Here we go again with the blasting TV. Can anyone else hear this shit? What the hell is wrong with people? Remind me never to give a shit about who might be put out by anything I do. If they’re not giving a shit about me, I’m not giving a shit about them.

That last sentence is something I should apply to Aly as well, but it’s still a little easier said than done. Sad, huh? I’m the girl who always preached not having anything to do with those who weren’t good to us, yet I still miss her at times.

A part of me is tempted to tweet her happy birthday on the 17th from my main account on the off chance she actually talks to me. If not it will certainly surprise her and maybe even piss her off and ruin her birthday at least a little. That’s another thing I still have mixed emotions about; I want to see her hurt for hurting me, but then I hope that she can finally get over the past, move on, and talk to me every now and then.

If I do it and I don’t get a reply from Aly and then Kim starts blocking me - no problem. I’ll just dump that account and create a new one. I’m not going to let Kim have the fun of blocking me unless Aly and I ever are connected again.

Later…

I spontaneously decided, though I’m not sure why, to write this message to Lisa which I gave to Tammy to forward to her. Really hope I don’t end up regretting it, but as always, when people get to us, if they get to us, there’s always the beauty of ignoring them. I’d rather not have to do so, but I won’t hesitate to cut the whole family off again and for good if I ever feel it necessary to do so. As far as I’m concerned, everyone but Tom is potentially dumpable. I’ve simply grown too old and too impatient to fight with people when I can simply not have anything to do with them. I don’t work with these people and I don’t live with them, and therefore I can avoid them if I ever feel I’m getting more negative out of being connected than positive.

Hi Lisa,

I hope you are doing well and that you don’t mind that I asked your mom to piggyback this message to you. Usually, when I cease to communicate with friends and family or they cease to communicate with me, that’s the way I prefer it to stay. And it has remained that way with aunts, uncles and cousins of mine, including some old friends.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be writing this to you, and you have my word that I will continue to respect your wishes if you choose not to contact me because the last thing I want to do is bother people who don’t want to bother with me. I may miss them, but I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t want to be in it.

I just want to tell you in my own personal words why I haven’t contacted you until now. I would like to offer you an explanation and an apology for my part in the disagreement we had something like seven years ago or whenever it was.

We seemed to be getting along fine and then one day out of the blue you surprised me with a sudden verbal attack accusing me of lying to my parents in a letter to them about when we first started talking.

I was angry at the time, hun, because as I would think most people would agree, I didn’t appreciate being attacked and accused when you could have simply and calmly asked me, “Hey, they say you mentioned us talking at such and such a date when I remember it to be a different date, is that true?” I would have gladly answered that question for you, and for whatever it may be worth after all this time, I didn’t think I mentioned any date at all because it seemed rather irrelevant. When I checked my letter file to them (I used to save all my letters to them) I was able to confirm that no, I did not mention any date; just that we talked. My parents weren’t very sound of mind in their final years and I can see where they may have given you false information while believing in their minds that it was accurate. You jumping on me like you did instead of asking me was the ONLY issue I had with you. You didn’t do anything else wrong.

But I was wrong to go and write about our dispute in my journal like I did when I should have kept it between us, and for that, I owe you my sincerest apology. You can always ask me about anything anytime you have any doubts about whatever, and I’ll keep anything personal out of my journal. You have my word on that one, and again, I’m very VERY sorry for publicly tearing into you like that.

I’m perfectly okay with not hearing from you and I’m perfectly okay with hearing from you. Meaning I totally respect and accept whatever decision you make. I just wanted to finally share what’s on my mind. I thought about it several times but kept putting it off, not sure if I should or not. But now I’ve shared my thoughts and it’s up to you to do as you wish with them. :) Hun, I think we both screwed up, we were both going through some nasty times, and we all make mistakes in life. Like I said, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to forgive me. I just wanted a chance to be heard. :)

Lastly, I’ve seen you in a few pictures (I know you recently visited your mom) and you look fantastic! Whether I hear from you or not, I wish you the best of luck, health and happiness in life, Lisa! :)

One of the pictures I’m referring to is one in which Lisa stood between the other girls. The other girls wore black tops and black shorts, and even though they were dressed in solid black, which seems to be their only color, they looked absolutely horrible. You could still see all their rolls and bulges, and I can’t for the life of me understand, whether it’s their fault they’re this big or not, how they can live. How do you get around when you’re that huge? God, I hope I’m never that big! No wonder they’re always single. Becky and Sarah may be roomies for life.

I still don’t understand why they don’t lose the weight. Is it really that impossible or do they just not mind it? I always used to believe that anyone who got that big obviously didn’t mind or wanted to be that big, but I’m still a little surprised they don’t take advantage of their youth and faster metabolism and go on a serious diet. It would take them a long time, but unless they’ve got something medically against them like I do with Hashimoto’s, they should be able to lose weight. If not for their appearance, then for the sake of their health. I might inquire about the gastric sleeve in their case. They would certainly qualify, wouldn’t they?

All I remember for dreams last night was that I had to choose between two heavy black women and one sort of heavy blonde woman for something. I don’t know what that something was and I don’t know who I chose.

Never did end up hearing that car, and amazingly I haven’t heard it since I got up at 4 PM either.

Between 10:30 and 11:30 I should hear the TV coming from the house across from Bob in Virginia. I can’t believe I’m hearing people’s fucking TVs in this place. I can’t make out the words even when I stand outside. I can only tell that it’s voices. When it starts up tonight I’ll go out and see if I can pinpoint exactly where it is.

No vehicle at the Twenties, but someone must have been in the house because one of the bedroom lights was on.

I hit the Bowflex for a while and then I went out running. I love running after dark when there is less traffic and no landscaping noise to spoil the peace. There were just a couple of dog walkers.

Those earbud microphones really annoy me at times, though. I hear people talking as I approach them yet I can’t see the earbuds right away, so I think they’re talking to me.

Some people are already putting out their bulk trash that’s to be picked up on the 12th. We’re getting rid of the old mattress they left here, plus some other stuff.

Had some anxiety last night, but I’m fine today. Tom isn’t, though. He now has a full-blown cold. We’re pretty sure we got it at the same time, but with my kick-ass immune system, my body killed it like it usually does. It isn’t that I can’t get sick. I can. It’s just very rare.