I can’t write much right now because I’m pretty stressed out. Mr. Everything’s Going to be Okay was sent home two hours early due to lack of work, and being naïvely optimistic as he is, he’s telling me everything is going to be ok and that after Labor Day, which he forgot about, he’ll get a new job closer to home and I can get to a dentist for these fucking teeth that are hurting like hell, etc. But after the nightmares we’ve been through it’s hard for me not to be worried and paranoid, afraid the past is once again reaching out to haunt us. I’ve been praying every day for God to protect us from yet another financial crisis, but I know that if He can fail to care about us in the past, he can choose not to care now, too. I’d like to think He feels we’ve had enough already of being beaten over the head financially, but I can’t count on that. He’s been my enemy as much as He’s been my friend. Nothing up there curses someone with both a sleep disorder and a driving phobia if they want them to be financially comfortable. Instead, we’re two people trying to survive on one income. Tom says we’ve gotten by in the past and we’ll get by again, but the point is that I don’t want to spend half our lives barely making it! I know we’ve got the money for September’s rent, but what about October? He says it won’t be a problem, but what if he’s wrong? And why can’t I just live in the moment? We’re not faced with homelessness right now, so why can’t I just relax and enjoy life until and if there ever really is another crisis? Arrrggghhh!

All I know is this – I’m not going on the streets! I may be forced to play poor-assed bum, but I’ll totally kill myself before I hit the streets. This is as cheap as it gets, so if we lost this place there’d be no place to go! I also know that something up there has been obsessed with me being in places I don’t want to be throughout most of my life, and despite the few flaws here, this is the best place I’ve ever lived, and oh my God! I’ve got a damn good idea! Back in a sec.

Tom and I talked about this before, back in the motel, and have decided to actually do it instead of just talk about it. We’re going to save up $1500 or so and get an RV as a backup. That way if the absolute worst-case scenario occurred and we couldn’t live here, we could load that up, throw our stuff in storage, then live in that for a while. The question is, can we survive long enough to get it? If only my teeth didn’t need so much work!

There is some good news and that’s that I’m down to 141.4. I thought this 1000-calorie diet had stopped working, but I guess it hasn’t. I have no idea how much more I’ll lose. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how hard it is. Some days are certainly better than others. I’ve been taking multivitamins to help keep from feeling rundown, being stuck, and all those other things that go with dieting.