Tom said to ask my fellow PBers if making a mess is always fun, even if you don’t like cleaning up. I had gotten a cheap bottle of wine to take the edge off my anxiety (but now that I’m skipping my medication once a week I shouldn’t need it) and didn’t realize the stupid bottle was corked and didn’t have a regular cap. Not having anything to open it with, he made a mess gouging the cork with a large screw and a knife, eventually having to push the cork into the bottle. Damn shit splattered all over the sink and counter and parts of the floor. Plus he had bits of cork scattered about. He thought it was absolutely hilarious. I personally never found the thrill in making a mess OR cleaning it up. rolls eyes

At least he saved my tweezers. I ordered new tweezers and these multicolored chalk combs that you brush through your hair to add streaks of color. Because my hair is so dark right now, I added a few scattered and subtle streaks of royal blue and it looks really good… even at my age. It’s a bit messy and not something I’ll do regularly, but as long as you don’t run your fingers through your hair, you won’t get chalk residue on your hands. But it washes right out so you’re not stuck with it for months.

Not realizing that the tweezers came in the same envelope as the chalk combs, I threw them in the recycle bin. He was able to reach in and pull them out when I realized I never received any tweezers yesterday.

Finally got to the lab this morning after two botched attempts when they suddenly changed hours and then things came up at work. They were surprisingly dead and I was in and out rather quickly. They took three vials for a full workup. Thyroid, lipid, and electrolytes.

He thinks it’s stress, but I’m starting to wonder if some of my lightheadedness, fatigue and that strange vibration in my head could actually be due to high blood pressure rather than perimenopause. We’ve been testing my BP regularly and it’s almost always too high. So is that going to be my next medical curse? God, I hope not! I’ve had enough. I never would’ve had a go through all this anxiety, the shrinks, the therapists, the trauma and the psych meds in the first place had I just not gotten too much thyroid medication at the times I did. I understand that sometimes you can’t know how things are going to affect you beforehand, but it not only pisses me off that my first two doctors refused to acknowledge the problem (though one of them finally admitted it was a factor), but now my current PCP doesn’t think any of the anxiety is coming from the medication either. Well, she’s dead wrong. I know my body and I know that I’ve never had these problems until I started this shit, and I know that when my numbers get to a certain level I start having trouble. No amount of schooling they could possibly have can enable them to know my body as well as I do and what’s normal for me and what’s not.

I wasn’t kidding when I said I was determined to end this vicious cycle after 3 years. I was also wrong in thinking the last time I had anxiety was in January, according to past entries. I had some trouble in March too, where I had to do some skips; just not as much trouble as I had in December.

Since skipping a few times, the anxiety has backed off. It’s a strong drug, so it only takes minor adjustments to get me comfortable. If I kept taking the medication regularly, though, I’d be in trouble again in August or September. But no matter what the numbers say and what the doctors want, I’m going to be smart about it this time and not let it happen again in the first place, and that means skipping once a week to every 10 days. If I can make it the rest of the year without anxiety, then yeah, I really do know a thing or two about my own damn body. :-) I think my doctor will understand in time if not right away, but again, it doesn’t matter. She works for me. I can see her having a problem if I said I wanted to quit the stuff altogether, but there’s no need to go to such extremes. This dose is only a wee bit too high for me. The random bouts of crying and the runs I was having are also consistent with high thyroid.

The only other thing that’s a bit of an odd coincidence is that I had anxiety following two separate times of hard-core dieting/fasting.

It’s going to be a hot day out there today, and tomorrow we’re looking forward to hitting the pool. Going to do some fun shopping too, but nothing major.

Today we changed the rats’ cage and just took it easy. I’m doing a load of laundry now and hoping it’s a hell of a lot quieter than it was yesterday. All week I was annoyed with landscaping sounds on and off from all around me, but yesterday was the worst. The people behind us had a bunch of trees trimmed and it took 6 hours to do it. Traffic is obnoxious enough.

Really like this new site called TinyCards by Duolingo. It’s a great way to quiz yourself and learn things other than just languages.