I'm completely baffled by the fact that my visitor counter keeps going up on LJ but no visitors ever get recorded on my log.

They posted the pics from painting class and damn do I look huge! Short, old, and huge, lol. My arms are so huge that they round out in these half-moons. Tom doesn’t think so but you know how we always see ourselves differently than others. Either way, I just can’t get myself to take my weight seriously. I’d rather eat when I’m hungry and indulge every now and then than be hungry all the time even if it means I won’t quite be as healthy and there are more health risks involved. Sometimes I don’t even know if I could take it seriously if it was a matter of life or death. Maybe I could 20 or 30 years ago but now? I hope I won’t have to find out!

I still find myself stuck with a sense of emptiness and finality. Then again I don’t know if emptiness is the right word because it isn’t like I don’t have things to occupy my time. I just feel like there isn’t much hope for much change in the future. As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, once you get to a certain age it gets to be a case of been there, done that. The less money we have, the fewer opportunities we have as well. It seems I spend more time dealing with my health than anything else.

Started to lose energy after organizing things but then I perked back up. Still think I’m low on thyroid.

No mention of the paper journal I left on the counter in the bathroom in the clubhouse in hopes of someone finding it and curiously reading it. I don’t know how legible it would be since I wrote in it on the road and it sometimes got bumpy. I also abbreviated a lot and I don’t mean just the typical commonplace abbreviations either but abbreviations that only I would understand. The fact that it wasn’t mentioned makes me think someone ditched it, it’s still sitting there, or someone is reading it and not mentioning it. The thought of someone reading it with curiosity and interest amuses me for some reason. I might be curious to read it too, depending on what was in it. I like reading some journals here and there but I’ve never been interested in people’s stories. That’s what Kindle Unlimited is for. I’m very picky in what I read, too. It must be well-written, and the only genres I really like are mysteries, thrillers, and suspense.

The honker went out with his girlfriend and left me with his howling mutt. It howled longer than usual, too. I wish he would just go home already! His truck and his girlfriend’s SUV were there, though, so I’m guessing they walked down to the clubhouse or to someone’s house. Unless they were in bed fucking and the dog felt jealous and neglected, I don’t think they were home. Her SUV is gone now. I know she’s spent the night over there before but I wonder if he ever spends the night at her place and if he does, does he take his dog? They really seem to be spending a lot of time together and I wonder how it may impact his time here. I just want him, his motorcycle, and his mutt out of here! The rain kept him off the motorcycle today but I’m sure it will go out tomorrow which means I’ll have to crank the damn sound machine up. I hate it when I’m forced to do things in my own house on account of others. My living arrangements shouldn’t have to revolve around others but it could be worse. The sound machines were defenseless most of the time against the traffic at the old place. I don’t miss the days of being woken up 2 to 4 times a week. That was very hard on me. It was almost like being in the NHA all over again. I hope the storms won’t make up for it in a few months.

Tom doesn’t think the honker will move down here permanently even if they do get serious. But what about her moving into his house even if she’s in it by herself throughout the summer? Tom said that if anything he would sell his place. That would make more sense since her place is brand new. The idea of him selling his place excites me and also makes me nervous because I know something worse could end up over there. These kinds of places aren’t what they were in the 80s. I learned that 11 years ago. Yes, it’s now been over a decade that I’ve lived in adult communities. Can’t see him selling it, though. Don’t know why but I just can’t.

Love how my PB buddy is loving Swell and so grateful that I mentioned it in my journal. The digital one, of course. Glad he’s enjoying it!

So the Dream Kit app analyzed my dream of us adopting a kid, which I mentioned in my last entry. Here it is but what professional life other than working for Prolific? lol

The dream about adopting a 9-year-old girl may symbolize a desire for nurturing and caring for others. The fact that the girl is being connected to someone who has passed away in the dream could represent a sense of responsibility or duty to fulfill someone else’s wishes. The concern about your schedule and being in an adult community may reflect your apprehension about taking on new responsibilities and adjusting to changes in your life. It’s possible that this dream is prompting you to consider how you balance your personal and professional life, and how you can make room for caring for others while still taking care of yourself.