I was surprised to find my blog included on the list of Top 2016 Blogs. :) I learned this when I saw it was the referral page of one of my visitors.

Went to the pool just before 6pm. It was 100 degrees and desert dry. The water aerobics was just finishing up. I saw a woman (Debby?) I recognized from the afternoon aerobics that’s been here 7 years and met a couple that just moved in 2 weeks ago.

Here’s the shocking part… the pool is to be locked at 8pm due to vandalism. Here?!?! I guess maybe some kids were jumping the fence and cutting the locks, so they started using these cable locks. But why close the pool 2 hours earlier due to this?

Contacted a local rattery about their rats, but haven’t heard back from them yet. That’s too bad because I’m very hesitant to get any more rats from pet store chains. They simply don’t take the time to handle them enough from birth so that they’re not as shy.

Noticed that I’m not as hungry much lately, not that I’m complaining. I also noticed I haven’t had that intense PMS hunger in months where I’ll have a day or two before my period where all I want to do is eat yet I never feel satisfied. These days, however, I don’t know when it’s coming because it’s gotten erratic.

Still hear from the woodpecker every now and then in the early mornings. Fortunately, it can’t wake me up thanks to the sound machine I play during my sleep, but it’s annoying when I am up. It usually only makes a few pecks, but any more and I must shoo it away with a broom. During vacation, Tom’s going to blow leaves and debris from the roof. It’s after fallen seeds from trees and stuff like that.

So it took me 3 pillows to find the right one. Surprisingly, the longer bamboo pillow I got with shredded memory foam was harder to shape to my liking than the shorter one, so now I’m back to using that one, and that’s the one I’ll stick with. It’s ideal for all sleeping positions.

Although I know I won’t get a reply, I messaged Joan’s family and explained that I live in California now, was a student of hers, and would love to see any pics of her from the 70s if they had any.

Later…

So Holly must’ve seen my message on Facebook cuz now her friend list is invisible. Although I didn’t tell her or Shannan that I found Shannan through her list, she obviously put two and two together. Or she told Shannan she heard from me and Shannan said, “Funny, cuz so did I.”

Still kinda insulting if you ask me. Not replying to someone is one thing. Hiding like a coward is another. It makes a person feel almost feared for absolutely no reason at all, not to mention insulted. Maybe she just figured that if I could find her and her friends, so could others. But all I did was say hello to them. I didn’t stalk, harass and badger them. So why be so rude about it? It’s almost like she might as well have replied with, “Ew! Who the hell wants to hear from you? Go away! I’m gonna hide my friends from you now, you ugly, unwanted, crazy loon.”

It will be interesting to see how she acts the next time she cleans my teeth.

The more I see Aly bitch about the depression she tried to pin on me, the less I miss her

Contacted a local rattery this evening. Hope to hear from them soon. Really want to check them out over his vacation. One more day!

3.5 hours to go till Camp NaNoWriMo begins! Not very prepared, though. I mean I have a basic plot mapped out, but no real details as of yet. With this soft word count of 10K, that’s less than 400 words a day needed to hit my goal, so I’m not worried about it.

Shane is now fully finished. I shared it on Facebook with Tammy, but don’t know if I’ll share it elsewhere just yet. It’s over 16K.

How did Bob manage to get the blinds up over the garage window that faces the afternoon sun without waking me up? That’s like right outside the bedroom window, and I would think that would take some hammering, unless he drilled the hooks in.

I told Tom that I hoped he wasn’t trying to cool the garage for upcoming projects, and he said he doubted it or else he’d just throw an AC in the window. I’m surprised he hasn’t already.

The new people are still behaving, but that could be because of the heat. It’s safe enough to say the people next to them won’t be a problem, but it’s still too soon to judge them.

Started the only diet that seems to work for me, once again, due to waking up at 154.8. That’s getting a bit high for me. Wish I knew the magic number I could safely diet down to without my meds backfiring on me, though if it were under 120 it wouldn’t matter. I’m more interested in not being so damn fat than I am in getting “skinny.” I’m probably a size 14. Well, I don’t need to be a size 3 again, but somewhere between 8-10 might be nice. It would give me a little more mobility.

I had a dream I was running across the street and opening a mailbox the size of a round Pringles potato chip can. In it was a tennis ball. I shut the “mailbox” door and raced back across the street. A young Hispanic man grinned at me lustily and I found it odd being a fit but aging fatty.

Then a delivery truck pulled up with only 1 of 3 (coloring books?) I ordered. Tom took the one that was handed to him and told the guy that we were expecting 3.

For some reason, I thought the guy might turn violent and I wanted to be prepared to try to fight if need be, so I slipped on a pair of long bright yellow pants that were skin tight and totally see-through.

But then the guy left and I told Tom that we better stop using “off-brand” delivery services and just stick to the well-known companies.

In the last dream, I was floating on this thick gross mossy “raft” on a pond somewhere. Something dangerous, though I don’t know what, lurked in the waters and I was afraid the makeshift raft would sink.

I was watching the 90s movie Flowers in the Attic. I’ve read the book and seen the movie but watched it anyway since it had been a long time. I thought of how the evil grandmother reminded me of Joan Bowe, a 5th-grade teacher in the elementary school I went to that I had a “crush” on, or whatever the proper word is for being just 10 years old at the time and therefore totally non-physical. I might have even been as young as 8 when I first saw her.

So out of curiosity I ran her name and found she JUST died last month. Wow. This is the first obit I ever saw that gave the cause of death – dementia and diabetes.

My mind then reflected on some 40-year-old memories. She hated me. She would never dare say as much, but looking back on it now, I’m sure she must have at least a little bit. In modern times she probably would’ve been quicker to catch on to why I was such an obnoxious kid and maybe even felt a bit sorry for me. But this was the 70s. Nobody felt sorry for kids that acted out due to their shitty upbringings. Your home life was private and you were expected to be “normal” in every sense of what the word meant back then. Yet I got on her nerves, acting out mostly for attention, and even called her a few times. Not to prank her, but just to talk, which eventually got back to my parents, of course. They ordered me never to call her again and I didn’t.

Mrs. Bowe was heavy but had a pleasant face and nice long dark hair. Interestingly enough, though, I never saw it down. She put it up every single day. Buns weren’t a big thing back then, so she sort of clipped it up with a large barrette. Never even wore it in a braid or a ponytail. Guess it wasn’t considered very professional back then.

I feel bad for the letter I sent her back in 2000 or so before the freeloaders really raked me over the coals. My main point was to point out what I just said; yes, I was obnoxious and I was sorry for that, but kids don’t usually behave in the way that I did without a damn good reason. One that’s no fault of their own. We’re responsible for our own actions as adults, but are we really as children? I don’t think kids are 100% responsible for their actions and behavior. Then again, sometimes not even adults are. If a man comes at me with a knife and I kill him for it, did they really leave me much choice?

It wasn’t pointing this out that I regret. I shouldn’t have mindfucked her while I was at it and said I dated her son just to shock and maybe piss her off. I never even met her son. The obit says he was married with 3 kids. I’ll bet she treated him similarly to how my mother treated my sibs and me. Mrs. Bowe was a very stern woman. No one really liked her.

The last time I saw her was at some teacher meeting at Williams Middle School. I was in grade 7 or 8. She was then around 40 and had cut her hair off.

In 1988 at age 49, she lost her 63-year-old husband. Damn, that’s a long time to be a widow!

RIP, Mrs. Bowe. You were a bitch, but a hard worker who probably had quite a bit of her own baggage to deal with.

I can’t stand to be on Facebook right now with all the daddy posts the girls are slamming on the feed. Ugh! I get it. I really do. I just don’t need the unwanted reminders/memories.

His obit said Lisa’s got a “life partner,” Michael Beebe. What happened to marrying Jasper?

Remembered that Aly could actually read my only public blog without me knowing it. I remembered last night that I tested and verified this for her not too long ago. She might not have been so quick to admit it but she always preferred to follow me on my-diary because I couldn’t track visitors there. Then she set things up so she’d appear invisible to my tracker when I dropped my-diary.

So much for me making Aly depressed based on the tweet I just read about how getting overlooked triggers her depression and how it’s hard being a newbie. A newbie where? shrugs Either way, I think she’ll always be depressed until she realizes that most of it comes from her, physiological or not, and stops blaming others for it. Yet she always does, sometimes directly, other times in a roundabout way. Sure, people can influence our moods; I just think she’s putting more of it on others when it should be on herself. But it’s her life, her moods, her choice. :)

LOL at her always having to repeat herself to Kim… as always. His fault or not, I hated having to do that with Andy.

Kim must’ve been really curious about Aly’s “real” and “happy” dream because she got her to elaborate even more on it. She said it was just her getting an email from me. How is it “unrealistic” to get an email from someone? Perhaps it’s because I don’t know her current email account. She changes accounts more than anyone I’ve ever known and I’ve always wondered why, too. Not judging, just curious.

Ask her what I said in that email, Kim. :)

I must be more psychic than Aly at least this time around because my ultrasound showed NO signs of plaque building up in my arteries – yay! It would explain why I had no nightmares warning me that trouble was amiss. If I have dreams warning me about others I would certainly get a heads-up if my own ass were on its way up Shit’s Creek. :) I was a little worried, though, cuz these people don’t usually call with good news.

So if the retrial is a bust I can tell the doc that I’m not only sick of the medicine drama and need a serious break from it, but I don’t have any plaque anyway!

The only negative is that we’re back to square one as to what’s making me dizzy. We’re still thinking it’s perimenopause-related. I had a nice week off, but it’s been bad again these last few days.

Tom may have a point when he suggests that my earaches could be allergies, which would also explain why it’s intermittent. I have no toothache on that side, and I do sometimes feel fluid draining in the very back of my throat that seems to come from that side. Afterward, my ear feels better. But why did it take nearly a decade after surgery to become an issue, and why does congestion make it ache? Damaged nerves from surgery? Inner ear tube issues? The problem is I can’t take decongestants just anytime I want to because they make me so drowsy. I don’t want to feel like napping when I go to work out or run out to the store. I just hope I feel good and well-rested for our vacation. Can’t wait!

I thought I might sleep shitty since I slept well the last time around, but I slept ok. Surprisingly, I only slept 6-7 hours the last two nights. Usually, I need 8-9 hours.

Happy birthday to Tom! Too bad he has to work today. He’s got 5 goals he hopes to accomplish by the time he hits his 60s next year. He wants to get to 200 pounds or less, get his blood sugar to 90, sell at least one computer program, do the floors we want to do, and get rid of those hideously ugly Cypress trees alongside the carport. Well, he won’t get rid of them, but whomever we hire to come and feed them to their wood chipper will.

The thought of him entering his 60s is a bit of a sad and scary thought to me, though I typically don’t consider one to be “old” until they’re over 65. Then again, I know it’s how the person feels and that age is just a number. Still, the 60s is a far cry from the 30s, which is where he was when we met. He was just about to turn 35 actually.

Later…

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a dead Bill G! I feel horrible for my nieces, but being the mean little shit he was to so many others, I can only say that I hope his suffering was immense and intense in the end.

I also hope Tom’s right in thinking that no, Tammy’s not still in love with him. I know we can’t help who we love, but I sure would wonder about her if there were still any lingering feelings other than for the girls’ sadness and at such a young age.

While the girls see him as their oh-so-wonderful daddy, I still see him as the guy that abused women and children and helped get me thrown in jail for daring to speak up about it. He never did a day in jail for his abuse, as he should have, while I did time for words on paper. God only knows what other people the freeloaders may’ve pissed off that sent things to them that were automatically assumed to be from me and therefore pinned on me.

Meanwhile, I slept really well (which means I’ll probably sleep shitty next time around), so if the dead can pick on the living, he hasn’t gotten to me yet.

Doc A’s office left a message at 5 o’clock asking that I call them back. I left the damn phone on the bathroom counter when they called and was in the living room. I know it’s pointless to worry about it now, but I couldn’t help but feel a stab of fear course through me. I also couldn’t help but remember Alison’s tweet about having a dream that scared her the day before my ultrasound. I know she was referring to me, but to the best of my knowledge, she has not been reading my blog at all.

If I’m up late enough I’ll have to call in the morning. If not, I wonder if maybe Tom should try to call and get information or not. I’m hoping that like he said they’re just calling to tell me everything’s okay, but that’s not the feeling I get, even though it doesn’t seem reasonable that they’d wait this long to contact me if something were wrong. It’s been almost 2 weeks since the ultrasound.

I’m having “normal” anxiety right now where I’m a bit shaky and feeling like I have to take a dump I can’t take. The kind I’d get in the hotel and trailer. My heart isn’t racing or pounding. Just slightly trembling hands and shaky breath, but I don’t feel like I’m suffocating. Just got a bad feeling. When are things ever that easy for me anyway? My ear’s been worse (especially laying down), I’m dizzy again, and well, something’s been determined to shit on my health these last 2 years, just like I feared it would if we got a nice place to live and were comfortable financially.

Oh, to go back to having my worst problems be getting rejected by someone I was interested in. Or wanting something I could never have. Or wanting to be something I could never be. I miss these so-called problems as opposed to worrying about my health and mind and how medication may affect it. I still worry about growing old, too.

If those who believe we’re not given more than we can handle are correct, then I’ve got to be “killed” with Tom or before he dies.

The reincarnation theory still makes no sense due to population fluctuations, and I think it’s still safe to say that the dead can’t influence the living. If they could, wouldn’t our loved ones influence more of us to win the lottery? And wouldn’t they help end or prevent our suffering? Think of a murder victim whose killer goes on to have a great life with all kinds of great things. Well, certainly they would see to it that they were miserable if they could, wouldn’t they?

But what I don’t know is whether or not there’s a God up there punishing me or why it would inflict me with so many issues if there is. Earaches and dizziness may not be as bad as kick-ass anxiety that leaves you feeling like you’re about to die, but it’s bad enough to make me wonder about things. Did I stab someone in the ear in a previous life if I had one? Or could it be that ant I stepped on in 1996 or something? I just wonder if I’m going to be forced to scramble to try to figure out one issue after another until I die. Yet so much of it remains shrouded in mystery. No ear doctor has ever helped my ear and no one’s ever told me why I’m dizzy. I can only guess it’s the perimenopause or my ear. I don’t think I have low BP or low blood sugar. I don’t think it’s anxiety either.

After thinking Aly wasn’t going to tweet today, she just tweeted that she’s back on iron shots. But is her blood cancer cured?

Also, I’ve been wondering if the dream Aly last tweeted about was positive or negative, and thanks to Kim, she answered that question. I can’t actually see Kim’s tweets as they’re protected, but it was obvious enough that she was asking about it just from Aly’s side of the conversation. Aly said it was “nice. Unrealistic but a happy dream.”

I love those kinds of dreams. I’ve had some pertaining to Nane, but most of the dreams I’ve had about Aly were either neutral or negative, to be honest. Would really love to know what that dream was that scared her because she too, has proven to have dream premonitions. She’s as intuitive as she is smart. Hoping that the fact that I myself haven’t had any questionable dreams is a good sign, though, but time will tell. As Tom, Tammy and Stacey always say… think positive and don’t worry about what isn’t actually happening yet, if it does at all.

Firecrackers sure are happening now, though. Sounds close too, like it could be in the park, but maybe not. Sound travels better at night. But why now? It’s not the 4th yet.

Anyway, a part of me feels guilty for following Aly’s tweets even though they’re public and technically anyone can see them. She’ll change accounts soon, though. She always does.

I don’t remember exactly when it was, but a while back I was the one to actually dump Aly. This was the first time I caught her being deceptive, though she promptly owned up to it, took total responsibility, and apologized. I quickly came to regret my decision to cut ties with her, realizing how much I’d miss her and how she has so much more good in her than bad, reached out to her, and we resumed our friendship. A part of me is hoping that she is or does eventually read this and does the same for me, but not expecting it.

I feel worse for how I handled her dumping me. I realize I shouldn’t have said and done some of the things I did, and while I’m truly sorry for it, I can’t go back and undo it either. Nothing’s changed… I miss her, I would take her back into my life even if I shouldn’t, but she has decided she’s totally sure she wants me out of it, so I’ll stay out and remember what others have told me… true friends are always there for us. Always. They may not always agree with us and they may voice their opinions at times, but they always love and accept us just the way we are.

They say that if we’re thinking of someone, they sense it and think of us too, if it’s someone we know. In other words, I can’t think of Kate Jackson and expect her to think of me in return or anything like that. Maybe I should make a point of thinking about Aly more. LOL, I’ve always wanted to “make” people dream of me. Only thing is that most of those people wouldn’t be happily skipping through a park with me or enjoying a nice chat with good food, know what I mean? I don’t want to chase Aly through a dark forest or toss her off a rooftop, but it’s nice (and kinda funny) for her to be reminded of my existence, the person she one day tossed aside.

Love reading about myself on the rare occasion I’m mentioned (that isn’t in an insulting way). I know it sounds funny as hell, but it’s almost like being in touch without still being in touch. I know I should let go completely and never ever look in on her, but it’s harmless and time will cause me to do just that anyway.

For now, I sometimes wonder if I should, well, not “fight” for her, but make one last-ditch effort to see if we can work things out and resume the friendship, but I feel I’ve been the one to play that role one too many times in life. I’d like to see someone fight for me for once. I just don’t want it to always be on me, you know? Yet the longer she stays away, the more I’m sure she really meant it when she said there was no going back.

As I’ve learned, never think anyone’s in your life to stay, cuz maybe they’re not. I wasn’t 100% sure that Aly and I would always be friends but I was in the 90s. They say, however, that in 7 years from now, we won’t have the same friends. Well, we were friends for 8 years, and I’m still friends with Christine, Adonis and Mitch, but many friends and acquaintances from 2009 are no longer in my life. Nothing bad necessarily happened with all of them; we just went our own ways.

Another thing I’ve learned is that cyber friends are just as “real” as face-to-face friends. They’re not just a name on a screen, but real people behind those names, avatars and profiles.

I’m still extremely hesitant to make any new friends, cyber or not. Yes, I miss getting to know different people from all over the world. But I don’t want the drama either. I may not be perfect myself, but I’ve been stalked, I’ve been lied to, and I’ve been hurt. I just need a break from any possible newbies/drama right now.

Tonight I’m feeling a little dizzy and depressed. I still don’t get how I can miss someone who continually lied to me and then dumped me, but nothing lasts forever, right?

Death is on my mind again, probably because of the dying bastard back east. I’m thrilled that he’s dying. No one who can do the things he’s done deserves to live. I wonder, though… is he contemplating the afterlife? If he believes one exists, does he fear what lies beyond? Or does he believe he’s going to heaven to have one big happy eternal blast? Undoubtedly, he doesn’t believe he did anything wrong. Most abusers don’t.

Wherever he ends up, if there is an afterlife, I just hope he can’t have any influence on my “nowlife!” Many believe it takes a few months before the dead can affect the living, while others argue that they can do it right away because there is no such thing as time in the afterlife.

Anyway, I was thinking of Tom’s family. I miss having his family close by but still loathe how they gave up on us simply for having one too many rough times in life.

IDK, I just miss having local friends and family, but am also glad we don’t at the same time, if that makes any sense.

I REALLY miss the days when Tom was always home like he was during those 2.5 years, minus the Jes pest, his mutts and trailer, of course.

Later…

“Had such a real dream involving a former friend that I can’t help but wonder… There is no going back though.”

Last night I asked myself how I could miss someone who, as she herself admitted and apologized for, continually lied to me and then callously dumped me. When I read the second sentence of this rather interesting tweet, however, I realized there really is nothing to miss, is there? Yet I do. I miss checking in with her on Twitter, I miss her intelligence, and I miss swapping writing ideas with her.

I still don’t understand why I still feel hurt, and a little angry, over someone that clearly doesn’t give a shit about me and probably never truly did. Not if she could lie to me the way she did and make certain comments she never thought I’d see. So I asked myself…if you wouldn’t forgive certain people for what they’ve done to you, why her? The only answer I can come up with is that she didn’t screw me over nearly as much as some others have. There’s no comparison between what she did to me, as shitty as it is to be lied to by phony people, and what some others have done to me that cost me a world of emotional grief, freedom, money, lost sleep and a whole lot more. Seriously, it’s like comparing a little slap in the face to being viciously beaten over and over again with a bat. Well, Alison was that little slap in the face, though that slap still stings at times and I’d probably be dumb enough to talk to her if she contacted me.

I briefly considered and then changed my mind about contacting her because then she’d just do what she always does and deactivate her account and create a new one. She’ll no doubt do that soon enough anyway, but if I contacted her she’d do it even sooner. I like reading her tweets, though I can’t understand why. Maybe it’s because this is the most “honest” she’s been about me. If someone doesn’t think you’re reading them, then they tend to be more honest about what they’re really thinking of you. Believe me, Tammy would never write how awful I looked (unless she was pissed at me) any more than I would publically write, “Great to finally see my big sis as horrible as she looks.”

While I don’t think the blood cancer thing was one of her many lies, why no tweets about that and the chemo treatments, etc.?

She put a selfie on Twitter and Fitbit where she’s leaning a cheek on her fist. Great way to hide what’s no doubt a chubby face. She said Fitbit stretched it and made it look chubby. Maybe because she is? I’m not that active on Fitbit, but I’ve never known them to “stretch” pics, and the pic looks the same on Twitter. Seriously, I’ve seen pics of her from years ago and she was clearly heavy. Like as big as I am if not bigger. Yet I’ve never known her to describe herself as being fat and has said that obesity doesn’t run in her family. Could be in denial like Kim is about her own weight, but that’s their problem. I just write my observations and figure that if some can see themselves as fat when they’re not, maybe some see thinness where others see fat. At this moment I doubt she’s 150-152, which is my usual weight range these days. She’s probably between 120-130.

Good to know I’m haunting her dreams just like she’s haunted mine (LOL), though I haven’t had any of her recently. Would just LOVE to know the details of the dream, too. Maybe she’ll miss me a decade from now, read this and tell me.

I also have to wonder… Was I really that bad of a friend???

For dreams, I had very faint snippets of thinking I was hearing the voices of some guys that broke into our house, which didn’t look like our house, as usual, and something about taking a statin. I did it fearlessly, so it seemed, and I hope that’s a good sign. Really REALLY want that retrial to work!

Slept as horribly last night as I slept well 2 nights ago. After just a few hours of sleep, I woke up every other minute. So I took melatonin and lay there for quite a while before I finally returned to sleep.

Although the dizziness has been wonderfully minimal, I worry about it returning with a vengeance. It seems worse today, and as I learned years ago, few things are ever really quite gone forever. The past really does have a way of returning to haunt us.

Meanwhile, Bill’s in New England, not Florida. This I learned when Sarah & Becky posted that they’d flown up to him yesterday. So I guess the shitster’s days are numbered. I only wish it could have been me to kill him instead. Slowly. Very slowly. And painfully.

Those girls sure do spend a lot of time on Facebook despite the circumstances, and I’m sure Sarah will post another selfie that looks just like most of her others any time now.

Not passing judgment or anything, but I don’t get why some people pray for what can never be changed. You know, sort of like me praying to be tall. Some things just are, like it or not, and there isn’t really much we can do about it but accept it and try to make the best of it. Meanwhile, I guess it’s something for the believers to understand and me to wonder about, not that it really matters. They’re not harming anything. Harm is only done when we try to make others like us and force their minds and hearts to go places they just don’t want to go.

The AC had me worried yesterday. When I’m sleeping or doing something physical I set it to 76° and to 77° when I’m not. Well, when I saw the thermostat read 81° after setting it to 76°, I was really worried that something was broken and we’d have to go to a hotel. But Tom simply turned it off, waited a minute, then turned it back on. A few minutes later it was running just fine. Not sure what happened, but during the vacation we’ll have it checked out and given a Freon charge. Really don’t want to have to shell out 2 or 3 grand on a new unit right now when we’re still paying other things off. The heater crapping out would be one thing since we have portables, but there’s no substitute for the AC. Couldn’t help but think, though, that as much as a broken AC would suck, it sure beat feeling like I was having a heart attack and literally about to die.

The master bath’s drain plug pulled out of the sink. The metal stick in back that you pull up and down, I mean. Tom attempted to fix it but says he needs to do it when he has more time, like over the vacation. As I told him, it’s not necessary that I fill the sink to soak off nails. I can always pour soapy water into a Tupperware dish and do it there.

Played around with the sculpting clay last night and found I just couldn’t get into it like I hoped to and like I once could have. I can still sing, but for the most part, my artistic side has morphed into a technical side over the years. That’s ok, though. I enjoy writing, languages and tech stuff immensely.

In the middle of this dry 105-degree day, we decided to head out to Raley’s with the slow drivers and screaming brats. Well, we got hung up by our typical Cali creepers, but any kids we saw at the store were civilized.

Really wish they’d ban public smoking! Others may not give a shit about their lungs, but I care about mine. Go kill yourself at home, I say. But you know how our twisted laws are… feelings first, actual damage second. Secondhand smoke doesn’t “hurt my feelings” or offend me. It’s only bad for my body. rolls eyes I’ll probably never go to casinos again mostly due to that. Haven’t won much since our Vegas/Laughlin days anyway.

So we grabbed some things we needed at the store, and also another set of Impress nails in a bright pinkish-orange color with accents. For now, I’m giving my nails time to breathe. I treated them with that expensive hair, skin and nail oil I got on the ship that smells really nice, like suntan lotion. My cuticles are dry and my nails are a little beat up. It’s also nice to take a break so I can type easier and not snag them in my hair or catch them on objects.

Eating some oatmeal and Greek yogurt. Never seen this combination before so I had to try it. It’s edible but I doubt I’ll get it again.

What else… Got half of my book edited, Bob and Virginia returned yesterday, and the new people are quiet. The car stereos blasting down the freeway at night, well, that’s a whole ‘nother story. Again, I don’t get the twisted laws in this country. It’s not just allowing for a huge disturbance of the peace, but how the hell can they hear sirens over that shit?

Trying not to think of a certain person in NE who lied as easily as one breathes, then so callously dumped me, leaving me virtually friendless. Sorry, but it’s hard to consider people like Christine or Charlotte as the kind of friend I once considered Aly to be. Thought of befriending her through a bogus account, but it’s not worth the time or effort. I’d only be the same liar she is if I did that anyway.

I’m also trying not to think of the fact that the statin retrial is less than a week away. “What if I do ok, then have a problem when you go back to work?” I asked Tom, and he said that wouldn’t be the case, and that if I were going to have a problem it would happen within the first 2 or 3 days.

And he’d be the only one to believe me if I did. Decided I wouldn’t ask for an alternative if it does backfire on me. After 2 years of this on-and-off hell related to medication, I can only take so much more of this shit. I just can’t keep putting myself through this hell. Really hoping I can tolerate the medication, though!

A part of me wishes I could see Stacey every month for life since I feel so much better afterward, LOL, but I’ll probably be seeing her every 3-4 weeks for a while. Every 1-2 may be more ideal, but 3-4 suits my schedule better. Love that woman for how helpful she’s been!

Actually got horny and got off last night without the pounding heart. Get Tom in on the action? Nah. He hasn’t shown any interest in years, and what’s the point if I get a rare surge of horniness when he’s asleep? We’re getting older. I just thank God (figure of speech not meant to be literal) I don’t have the appetite I had when I was younger. I would never love him any less, but would probably have to hunt for a sex partner.

Last night I dreamed I visited Andy. He said something had worsened about his health and I said, “And I gained weight. Like 3 pounds.”

Then I called a hotel to make a reservation (not a bad sign, I hope), and the woman I spoke to said she tutored me back in school. So I guess the hotel was in MA. After hanging up from the woman I tried to recall who she may be, but couldn’t. It seemed like any tutors I could think of should be very old if not dead by now, and wondered how she knew who I was since I gave my married name.

In another dream, I was telling someone how good it felt to “hang” myself. That is in hanging from a bar by my hands.

In the last dream, I was in an indoor pool and someone was blowing a huge fan onto the water’s surface and I wasn’t too happy about it.

It may not be so hard to peel these nails off after all. One popped off after I showered and the others are loose. No sticky residue left behind like with the other nails.

Xfinity was across the street again, and so is the American flag. That reminds me…maybe I’ll put up my cute, colorful floral and kitty flags. I just get sick of the damn things wrapping around the pole, even though we got one of those things that is supposed to prevent that from happening.

They still have the “sale pending” sign up.

I slept surprisingly well and long, and I wonder if the ibuprofen I took before bed for an earache had anything to do with that. I doubt it, though.

Not doing much today. Yesterday was cardio day so today is strength training day. I will also make out the grocery list and continue proofreading and editing my last book.

Though no fault of her own, Tammy hasn’t exactly had positive news of her own to share for a while, and so I’m hoping that the surgeries they’ve done to help alleviate her chronic pain are helping her to have a more active life. She too, lives in a beautiful place and it would be nice if she could enjoy it more.

Apparently, Bill is in Rhode Island and not Florida because Becky and Sarah are flying there right now. No matter what, I will never forgive the guy. I will always see him as the abuser that he was, and the guy that helped get me sent to jail. In my eyes, he deserves any suffering he may experience.

Tomorrow Tom and I will enjoy his only day off this week, then he has to work a whole week, and then it’s vacation time!!!

Since using Squigle (no, that’s not a typo) Tooth Builder toothpaste I have noticed less sensitivity within my teeth as it closes up and repairs any cavities in my hopelessly soft enamel. No wonder Tom said someone said it was much better than Restore. It’s fantastic!

Last night’s dreams were strange and sexual in nature. I was getting on with Doc L, LOL. Then I was watching a news broadcast about a woman who was sent to prison and how people said she would now get what her infamous 

I spoke with a neighbor today but not the new ones. It was Geri in the gray house across the street. She’s been here seven years. She said she just had a $2000 roof repair that the inspector missed when she had it inspected. Yes, inspectors like to miss things, don’t they?

We ended up chatting as I was pulling in the recycle bin, and I caught her out trimming bushes.

I still can’t get a handle on who moved into the new house, but there could be as many as three people living there. I’ve seen a couple in their 50s or 60s and I’ve also seen a very old man who walks with a cane. There might also be a younger guy who could be some kind of caretaker if not a family member that’s helping them get settled. I just can’t say for sure.

My biggest concern was loud vehicles and projects. It’s too soon to say whether or not anyone’s going to be obsessed with hammers and saws, but the good thing is that it does look like they’re a one-vehicle household, and their white SUV is quiet.

They were out and about until after 11 when a brown SUV that was a little loud left for the night. I’m glad that thing is not going to live there, even though there are louder vehicles like the car across from Bob and Virginia.

There was a work truck there around lunchtime, but it wasn’t there for long. They have a lot of stuff sitting in their carport. The white SUV has been sitting in front of the place for the afternoon.

It doesn’t look like they have any dogs, but it’s too soon to judge how they’re going to be. I never really had any bad vibes about them, but I’ve had more important things on my mind like the upcoming statin retrial, and dealing with how unbelievably shitty I sleep.

Fell asleep at about midnight and every time I would conk out I would wake back up. Finally, after two or three hours of doing that, I took a lorazepam and I did sleep a little better. Because I’ve gotten too used to the lorazepam, I won’t take it tonight. I’ll just let myself keep waking up and sleep shitty and be a little tired tomorrow. I don’t have any cleaning to do or anything physical other than working out on the Bowflex (today’s the treadmill). Tom will be working.

I worry about him because he has an abscessed tooth but won’t go to the dentist because of his phobia. He said he would get antibiotics if he got sick, but that his body is still young and healthy enough to fight infections. Let’s hope so! His wife has enough shit to deal with so we don’t need his health going down the drain or anything like that.

I dread my next trip to the dentist! Really afraid she’s going to come out and tell me I have several cavities, or worse, teeth that need to be crowned. Either way, I am trying not to think of my health until I am actually faced with certain issues.

Dropped the cap to my lip balm under my desk and I can’t find it at all. One of our future rats will no doubt drag it out being the kleptos that they are.

Got some mushroom ravioli at Raley’s and it is so damn good!

Later…

Today’s one of those days where I feel the exact opposite about Aly than I felt a couple of days ago. Despite my own faults, she bullshitted me like crazy, and I don’t miss that or all the hypochondriac drama, or the crazy nutjobs connected to her that would latch onto me. I’ll probably go back and forth in my mind for some time to come, however.

I like to at least check her tweets every now and then to see what’s up with her. That way I feel like there’s still some sort of connection, but without the toxic drama.

My nails still look amazing and like they were just done. I want to switch out to something new but I never want to take these off either. I used to think people paid a lot of money to have these designer nails done in salons, and they did, but now that I know you can stick them on in seconds for a fraction of the cost, I will definitely be looking for more. It’s a little more expensive than regular nail polish as what you pay for a set of these is around the same as you’d pay for a bottle of nail polish that you can use multiple times. I still think it’s worth the extra cost. I love how they never chip and always look perfect. Still find it hard to type with the longer ones, and I don’t like catching them in my hair, but they’re pretty awesome. No more ridges either. :-)

The box these Impress nails came in says it’s not recommended you wear them for more than seven days. I wonder why.

They also say that to remove them just gently peel from the sides or use polish remover. I can’t believe it’s possible to just peel these things off!

Two cars came to visit the new people, and at one point at least half a dozen people were chatting in the street, one of them going by on a golf cart. They weren’t that loud, and again I’m so glad we couldn’t end up with welfare bums, college kids or large families to deal with so close to us! I do NOT miss those days.

Still too soon to say exactly how many people live there and how they’re going to be as neighbors until they’re settled in, but my guess is that it’s a couple living there (the old man I saw might also live there) and that their only vehicle is the white SUV.

I’m loving that I’m 100% anxiety and pain-free, but dreading the eventual return of these things that can’t seem to stay out of my life forever. I don’t expect to never experience pain again, of course, but it would be nice if I didn’t have to have any serious anxiety. It’ll come back, though, at some point. It always does. After two years of dealing with it on and off, I can’t expect it to go away forever.

It was actually Kim who mentioned Auburn, so I saw after I reread the tweets. But at least Aly didn’t correct her and tell her my real town, even if it would have been harmless.

It seems like Kim has stopped checking up on me, so for the millionth time, I deactivated my old Twitter account, and this time it’s probably for good.

A huge moving truck showed up about an hour ago, but I still can’t see any people or tell who’s moving in. I did see a white woman exchange greetings with a black woman who was visiting next door to them, but I don’t know if the white woman is going to be living there or not. She asked the black woman if she was living there and all I heard was, “No, I…” and then blackie took off.

There is also a large pickup parked in front of the gray house in front with tons of boxes in it, but I don’t know if that’s connected or not. I’m guessing whoever they are must have decent money to be able to hire movers, and such a large truck, too. I’m hoping they work and therefore don’t have the time to move themselves, but I agree with Tom, they’re probably retired and can’t move themselves easily enough. As able-bodied as Bob is, I can’t picture him and Virginia moving themselves. I know we couldn’t get lucky enough to get working neighbors, so yes, I’m sure that they’re retired, whoever they are.

I still have a lot to worry about… loud vehicles, motorcycles, too much company, screaming kids visiting, cars blasting stereos visiting, mutts left to bark outside windows and doors, and most of all… projects. Tom suggested that since they hired movers they might be too old for projects. Not necessarily. Bob’s 86 and he can handle power tools just fine.

I just find it hard to be optimistic with my track record for neighbors, Retirement community or not. I’m just so glad we’re in a retirement community, though, where the chance of trouble (or at least as much trouble) is lower. It would also be easier to do something about it if the problem was serious enough. I would hope so, anyway. Another thing is that the chances of them being black or Muslim aren’t good. God, I hope that’s not what we’re in for! Honestly, though, I’d rather quiet Muzzies than rowdy whites. But with them, I’d still have to worry about being killed whereas blacks are just rude and tend to be more trouble.

Yesterday there was a pickup and an SUV over there, but I think those were workers of some kind. Xfinity was there this morning.

I could probably escape most of any noise they made by going into the bedroom, but they could really make hanging out in the living room in the daytime pretty annoying.

As for Bob and Virginia, they definitely took off somewhere. If one of them were in the hospital, then the other one would be driving in and out to see them. I’m just a little surprised they didn’t tell us they were taking off, but due to the heat and how I feel at times, I haven’t been out and about as much. Therefore I’m not running into them as much.

That car that came early in the morning probably took them to the airport, and I would bet their SUV is in their garage, which has been closed up. The last time they went on vacation a year and a half ago, their son and English daughter-in-law stayed at their place. They were quiet but left their really bright garage light on all the time.

The Egyptian cotton sheets are luxuriously smooth and comfy. I should have gotten two sets of those instead of one of those and one flannel.

If it weren’t for difficulty typing because these nails are longer, I would definitely vote Impress nails as the #1 artificial nails I’ve tried so far. They’re easier to apply and they don’t snag my hair as much.

The light on the toilet is on once again, but everything still seems to be working fine.

Two days ago I had a headache and I did the tapping routine twice and it actually went away! I didn’t need to take ibuprofen or anything.

Today I woke up both tired and dizzy because I didn’t sleep well. I fell asleep earlier than I thought I would, but as usual, I woke up a million times along the way. So I tapped for dizziness and fatigue, and I actually perked up! It’s just amazing. I was able to finish the rest of the cleaning, but like yesterday, I didn’t work out. I’ll make sure I do tomorrow.

Tom is working this Saturday, but I’m okay with it. As long as he’s at this job, he’s never going to work just 40 hours a week. That’s simply not part of this job. I’m just glad it’s a European company so he gets more time off, especially with all the damn appointments I have.

I had a dream I met this skinny woman and was shocked to learn she had Hashimoto’s and was on levothyroxine. I asked if she could eat all she wanted and she said no.

In another dream, I was (visiting? Living?) with Andy. He was whining and bitching at me from two rooms away. I put some bags that contained his laundry just outside the room I was in which was between my room and the room he was in and said, “I put your stuff in the corner here.”

He came into the room and said he didn’t hear me, and I said, “Sorry, I can’t hear people when they talk to me from other rooms either,” hoping he’d think he wasted his breath complaining about whatever it was about me that was irritating him.

Then I went back to folding more laundry on my bed and seemed to fold some of Tom’s shirts.

Then I had some dream about Tom wishing he could show me to his co-workers so they could see that at my age, no, I wasn’t beautiful, but I was ok, LOL.

In the last dream, the roof was leaking, but it didn’t make any sense because it was leaking in front of the refrigerator and over the part of the counter where I color.

Last night Aly tweeted: I always hate that I feel so awkward and hesitant around those who have an obvious disability.

But she has no problem around those who are fucked in the head? For once Kim told the truth on one of her accounts. In one where her handle is “paranoid ghost,” her bio says: I am a Paranoid Ghost. I get paranoid all the time and also I can be delusional at times. Mess with me and you will face the consequences.

This is the only time I’ve ever known her to be honest and tell it like it is. So Aly feels perfectly comfortable around the delusional?

I admit it. I still miss her. I know I shouldn’t and that it’s pointless, but I do. Maybe the dreams I had about her last night are the reason she’s on my mind so much today. They weren’t bad dreams, but she’s been showing up in my dreams more often since she let me go. I wish I could say I was 100% totally over her, but I still have mixed emotions about our friendship ending, and sometimes it still hurts.

I admit that I was the one who dumped Andy and I shouldn’t have said otherwise. I don’t miss him, Paula, Nane, Maliheh or Mary, though I will always remember and wonder about them from time to time.

I wish I could put Aly, however, completely in the past just like she did with me. I guess it’s not that easy when you were friends with someone for eight years regardless of how dishonest they were to you along the way. We had as much in common as we had our differences. I never minded our differences, though. I didn’t care that she was more accepting of Muslims. I didn’t care that she preferred colder weather while I prefer warmer weather. I didn’t care that she preferred short hair while I prefer long hair. But being similar mattered to her and she chose to cut ties on account of that and my bluntness, and I have no choice but to respect her wishes. We can’t make people want to be in our lives. I get that. She wanted me gone from her life and so I’m gone, like it or not.

I don’t expect her to ever contact me, but if she did I know I wouldn’t do what I should do. No, instead I would be glad to talk with her. I would take her back into my life in a heartbeat, even though it would be against my better judgment and I would probably end up regretting it. I would have to be a lot more cautious than I ever was before because, as she herself admitted and apologized for, she wasn’t always honest and she probably still isn’t.

She hated my bluntness and honesty, so if she were suddenly back in my life I would have to make sure I wasn’t as quick to express my opinion and say things I was pretty sure she didn’t want to hear about whoever and whatever. Not sure I would like that kind of arrangement, but sometimes you just have to compromise. She was just more sensitive than I realized.

Like I said, I don’t expect to hear from her ever again, but I sure do miss her at times. I really do. Today’s one of those days where I would have gladly texted with her which I know is something she always loved to do. Maybe she’s sick of that sort of thing by now, but today would have been a good day for that for a few reasons.

So yeah, even though it’s probably best that I never do, I would really love to hear from her, even if my logical side knows that you don’t dump people you truly, honestly care about and accept as they are. Anyone I myself have ever dumped in the past; it was because there was something about their behavior or personality I simply couldn’t accept or tolerate. If I could have, they’d still be in my life unless they chose to cut ties with me.

I keep thinking of her tweets. She’s been up to the usual kinds of things for the most part, but there were a couple of tweets that grabbed my attention. One was surprising and the other was a bit chilling.

Like me, Aly has been known to have dream premonitions. The one that was a little scary was how she mentioned having a dream that had her scared for someone she shouldn’t be. Why do I get the feeling she was talking about me? If she was, the thing that was a little unnerving was that this was the day before my ultrasound. However, I didn’t have any bad dreams warning of impending danger, and no one ever called about the test results. They haven’t even been posted online.

The surprising tweet was when she said she was thinking about a former friend and wondering how she was doing, but wonder was all she would do. Pretty sure that one was in regard to me. So she’s been thinking about me, too. Wow. Well, if that’s the case and she was scared for me (assuming I was the one she was talking about) then that goes to show that a part of her still cares just like a part of me still cares about her. No, I didn’t like the lies and clinginess, but I liked everything else and I miss her at times. Just those little things like doing CampNano together and things like that. A part of me wishes we could be friends again with me assuring her I’d keep more of my opinions to myself, and her promising to just not say anything at all rather than bullshit me, but life will go on and I will survive.

Speaking of camp, I have 11 cabin mates in the cabin I have been assigned to. So I guess I’m going to camp in July. :) Until then I will be editing the book I just finished.

In observing her tweets with Kim, I appreciated that she still refers to me as being in Auburn and hasn’t told Kim my real town, not that it should matter. Kim’s obsessed with two things (besides lying), celebrities and weather. So they discussed the weather, and my old town came up when they were discussing the heat most of the West is experiencing.

Later…

Tom checked Social Security and we’d really be hurting if he retired at 62 with just a grand a month. We could barely live on that in the $300 studio they had in the Klam, which is probably now going for $500 and will be over a grand by the time we’re old.

Still sleeping shitty. I’m tired all day yet up forever. Lorazepam doesn’t cut it for me anymore. It doesn’t knock me out like it used to, nor does it prevent me from waking up so much. So I guess I’ve gotten too used to it and can forget the stuff for a while.

We’re trying to decide if we want to go anywhere during vacation that’s just a couple of hours away like Reno, Lake Tahoe or San Francisco. The thing is that I’ve pretty much been all over the country as well as to other countries. So while I’d love to live in Maui during the winters, traveling just doesn’t excite me like it once did. I won’t rule it out completely, though. We have plenty of time to decide.

Although I’m still a little lightheaded at times (especially if I’m active), I’ve been free of pain and anxiety lately, so that’s good. Still feel like a first-class wimp for how I handled certain things, even though I know I shouldn’t. We all handle things differently, as Stacey and others have reminded me, and it’s pointless to play the comparison game. If you want to compare a sore throat to someone paralyzed from the waist down… ok, I can see that. But hardships are hardships. Some things I handle better than others, some things I don’t, and I know that’s ok. I’m human just like anyone else. All I can do is my best. I try to think positively, be optimistic, and focus on the good. If I could’ve been less impacted by certain events, I would’ve been. I didn’t actively choose some things to get to me as much as they did, but I’ll just leave it at that. :)

Love these artificial designer nails, but I hate snagging them in my hair. I think I’ve pulled out more hairs with these than what fell out when my thyroid crashed.

Just got the leggings with the colorful candies printed all over them and while I love those too, I couldn’t get into these things if I were still 100 pounds. :( So, gotta return them.

Also got our new light blue 600-TC Egyptian cotton sheets. They feel nice to the touch, but I’m not sure how well they’ll stay put despite their deep pockets. I think they’d fit a queen better. So far only flannel and jersey sheets stay put best. The only problem with jersey is that they shrink like crazy.

The light on the toilet finally went out. Still don’t know why it got stuck on in the first place, but it made a nice nightlight.

Something’s definitely amiss next door. I just don’t know what. Pretty sure someone was there this morning, though. When you’re a homebody you see things and you get to know the normal routines of your neighbors. Well, they always have their garage door open in the daytime unless it’s cold or raining. Always. And they always make 3-4 trips in and out each day. Both today and yesterday the door has been shut and I haven’t seen anyone come or go.

They’ve been quiet since September, and as selfish as this may sound, I really hope nothing happened to one of them, or else the other will move. I don’t want to deal with any more newbies. As it is I’m still worried about what we’re in for on the other side of us. The carpet was cleaned this morning, and I saw what I’m pretty sure was the realtor and some workers over there for a little while.

Physical and emotional report first: No anxiety. Slept shitty, but got a lot done, including cleaning and exercising. Started off mildly lightheaded, but after 5 hours it intensified (not to the point that it got scary and I felt all weak in the legs or anything like that) and I also became more fatigued.

Stacey told me that I should not only tap every day for anxiety, but that some people do it for pain, too. So I tried it and it worked on my headache! Yeah, I had one of those intermittent, “moving” headaches, but after two rounds of tapping it diminished. I just wish the dizziness wouldn’t be an everyday thing, even when it’s mild. God, I miss more and more aspects of the old me the older I get!

YES! My book Shane is finished! It’s not quite a short story and it’s not quite a novel. More like a novella. Next comes the boring part… editing the 16011-word story. It’s 19 chapters, including the epilogue, and 50 pages long at point 12 Cambria font.

I wonder if something bad happened to either Bob or Virginia because, at just 5am, I saw a car pull out after I heard a series of door slams. I had just gotten up and was like, you’re kidding me. It’s 5am and the traffic and door slamming has already begun? I first wondered if they were going on vacation, but realized they probably would have told us, as well as the fact that they usually go in the winter (except for last winter). At least one of them was home by 8 o’clock.

I was browsing some YouTube videos on EMDR therapy sessions, and wow. The brain really is a fascinating thing. We may not know everything there is to know about it, but what we do know is pretty amazing. The technique seems pretty straightforward. The client is told to focus on their most disturbing memory while they follow the therapist’s hand movements with their eyes, and the therapist may also tap alternately on each forearm. Our memories basically get filed into little folders, and sometimes a traumatic memory doesn’t quite get filed away in the proper folder and gets “stuck” on one side of the brain instead of on both sides where memories are supposed to be stored. You have your artistic side of the brain and your intelligent side of the brain, with memories being stored on both sides. This technique files the traumatic event on both sides thus disallowing the memory to have such an impact on a person so they can cope with things easier. So I guess that when “smile,” “think positive,” and “don’t dwell on old shit” doesn’t quite cut it, then it’s EMDR to the rescue.

Aly has been haunting my dreams lately. I don’t remember the particulars but there were two different dreams. In one she didn’t look like herself and was considerably bigger than me, even though I knew it was her.

In another dream, she commented and “liked” something of mine on some site (I don’t know which) and so did Kim. I was delighted that they had reached out to me in a kind way and I looked for something on their pages to “like” in return.

In real life, a part of me misses Aly. Why, though? Why? She was nothing but a phony liar. Yes, I was overly brash, blunt and brutally honest with her. Some people just don’t want to know what you’re thinking if it’s not something they’re going to like or agree with, and she was one of them. But that’s just the thing; I was honest with her while she bullshitted me left and right. Having learned my lesson on how forgiving people often backfires, I hope I will be smart enough to ignore her if she ever contacts me, and the same goes for Andy and anyone else in my past.

Now that I have this sculpting clay and all these tools here, I may as well go YouTube hunting for demonstrations on what the tools are best used for.

Later…

So I go through one of Kim’s fan sites out of curiosity (never contacting either one of them), and find Aly’s latest and obvious account. IDK, I guess the dream has caused her to be on my mind. Although I know it’s silly, pointless, stupid, immature and all things negative, I still miss the little liar at times and a part of me wishes she’d contact me, knowing I’d be dumb enough to accept her back into my life, if only with a lot more caution on my part (I doubt she’d ever contact me, though).

Yes, she’s clingy, she puts guilt trips on you if you don’t practically smother her, and yes, she’s a true liar at heart with poor taste in friends and no ability to handle the truth from others if it’s not what she likes/agrees with. But she was smart and we had some good talks.

I went through her 120 tweets, both to see what was up and to see if I was mentioned. Well, when I saw “Had a couple of strange dreams overnight. One that has me fearing for someone I shouldn’t be” posted on the 15th, I wondered if she was referring to me.

This tweet, however, was obvious. “Sometimes I think about a former friend. Wonder what she’s up to. But wondering is all I’ll do.”

So as cold as she was by dumping me, she’s thinking of me, too.

I KNOW her and I KNOW some of the tweets about being misunderstood and feeling ignored were aimed at Kim. She would always tell me how selfish Kim seemed and how much she lacked empathy. Part of me has been hoping Kim would dump her to give her a taste of her own medicine. Kim is the only “real” friend she has left. But Kim doesn’t tell her the truth, something Aly can’t deal with, so Aly wouldn’t dump her, though you never know with Kim. As soon as I called Kim out on the “anonymous” insults on Ask, I got dumped. If Aly ever gets fed up enough with the lies and phoniness, Kim will dump her too.

Then there’s the usual, “Don’t want to bring anyone down so I’ll suffer in silence” shit that really means she wants attention or else she wouldn’t have publicly tweeted such a statement.

Again, I still have mixed emotions concerning her as much as I wish I could say I was 100% totally over her. Someday, though. It’s only been a few months.