I saw this headline saying that forgiveness is good for the heart. LOL, I think I’ll keep the “bad” heart where some are concerned! Everybody has somebody they can’t forgive anyway. Andy can’t forgive me for a tape I know nothing about, I can’t forgive the queen bee down in Arizona for leaving us to survive or not to survive when we lost our land in Oregon, and I’m sure a certain little mooching off-brand could never forgive me for “stalking” her. Life is all about meeting people, dumping some, drifting from some, and then staying connected with some.

I ended up giving the peanuts to the rats. They hurt my teeth too much. What am I going to do when I’m not able to eat anything at all? I guess I’ll really lose more weight for sure! The peanuts were free and they are lousy diet food anyway, so it’s no big loss.

I think for now I’m going to just stick to running one mile a day which takes about 20 minutes at the pace I’m currently at. It may even be closer to a mile and a half. I added other exercises to the routine for my abs and arms.

I wish Tom would get a job! How many more months of this shit are we going to have to go through??? And how many more years do I have to wait for insurance??? I’m sick of him being here all the time, too. We get along fine as always, but he’s always here. When I’m up when he’s asleep I can get some alone time that way. It’s not that he smothers me or doesn’t give me any space. I just like having the place to myself at times, especially when I’m cleaning or redecorating. If only that damn program of his could’ve worked out better! That, or him retiring, would’ve made his being home all the time worth it. But currently, the program would take us a few years to get to where it could be our only job and we could afford insurance, not the few months he was hoping for. Whether or not it can be speeded up is unknown at this time. I still say we aren’t meant to have money. Period. And if we were, we’d have it by now.

I miss bits and pieces of my old life at times from both Oregon and Arizona when things were less stressful. I used to wake up each day and wonder, what will I win today? What surprises may come in the mail? And money and security weren’t such an issue. But now I get up and ask myself, what will go wrong today? Or what will we not be able to accomplish due to circumstances out of our control? What will get delayed?

Will we have a home and food to eat come March?

In last night’s dream, we were in what appeared to be a hotel rather than a motel because you had to get to the room from inside the building. The people next to us were noisy. I was worried about money. The only twist this time around was that we were having our mail delivered there. A guy handed us a piece of mail through a slot. I guess it was an invoice for a magazine I never ordered.

Maybe I should start a dream journal on Kiwi. I’ll start it on my word processor like with everything else but will post them there because Kiwi, unlike MD, lets me create multiple journals and this also serves as another backup besides Yahoo. Once I get a batch of dreams accumulated, maybe I’ll include them in my entries every so often on MD.

Speaking of Kiwi, they’re pissing me off again, saying they have no record of me putting in for another CD. So there goes another 10,700 points wasted. Them and their damn problems!

It’s cold and rainy again. Where we weren’t needing heat from around 10 AM to sometime after midnight, we’re back to needing it round the clock.

As for the dogs, I was up past noon yesterday, so of course they were noisy. Jesse took off right before 11:30 as he often does, but I had crashed before he got back which seems to usually be between 1:00-3:00. Will there ever be a place where Tom and Jodi don’t have to listen to other people’s dogs??? I made Tom promise to call Jesse on Monday about that and the flooring. I said, “Notice how there have been all kinds of delays with that now? Instead of bumping up our little chat because of this or because of that, let’s get it over with.”

Of course, it’s not his fault that he wasn’t home when he tried calling on Thursday when we paid the rest of the rent.

He said he would, but also that he thought about that and isn’t sure he can move them behind the house because of the people on the other side complaining about all the barking. I don’t remember this discussion, though he insists I was standing right there, but even if that’s the case, what does this mean? That we’ve got to be the ones to deal with the barking instead? I don’t think so! If he won’t do anything about it, then we’ll have to move yet again if we can ever afford to do so. If I gotta hear this shit anyway, I’d rather hear it in a 1000-square-foot place as opposed to 500.