Tom had a bad racing day yesterday due to a programming error he made. At least he found it and fixed it, so hopefully today will be better.

The memories of my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles still haunt me, but true happiness comes in knowing I never ever have to see them or speak to them again. To me, reuniting with them would be like being friends with the freeloaders that made 7 years of my life pure hell. It’d be like – no way! It seems Philip is the only good one I can remember. Even so, I wish we could delete selected memories as easily as we can delete files on our computers. They’d be the first to go!

Later…

You can tell it was a holiday today. It’s after 10:00 yet I still hear stereos blaring by every few minutes, people screaming, etc.

Until and if they come out with a magic pill that’s legal, I’m just about out of the 120s for good. I may have a few spells where I dip down under 130 once my period starts and this water comes off, but I should gradually climb from there on out on the 1500-2000 calories I’ve been having. I just hope I only gain closer to 20 more pounds and not 50 or even 100!

Today wasn’t a stellar racing day, but not a bad one either. Had he bet small he’d have won about $40. Betting big would’ve won about $90. He still feels it’s ready to bet for real now, and now that he’s going to work an hour later due to the animals returning to school, he may make bets before work each morning and take it from there. If our lives have revolved around other people’s kids as much as it has, imagine how it would’ve been had we had our own. I still have zero regrets about not having any. I’m only sorry, as I’ve said before, that Tom and God had to play with my head for all those years and jerk my emotions around so cruelly. God, I’m sure, knew damn well what He was doing, but I don’t think Tom had any idea of just how hurt, frustrated and angry I was. I don’t think any man or fertile woman could possibly know!