can’t help how I feel. I’m back to feeling stuck in a rut.

First I awoke to find myself up a pound after 900 calories the day before and just 800 the day before that. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between 128-129. So once again, that reminder that’s been jabbing it me saying that it’s my time to gain weight along with everyone else my age sort of set me in a bad mood. I hate having no control over my own body, and I hate knowing that it’s either starve and maybe stay the same weight, or eat a perfectly reasonable amount and gain indefinitely, but I still believe things happen for a reason and I’m sure it must be important for me to gain the weight now if my body’s fighting for it this bad. I was going to drop to 500 calories a day and see what happened since as Tom and I both agree, it’s impossible for anyone to drop that low and not lose, but then I said Nah, there’s no avoiding the inevitable forever. If I just get it over with I know I’ll be glad I did in the end despite how horrible I’ll look and feel. At least if I let my weight reach its middle-age max, then I won’t have to worry about it happening anymore and having to try to fight it.

Then I got even more bummed out because I didn’t go to the store with him and that cashier was there, according to him. However, he described her as skinny, even kind of anorexic, while I thought she was a bit plump. The rest of his description matches, though – 23-25 years old with straight, thin dark hair. I didn’t go because I had just gotten up when he was ready to go. He would’ve waited, but I was pretty hungry when I got up and have gotten frustrated with trying to lose weight, I wanted him to get me a box of brownies while I had my coffee and tried to wake up. I also figured that she wouldn’t be there because I wanted her to be, and you know how it usually works – it’s when you’re looking for something or someone that you don’t find it/them. If you’re on the road in search of a gas station, there isn’t one around for miles, but then they’re everywhere when you’re not looking for one. And you’ll never find that perfect dress for that special occasion until after the occasion. The same goes for those of us seeking out eye candy or lovers. Either way, I lost my confidence. I felt that if I couldn’t influence my own self, then how could I influence someone else, even if Tom feels that trying to get someone to like me is also being too specific and that I should just have an overall positive attitude in general to put out positive energy to make good things happen. He feels that my being happier upon moving in here is part of what helped influence his promotion and things like that. He’s got a point, but we also can’t influence fate. At least not for the most part. I don’t think my believing, for example, that all I’d get were those I wasn’t attracted to if I joined a dating service is what would make that happen, so much as that would simply be what would be fated to happen no matter what I thought or felt. If I were meant to be with someone I was attracted to to the degree I am with Kate or even this cashier, I really think it would’ve happened, be it for a one-night stand or more. It’s common sense that the cashier’s hopeless as far as me making the attraction mutual, no matter what my attitude is, simply because of the age difference. Being heavy isn’t an issue with women as it is for guys, but a 15-year age difference most certainly is. Besides, I really think she’s straight. She’s awfully feminine.

I asked myself this: despite the inevitable outcome, do I really need to start meeting other women? Is that what I really want? But I still feel that no, I don’t think I’d have much fun seeking out women. It’s easier to imagine what I want than to try to find it, especially if it can’t exist for me. Sure I’d be flattered if the cashier liked me too, and sure I’d be friends with her and even have casuals, but that’s just not going to happen, so all I can do is just look forward to whenever I can see her and enjoy those moments. Like I said, though, now that I want to see her, I expect it’ll be a long time before I do and that there’ll be a long line and she’ll be in a rush. Oh well. She may never have a place in my life, but she’ll have a place in one of my stories.

Of course there’s another question, too – is it really just being sick of Tom sexually despite my love for him that’s the problem, or am I simply burning out with age no matter who the person is or what they look like? I figure that there’s got to be all these diet programs and sexual aids for a reason and that if I don’t want side effects like the way the Hoodia screwed up my cycle, then I should just accept things as they are and roll with the punches, even if this means gaining a ton of weight and never having sex again in my life.

I think to myself, if I’ve got to have problems why can’t they be little ones, but then again, not having any control over my weight and never experiencing lust other than in my head and in my stories is a little problem, as opposed to vindictive freeloaders getting me thrown in jail, living with Doe, Art or Tammy, living in Brattleboro, Valleyhead, the NHA, etc. I guess it’s just that the ones that are the current problems seem the biggest of all.

The biggest thing that’s got me down is the nagging feeling that comes and goes, and right now has come, that Tom’s just kidding himself with the horseracing thing. He said that if he is, just let it run its course. I will, I told him, but the next time he gets some grand money-making idea, I don’t want to hear it! It just infuriates me that yet again God goes and teases us with money. Thanks, God, I needed that. We both did.

So now we’re back to square one. Where in the chaotic, but warm mainstream do we go? He still feels he could get a good job in Sacramento despite his age and that we could live in a rural place and still get the things we want without being at risk of losing the place as long as we don’t overextend ourselves as we did with Maricopa and then the mountain, but I don’t know about that. Again, why would I be stuck in the city for so much of my life if this wasn’t where I was meant to be? This is my place in life and on earth, like it or not, and believe me, I don’t like it, but sometimes it’s easier to bitch about something than to try to change it. I hate it but it’s easier here and it makes no sense to go through the struggles of getting a rural place whether or not we’re at risk of losing it when 6 years from now we’d be eligible for a retirement community. Of course, 6 years can be a long time when you live in a noisy environment, and the noisier it is, the longer those 6 years are. I hate the barking, the stereos, the car doors, the kids screaming, the stress of neighboring houses turning over, the problems most neighbors bring, but it’s all I’ve known for the last 20 years. As long as we don’t live next to a pack of freeloading psychos, we should be okay.

He said Sacramento has rapid transit. Just like New York has subways, they have trains they call light rail. Therefore, we could live far out and he could maybe take his bike to the train station, etc. He also said that because the climate is more temperate there and doesn’t get as hot as Arizona or as cold as here, the electric bills would be more stable, but I don’t know. It’s going to be a tough decision. Do we give up having money for shopping and other fun things to get a rural place? Or do we give up the chance to live in peace for the convenience and extra money city life would bring? He thinks we’ll have a choice, but again, I don’t know about that when most of our decisions seem to be made for us by circumstances, fate, God, whatever. First things first, though, and that’s to do what we need to do to go cruising, enjoy the cruise, then come back and start saving to get out of here in June, the month we agreed upon. If I have to sell things due to lack of money, I will. Then we’ll see if we have a say in where we go from there and try to decide what’s best if we do.

Wow, it’s almost 11:30 at night, almost October, and it’s 78º in here!

Oh, God, why’d you have to get our hopes up? And Tom’s hope is still up there, too. He still feels certain we can make a lot of money, own a quiet place outright, and that he’ll never again have to work for anyone else, and I hope to hell he’s right! It’s just that I’ve never been that wrong in such a big way whether I’m the cause of it or not. It would’ve been so wonderful to build our own place and not have to worry how far it was from his job because his job was at home! There’s no doubt about that one.

The way he explained to me why he felt making tons of money wouldn’t be a problem made perfect sense, and I know he knows his stuff when it comes to programming, handicapping and money, but then why do I feel so stuck in a rut?

And why can’t I get this cashier off my mind? I don’t have to have sex with her to be satisfied being the older person that I am. I could be just as happy to hang out with her from time to time as a friend. I know it seems foolish since beauty’s only skin deep, I’ll be gone soon enough, and she’ll be fat and ugly herself in 10-15 years, but I guess I’m only human.

We walked to the store both yesterday and today even though today I didn’t see the cashier I think is hot. She’s a little young, though. I’m guessing she’s in her 20s, very straight, yet very open-minded, so my vibes tell me. I once complimented her on her nice straight hair and she said she sometimes wished it were curly. I can’t remember if she’s the one who said she lived in Hawaii and that it was a nice place to visit, but not to live, or if it was some other cashier that said that. The last time I saw her I had been casually looking out the front window while she was standing with her arms crossed waiting for Tom to finish writing. Then I glanced at her and she smiled brightly as soon as I did. I smiled back and then she sort of gave me a quick once-over. She seemed to notice I cut my bangs back. She sort of reminds me of Melanie, the dental assistant I saw in Phoenix when wasting time and money getting braces. She’s a little shorter and a bit plump, yet still very attractive with dark eyes and hair. Her hair is nearly to her waist. I rarely see someone that good-looking that’s heavy, and she’s certainly heavier than I am. I can’t remember her name, but I’ve seen her several times before and she only recently jumped out at me as being someone I’ve got a crush on. It happens sometimes. You see someone several times, then one day you think, hey, this person is really good-looking, and it hits you rather suddenly. She’s always been really friendly and smiley. Wonder what she’d think if she knew what I thought of her? Well, she’ll never know and we’ll never do anything together even if she did know and the feeling was mutual. You know lust has always been a no-no outside of my imagination. There’s an older one who’s good-looking too, named Estella, who’s also got dark hair (I’m not sure of her eye color), but she’s not as good-looking as the younger one. I think that’s usually how it works – younger is better looking. I figure I’ll always find those in their 20s and 30s most attractive no matter how old I live to be.

My period turned out to be pretty normal. I just hope it doesn’t come back in two weeks! It’s weird because it’s like it’s finishing up where it left off two weeks ago. At least my boobs haven’t been left sore or I left watery like the last time, so I’d say I’m back on track.

I’m having another half-assed period just two weeks after my last half-assed period. Either that Hoodia really messed me up or something else is going on. I find it hard to believe it’s menopause this young and I don’t have any other symptoms suggesting anything’s wrong, so who knows what’s going on? I just hope I’m not ragging or spotting on the cruise! Who wants to have to deal with that shit while on vacation?

I’m up a pound. I wonder how I managed that on just 1000 calories. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have tea last night. I’m not just fat, I’m watery.

A couple of animals broke one of the planks in the fence. The fucking things were only about 8 years old, so I don’t know how they managed it. By the time I got to the window when I heard the screaming, one of the animals was pointing to it saying that it broke. I stepped out and asked them what happened and they shyly said nothing. Then I told them not to fiddle with it anymore so it didn’t break more. They said ok and left. Hopefully, them seeing that they can’t do things without being seen will deter them from breaking any more shit cuz we sure as hell ain’t paying for it if management mentions it!

I later saw these two animals slip inside next door’s fence with a couple of older animals. I don’t know if they’re associated with next door or not. There’s a car parked just inside the gate, so I noticed when I went to fetch the mail. It hasn’t moved since. I don’t know if it’s a visitor or just a car they’re not planning to use much because there were only two cars in the driveway, so it’s not like it was too loaded with cars to park it there.

It’s never been this warm this late into the year since we’ve been here, but we’ve been having wonderful days in the upper 70s and the next 4 days are to be around 80º. It’s been saving us money since we haven’t had to run the heat much.

I saw a baby puppy across the street today for the first time, but Tom says that’s the only one he’s ever seen there. The one I’ve seen is a medium-sized dog. I saw that today too, but they’re not leaving them outside so that’s all I care about.

Tom’s decided to go with the semi-aggressive betting method and hit 3 of 10 races today. He made $100 on one and ended up with a $50 profit. Hopefully, he’ll make enough to at least cover the trip’s expenses that are on us. In a week or so, after he’s had enough time to test this method out, we may sell some stuff on eBay. It’ll depend on how well it does.

Since stopping the Claritin and starting eating I climbed up to 131 pounds, but this little “daily stuffer” diet I devised has dropped me down to 128 pounds. I’d really, really like to go on the cruise at around 120, if God will let me have any say over my own damn body. That way I could eat all I want and know I’m not likely to return over 130-135. If I left at 130, then hell, I’ll be setting records coming back at 140 or higher! The most I’ve ever weighed is 137, and I’d still prefer not to break that record till I’m old. It’s so uncomfortable and so much harder to get around when I’m over 125. I gave up a long time ago on getting thin and staying that way, but if I could find an easier way to lose a few pounds here and there when I get carried away, that’d be great. Having 3-4 small meals/snacks per day didn’t do me any good because this didn’t allow me to get full while still keeping the calories down. It was like a smoker trying to get by on just a drag here and a drag there. It doesn’t work. At least not for me. Without looking forward to filling up at least once a day, I go batty. So I decided to wait as long as I could when I got up each day, then stuff myself till I was full. Then I’d let myself have a small end-of-the-day saver like a piece of fruit, a cup of soup, popcorn, or yogurt, to keep me from waking up hungry. My big meal is usually around 800 calories. Hungry Man makes these 1-pound TV dinners that are pretty good. Especially the fish and chips. I sometimes have other things too, for variety. All in all, I end up with roughly 1000 calories a day. I may have to drop it to 800 if I ever get back down to 123. There are 105 days left before we set sail, so we’ll see where I’m at then, although wherever I am is where I am. This diet isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. I’m a little hungrier today, however, now that my weight’s dropping. Tea does a good job of flushing water off and relieving my sore tits. I don’t know if the weight I’ve lost is water or fat, but it all takes up space just the same so it doesn’t matter.

They’re still keeping the beast across the street indoors, and fortunately for me, I rarely have to hear the thing. I told Tom I thought they took it inside because the barking bothered them and not because they were concerned it’d bother their neighbors. He said he thought they felt bad for it. Well, if that’s the case, then I wish more people would have more compassion for their pets.

We took the AC out, even though we’re to have days in the mid-70s coming up. It won’t last long.

Haven’t seen Miss Century 21, so maybe she was an out-of-towner.

There hasn’t been much barking, but it’s been hell with the stereos for the last 7 hours. Although it’s getting late, you still can’t go 15 minutes without one booming by.

Not much in the way of wins other than the mystery package with 6 hand-blown shot glasses. Like I could ever have any use for those? I also won a men’s exercise book that I forfeited. I was shooting for the grand prize, but as is usually the case, you get a lot of piddly unwanted wins instead.

Due to having no running vehicle, I’m not looking forward to the many errands we have to do such as getting checks cashed, getting passport photos shot, going to the PO and applying for a passport, and God knows what else.

We ordered some lotion and shower gel from Kepa. It’s a little pricey, but certainly worth it. His enriched lotion really helps with my dry skin, and it’s fun picking the scents and having them custom-made. I got Ylang Ylang shower gel and lotions in Pink Sugar, Patchouli, Coco-Mango, Aloha, Vermont Maple Syrup, and Zen. I got Maple Syrup in a smaller 8-oz. bottle to take on the cruise with me!

Just when I thought we might be able to go 15 minutes for the first time since 3:00, some desperado just based by at 13 minutes since the last one. God, I wish I could see these mother-fuckers as I do the trains! I hear them, but they don’t bother me. They’re just sounds. Ah, but every sound is different and to say the pounding bass is nerve-grating is the understatement of the century!

Not much in the news other than the same old shit with the Arabs, and the same old childish shit with the silly celebs, including a rapper who bragged about getting fired from his job bagging groceries before getting his undue fame. Said he was better at stealing groceries than bagging them. Yeah, that’s your all-American whacko blacko for ya.

All day yesterday I never saw or heard the dog. I hoped that due to not being able to make it an outdoor dog the owner had gotten rid of it. No dog’s going to stay outdoors and not bark. But I did see/hear someone else playing with it for a few minutes today. Guess they’re going to let it be the indoor, part-of-the-family dog it wants to be which would certainly make me a lot happier so I don’t have to deal with it. I knew there’d be a dog over there sooner or later.

They’ve been trying to get the dog across the street used to life outdoors 24/7, but as people just don’t seem to get, it doesn’t work that way. The fucking thing’s barking its ass off. The guy came out and tried to calm it down and I wanted to grab the cock by the throat and say, “Hey, the dog’s not going to stop barking. It doesn’t want to live outdoors all the time on a 5’ leash.” Yet as often as I’ve been hearing it, they obviously won’t allow it indoors anymore. They have it leashed at the front corner just a few feet from the windows of the house next door. I’d feel bad for them if most people were as bothered by noise as I am and if they didn’t have a dog of their own. But theirs is older and doesn’t bark much. This thing’s gonna be like the canal dog or worse, a constant nuisance.

Regena replied back saying yes, there are a few kids, but they’ll be doing children’s activities and there shouldn’t be very many. She said very few attend the concerts. Yeah, they’ll be hanging where I want to be, particularly the pool, and given the time of year, they’ll be mostly preschoolers which are the most disruptive. I just hope none are in the cabins that’ll sandwich ours!

Also, 22.5 knots is about 25 MPH, she said. They try to go at a speed that won’t upset the concerts.

The stupid cock just tried again to calm the dog down to no avail. He saw me standing out front with my hand on my hip in a very annoyed pose, but again, if this was someone who cared about those around them, then it wouldn’t be just a few feet from the corner house. He was on a cell phone and spotted me when he hung up. I then called out, “The dog’s not going to stop barking.”

I couldn’t hear his reply, so who knows what he said? He just better hope it wasn’t a threat I didn’t hear or I’d have been over there in a heartbeat.

He’s back again. Obviously, he’s just as annoyed by it, so why doesn’t he take the fucking thing inside? I guess it’s just the way of the west. Either way, I’m just so sick of listening to people’s shit everywhere we go!

He may’ve got a complaint yesterday. I couldn’t hear anything, but a huge woman was standing outside the fence talking to him, then she headed around the corner. She may live in the corner house for all I know.

Well, I’ll be damned! The cock just took it inside! For more than 5 minutes, I hope. I also hope that when this idiot sees that when every attempt he makes at forcing the dog to live outside in peace fails, he gets fed up enough to get rid of it. No one will let their dogs live indoors. No one!

Another thing that sucks is that due to the cooler temps, I’m back to having to take painkillers nearly every day for my ear. It’ll be interesting to see how flying and then being so far south affects it. I’m still thinking there’s a very good chance it’s connected to the combination of being so elevated and the cold.

Anyway, the ship’s got an area with internet access. Good. I wouldn’t like missing 10 days of sweeps, so at least I can do some every few days or so and check the 1000 messages the email connected to that would get in 10 days.

I have been too tired to write due to all the excitement of my latest wonderful and very big win! Best one of all. Something I’ve always wanted to do – go on a cruise! Yes, I won a cruise!!!

Late in the afternoon on the 14th, we fired up the heater now that summer’s checked out. Just when I was getting bummed over the thought of it being cold till mid-June (with the exception of the fact that the bugs are virtually gone now) I got the news. It’s been in the 50s-60s. We’re to have a couple of days in the 70s, but that’s pretty much it for the year. We’re done with the 80s for the year, that’s for sure. So anyway, it was a few hours later in the evening when I was settled in bed reading when Tom came and said I must’ve won something good because this number that’d been trying to call all day finally left a message with a callback number. When he mentioned something about a blues festival, I thought maybe I won a trip to Louisiana or something. I’m no blues or jazz fan as opposed to Tom, but I know that area is big on that stuff. Yet when I called back and spoke to a woman named Nancy, she said I was the grand prize winner for a cruise for two valued at $4,999 aboard Holland America’s MS Westerdam!!! First place got a $1,500 river cruise, and the many runners-up got CDs. The ship sets sail from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on Jan. 7th and has 3 ports of call before returning to Ft. Lauderdale on the 14th. Its first stop will be Nassau, Bahamas, then Ponce, Puerto Rico, then the Grand Turk Island, the smallest of the islands.

I’ve developed a knack for sensing surprise wins coming in the mail, but I sure as hell never sensed this one! This one gives me hope that yeah, I can win big. They got over 5,000 entries. Well, over 7,000 before they weeded the duplicates out, including one of mine. I’m surprised they don’t have it set up to automatically kick out the dupes, but as I told her, I enter tons of contests and it’s easy to lose track of what you’ve already entered. I’m surprised they didn’t get more entries. It must be because they didn’t include transportation to port because I’ve seen sweeps for sneakers get 12,000 entries.

I had to update my OLS profile which asks what the biggest prize I’ve won so far is. That had been the guitar till now. Hope I keep steadily moving up to the car, then the house, then the millions of dollars!

Nancy told me to call the next day and ask to speak to Regena, who would have more info for me as far as what we need to do. There are a few kinks to iron out first, though, and that’s that we’ll have to come up with the $400 or so for round-trip tickets to and from Florida. We also need to pay around $300 in port taxes, get some 2x2 passport photos taken, then apply for passports at the PO, thanks to the fucking Arabs who’ve caused us to really need to beef up homeland security and then some. They should be made to pay for all this shit if they’re going to terrorize us like they do. We’ll have to fill out and send in a citizen form as well and hope our Arizona IDs/driver’s licenses won’t hinder anything. I think we can work it out and that it’ll be well worth it. I wish we had the truck up and running to do all these errands, but not having it running will help hide the fact that we’ll be gone a week to 10 days.

I don’t trust leaving Tinkerbell in the hands of anyone else, so we’ll be getting her a roommate. I just hope they get along and the one I choose doesn’t turn out to be a biter like the one I bought with her last November turned out to be!

I don’t like the idea of virtual strangers having a key to this place while we’re gone, but hopefully they won’t need to come in here for any reason. If they do, there’ll be a note on the memo board saying: To Bill or AAA, If you have any reason to come in here (and it better be a good one), we’re on vacation and will return on the 14th. Meanwhile, if there’s been some mix-up over the rent, look at the receipt on the kitchen table. We did pay!

Speaking of paying, as Tom pointed out, if I were still in touch with the folks they’d probably pay for the airfare, but they’re not worth associating with for a few hundred bucks. Really, the thought of speaking with them or seeing them makes me sick! Some people really truly are unforgivable. If only they knew, though, that their crazy daughter was to be just 71 miles away, assuming they’re still in Palm City. And if only Mary knew I’d be just 103 miles away, though I’m done with her as far as I know.

All in all, we’ll want to come up with around $1,500 to cover all that’s not included, get new clothes and have money for souvenirs, gambling and fun stuff like that. She said the artists are bringing merchandise if one wants their picture taken with any of them, or to have something autographed. This Delbert McClinton is going to be the lead feature of entertainment with other artists we’ve never heard of. I won’t care for the music as much as I’ll care for the gambling, shopping, swimming, dining, and just plain old relaxation at sea! No stereos! No barking! And hopefully no wild kids! It’ll sure beat starving in dumpy motels!

She gave us our cabin number and we looked at the deck plans online. It’s a deluxe outside cabin. They have standard inside cabins for as low as $1,500. We’re on the upper promenade towards the stern and on the port side. Based on the description and the 360 virtual tour of our cabin, it looks like it’s third-best. The penthouse is obviously the best, but because it’s so high up, you wouldn’t have as good of an ocean view from there as ours will down on the upper promenade. It looks a lot like a hotel room, only you can see the ocean beyond our private verandah through the floor-to-ceiling window! It has the usual dull colors of greens, tans and browns, just a shower, and two lower beds that can be pushed together to form a queen-size bed. There is a little sitting area and a desk. It is one serious luxury cruise liner! This company has a fleet of 16 ships. This ocean liner will have 11 decks, 14 guest elevators, 24 public rooms, 1,848 guests and 800 crew members. The ship’s gross tonnage is 82,000, its length is 950’, its width is 106’ and it was built in 2004. It can go up to 22.5 knots, whatever that means. I emailed her and asked her how that compares to MPH.

I also asked if kids were allowed because contrary to what Nancy told me, the site lists rates for them, which sucks. If they allow animals on that’ll really spoil things big time, because you know we’d be next to someone with wild kids that can’t sit still or shut up for a minute, and well, I don’t want a vacation filled with screaming, running, door-slamming little monsters. We wouldn’t be able to get any peace at the pool or in most places, though the cabins in our area are only designed for two people, so that’s good. Still, I want to eat, shop and swim in peace. At least I could gamble in peace as I don’t see how they’d be allowed in the casino area. I figure, though, that no matter who’s in the neighboring cabins, they’re bound to be noisy enough, coming and going. We’ll be coming and going as well, only we’ll shut the door normally and not slam it. The walls are bound to be paper thin so as to lessen the weight, and so it’ll be noisy enough because that’s just our luck, especially with God knowing we’re not paying for most of it! But neighboring kids would be all the worse than neighboring adults, and we still have to come up with a good $1,500 or so for extras and that’s quite a bit. I just hope it’ll be worth it! Sure seems like it will be. Tom says not all the cruises allow kids just because some of them do, and pointed out that they’re supposed to be in school at that time of year. Well, I just hope that if there are any animals, there are not that many. I don’t see how there could be, as most people with animals couldn’t afford to go cruising. It’s certainly another reason to be glad we don’t have any of our own. First of all, I wouldn’t have the time to do these sweeps in the first place. Secondly, we’d never be able to come up with the money for the extras, and then where would the animals go while we were gone? I’m also glad he doesn’t make $8 an hour. That’d be another sure way to stop us from going, so I guess it’s meant to be. I can’t wait! There are 113 days to go, according to their site. The next 113 days are going to be boring because I’ve ceased all doll shopping, so it’s going to be a big old waiting game.

My only real concern is it severely delaying the handicapping from getting us out of here. Tom’s not going to be able to bet as aggressively as he originally planned to start doing today, so hopefully this won’t be a serious issue. He’s sort of compromising the way he’s going to be betting. Life is never what we plan it and things always take longer than expected anyway, so we’ll have to ask ourselves upon returning from the cruise, do we want to stay here, or try to find a bigger place around here that’s no noisier than this one if we can’t go quieter? So that’s my biggest concern right there. If I knew, for example, that it’d add a year to our Oregon sentence then I’d be really tempted to bail out of the cruise as much as I want to go, then wait till we’re settled somewhere with enough money to go on a cruise of our own choosing, which I guess would be from California to Hawaii. They just don’t have as many Pacific cruises, though, because there are not as many destinations to sail to from there.

Nancy had mentioned something about Dan Aykroyd and a radio interview, which had me confused at first because Dan Aykroyd’s an actor. Regena said she didn’t know anything about it and that he was one of the Blues Brothers. But Nancy’s going to set up a magazine interview which I’m not too eager about since I reckon it’d be a pain in the ass. She’s going to do it before the cruise, which seems weird. I would’ve thought that’d be afterward so we could tell all about the fun we had. As long as it’s no additional cost to us, we’ll just get it over with and go ahead and do it. She said she’s going to send the magazine with last year’s winner featured in it, and the quarterly newsletter, too. She also asked for both our full legal names, DOB & place of birth.

Now here’s the good news. I had been concerned about us being stranded on land without a place to go at each port of call till the ship took off again (I looked up these places on maps and satellite images), but she said not to worry cuz we don’t have to leave the ship when it’s docked. We’ll have an ID card which we’ll scan in each time we come and go. They’ll give us robes and towels to use on the beaches, too. I miss the beach sooo much!!! Sure I’d love to go snorkeling and scuba diving, which is extra, but if we have to wait till we’re rich to do things like that, fine. I’ll be happy enough to just bask on the warm sandy beach with palm trees and stare out at the ocean!

I was so excited that I tried to call Paula to tell her all about it, but the numbers I have for her were changed. Figures.

Tom thought it’d be cheaper to get to and from Florida by train, but it’s actually more expensive. I can’t say I’m sorry about that one because it’d add two weeks to the trip, and flying is way more fun! Since there’s no real airport here, I guess we’ll bus ourselves down to Reno, Nevada, gamble a little there, then fly to Ft. Lauderdale from there. I just wish Oregon wasn’t so damn far from Florida! We may just go to Sacramento instead. There’s no road going straight through from here to Reno because there were never enough people in this damn town to be worth spending the millions of dollars on roads to connect to there, so you have to go down to Sacramento anyway to get over to Reno. We may leave two days in advance, get a hotel in Sacramento, fly to Ft. Lauderdale and get a room there till we embark the next day. We just don’t want to be cutting it too close between each point of travel.

Fortunately for me, I won’t have to worry about keeping a schedule other than getting to and from Florida. We can get free room service 24/7. Coffee, water and ice tea are free, but soda isn’t which is strange. Soda is way cheaper than coffee. They don’t pay for alcohol, of course, but since we don’t drink, it doesn’t apply to us. She said they used to schedule people to set dining times at set tables, but since that didn’t work out, they just schedule set dining times. She asked if I wanted 5:30 or 7:30. I told her I didn’t think it’d matter. She said she personally prefers to eat early, so I said we’d go with that. She said we could gain 10 pounds on the cruise and I told her I love to eat so it’d be worth it. So this is why I don’t have to worry about a schedule. If I miss the dining time I can just get room service! She said if the early dining time doesn’t work out, just tell them and they’ll reschedule it, but I think it’ll be fine. She said there’s also the Lido deck we may want to go to instead which is similar to a food court in a mall. The casinos are like Vegas.

I told her I was almost certain we could make it and asked if there was a cash equivalent if something came up where we couldn’t, and let her know that I read that the Blues Festival guide would pay $500 to those who couldn’t make it. She said she didn’t know and would check into it. All she knew was that the trip could be transferred or bumped up a year.

It’s too bad I don’t love people and hate shopping. If I didn’t like shopping, having rats, blasting music and singing, we could live and work on a cruise ship somewhere! Or even on such tiny and secluded islands like the Grand Turk. Although they do have hurricanes, the weather there is even nicer than in California. Maybe we can still build a place in California, live there for a while, buy all we want, sell out, then build a place on some remote island. They’re not crowded despite how nice the weather is there because most people don’t like living so isolated.

The hard part will be leaving the beautiful sunny weather just to return to a tilted microscopic dump in the Arctic. I’ll just have to keep in mind that I’ll be coming back to the rat(s), my stereo, computer, and all my other stuff. I can then resume my shopping list, too.

Apparently, Kim’s behind on her car payments. The guy who drives this old gray pickup was there a couple of days ago. I put my ear to the wall as he was leaving and heard him say, “Well, maybe you can get them to take it back, ride the bus for a while, get a job, then see if you can pay off…”

This was all I heard, but maybe her being so broke will prompt her to stay put. I don’t know if losing her car will mean having more company, but she wouldn’t be going out at 2 AM, that’s for sure!

And the rich continue to get richer! Tom found $46 on his way to work, and I got notice that I won the daily $50 cash prize at iSwag. I’m sure it’ll take me forever to receive the check and that I’ll have to play the document game first, though.

It’s only to be 62º today, and there’s a good chance we won’t need the AC anymore this year and that we’ll be firing up the heater real soon.

My mystery package is coming today via UPS, but I don’t know what’s in it. At 1.7 pounds it’s probably just some stupid book or DVD. All I got was a shipping notice and tracking number, nothing else.

When Tom gets out of work in 4 hours, we’re going to treat ourselves with the money he found and get something special at the grocery store and maybe even get me some Chinese to go. He emailed me and told me to decide what I want and that we could get pizza, but the place might be a little crowded. I emailed him back and suggested the store, as we originally planned, and then the Chinese.

Kim left with Miss Century 21 in the late afternoon yesterday and didn’t return till 8:00. Century 21 then visited for a half hour or so, then took off. This is one hell of a dedicated friend if that’s what she is, and somehow I doubt it. No friend would ever be that devoted, and neither would any real estate agent trying to sell someone a house. I think she’s either a visitor from elsewhere who’s using her company vehicle or a lover. I haven’t seen the guy who appeared to be her boyfriend for months, and what’s to say she doesn’t swing both ways? She could get women easily looking the way she does. Women love fat frumps. She’s nothing most men would want as easy as most of them are. I hope it isn’t a lover, though, figuring that anyone she knows is going to have a nicer, bigger place. Well, if she’s in tight with this chick, the chick could try to convince her to move in with her, though a real estate agent and a disability seem like an odd match. Anyway, no matter who this person is, I wish she’d stop coming around every day (God knows how her visitors can stand the smell of her place). That’s all the more car doors I have to listen to, and this one parks right outside my bedroom window. Still can’t say for sure whether she’s moving or not, but we have no control over it either way. I just hope we really are out of here no later than June!

I guess Kim isn’t moving, after all, thank God. Damn that bitch for always making me think she is! I guess she was just getting rid of something big. Maybe she got a new bed or couch or something like that.

The cute little cactus plant Tom got me died. I just can’t seem to grow anything! All that’s left are the ponytail palm and the bamboo.

My 4 Barbies came yesterday and are gorgeous.

It’s to be in the 70s for the next few days which is amazing for mid-October in a cold climate. It sure saves us money too, since I haven’t had to run the heat during the daytime.

The guy with the wakeboard called and left a message yesterday wondering why he hadn’t received my affidavit yet. Tom called and let him know that in a small town such as this, we had trouble finding a notary, but that it’s on its way. I just checked and it’s out for delivery down in Irvine.

We got a new carrier that seems nice. The other guy switched routes, he told me. He had been on two weeks of vacation himself, so I guess that’s why the mail would be late at times.

Kim surprised me by not having any company yesterday. She’s been home all day and hopefully, she can go another day without it.

Meanwhile, I’m still thinking about how fat, old and ugly I am, and how young, beautiful and straight that gorgeous cashier is.

Just when I was also thinking it a bummer that I only had one win so far this month, I get an email telling me I won a custom book of photo stamps from Fuji.

The good news is that the handicapping is going really well. He’s now at the point where he could easily make what he makes at work in a week or more and is hopeful of being able to quit his job around the first of the year. It takes time to get to the point where it’s making enough money that it only needs a couple of hours of work a day, and in order to do that he’d need more time. Because he’s been there for over two years now, he’s eligible for two weeks of vacation. He still won’t actually bet aggressively till the 16th, but he’s able to tell without betting seriously just what he would’ve profited if he had. For now, he has to manually input the information on each horse and each track, but eventually, he can download the info and save himself tons of time. This info costs money, though, and so he doesn’t want to pay for it till he starts generating good money.

The bad news is that we may be going from noisy to very noisy just like we did at the duplex when summer hit, along with the fat bitch and her dog. Yeah, had Tom known better when he was paying the rent, he could’ve asked Pam, “So what are you going to send to run us out of this place?”

To back up a bit, Tom and I rode to Fred’s yesterday and ate at Carl’s Jr. before doing our shopping, as we normally do. This was when I informed him I had a couple of disturbing neighborhood reports to fill him in on. First I told him that the house diagonally across from us got a puppy, though amazingly, they do take it indoors. He’s already seen the thing, he said. I knew that yard would get dogged sooner or later, as I told him. I figure that once it’s a little older they’ll start leaving it out all the time. He says he doubts they’d do that before winter. Well, no dog’s been as annoying as the canal dog as of yet, and I sure hope it stays that way since no one will shoot the fucking thing any more than they’ll ban these fucking stereos!

Then I let Tom know that I saw a Century 21 SUV pick Kim up at around 1:00 on Friday and that I was afraid she was moving for real this time. I thought that maybe that’s why she rented such a cheap little dump; so she could save for a house. Or perhaps she won or inherited some money. But then he told me he’s seen that vehicle there nearly every day lately and that he thinks it’s just a friend.

Coming to visit in the middle of the afternoon on a workday? And every day? Hmmm… that’s some friend. Especially when you consider the fact that most folks with jobs don’t like to hang with those who are jobless, no matter what the reason may be.

But then come 2 PM yesterday, what I always figured would happen (I just didn’t think it’d take so long) came to pass. A pickup came and started hauling shit out. It only made two quick trips, but how much stuff can you have to move from a 200-300-square-foot place as opposed to a 1000-square-foot duplex?

When I got up at midnight I was surprised to see her car here. She left for 15 minutes at 2:30. She’s too fat to be a druggie, yet this thing never sleeps! She’s been coming and going at all kinds of hours during both the day and night that I just can’t figure out when she sleeps. Whenever the hell that is, it obviously isn’t for long at a time, unless like with Tina, she’s got a twin living there with her!

Anyway, I guess she’ll be completely moved out by today unless she’s going to take her sweet time until the 1st like Beverly did. If she’s all paid up till then, then she’s got no hurry. I’m sure management already has someone lined up and ready to move in too, by the 1st or sooner, and of course that’s got me wondering if Kim was just a fluke and if the Tom-and-Jodi-must-have-loud-rude-obnoxious-neighbors curse will once again be in effect until we can buy our way out of civilization for what will hopefully be the last time. One good neighbor isn’t enough to convince me the bad neighbor streak that ran from 1992-2005 is off for good. I’d need 2-3 good ones in a row, but hopefully we won’t have to deal with that many turnovers before we can live alone. Alone. Not in someone else’s yard or driveway, or with their dogs, kids, etc. The folks on the other side of us don’t exactly count due to the distance and layout of the place, but yes, they’d be a nightmare at just a few feet away and especially if they were attached to us because there are so many of them. We saw the older couple with the toddler on the deck coming back from shopping yesterday, but if the dog was there, one of the two cars that were present was blocking it from view.

Another thing that’ll suck once the new renter arrives is that they’ll be coming up to the house for their mail unless they too, have a PO Box somewhere.

We’ve got enough money to be able to split as soon as they get too obnoxious for us and they wake me up regularly, so it’s nice to know we won’t have to suffer with them for 4 months like we did with the bitch and her beast. I mean, when you consider the kinds of people that’d be likely to rent a place like that, most of them just ain’t good! okay, so it’s great that they can’t have dogs, can’t have a lot of people living there, can’t have TVs drive us crazy, but they can have stereos and friends with stereos. Even if they don’t have a stereo, all it takes is one visitor that does, and you know everyone has company 3-4 times a week but us. I also know that the person will be on welfare or disability and home way too much of the time.

I wish we could run them out for a change instead of it being the other way around, as I’d really like to stay put till we can get out of state, but I know better so Tom’s going to start getting The Nickel. I just can’t believe we’ll get two tolerable neighbors in a row. If we do, there’s yet another reason never to live without Lucky Bamboos and horseshoes.

Fred had a really good deal on their fragrances; a buy-one-get-one-free deal. I got a Mary Kate and Ashley duo set, plus Island Gardenia that’s absolutely gorgeous.

I also got a 6” Barbie miniature done up as Rapunzel like the regular-sized one I’ve got. The gown is almost an exact duplicate and the hair’s past her feet. It’s so cute.

Been winning DVDs, T-shirts, a large dry-erase board and a coupon for a pie. I just don’t know if they carry this brand in any of the stores around here.

I had a strange thing happen to me. Well, I knew my period would be a couple of days early because of how sore my boobs got. Yet when it started, it stopped completely just a few hours later! It’s never done that before. I’m still all bloated and my boobs are still slightly sore. I’m not going to get any more Hoodia pills in case there’s a connection, and because they don’t help much. Damn them for making Claritin a prescription drug! Oh well. It’s just my time to join my fellow middle-agers in being at least 50 pounds overweight, so I guess I’m forever through with the 120s. It used to be I’d take it easy for a week or so and lose a few pounds, but not anymore! The scale won’t budge. I knew there’d eventually come a time when I’d hit 130 and couldn’t come back down.

We’d be ahead $300 on the 20 test races he’s done with his latest adjustment. Well, he plans to ultimately do 20 races a day, so that’ll be $300 a day if things keep working out! He’s going to start betting aggressively on the 16th.

After using the Hoodia for a while now, I guess I can say they do help a little. They do a better job of filling me up faster than they do of delaying the hunger between meals and snacks.

I’ve been on nights lately and I wish I could stay that way till we move. Nighttime is the only time it’s peaceful. The dog can be drowned out, but there’s no drowning out the ungodly hammering of the bass and drums.

Tom had a bad racing day yesterday due to a programming error he made. At least he found it and fixed it, so hopefully today will be better.

The memories of my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles still haunt me, but true happiness comes in knowing I never ever have to see them or speak to them again. To me, reuniting with them would be like being friends with the freeloaders that made 7 years of my life pure hell. It’d be like – no way! It seems Philip is the only good one I can remember. Even so, I wish we could delete selected memories as easily as we can delete files on our computers. They’d be the first to go!

Later…

You can tell it was a holiday today. It’s after 10:00 yet I still hear stereos blaring by every few minutes, people screaming, etc.

Until and if they come out with a magic pill that’s legal, I’m just about out of the 120s for good. I may have a few spells where I dip down under 130 once my period starts and this water comes off, but I should gradually climb from there on out on the 1500-2000 calories I’ve been having. I just hope I only gain closer to 20 more pounds and not 50 or even 100!

Today wasn’t a stellar racing day, but not a bad one either. Had he bet small he’d have won about $40. Betting big would’ve won about $90. He still feels it’s ready to bet for real now, and now that he’s going to work an hour later due to the animals returning to school, he may make bets before work each morning and take it from there. If our lives have revolved around other people’s kids as much as it has, imagine how it would’ve been had we had our own. I still have zero regrets about not having any. I’m only sorry, as I’ve said before, that Tom and God had to play with my head for all those years and jerk my emotions around so cruelly. God, I’m sure, knew damn well what He was doing, but I don’t think Tom had any idea of just how hurt, frustrated and angry I was. I don’t think any man or fertile woman could possibly know!

Today went really well with the racing. It hit 7 out of 15 races, but he didn’t bet any money on them because he’s still testing it. He wants to do 50 test races before he starts shelling out money on it. He said, however, that if he’d bet conservatively, like a couple of bucks a race, it would’ve won $30. Had he bet aggressively at around $6 - $12 a race, it would’ve won $200! We still don’t know if it’s going to make 1, 2 or 3 hundred a day. Naturally, we hope for 3, but 1 would still get us out of the mainstream and into a nice place as that’d be 3 G’s a month. We just may not be able to buy a yacht to live on part-time. I think it will be more like 2 or 3 hundred a day. I hope so! And who knows? There may even be some 5 or 10 grand wins mixed in along the way. After a few years of spending money like crazy to set up house, the money should start coming in faster than we can spend it. That’s when we could maybe get a boat of some kind.

As I told Tom, I don’t want to give 30-day notice cuz I don’t want to have to be available to host any games of Show & Tell. We don’t even have to let them know when we’re gone. We can just leave the keys and go. They’ll find out in a week + 72 hrs.

Tom saw that our old duplex was for rent again when he was paying rent. Apparently, the people after us got a year’s lease and then got the hell out as soon as it was up. Gee, I wonder why?

The truck came and went twice a couple of nights ago. I wonder if they’re moving. I couldn’t see if they hauled anything in, but they left with a bunch of boxes in back. I hope they’re not gearing up for a huge Labor Day party, though Tom could always close his door if they get loud, and I’ll be sleeping through most of it. I hope! Well, it’s just past 10:30 now, so now maybe things will settle down for the night and we can quit with the distractions I can’t drown out with background noise.

I got a new exercise ball since Miss Perfect’s got all stretched out and would slowly leak air. This one’s a pretty shade of pink, rather than the dark blue the other one was.