There is nothing more frustrating than your mind wanting to do things while your body simply won’t cooperate. Again I’m feeling like shit. I am so tired of feeling tired! I intend to discuss it with Dr. A when I see her Friday but even if there was medication for me, chances are my body won’t be able to tolerate it. It is SO frustrating when there might be medication for this or that but you can’t take it because your body can’t handle it. It’s almost as if something up there wants me to suffer.

I was fine on Sunday, but last night I slept like major shit, constantly waking up. No nightmares, though. I don’t even remember any dreams I might have had. All I know is that I took a Benadryl before bed and I woke up seemingly every 15 minutes. By the time I got up, I felt like I’d only slept a few hours if even that, and I felt like I had a Benadryl hangover like the stuff can sometimes leave you feeling. Now I’m just light-headed and fatigued, but that’s annoying enough. I have zero energy. I could barely bring myself to brush my teeth. With my shit luck, I’ll get my energy back a few hours before bed.

I’m just sick of this shit, but I feel helpless as far as what to do about it. I really don’t think there’s much I can do, as it’s just something every woman who goes through perimenopause has to deal with.

Despite how shitty and out of it I feel today, we had a fun and productive weekend. We did fun things and we did not so fun things in that they were things that needed to be done.

Tom dyed my hair for me and now it’s fried as hell. I’m going to have my layers trimmed soon and hopefully, that will make it look healthier.

We went for a bike ride early in the morning yesterday and I thought to myself, my God have I gotten this out of shape due to being too tired to work out so much of the time?

My legs felt weak and rubbery. I’m having more bad days than good these days where I’m not able to do as much, so yes, I have definitely been slacking off on working out. I just don’t have the energy anymore and I don’t know if I ever will again. I sure hope I will, but the longer I don’t, the more I lose hope of ever getting my old self back. I miss having energy most days!

After the bike ride, we changed the rats’ cage and after that, we went out and put a few of the color-changing solar lights in front after trimming some bushes. Bob and Virginia drove by and we waved to each other. Then the Twenties walked over and we chatted for a few minutes.

Jon talked to Tom and Carolyn talked to me for the most part. Carolyn and I exchanged numbers and I told her I would let her know if I saw anything suspicious while they were on vacation.

Jon said something about selling a house in Elk Grove and also looking for a part-time job. Good luck as older white bread.

They said they would be putting up cameras because of the way the place was to be tented while they were gone and the workers would have to have access to the house, which I was surprised to learn, not that they have anything valuable, so Carolyn says. I assured them we’ve vacationed twice since being here and nothing happened, so they should be ok, though the cameras are always a good idea. It’s what we do.

Carolyn said they’ve only been married for 8 years and talked a little bit about what Jackie told her and the work they had done. She said all the pounding must have driven me crazy and while I admitted it was a bit loud, I also understood that they had to do what they had to do and didn’t have much choice. I just hope this will be it for a while, LOL. We talked about landscaping plans and I joked that they were welcome to dig up our Cypress trees and take them.

They said we could come over sometime for coffee, and I think that’s pretty much it.

I was glad to hear from Marie yesterday. She said she had to pull back and recharge because her medication fucked her up, and if anybody knows what that’s like it’s me. Something called Wellbutrin for her ADHD and depression. It made her very angry and she cried a lot, she said, and the stupid doctors weren’t supposed to have given it to her anyway. I guess there’s a DNA test they do, and that was one of the drugs that were listed not to be given to her.

Sometimes I wonder if doctors can be trusted any more than cops can.

Then she said she was on a dating site and desperate and asked since she’s not big on writing if I would write a little bio for her. She said she’s not really good at listing her attributes, but she pretty much hasn’t changed since Valleyhead. Yeah, that’s probably part of her problem, LOL.

So I guess the chick in Oregon didn’t work out for her. I think long-distance relationships only work if it’s just for fun (like Nane and I) and you know you’re never going to meet and wouldn’t want to leave the one you were with in the first place anyway.

Anyway, I wrote the bio and we exchanged numbers.