I’ve got good news and bad news to report.

First of all, I called Paula yesterday to see what she’s getting for social security. She’s getting $790 a month from SSI, though if I ever could get back on it, which I doubt, I might get less than that in light of what Tom makes. I don’t believe it, but she said she’d pick me up a standard release of information form and mail it out to me. Tom and I both went to their site and were confused by what we read. They want you to be confused, though, because the more people they deter from getting benefits, the more money they have to give away to other countries. I guess in order to apply for SSI you have to have your records. I think in the end I’ll decide the effort of trying to figure it all out won’t be worth it. Especially if it’s just going to be for nothing. Meanwhile, Paula’s working at a warehouse in CT and got a letter saying they’re going to terminate her benefits in a year. Her kid’s gonna be 18 in a couple of years, so that’s probably part of why she’ll be kicked off. She says it’s ok, though. I never thought she was disabled, just slow and not very bright. In fact, she’s so dumb at times that she went and sent me a letter a week or so ago to the mailing company we had when we first came to this damn state. I guess her stuff got disorganized when she moved and she’s a real packrat that’s saved all my letters, so she grabbed one with the wrong return address to send it to. She hates the new place, she says, because there are a lot of kids. I could hear them screaming over the phone. I thought it was her TV at first.

Today we went to the Chinese place, then over to Rent-a-Center because they claimed online that they cash checks, holding the check until it clears. First I was pissed at Tom for not calling first, which he admits was his fault. Then I was pissed because Tom still doesn’t believe me when I say we’re not meant to have that money! And of course, I was utterly furious at God. All I could think was “We’re stuck here, we’re stuck here. We’ll never get out of this state, and maybe not even out of this shit house. And there goes my Claritin or the chance to get my sleep problem diagnosed. There goes my chance to have insurance too, and of course, there’s the cold and the snow to deal with each winter.”

Tom pointed out, though, that if I continue to be right about the check, we’d be delayed only a couple more months, not stuck here, till he can make enough money to equal the check’s amount. But once again I couldn’t help thinking that God doesn’t want me to have any of my dreams realized, even though California wouldn’t be as I dreamed it’d be. My dreams never included the poverty, the freeloaders, the noise, etc. So he pointed out the AARP he’s eligible for on his birthday, the fact that they’re back to doing overtime at work, the paid vacation he’d get if we stood till the end of July, etc. But we don’t want to stay any longer than we have to, so if by some miracle we can get the fucking thing cashed, we’re outa here!

He told me about the few people at work he thinks we may be able to trust to deposit the check into their accounts and then let us have the money if it clears (we’ll give them a few hundred for doing us the favor), and that we could still sue the company if the check was bad. Tom probably is right about the check being good. He would know these things. I just feel more and more certain we’re not meant to have the money, good check or not. This is the fourth time we’ve tried to cash the damn thing!

So we decided to start with this couple who runs a licensed daycare service from their home. They sound more trustworthy than this other guy who’s always broke and always asking if we managed to get the check cashed. Runner-up to them may be this guy who owns an acre of land on Shasta, and then Eddie, the guy who moved us in here.

Fortunately, Tom was smart enough not to give them a specific date at work. He just told them “this summer” we’re moving.

Anyway, I told him to talk to people at work, I’ll sign the check over to them, then that’s it! No matter what happens from there on out, I don’t want anything more to do with this check!!! And I don’t want a damn thing more to do with cash sweeps either. At least not until we can open an account elsewhere. I went through and deleted the prizes I don’t really want and or don’t think I could get much money from, and those that had small cash prizes. I figured there’d be no problems opening an account for $25,000 and up, not that I’d ever win that big. Fuck this pay-to-win bullshit, though! As soon as we get moved, everything’s going in his name. When I change the address on the Robo form, I’m changing the name too, which he says would be no problem, but if we can’t get the check cashed, then he’s going to have to file for a tax amendment since we’d only be paying for a check we never could cash. Right now Netwinner’s more important, being as cut and dry as it is. I’ve set a goal of at least a thousand points a day. Some days this can take all day, others it can take a couple of hours or less.

Tom was telling me that this guy at work would gladly be a reference for him when he’s looking for a new job, so that’s cool.