Still not feeling as at home here as I wish I was. I got back to doing voice tweets since it’s important to me to have a vocal version of my journal given how tired I am as often as I am. Besides, it’s fun and it’s something different even though I don’t appear to have many listeners at all. That’s okay, though, as I’m doing it for myself. Listeners are just an afterthought.

My biggest concern here is what it’s always been and that’s being woken up every time I’m on nights by the storms. I seem to have the sound machine loud enough to block out the thumps if it isn’t the soundproofing that’s doing that but the storms are still the biggest threat to my sleep. I just worry that I’ve traded in sleep issues for more sleep issues just like some days it seems I’ve traded in many planes for many more planes. Yes, there are pros here. It’s cheaper, it’s warmer, we don’t have the crazy traffic, and I like soft water … but believe it or not, even though I don’t want to go back to Cali, I do miss some aspects of the old place. Even though I wasn’t happy there; when you’re in a place for eight years you do get used to it and you miss some of those little things like having doctors you’ve worked with for years that you’re comfortable with, the neighbors you knew, and most of all the space. That’s what I miss most is having extra space. But then if we don’t get our stuff, space isn’t going to be as big of an issue.

But yeah, there are those little things I miss. The bidet we had there was better. I didn’t need to turn on the light when I would get up to pee in the middle of the night, because the street light provided enough of a glow to see where I was going. I’m learning to feel my way around, though. Especially now that I have the bed where it’s at. I just take a few steps before I reach the door and then a few more to get to the toilet since that bathroom isn’t very big.

Not a hint of anxiety today which is great. My only complaint is that I still feel like I don’t have enough privacy or alone time. I did ask him to copy my schedule because of the medication brand concerns but as I told him, if I can get through the weekend I should be fine. I love his company but I was always a loner. I feel like I’m more productive that way, and well, I’m just one of those who need space at times. I think we all do except for him. I asked him if he wants alone time at times and he said he doesn’t need it and I don’t know if he’s just saying that to be different or the opposite of me or if he really feels that way but I know that I need more time alone. It’s just that I don’t want to push the issue and make him feel bad because he’s sensitive enough that he would take it personally when it has nothing to do with him. It’s me. It’s just how I am.

It’s 3 in the morning and a plane is going by right now. It’s FedEx just like at the other place when it would go by at this time. I swear, I can run, but I can’t escape the same old shit. It seems to follow me everywhere but I don’t know that there are many places left in the country without the plane craze.

Tom and I were sitting in the living room and he pointed out how we could never sit in the living room and have it be that quiet in the other place because of all the traffic and that he believes that I’m hearing more planes because it’s so quiet here, but I’m sorry. I’m hearing more planes because there are more planes. I mean come on. I’ve lived in other places where you didn’t have a lot of traffic and everyday landscaping yet I didn’t hear planes galore. Even when Jesse’s mutts were going off when we lived in Auburn you didn’t hear planes like this. I’ve lived in a million places yet it’s only been CH and this place that I’ve heard dozens of planes a day.

Speaking of planes, no they weren’t responsible for waking me up as I thought. I must have been dreaming if it wasn’t something else. I laid there when I was awake listening to the same nature sounds at the same volume, and they don’t fly low enough to be heard over it.

The 10-cast (coincidentally) shows that it’s going to be stormy during the days I’ll be sleeping - or trying to - in the late afternoon and will be clearing up once I get past that time. Again, it really is hard to believe that’s just a coincidence. I can’t keep going through this shit every single fucking time I’m on nights. I just can’t.

I kept hearing sounds behind me and thought he came out to the kitchen, but I looked back and saw the bedroom door was closed. So I got up and saw this thing sitting on the counter. My first thought was that it was a really huge moth. I had the wrong glasses on but as I got closer I could see that it was a frog. I knew I couldn’t just go up to it, pick it up, and put it outside, so I hit the poor thing with a flyswatter. It then jumps onto the paper plates and I hit it again and the poor bastard jumps into the utility holder. So I pulled out the utensils and slapped the paper plates over it to cover it and keep it from escaping. Then I brought it outside and freed it. I was glad I could do this in the end because I really didn’t want to kill it.

Facebook really pissed me off the other day. First they preach freedom of expression and how they want people to be themselves but then they have all these fucking restrictions. It wasn’t “hate” to use the term fucking Muslims when it came to the Taliban that took over Afghanistan, it was how I feel about these animals disguised as humans and I feel that way because of their behavior and not where they’re from. But of course it wasn’t politically correct for me to say and I’m only welcome to be free to express myself when it’s what people want to hear.

So the bastards made the comment visible only to me and sent me this automated thing saying that I could disagree with it if I wanted to and that they understand that people make mistakes.

But I didn’t make a mistake. I meant everything I said. Even though it wouldn’t do me any good, I disagreed with their decision to control my right to speech. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a box where I could defend myself and give any kind of explanation not that I felt I owed one. It just really pisses me off that you can’t say anything negative about anybody no matter how much misery, pain, and suffering they put others through. What’s next? Getting in trouble for bad-mouthing pedophiles or something? We can feel free to say what kind of foods or music we don’t like and it just seems we should be able to do the same with people we don’t like. I don’t like these savage sickos. I can’t stand them and I wish them nothing but death, and you know what? I don’t feel a damn bit of shame or guilt for saying so. If you want to call me a bigot, you go right ahead for I make no apologies for not liking those who give me a good reason not to like them.