While I like this phone better overall, the two things I don’t like about it are that you gotta swipe to answer calls instead of tap, and the fact that when it dies it really dies. The other one would flash a low battery indicator and I’d charge it up, but it would still work and not take a year to charge. Well, this one died so bad it wouldn’t show me its progress when I first plugged it in, and took an hour just to get to 30%. Shouldn’t the thing be fully charged in an hour or less? From now on I’ll throw it in the charger before bed.

Had to choose between convenience and quality when it came to voice blogs on Tumblr and in the end I chose quality. Calling Tumblr’s line directly was quicker and easier, but Vocaroo sounds much clearer. It’s just a pain in the ass to have to convert it to an MP3 and then uploaded it to Tumblr, but when I’d call Tumblr directly, they wouldn’t always post the blogs and they had a two-minute limit per post. You can ramble all you want with Vocaroo, which I doubt I’ll use every day. I decided to make it a text and a voice blog. I’m sharing monthly blog posts there, but not daily stuff. It’s where I’ll discuss those darker things in life that some may find more depressing, hard to comprehend and controversial. I’ve chosen not to share it with anyone I presently know.

Yesterday I had no throat irritation but today my mouth feels gross. Wonder if it’s that flush thing. I’m gargling with salt water. Time to go back to yogurts, I guess, which can cause this if you stop eating them. I was just trying to avoid literally all cholesterol, even if it was something with a tiny amount in it.

Still no visual views from our local nutjobs. They were definitely afraid to contact me in public or else I think the harassment would’ve spilled over onto Blogger. Even though it seems incredibly unlikely, could they have served me without serving me? IDK, maybe someone’s been by to attempt to serve me and I never heard the door, so just like in Phoenix, maybe I dodged being served, though in Phoenix I knew it was coming, thanks to the black bitch’s threats warning me. Plus, Tom asked if I’ve had any nightmares, though when I asked if everything was ok, he said yes. Either way, I still don’t see how anything I did could’ve been even remotely illegal. So if I’m not expecting anyone, I’m not answering the door, though I have received some summons in the past via regular mail.

As usual, I woke up several times but slept better than I did the last time around. I had ocean dreams. I seemed to be on some excursion off of a small ship or yacht that was nearby. I asked a guy (the guy running the excursion?) how deep the water was where we were swimming and he said it was probably less than 20’ and that the water would be colder where it was deeper. Suddenly I felt the bottom beneath me as we neared this tiny little island.

Then there was something negative about Stacey. “We talked about that,” I either said or wrote, and I’m guessing it had to do with how we could never see each other outside of her office. More signs not to hope for a friendship later on down the road? Then again, do I really need any signs? I think common sense is enough. Even if it were ethical, and I think it would be after a year, past experience has taught me that the women I want in my life are always to be forbidden. I just don’t know why. Is there something about me that gravitates to the forbidden? Or is something up there guiding me to them as a tease or a form of punishment?

Hell, I still think of Alyssa to this day. Again, I never wanted to jump in bed with her any more than I do Stacey, being as old as I am now, but I still regret that we never got to be friends, as much as I understand why. Just to be a part of these women’s lives would’ve been nice, though. I’d rather impress them with something I’m good at than pleasure them or be pleased in bed, not that I could imagine bedding down with Stacey.

At the same time, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life (though it would be nice if Tom didn’t have to work so hard), I long for something to break up the monotony of things and spice up my life a bit. I crave interesting changes at the same time I hate change. Therefore, I’m not really sure what it is that I want. I’d love to have a pleasant-looking woman with a great personality be the icing on my delicious cake. But in my 50s I think of us chatting happily over coffee, and not the more X-rated things I’d have had in mind in my 20s. Like it or not, though, I should never see Stacey again after August 10th.

Tom said to ask if I could see her every 3 or 4 months if I wanted to, but I don’t want to hog up her time if I’m doing well, and then that 1% chance I may have of hearing from her later on down the road may be shot to hell for good.

Speaking of Alyssa, I hadn’t seen what she was up to for a while, so I ran her name. She’s marrying Donté Smith (so she didn’t just change that to be her last name on Facebook for how common it is), the black guy she’s been with, on September 15th. I figured she would eventually. She’d probably make a good mom too, though she doesn’t strike me as the mothering type. I think like many of today’s women she’s very career orientated.

Not surprisingly, they created a wedding website through The Knot, and have set up several gift registries. Also, not surprisingly, the weddings going to be a big to-do at a park in Tahoe.

First she wrote their story and it was very well written, too. Tae and Lys met as freshmen in college at 18 and 20, but since they were young and had lots to do, they went their separate ways for 7 years. Then one day she got his number through a mutual friend and she took it from there.

He proposed to her at their favorite spot overlooking the city by spelling out “Will you marry me?” with rose petals.

As I figured, he’s also in the health and fitness field. So… like most couples, they’re a carbon copy of each other except for the pigment of their skin.

One of the things they have on their registries is a Roomba vacuum. Smart choice, even if I find it strange that a couple that probably makes around a quarter mil a year would request gifts.

It was funny how she said that while they love kids, please don’t bring them unless you’re breastfeeding because they didn’t think the events would be appropriate for kids, and provided links to sitters.

LOL, really? Or could it be they don’t want the loud, destructive brats hanging around? And just what are these “events” going to entail? I know they have a hike planned for the day after the wedding. Don’t the happy newlyweds want some time alone? Just how in the world do a couple of doctors find the time to set all this stuff up anyway? And where do they get the money? If Alyssa’s parents were teachers, how did she get the money to “travel the world” and go to med school? Also, why did they wait so long to get hitched? After that 7-year break, Alyssa would’ve been 25. Well, she’s 35 now, so why did they wait a decade to decide to tie the knot?

Anyway, I’m happy for her. They do seem to be happy and despite the odds, I’d say they’ll always be together. I just wish I didn’t still think of her at times and have that “left out” kind of feeling. Then again, does it hurt anything if I do think of her?

Back to Stacey…if there’s absolutely no chance of meeting in the future, why didn’t she stop me and say something when I said certain things about her? Like how I like to hang out with calmer people, how I never would have met her if we hadn’t come to Cali, how great she looks, etc.?

Also, if she thinks she might consider contacting me someday, then why did she want to make sure I didn’t stop seeing her too soon? I mean, as a good therapist I’m sure she wants to make sure I’m stable regardless, but could she be hoping not to have to deal with me in the future, or could she hope to get me stable enough for a future friendship? The latter’s probably just a dream. Watch… she’ll seem just the opposite next time and maybe in a hurry to see me off, thus crushing any signs, however faint they may be, of us as friends later on. That’s how it usually works.