Sunday my hips were sore as hell, Monday my legs turned to rubber after just a few minutes of bike riding, and today I’m damn near comatose. WTF? Yes, I slept shitty. Yes, I woke up many times, sometimes too warm. But it’s not like I didn’t sleep at all, so this fatigue seems a bit extreme. I didn’t take anything last night, so I doubt it could be related to my blood pressure or blood sugar. I sure hope not, anyway.

Like I’ve been saying for a while now, I wish I could have more days where I had good energy and nothing hurt or made me feel off in any way. The most important thing is not having anxiety. I’m still doing well with that, but still not quick to jump the gun and assume it’s gone for good. It seems I always have something, though. Lately, it’s been an underarm rash and I worry it’s folliculitis. It could be some type of fungal rash, so I started Lamisil a couple of days ago, and I’m not sure that it’s helping. Or maybe I’m allergic to the Gain laundry detergent pods we’ve been using. I just don’t know. But when I see my doctor in a couple of weeks I’ll show it to her.

I’ve been getting some questions about the anxiety I experienced when my thyroid medication dose was higher. It’s not the same kind of anxiety one would experience if say they were about to have a medical procedure done that they were really nervous and anxious about. It’s something far worse and probably impossible to imagine and comprehend without going through it firsthand. I always said that being thrown in a pit of fire would be the worst way to die, but I’m not so sure about that anymore. I think the worst, torturous form of death would be to slowly die from having too much thyroid hormone. That fire would hurt like hell, but you’re dead in minutes. A slow death from being thyrotoxic would be the ultimate form of torture that I couldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s the most horrible, horrible feeling on earth to be high on thyroid. That’s really the best way I can describe it for those who haven’t experienced it and I hope to hell never will.

Life is otherwise running smoothly. One of the houses on our street has sold and now I’m hoping the newcomers don’t have a motorcycle or any really loud vehicles.

I was off to a good start on the intermittent fasting diet, but hunger and cravings threw me off track. There’s no getting around the fact that I would have to cut down to about 1000-1200 calories a day to lose weight and that’s just not enough. As long as I keep active (when I’m awake enough) I can maintain my weight on 1500-1600 calories a day.

For once I had a bit of a funny dream. Being the adventurers that we are, on two different occasions Tom and I simply up and changed states with no home or job waiting for us in the new state. Sometimes that’s the only way to go. It got a little scary at times, but this was how we transferred from Arizona to Oregon, and then from Oregon to California.

In the dream, we moved to Boston of all places. No place I would even consider going to in a million years, but that’s where we went in the dream. Towards the end of the day, after we arrived there, I was getting tired and said I hoped we could find a place to rent or check into a hotel soon.

Then we were in someplace that had a small door in the wall that was perhaps 3’x3’. Tom opened the door and found a strange passageway. Curiously, Tom began to climb in and I told him to be careful because there was a sharp turn in it and I didn’t want him getting stuck.

I then started to think how it was a bummer that we didn’t know anybody in the area yet, and then I remembered Eileen. For a second I considered contacting Andy, now just hours away, but thought better of it when I realized that being in the same state wouldn’t make him any less negative, immature or judgmental.

Yesterday I noticed the lack of tweets between Aly and Kim. Then last night Aly tweeted about being “iced out,” and like several other tweets she’s made in the past, I knew she was talking about Kim. Ever since Aly dumped me I’ve been hoping that Kim would give her a taste of her own medicine, and now I wonder if she really has. I doubt it, though. She’s gone quiet on her before. All will be just peachy between them soon enough.

I tweeted to her that I knew what it was like and that I was sending a virtual hug from Cali. As usual, she didn’t block me but she didn’t reply either.

Why oh why can’t I just give up on those who have given up on me???