Was reading a post in a forum about another woman with hypothyroidism who thought medication was the answer to losing weight. I thought I was going to lose weight when I was put on medication, so long as I ate right and exercised, but quickly found that I still needed fewer calories than I could stand to have every single day to get it off. Instead, I still need to work at keeping it from climbing. Yes, it is an everyday battle, and yes it’s true that once you go hypo, you never go thin. Thanks, God, for “blessing” me with such a lovely disease. 

On the bright side, I’ve felt the best I’ve felt this last month. Gone is the anxiety, and gone are all my hypothyroidism symptoms except the water and the weight. My skin and hair are still a bit dry, but I am older and I do live in a very dry climate. 

I just hope my endo won’t want to make any changes that might mess it all up again. I haven’t even enjoyed one solid month of bliss yet and I’d really like to leave a good thing alone, even if my numbers are still a bit high, and I know they will be. I’m also a bit nervous about my PCP trying to talk me back on statins, but if she does I will let her know that I want to wait for the results of my blood tests. That will be done hopefully between my two appointments on the 9th. 

I had a dream one of the rats died, and then later came back to life. 

My mother was alive in another dream and my sister and I were having trouble finding her. I guess she was traveling somewhere or something. Then we discovered she had a house we were unaware of that she might have gone to. There were rows of small, colored houses that were raised on short stilts. There were no yards; just rows of houses. My mom’s was red and I hoped she’d leave it to me after she died.

Still wondering when we will be able to go one solid week without seeing headlines or discussions on race, Muslims and corrupt cops. And I once thought I was sick of hearing about Britney Spears and Angelina! But of course the more shit you cause in the world, the more it makes the news, while the do-gooders don’t get much credit. Really, if a person writes an awesome book, what are the chances of them getting any credit for it? Next to none, of course. But if somebody goes and starts opening fire smack dab in the middle of a crowded mall – it’s instant fame! *rolls eyes* 

Alexa woke me up this morning but it took me 5 to 10 minutes to hear her alarm going off. Trying to control my schedule is getting harder and I still have 10 more days to go. Damn it to hell and back if there is anything up there that cursed me with such rare and extreme sleep issues! I am (admittedly) tired, grumpy and PMSing. 

Yesterday’s annoyances consisted of landscaping, a small plane flying overhead for over two hours, and a guy with an old white dumpy pickup that visits the lady across the street. That truck is loud. For some reason, the garbage, green waste and recycling trucks don’t annoy me. They should. They’re louder than the truck and plane. But they just don’t annoy me as other sounds tend to. 

Simone is continuing to enjoy her perch as well as the usual places she hangs out in which is pretty much everywhere. She also continues to be fun but annoying at times as well. I love playing ball with her and cuddling with her, but I really wish she would stop distracting me when I’m trying to read or write. 

She is much less work than the rats are as far as cleaning and caring for her goes, but she is definitely dumber and she definitely eats less. Yes, the rats not only eat more but they will eat everything and anything, quite unlike the finicky feline. They would gladly polish off Simone’s unfinished meals, but they shouldn’t have that much protein. Makes their skin itch. I’m glad Simone doesn’t beg for everything I eat like the rats do. 

I forgot to mention that Carol, the woman who brought her to us, said that it wasn’t that that guy changed his mind about taking Simone; it was that he wanted her to be an indoor/outdoor cat along with his other one. Well, Simone is an indoor cat only, so she wouldn’t let him have her. Wow, sometimes things really do work out for Tom and Jodi, too. She was the first one to catch my eye. 

Later… 

Took a ride down to the lake to give the ducks the last few remaining pieces of the rats’ and my Jewish rye bread. Swimming along with the ducks was a turtle, which we’ve never seen there before. Tom took pictures with his phone and he will send them to me later at which time I will share some. It was a pretty good size at 8 to 10 inches. 

In last night’s dreams, a Neanderthal woman from over 30K years ago returned to dress me in the firs of her latest kill, LOL. 

Then Andy got furious with me in another dream because he thought I told him he looked 81 years old when in fact he misunderstood what I said, haha. 

He had several friends with him, mostly young girls of various races and they were all pissed at me for pissing him off. I was embarrassed for them as I watched them act like they were still in high school or something, making a big deal out of nothing at all. 

A young black girl shouted from a bit of a distance for me to get back inside what looked like a ground-floor apartment. I stopped walking at that point because I wasn’t about to be bullied and told what to do at my age. Then another girl (Hispanic?) approached me with a couple of other girls in tow yelling something at me, and I said, “Who the hell are you?” 

“Don’t you recognize my voice?” she asked. 

I told her I didn’t, and finally tired of the immature antics, I pushed the door open to the apartment in which my parents sat just inside the door at a table. The bitch then tried to push her way into the place, but I was able to close the door on her, even though she was taller and probably heavier as well. I then turned to my parents and said, “Andy and I are done! I have totally had it with his bullshit!” 

In the last dream, I was alone in some old cabin. It was smallish and might have had one long room. A storm was coming, said the female DJ on the radio, who also said she’d had only four hours of sleep the last three nights. I placed a hand by the door and could feel the cold draft as the wind picked up, and hoped the power wouldn’t go out that night.

Simone is enjoying her new perch! It was very simple to set up. The instant I unpacked and held out one of the scratching posts to her, she did her claws on it. She broke the original toy that dangles from it in less than five minutes by grabbing hold of it in her mouth and jumping off with it, so we tied a ball to it instead and she hasn’t tried to detach and run off with it. We think she’s killed before and sees feathery things as birds. 

The only thing I don’t like about her is when she bites, normal for cats or not. She bit me on the chin, and this morning she bit Tom on the nose. 

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and feeling like I had a slight cold. After five hours of “wishful thinking” and a kick-ass immune system, it was gone. As I told my sister, my body will kill anything but fat, LOL. 

A small plane keeps flying round and round. Yes, it is annoying, and yes, I am complaining. 

I slept with the sound machine a little softer since it was nighttime and I knew there would be no delivery trucks or anything like that going by, and had no problem hearing the alarm clock which went off just seconds before Alexa’s alarm went off. Since Tom rarely uses Alexa, I may as well use her as my alarm clock because it is just so simple. All I have to do is unplug her, pick her up, carry her into the bedroom, plug her in, and tell her what time to wake me up. That’s it. No buttons to fiddle with or anything else. I just have to be sure to specify whether I want to be woken up in the AM or the PM. 

Tom may have to work tomorrow, which is great money-wise but sucks otherwise. I swear he is the only one who isn’t able to be home 80% to 90% of the time! 

Later… 

I had a series of disjointed images of dreams last night that made absolutely no sense at all. After having some young girl reach something from a shelf that was too high for me, I was doing laundry in some huge building when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 9:30. I don't know if it was morning or night, but I knew that Doc O was in the building passing out "free" meds, and I contemplated whether or not I wanted to see her. 

Next thing I know I was peeing in a toilet with moving water. It was almost like a mini river lived in the toilet, LOL. But then the toilet turned into a pool and I didn't want to pee in it, so I quickly got out of the pool. 

So that bitch, Dr. D, really did move. Her latest profile picture on the health site (St. Joseph’s in this case) looks hideous. She’s got these wide thin lips that curl upwards at the sides, creating this goofy smile on her strangely shaped face. I like her hair and eyes, though. 

Maybe part of why she didn’t seem to give a shit about me and what I was going through was because she knew she wasn’t going to be my doctor much longer anyway.

My hair is noticeably longer even though it hasn’t even been a month since I cut it. It usually grows really slow when it’s short. 

I totally love my new rainbow dress as long as it is! The material is a little thin, so I will get a new half-slip. 

My Girl Scout Cookies flavored lip balms arrived yesterday, too. 

Unfortunately, my new alarm isn’t loud enough to wake me up over the sound machine. Usually, the slightest sound wakes me up, or change in sound, but Tom flashed the light and bumped the corner of the bed and I still wouldn’t wake up. That is totally not like me. I’ll bring Alexa in there when I need to set an alarm. She can go louder than loud and she seems to only work for me these days anyway, LOL. 

I cut up about five old shirts for future rat beds, and I wonder if having a second cat may make Simone less clingy. Hmm… something to think about. 

The poor thing puked again this morning. We know they throw up furballs here and there, but this cat just can’t handle wet food for some reason and seems to think that dry food is enough for her, so fine. We’ll just give her dry food then. 

She actually napped for three hours yesterday and seems a bit calmer this morning. We cuddled for a while as I waited till Alexa said I could have my coffee. I think she is finally realizing that this is her forever home. She is much better behaved than I thought she would be, but screw declawing her – that’s not necessary – I’d rather detooth her! That’s the one thing she still does that is annoying is how she wants to shower us with little love bites. 

I exchanged hellos with Virginia yesterday and told her we got a kitten. They’ve had cats and a dog before, and she said she wondered why there were so many dogs in the park these days. I told her I would never get a dog because I hate barking. What was funny was when she started to “slip,” saying her grandson had community service, which she quickly pointed out was through school, and they had to care for animals up for adoption, LOL.

Simone is continuing to be a fun pest. She alternates between wanting to play and napping but is settling in nicely. Unfortunately, though, she puked last night just a little bit. This cat is not only a very finicky eater but doesn’t seem to have much of an appetite in general. I’m thinking I might have given her too many treats yesterday. 

I’m glad cats don’t need to poop as much as rats do. I’m also glad there haven’t been any issues using the litter box and she isn’t destructive at all. Last night was the first night we left the living room and kitchen open to her and she didn’t knock anything over or get into the trash. I guess the trash is a dog thing as opposed to a cat thing. 

She was funny the other day hiding just inside the laundry room waiting for me to walk by so she could spring out at me. She also loves to chase reflections. When the sun hits it just right, the gems that are a part of the wind chimes outside cast moving reflections across the walls and floors and she loves to chase them. 

When the Roomba was vacuuming she was both curious and scared. She would watch it until it crept close to her and then she would run. Using the treadmill also sent her running, LOL. 

She loves to look out the windows and the screen doors, as most cats do, but I didn’t want to take a chance of her charging the door when I went to check the mail so I enclosed her in back of the house and slipped out the front door. 

She doesn’t make me sneeze but she sometimes leaves patches of reddish irritation on my skin. I dab on a little hydrocortisone cream when that happens. 

These animals are going to work me to death, though! I brought the rats into the bathroom and at first Cappy didn't even want to leave his base. I had to pick him up and place him on the floor so I could wash both the cage and base. To them “go run around” really meant go hide behind the toilet. All the while Simone meowed outside the door, feeling totally left out. 

The only noise nuisance around here lately is the usual… landscapers. Compared to what Andy and Aly go through with screaming kids, and in Andy's case, fighting neighbors, I can’t complain too much. I just kick on the sound machine or move to another room now that I’ve got a wonderful portable MacBook Air. It is so fast and I have been virus-free since I went Mac in 2008. My MacBook Air was worth every penny of the $1100 we paid for it. Tom’s jealous of his wife’s faster computer and he picked out a MacBook Mini and a new monitor until he realized he wouldn’t be home enough to use it much. It seems everyone else but he is home most of the time yet still has enough money to get by. I tease him about not having much free time until he retires, but hopefully that won’t be the case. If it isn’t it will still be worth all the money he not only earns but that we will have for retirement. The more retirement money we have, the more options we have if we decide not to stay here forever. 

Anyway, I have been having some connection issues which I first thought was due to someone else on our channel, but I think it might be more than that. Something may be up with our equipment. 

I decided not to bother documenting those vague, quick clips of dreams that are senseless and uncertain. I will just stick to covering the dreams that are a little clearer even if they don’t make much more sense than those brief little flashes of dreams. 

I befriended a young woman somewhere in my dreams last night and eventually asked her if she’d ever Googled me. I was curious to know if she’d ever discovered my blog or books. I got the sense she never had, and when she learned that I was going to be 50 years old at the end of the year, she was both stunned and put off since she was barely 30. I definitely prefer friends closer to my age in real life. I think most people do, but when it comes to cyber friends it doesn’t matter as much. 

Then I was in some restaurant where this hideous 50s music was playing and someone was having a shake that contained celery and some other vegetable that sounded pretty disgusting to me.

Simone is continuing to be a very active and lovable kitty that is sometimes a pain in the ass, especially when she gets in the way of things and tries to trip me by dashing in front of me. Having her around is a lot like having a two-year-old around, only a lot cheaper and quieter. She is everywhere and anywhere and she loves to get into anything she can. She’s catching onto the fact that I don’t want her on my desk, but I’m sure she sneaks into forbidden places when I’m not around. 

As soon as I opened the bedroom door this morning she ran up to me. She woke Tom up at 11:00 last night by biting his feet. 

The living room floor is littered with toys, and she often loses some of them under the couch. 

She doesn’t seem to like salmon but she likes chicken hearts and liver. We’re still getting to know what she likes. Perhaps she will be a poultry kitty as opposed to a seafood kitty. Or maybe she refused salmon yesterday evening because she only eats in the mornings. We will soon find out. She loves the treats we got her and is eating a mix of her old dry food along with the new. 

After a few hours of playing and window-watching, she fell asleep on the couch. Sometimes she sleeps there and sometimes on the beds. She hasn’t slept in her own bed probably because she has never been confined to the laundry room. When we are both on days she is confined to the second bedroom, bath, and laundry room, but naturally, she prefers the bed to her own bed. 

Because the master bathroom is so big, I took the rats in there to run around and get some exercise, but they didn’t seem to want to take advantage of their freedom. 

I started to hold Hoodie out to the cat earlier and introduce them but Hoodie’s body tensed up and he pulled back quickly as if to say, “No fucking way!” So the cats and rats will remain separated. 

I feel a little bad for the rats having to keep them in such a small cage, but for the sake of their safety as well as Simone’s, I have no choice. I know they hate Simone and would prefer to live alone, but this is the way it has to be. I guess in this case I should be glad rats don’t live very long. 

What other traits and actions of Simone’s have I observed that I could mention today? I guess that’s it for now. All I can say is that she is either doing one of two things… She’s either sleeping or she is like a stick of dynamite, LOL. 

Now that she is finally settled down for the day (cats seem to be nocturnal) I’m going to do some cleaning and then go out for a walk. 

I’m utterly appalled and sickened by all the violence in Baltimore over Memorial Day weekend. They couldn’t even have the decency to take that day of all days off, could they? Fucking animals! I guess blacks are the Muslims of the US and Baltimore is the Middle East of the US. The next time they have the nerve to cry racism, imaginary or not, they ought to remember this shit. Act like vicious animals in society and nobody’s going to like you! Well, you would think that’s the way it should be yet most people still seem to have a bleeding heart for these fuckers and think they deserve more than anybody else in society. If one of them ever attacked me I would like to think they would be charged with a hate crime, as it should be, just as I would be charged for sure if I attacked one of them (which I would never do unless it was self-defense), but I’m sure they would play the race card and get away with it. 

As for the couple that welcomed their 100th grandchild that everybody’s talking about… I’m sorry but that’s nothing to be proud of. I just don’t see why people are so damn proud when they have a shitload of kids or grandkids. All this does is hurt the population problem even more. Again, nothing to be proud of. 

Our society’s sense of what they should be proud of and what’s important and what’s right/fair versus wrong/unfair not only baffles me at times, but it seems a little scary as well. The fact that law enforcement can waste precious resources on investigating and prosecuting somebody simply because they expressed themselves on Twitter or something like that in a way that most don’t agree with in a country that “claims” to believe in freedom of speech while letting so many child molesters and other types of sex offenders slip through the cracks, is abominable. Really, how much time does your average pervert do these days?

Simone is home! She is a major sweetie and quite an attention whore, LOL. The rats don’t mind her looking in on them but as soon as she stuck a paw deep into Hoodie’s cage and the mouth of his burrow, she learned that those little furry “toys” that move can bite. Not only that, but she reached in and scooped out a bunch of bedding, so now Hoodie’s in with Cappy, even if they may not be thrilled to be roomies. The bars on that cage are closer together, so Simone can’t squeeze her curious little paws through them. 

Cats may not be as smart as rats, but she should be smart enough to know better than to mess with the rats from now on. It would be nice if she would stop jumping on this keyboard, too. They say taking a spray bottle full of water and spraying the cat is a great way to train it. Well, since jumping on the counter is one thing, but jumping on it and totally getting in the way while I’m trying to make coffee is another, I was glad for the spray bottle cuz it worked! Thank goodness I learned about that one because picking her up and placing her back on the floor was useless. She would simply jump back up on the counter. 

She does seem to know her name because she came when I called her. The only thing I don’t appreciate is when she play-bites. She bit my chin hard enough to draw a couple of dots of blood… and she just got sprayed off this desk, LOL. 

When I got up and opened the laundry room door, she immediately came running to me and was acting like she was hungry and was perhaps used to getting wet food as well as the mix of dry food Carol brought with her. Shortly after that, I realized her bowl was empty so I refilled it for her. Today we’ll be picking up more food and some toys, too. We ordered a 6-foot perch with multi-levels, hideaways, scratching ramps, and dangly things for her on Amazon for $100. That’s another thing I’ve learned… if it dangles, it’s a toy. She loves to jump on the back of the couch, reach up and fiddle with the ceiling fan chains. She just jumped on the back of my chair, too. 

She’s a beautiful cat with nice soft fur as soft as a bunny’s, but she’s definitely a clingy one, so she can be a pain in the ass as she can be fun. Love the way she dashes up and down the hallway, but trying to put lotion on my legs with this thing around can be a real challenge, haha. No problems using the litter box, though, so that’s good. 

Carol was just a few minutes late and had no problem finding her way to us. She said she’s delivered here before. Simone’s watching the rats eat crackers now. Carol showed me how to clip her nails. 

Carol really liked the stripper on the door and asked if I painted her. I told her she, along with the flowers on the walls, were actually stickers. I didn’t think she’d be so impressed with the stripper being around 60 years old, LOL, but she liked her and was amazed by all the gymnasts leaping and tumbling across the hallway. 

Carol said Simone now has a chip for if she escapes. If she were to escape and be taken in by someone else it wouldn’t do any good. But if AP picked her up, they’d scan the chip, and our address would come up. Things have come a long way since the early 90s. So has spaying. She’s been “tattooed,” so that it’s obvious to any vet that she’s already been spayed. She was first picked up on the 13th. 

Now I hear her playing with the feather wand. 

Ok, she just jumped on the desk and this time all I had to do was show her the spray bottle and she jumped back down, LOL. 

After a few hours of exploring, playing and running around, she napped on my bed. 

Later… 

Tom is beating tree spikes into the ground to make watering the cypresses easier without wasting as much water, and Simone is sleeping. 

We went to Walmart at around 7:30 this morning and picked up some toys and a variety of wet foods as well as dry food for kittens between 6-12 months. One of her toys is pretty cool. It’s a pink fuzzy ball that has a motion detector in it. When it’s moved it has flashing lights and makes a squeaking sound. 

The vet that spayed her is obviously as colorblind as Andy because they listed her as a brown and white tabby. LOL, try a black, gray and white tabby. 

Instead of putting them down these days, they have a system where those that aren’t taken in by cat rescuers are fixed and turned loose again. They snip the corners of their ears so that if they’re picked up again, they can see that they’re fixed feral cats. 

I take children’s chewable vitamins and decided to try some with extra iron to see if I feel less lightheaded. It seems to help as long as I don’t go too long without eating, but I think getting my ear taken care of next month will help as well. 

My anxiety is virtually gone. This is the best I’ve felt. I just worry that the doctor’s going to want to up my thyroid medication dose and bring back the anxiety the next time I see her. 

Tom has been going crazy in my dreams over shit he wouldn’t care about in real life, LOL. I met some lesbian somewhere who wrote me a letter or an email saying her daughter was straight but she was a lesbian and all that, and we ended up becoming friends. This was someone who lived in my town. Tom wasn’t happy at all with the idea of us being friends, though in reality, he wouldn’t care who I was friends with so long as they treated me well. 

I just can’t get into story writing lately. I’ll start something and then I’ll lose interest after a few pages or so.

Yesterday we arrived at Petco right at noon. The River City Cat Rescue team was set up by the front of the store and they had about eight cats. I expected them all to be three months, but half of them were full-grown. They had a variety of sizes, breeds, colors and fur lengths. 

The first cat that caught my eye was Simone (the rescuers assigned each of the cats names). Simone is about six or seven months old and so we probably share the same birthday. Close enough, anyway. She is a beautiful shorthaired tabby with grays and white. I was bummed out to find some guy had his heart set on her, or so it at least seemed. 

I then checked out a black cat that was younger at about three months old. He had longer fur, and I prefer short hair. I gave him serious consideration, though, because he still would have made a fine cat and I believed Simone was taken. 

They had some gorgeous Siamese mixes, but they were full-grown and their fur was even longer. 

With envy, I watched the guy hold and cuddle Simone, adorable and shorthaired albeit not quite as young as I had expected, and then I turned back to the little black kitty. A few minutes later, I looked up to find the guy was nowhere to be seen and Simone was still in her cage. I asked one of the ladies where he went and she said that he hadn’t filled out any adoption papers so she was still available… and then she was ours!!! 

She is super friendly as were most of the kittens. The adult cats looked bored as hell and preferred to nap. The belief is that Simone went into heat and ran away from her original home. Animal control picked her up before she could have any litters, and she has recently been fixed and given shots. We expected the adoption fees to be over $100, but they want $75. 

I told the woman that we had a cat carrier in the car but she said they deliver the cats to the homes personally and would call last night. Well, she never called and I’m a little worried she may not be as serious as I assumed she was or decided not to let us have her, but wouldn’t say so for whatever reason. 

Tom still believes they’re serious because they only have so much room for all those cats. One of the women was taking pictures with her phone to put on their Facebook page, but they didn’t take Simone’s picture and she’s not online, so that’s a good thing. The lady said that she would deliver her today or tomorrow, which would be great because we will both be home. We have everything a cat could need except for a scratch post and food, but she said she would bring some food. We want to find out what she likes before we pick up any ourselves. 

She also said they didn’t expect people to keep the names that they gave them, but we don’t mind sticking with Simone. It’s an okay name for a cat and it’s rather unique. She might acquire a nickname or two along the way depending on her behavior and habits, but Simone is a good name. 

They said they would put a sign on her cage saying she was adopted. A good thing since most people had their eyes on her. 

Later… 

Simone is on the way! I called Carol at 10:00 and she said she was sorry she didn’t call last night and that she had an emergency. Well, she did say she would deliver her today or tomorrow and today’s the day!!! She’ll be here in about an hour. We’re excited! 

Going to go out tomorrow for cat food and a few more toys for her. She has that feather wand I won that the rats love to play with, but we want to get her a ball or something like that. 

Yesterday we got cushions for the lawn chairs out on our patio in a blue abstract design that’s really pretty. A little pricey though, especially for Walmart. 

They were having a yard sale by the office yesterday but we didn’t have any cash on us at the time so we didn’t stop and check things out. Maybe next time. 

Heard the strangest animal sound earlier, but I have no idea what it was. It definitely wasn’t a dog. It almost struck me as something you would hear in a tropical forest or something. It kind of reminded me of a monkey, though I’m sure it was a bird of some kind. 

I had a dream some guy broke into the house, but as always, the house didn’t look like our house. It was a young Mexican guy that I immediately charged and placed in a chokehold while I was sort of hanging off his back. Then he started ramming my back against the wall by backing up into it ferociously, so I got off his back and attacked from the front, kicking and punching furiously. I awoke before the winner was known, but by the look of shock and pain on the guy’s face, I think I can guess who won that one, LOL.

Today we’re hoping to find our new kitty! That won’t be for another 6 hours or so. First we’re going grocery shopping at Walmart. 

Yesterday I felt like I had read, written and spoken more German in a day than in a whole month! I exchanged voice messages with Irene as well as written messages. I understood most of what she said but was mistaken in thinking she was saying that Nane's ex was the one who did something bad to her recently. Irene isn’t sure who did what to her. I guess Nane was very vague about it in her final message to her. She was, or still is, in therapy on account of drinking and depression. Yeah, I suspected she may have a problem with drinking with all the times she mentioned getting drunk, downing a whole bottle of champagne by herself, and other things. Last I knew she had problems with just about everything from what she told me directly – her ex, her mother, her job… Oh well. It’s her life and her problems. When you shut people out, there isn’t much they can do for you anyway. 

I also learned they weren’t in touch for 20 years. I guess that after they returned to their countries, they got together a couple of times, then had no contact for 20 years until Nane contacted her. 

I have done 5 reviews on Yelp. I have reviewed 4 doctors as well as Stacey. 

I had a dream I was in a pet store that had several pieces of what looked like shortened pool noodles dangling from a display. Each one was a different color and I knew they had to do with building your own cage for small animals. The pink was my favorite of course. 

I then dreamed Andy and I stayed in a hotel and got into a huge fight. I awoke after 1am needing to pee. I was in the bed closest to the door while he was in the one closest to the window. I got up and found that the door was open part way. Suddenly terrified that we’d been ripped off in our sleep, I slammed the door shut, flung the lights on, and ran in search of my purse. 

This woke Andy up and he immediately started cussing me out before I had a chance to get a word in edgewise and tell him the door had been open. He threatened to wake me up for waking him up and I screamed, “If you’d just shut up and listen for once instead of going on and on all about yourself, you might learn a thing or two about what’s going on around you!” 

But our screaming went on and on, him none the wiser to the fact that someone had pried our door open, LOL.

I definitely did the right thing by cutting ties with Nane, even though we had a nice dinner somewhere in my dreams last night and I still seemed to have some feelings for her. 

Well, not in real life! Not with the way she just dumped poor Irene claiming that Irene’s changed since they met in New York way back when. Irene told her, “It’s been 30 years. Of course I changed.” 

While I will admit upfront that I never met either one of them in person, and that while Nane once complained to me that Irene changed over the years, I would have to worry about anyone who hasn’t changed in 30 years. We’re supposed to grow, learn, mature, experience things and wizen up with age. Nobody plays pretend games with Barbie 30 years after the fact or still believes in the tooth fairy. When I think back to some of the things I did and the way I would talk 25 years ago, I think, OMG, how utterly immature! Yet my behavior at the time was totally in accordance with the age group I was in. One does not need to always be oh so mature and serious, but should one in their 50s be expected to act like they’re still 25? 

My guess, based on the conversations I’ve had with both of them, is that it has to do with the fact that Irene doesn’t live nearby and has gotten married and settled down. Nane, on the other hand, is still a party girl who loves to socialize like crazy in person, go to concerts, get drunk, chain smoke, and all kinds of things that no longer interest Irene. I’m not surprised, though. I figured Nane would eventually “get rid” of her. 

Nane said she took a train down from Germany to Austria and visited her a few years ago and complained that she wanted to leave the club they went to too early and that she wore a dirty sweatshirt. If you think one who doesn’t want to party until 2 AM and wears a spotty shirt makes for a bad friend as opposed to one who is deceptive, phony and backstabbing, then that tells me an awful lot about you right there. As in you being someone I have no regrets about cutting ties with. Seriously, if I had the slightest doubt about letting her go when she got all hypocritical and judgmental of me, they are totally gone now. Again, I never met Irene in person but she seems like such a sweet, kind, easy-going person. Why dump someone like that? I can see if she never heard from Irene, but Irene wanted to keep in touch more than Nane was willing to. 

As Irene said, Nane is the type that will always have a problem with everybody she meets. It’s no wonder she's still alone, and I tend to believe she deserves any misery that comes her way. She could condemn me for not liking the two most problematic groups in society, yet it is okay for her to dump somebody because they’ve grown and matured over the course of a few decades? Wow, just wow. Obviously, if Nane doesn’t need you or she thinks you’re weird or she doesn’t like the way you dress or live your life, she dumps you, granted we all have the right to pick and choose whom we’re friends with. Still, it just seems like such a lame reason to dump somebody as opposed to somebody who has screwed you over and said and did mean/bad things to you. I don’t think it’s healthy for Andy to have 3 cups of coffee a day but I’m not going to dump him for it. Now if he contacts me to tell me I’m wrong for liking bright colors and starts pressuring me to paint my walls gray, then laughs his ass off because I sprained my ankle or because something scared the shit out of me or got me depressed, then I might want less contact with him. He wouldn’t do this, though, of course, LOL. It’s just an example. 

Nane is a very non-accepting and non-tolerant person, even though she will condemn anybody for bashing blacks, Muslims, gays, etc. I guess that’s just part of what makes her the hypocrite she is. I can understand the desire to be selective, but when you have a problem with just about everybody, you will really never have anybody in your life for very long. It is the same with trust. Of course you don’t want to just trust just anybody and everybody. But when you trust no one at all and you think everybody is a liar, you’re definitely looking at a lifetime of being alone. I suppose that’s what some people want and that they would rather deny themselves the good in people in order to protect themselves from the bad. To each their own, even though I still feel bad for Irene. 

I offered to send Nane a message for her, even though I knew it wouldn’t do any good, and Irene agreed it wasn’t a good idea. I feel a million times worse for her than I ever felt for myself where Nane is concerned. Nane was just a picture online of someone I never met. It may not make her any less real, but Irene knew Nane a lot longer and they have actually met in person. 

Irene mixes German with her limited English, and if I understood her correctly, Nane is in counseling now because (her boyfriend?) did something very bad to her. This is what Irene said anyway. I wonder if this could be part of why she chose to dump Irene now? Some people withdraw into themselves when they’re down and out and even dump people, while others tend to reach out more to their friends in times of need. 

I realize my own life might be a lot easier if I had no friends at all, but that wouldn’t make for a very fun and interesting life. Again, what may work for one may not work for another, but while I don’t regret letting Nane go, I don’t regret that half a decade we had either. 

I also realize that mostly thanks to her, and now to Irene, my German is only destined to keep getting better and better, LOL. 

Later… 

My poor sister was dealt yet another blow in life when the owner of the house she was to buy backed out of the deal. Understandably, she is heartbroken, but she and Mark will house hunt again in a few months. 

I wonder why there are no laws against this sort of thing. A deal should be a deal, shouldn’t it? Either way, I understand her frustration. I was really bummed out and even a little pissed when we didn’t get that place in Newcastle, and the realtor didn’t even have the decency to let us know before we drove out there that an offer had been made and accepted on the house the previous afternoon. 

It was really dumb of me to order my nightgowns in a size large simply because I put on a few pounds. I could not only get into a medium of these things, but I could probably get into a small as well. With loose-fitting gowns or dresses that fall straight down, I usually require a size small. What was I thinking? 

While my sister’s theory (not eating or drinking enough) as to what could be making me lightheaded, along with Aly wondering if I’m low on iron, could be a factor, Tom and I are both leaning towards it probably being my bad ear. I will see the specialist in a few weeks. 

So after I did a little shopping in my dreams last night, I met Nane at a restaurant where I ordered “turkey lamb.” They looked like pork chops and it was something I had never eaten before. I cut off a piece of the meat, stuck it in my mouth and started chewing. Then I gave a nod of approval and told Nane it was pretty good. 

In the dream she lived near me, having owned both a house and an apartment. She decided to sell the house and stay in the apartment until she moved back home. I asked her if she was going to stay in Germany for the rest of her life and she said no, but that if she couldn’t move to Turkey, she would go to Egypt. 

I can’t believe she would ever live there in real life. She’d go to Greece if Turkey weren’t an option. 

Then after we complained about the weather, I tried to hide the tear that slipped down my cheek as I thought of her leaving.

Not a whole lot to update on now. I am continuing to remain anxiety-free and having fun on Desktop Nexus collecting and sharing pics of all kinds of things. It’s cool to see how many points, favorites and downloads my pictures get, though I’m mostly interested in other people’s pics. 

Yesterday I was kind of lazy so I plan to do more today. Getting excited as Saturday approaches and hoping they will have kittens available for adoption Saturday afternoon at Petco. If they don’t, this will be the second time they failed to come through and we will then look elsewhere. They had a Memorial Day adoption event last year, so I’m hopeful that they will this year as well. 

We postponed our little trip to Reno for the fall but I don’t know if it’s worth it, the more I think about it. Why leave the cat alone for a night just to go and gamble when we can gamble right here at the Thunder Valley Casino? If we’re going to go on a vacation, we should make it a real vacation and go places and do things we wouldn’t or couldn’t ordinarily do close to home. There are no tropical beaches close to home, that’s for sure! 

Aly wonders if my lightheaded feelings and other symptoms could mean I’m low on iron. She has the same symptoms when she’s low on iron. Good question! However, I have never been told I was low on iron. 

Last night I dreamed I was at some beach somewhere. It may have been the beach my family and I would spend our summers at in Old Lyme, Connecticut. Old Colony Beach. That was where our cottage was. It was close to the beach but not on it. 

In the dream, I wanted to tell this guy that the windows of his two-story cottage, which was right on the beach, appeared “stuck” from the outside. I then took pictures of about three windows when I suddenly realized that if the guy caught me shooting pictures of his place, he probably wouldn’t be too happy. I proceeded to run away, but my feet got stuck in the sand.

I was asked a couple of questions that I thought would make good writing prompts. One was whether or not I agree with the fact that some people are being charged with influencing the suicide of others. This is a tough one for me. I would still like to think we’re responsible for our own actions, but at the same time, some people and events in our lives really can influence the things we do. So I’m a bit split on that one. 

Do I believe poverty motivated the Baltimore riots? No, I don’t. There are plenty of poor people who don’t act like savage beasts. My husband and I were dirt poor for years yet we didn’t go looting stores, assaulting people, killing people, and starting fires. I think poverty can be more of a motivation for theft and burglary, but not necessarily other things. I just think - and this is the part most people don’t want to hear - that some groups are naturally prone towards crime and violence, blacks being one of them same as Muslims. The only difference between the two is that we Americans seem to be able to see and condemn the Muzzies for their behavior, while we sit back and make one excuse after another for the blacks. Blacks may not be as bad as the Muzzies, but whether you kick the crap out of somebody or kite a check, both are crimes and both are wrong. 

Over the last month or so I have gained a few pounds and I can’t seem to get them back off. I started to lose a few but they came right back, as usual. For the last six years, I used to range, depending on my cycle, between 147 and 151 pounds, now I’m ranging between 151 and 156 pounds. I knew my weight wouldn’t stay where it was forever, but I hate feeling like I have so little control over my own body. It would probably come off on a 1000-calorie a day but how many people can stand to do that day after day, week after week, month after month? 

Oh well. I didn’t ask for hypothyroidism, so there’s only so much I can do about it. I still exercise most days of the week. 

I’m probably still undermedicated, as my thyroid continues to die off. The only problem is that whenever I am on enough medication to actually lose weight, it is because it makes me anxious as hell and unable to eat as much. Seriously… you want to kill your appetite enough to lose weight? Just get sick, anxious or depressed. Realistically, though, no one wants to live that way. I definitely prefer the extra weight to feeling like shit. I just wonder how much higher it’s going to climb in my lifetime? 

Some of the hypothyroidism symptoms do seem to be returning. I’m getting feelings of fatigue, but mostly lightheadedness, feeling cold when it’s not really cold, and water retention. Could this mean my thyroid really is a little deader? I will have to ask the doctor the next time I see her and ask if she knows about how much of it is gone. If I had to guess – and this is simply a guess – I would say a good 90% of it is gone now. 

I may not let it get cold in here, but it sure has been unseasonably cool outside. We should have been done with the heat weeks ago yet we still need it at night because we’ve been getting down into the high 40s to low 50s. The forecast shows it returning to the 80s by the weekend, so hopefully it will stay warm. 

I only remember one dream from last night, which was weird, as most dreams are. I was riding in a car late at night with two or three other people who seemed to be in their 20s or so. They wanted to dig five or six little graves and run over some wildlife out in the country and then bury them. I insisted we shouldn’t do that, not only because it seemed wrong and pointless, but because one tiny head hair of ours that might fall into the graves could be traced back to us or something like that, LOL.

Irene contacted me to tell me Nane contacted her. Well, she calls her Marion. She even copied the message which was very brief and in German. It just says, ”I’m still alive as you can see, and I’m not on Facebook much other than to play games.” 

The fact that she copied her message pretty much stamps out any thoughts of Nane instructing her to act as if she’s been ignoring her, too. I told her Nane read my messages recently but never replied. Either way, Irene says Nane's too “oberfläche” for her (superficial). 

Even though I would never do this, my mischievous side burst out laughing at the thought of sending Nane a message in response to her message to Irene, making her think for a minute that she accidentally sent it to me. LMAO! Oh, the evil thoughts I think at times. :-) 

Later… 

Being the ever-so-curious person that I am, I did some research to see if I could find out Nurse Chris’s last name so I could put a face with her voice, and if I found the right Chris, then she is one seriously ugly fucker. Skinny, but ugly as hell. 

The only thing that put a little doubt in my mind is that she’s registered with Kaiser Permanente when the medical group we use is Mercy. But as I learned by researching Doc O, a doctor can belong to two different medical groups at once. So I figure nurses can as well. 

Right Chris or not, this Chris is very skinny, petite, and has super short hair and ears that stick out. She appears to be around my age if not a bit older. Her voice sounded a bit younger, and I thought I detected a hint of a southern accent, but she is listed on Facebook as being from Petaluma and I’m pretty sure it’s the right Chris. 

Decided to send Chris a quick hello. Amazingly, it went straight to her inbox just like Doc O’s did, and just like the “Hi, how are you” I just sent the hot doc. I would be willing to bet just about anything, though, whatever’s up there has made sure any message I sent her remained invisible to her, but I have no clue on the friend request. She’s more likely to have received that as well as a share notice for sharing her turtle pic than she ever was of getting my messages. 

Still, divine intervention is always in order when they’re good-looking. Sure seems that way, anyway. Next time I will know that if I ever have a doctor who’s really good-looking, she’s only temporary because she or the medical group as a whole will do something to drive me away, or she will up and move.

No more voice posts on LiveJournal. When I played back the posts my voice sounded very garbled and like it was underwater, not that I expect that anybody else heard them. I could barely make out what I was saying. It doesn’t sound this way when I use the same phone for Facebook voice messages, so I know it’s them and not my phone. 

Very disappointed in the cat carrier. Damn me for not checking the dimensions! I typed in ”cat carrier” and chose from what came up. However, this could only transport one kitten or a couple of rats. 

We went to Walgreens the other night because I needed lip balm. I got a honey-flavored one and also one with blueberry and dark chocolate. Never had that combo before in lip balms. It’s nice. 

I felt a little lightheaded yesterday for the first time in a long time and I wonder if my bad ear has anything to do with it. It has been aching nearly every day and I look forward to seeing the specialist on the ninth. I just hope she can help me without putting me through additional pain or hassles and without costing us a fortune. 

Last night I had a dream that my foster parents were still alive and I was visiting them at the group home they used to run. Instead of a bunch of round tables in the main room, they now had these restaurant-like booths. I told them I had something to tell them so I sat them down in a booth and then slid in across from them. I thanked them for being the parents I wish I’d had, and for caring about me the way they did. 

Mom might have said something like, “Wow, this is a nice surprise.” And then she thanked me for remembering. 

I was swimming in the ocean somewhere in another dream with Tom and several others. We were quite a ways offshore and the seas weren’t rough but they weren’t totally calm either. I felt myself drifting further out and realized that I should head in closer to the others. 

In the last dream that I remember, I might have been working a regular 9-to-5. As I was applying glitter mascara right before I left, I told Tom that I was modeling the mascara that day for someone that was curious about it at work, and so I thought I would show them what it looked like on me. In real life, he wouldn’t give a shit, of course, but in the dream, he seemed kind of upset about the idea of me modeling that mascara, LOL.

I worked my arms and core indoors, then I went out walking for a while. Now I am ready to write. 

Much of the cat supplies, as well as my new alarm clock, arrived today. Still waiting on the litter box and carrier. 

The hot pink bed is pretty and soft, and I love the set of six rainbow bowls, which will be used for the cat food. Each bowl is a different color… Purple, pink, blue, green, yellow and orange. 

Water and dry food will go in a pale pink dual bowl set. The bowls themselves are metal and can be taken out of the holder for washing. So only the holder is pink. 

I also got patchouli-scented body spray, one of my favorite fragrances. 

The alarm clock is a little disappointing, though acceptable for now. It was very cheap and doesn’t have a radio in it. All I wanted was a clock with an alarm, which I rarely use. No radio was necessary because I never listen to the regular radio anyway. Why suffer through commercials when I don’t have to? 

It’s much smaller than I thought it would be and because the numbers are backlit, they aren’t as sharp and therefore they are very hard to read at any distance without my glasses. I can’t see the date or seconds at all but that doesn’t matter. Within five years I’m not going to be able to read the time without glasses, so then I will spend a little more money to find something bigger and better. Maybe I will check some out in person so that I can see what they actually look like instead of relying on a picture I see online. 

Also, all the colors are a little too bright for sleeping except for red. Someone mentioned that online in the reviews, saying that while the thing doesn’t have a dimmer, switching it to red isn’t as bright. Some colors are easier to see than others, like the blue. Maybe I’ll only keep it on red when I’m sleeping at night. 

I hope the alarm will be loud enough to override the sound machine, but I think it will be because the slightest change in sound wakes me up even if it’s not loud. That’s why I sleep with the damn sound machines in the first place. If I didn’t, forget loud vehicles waking me up. Tom would just have to sneeze or cough at the other end of the house and I would wake up. 

In a way, I wish we had another Alexa. Then I could just ask her the time, and tell her to set the alarm if need be, but then Tom couldn’t use her when I was sleeping, not that he uses her much anyway. She’s mostly my slave/assistant. Either way, it will do for a few years and I’m glad to get rid of my old, clunky alarm clock/radio. 

Paula got her birthday present and thanked me, saying she likes the colors of the nail polish. 

Last night I dreamed I was talking to Nurse Chris on the phone, and then I was watching an amazing figure skater. She was amazing because she was in her 50s and nearly 100 pounds overweight yet she could skate as well as any typical figure skater. 

Then I observed a hidden room being uncovered by the police. It was a smallish room with just a couch in it, and a little boy insisted there was a trap door underneath the couch.

A part of me hates to admit it, but I am missing Nane lately. I noticed she picked up my last message to her, but I haven’t heard back from her and I don’t expect to. It’s probably still for the better that way, LOL. I do miss our chats at times, though, hottie or not. We both may have said things we shouldn’t have said, but I will always have fond memories of her. The secrets we shared… the things we’d joke about… 

I made the comment to Tom earlier about how my teeth appear to be the whitest they’ve ever been, and it’s true. He said that’s what I get for having them cleaned recently, keeping up on them better, limiting the coffee/tea, and not smoking. I’m definitely keeping up on them better. I used to brush just once a day and use the WaterPik if I happened to feel like it and remember to. Now I’m brushing when I get up and then again with that special fluoride toothpaste the dentist gave me at the end of my day. In addition to that, I am flossing the old-fashioned way and rinsing with Act every day. 

We went bike riding and it was breezy but beautiful out. It seemed the wind was against me in every direction I faced. At least it was dead. No traffic or mutt walkers.

We had some pretty cool thunderstorms yesterday evening. Glad I wasn’t sleeping! 

Some black pickup has been speeding through the park. Today’s the first time I’ve seen it. It speeds so fast that its tires squeal as it comes around the corner where there is a long run without speed bumps. 

Our future cat’s shit genie has arrived today. It’s going to take a lot of shit to fill that thing up, LOL. 

We also put up our latest new decorative wall plates, one in the living room and one in the bedroom. 

Lost a few pounds by cutting back over the week. I was always able to lose at least a few pounds. The question is, do I want to see if I can lose more on the 75’s, or do I want to continue to enjoy my weekend binging? Maybe I’ll compromise and do a little of both. I’m not determined and motivated enough to make a full-fledged commitment. You know how it usually works… The more you want something, the more you are willing to sacrifice in order to obtain it. 

Later… 

I feel really bad for Andy. His situation reminds me of Norwich and Phoenix. His neighbors fight, and screaming kids play outside his place and steal this piece all day long. He complained to the board about next door’s fighting twice and it didn’t do any good, although the couple’s son, who is the one doing the shouting, has been quieter the last couple of weeks. 

Some brats jumped out of a tree and onto someone’s car and so they cut the tree down because of that as well as bird droppings from birds within the trees. Andy isn’t too happy with that. That’s not the only tree they cut down either. 

He says he pays for peace and he will fight to get that peace. Not in the mainstream, he won’t, and while he’s attached to others in a place that has incredibly thin walls like the NHA did. If we can’t always get peace here in a house in a retirement community, why does he think he would get it there? 

I guess Doc O patched things up with her daughter because she has been re-added to her Facebook account, LOL. 

Since I like to have at least one of my lead characters in my books be based on somebody I know or have seen, and also stem from at least a little bit of reality, my new story will be called Rainstorm. I figured I could use the daughter Stormy to pick on “Rain” and vice versa. The good doc will have to play referee at times. 

The plot will basically deal with Doc O’s husband dying of an unexpected heart attack, and then a patient of hers moving in across the street from her. Once they realize they are neighbors, Doc O falls a little too hard for her until she is driven to kill the woman’s husband. She then coaxes her to sell her house and move in with her, something Stormy feels a little weird about since Rain is so close to her in age. 

I have a whole new story format/style that I've started using that I like a lot as opposed to chapters or line breaks to represent scene changes. Since I usually write in third person and alternate between different characters’ points of view, I just decided to head sections with the name of the person whose POV is being presented. I got the idea from a book I recently read. So instead of saying chapter whatever, the person’s name will be there. 

I don’t usually talk much about my friends in my journal anymore, but since I created a section for private entries, I guess I can do a quick friend update. 

Paula is still awaiting her birthday present. 

Mitch and I are still in touch. 

I don’t communicate with Christine very much, but we still do occasionally. 

Adonis almost never communicates with me, and although I asked him if he wants to remain friends on Facebook, he insists he does. Maybe his Vietnamese girlfriend has something to do with his lack of contact. 

Alison, and of course Andy, and I are in touch daily. I have not had any problems with Kim, and there has been absolutely no sign of Molly online whatsoever. If she isn’t dead, then her parents are finally doing a great job of keeping her off-line where she belongs. 

I currently blog on 4 sites and my regular followers are basically invisible on 3 of them except for Prosebox. My regulars there include a 24-year-old in England, a 27-year-old in Oregon, a 41-year-old and Florida, and a few others that rarely comment. The old lady in Texas still comes in almost daily as well. 

I don’t hear from my nieces very often. I actually hear from Norma more than them. 

I hear from Irene here and there who claims not to have heard from Nane since around the time we broke up. That is unless Nane told her to say that. Nane's account hasn’t been public since then, but I know she still uses it because she plays backgammon every day like Doc O plays slots every day. Sometimes I even miss the judgmental Hündin. 

I think that pretty much covers the regulars. I figure that if there’s anybody I’m forgetting, then they aren’t in my life enough to remember them.

I didn’t do an entry yesterday because I wrote so much the day before. The kitten is getting real! We ordered tons of stuff for it on Amazon this morning… one of those high-tech litter boxes, food and water bowls, a carrier, a bed, and what I call a shit genie with a genie mat. 

The shit genie seals clumps of shit much like a diaper sealer, and the mat catches and holds litter. Things have come a long way from those days when all we had was a plastic tray for cats to do their thing in. 

We still want to get one of those carpeted perches for it to climb on, but there’s no hurry because it will only be a few months old when we get it at the end of the month. 

I also grabbed myself a rainbow sundress and a couple of sleeveless nightgowns to replace a couple my mother sent me years ago. These aren’t to sleep in since I prefer to sleep in just my panties, but for lounging around on warm nights. That is if they ever return to Citrus Heights. It’s mid-May and we still need the damn heat late at night. :( 

The only slight negative is that I woke up overheated a few hours after crashing, but it was definitely because it got too warm in the bedroom. Thinking the warm weather was here to stay, we opened the vent real wide in there to keep it cooler when the AC was running, yet this makes it too hot when the heat’s running. But I stayed calm, didn’t panic, turned the heat down, used the potty, then my heartbeat slowed down and I slept just fine without having to take anything to help me get back to sleep. 

Been having weird dreams lately, but I only remember bits and pieces… me holding a giant rat as a rabbit hopped by, Tom saying we’ll get a two-bedroom house in two years (we have a two-bedroom now), and dreams of Nane. I’m not sure what Nane was doing in my dreams. It seems we might have been picnicking together. 

We were vacationing or living in apartments or condos somewhere, but in one dream there was a garage just outside the bedroom wall, and I was telling Tom that I was afraid that some night someone would get drunk and drive right through the wall and run us over in our sleep. 

Then I was in some wooded area where a large river ran through. I was standing by its side. Its current was very fast and as much as I wanted to take a dip in it, I was afraid of getting swept away.