I decided that I still want to speak my mind someday to Laurie. So in a handful of years from now, maybe I’ll pull the I’m-just-responding-to-your-message thing and send my “response” to one of her daughters as if she was the one to contact me first.

Onto the usual sleep woes. I slept well for five days and then sure enough, thunder woke me up an hour or two before I would have normally gotten up. For the millionth time, I ask why? Just why? Why, why, why??? Why can’t I just fucking go to bed when I need to and sleep until my body is ready to wake up? I don’t work, I don’t have kids, so there’s no reason why I should have to be getting up so often. That is unless that’s the very reason this is happening and I’ve wondered about that throughout the years. Is this compensation for not having a job to have to get up for regularly? Or kids?

Here’s the incredible part. I actually slept through the landscapers! He said they took about three hours to do it, and I didn’t hear a thing. Most likely they came when I was in a very deep sleep. But because I was close to the end of my sleep, the thunder woke me up.

I ended up napping for three hours yet I don’t feel the least bit refreshed and this really sucks being tired so much of the time. I feel like it’s hopeless for me as far as my sleep goes. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my sleep is forever cursed.

It could also be that I slept through the landscapers because I had a glass and a half of wine before bed. I’m just glad I did because it would have been even harder on me.

No 1:30 AM thump this morning. Heard one last night at this time. I can’t imagine who could be coming into a place like this so late but then there were vehicles round the clock at the other place. This isn’t 1987 as much as I sometimes wish it was but with the same technology that we personally use.

Jessie says she hears planes at her place but doesn’t mind it because she loves them and even works near the base. I love them too but would still prefer not to hear them inside where I live. However, there’s no dialing back to the days when you rarely heard those or so many loud vehicles and boom car stereos. Nonetheless, I complained on Twitter to the TPA and on their site. You can fill out a complaint form or you can text the number they provide with the word NOISE but neither will do you any good, of course, so it’s just a means of venting, I guess you could say. They tally them up or some shit like that but I’m not stupid. I know they ignore those kinds of things and are gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless. Just like the airport in Sacramento and everywhere else these days. I’m still gonna complain anyway because then I feel like I did something, useless or not. Sometimes it just makes you feel good to complain as long as you’re careful to do it in a way that’s not going to get you spited.

Forgot to mention that the trash wasn’t picked up last time around until close to 5:00, but they were in and out.

I love it here so far despite all the wake-up calls. The only other thing I don’t like is how small the house is. They’re also closer together than at the other place. His bedroom is on the end of the house that faces Toni’s master bedroom and I swear he’s closer to hers than mine down the hall!

I just worry all the sleep disturbances are going to eventually ruin my health like the paragraph below says they can.

“The cumulative long-term effects of sleep loss and sleep disorders have been associated with a wide range of deleterious health consequences including an increased risk of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke.”

I also found this and no wonder I’m always so tired!

“Research has shown that it can take up to four days to recover from one hour of lost sleep and up to nine days to eliminate sleep debt. A full recovery from sleep debt returns our body to its baseline, reducing the risks associated with sleep loss.”

Tweets:

I miss being the first one up but it seems so rare that I am.

Just heard a loud thump (def a car door) and it’s 1:30 in the morning. It’s ridiculous how thumpy it is here. Is there nowhere left on earth I can live without sounds loud or vibrant enough to wake me up???

Later…

Wow, I’m really racking up the sleep debt. Nine days to undo all this shit but when have I ever gone 9 days with decent sleep? I haven’t done that in centuries and I never will again. After 7 hours of sleep (I needed 8-9) the first loud thunderclap woke me up. I feel like total shit. I feel weak, tired, frustrated, depressed, and totally hopeless. It’s even getting scary as well. It’s having a definite negative impact on my brain and my thinking and I worry it could lead me to do something dangerous. I’m extremely forgetful and it’s taking me much longer to think. So yeah, I’m a little worried for myself. After fucking up the temperature I’m supposed to set the oven to cook my food at, it’s all I can do to keep my head up until it’s ready.

Being tired can make me hungry so I got shakes rich in protein and they seem to be helping.

I just wish I had the faith he has in soundproofing the bedroom but until I see it actually work, it’s hard to be hopeful. What worries me is how long it’s going to take before it’s done. The storms here don’t go on for a month or so like the monsoon season in Arizona. This is for 4-5 months out of the year. I really worry that we’ve gone from bad to worse. They’re waking me up more than traffic at the old house!

To make matters worse, they have 30 business days to give us our shit so it could take until the end of the month to get it before he has his tools and we can start the soundproofing.

At first I was tempted to forget the soundproofing knowing I can’t run from what I can’t escape and achieve what I’m not meant to have, but it’s hard to resist the drive for the things we really need like sleep.

Tweets...

Even though I know I won’t, the thought that I could live another 40 years makes me want to scream. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself for another decade or two.

Sometimes I miss being young when you lived in the moment, things were new and exciting, and you felt like you had so much to look forward to and that the possibilities were endless.