In an hour I’ve got to catch the Sumner Allen bus for my eye exam with Dr. Donatelli. I’ll bring my old glasses I never wear and explain my situation and hopefully get an answer. I really don’t want to have to wear glasses though, and I’m pretty sure most of my problem is due to the medication. I look hideous in glasses and it feels as awkward as if I had a brick sitting on my nose.

I hate this pen. When I go to Food Mart, I want to get some new pens. My printing is so much neater than my writing, but writing is so much quicker.

The night before last, I saw Andy’s new apartment just 5 minutes away. It’s not in the greatest condition, the hallways are filthy, but it’s a cute place, he’s psyched, so I’m happy for him.

Yesterday Nervous bought me the sheet music for Kokomo and Nadia’s Theme. Kokomo is fairly easy, but I can’t even begin for the life of me to figure out Nadia’s Theme.

Now, I’ve got some really shocking news. My last apartment that was big and really nice that I miss so much – well – I’m going back!!!! It’s not definite but I’m pretty sure. The guy that owns it now is Russell S. He’s mailing me an application. My place is to be vacant in April with a new bathroom and new paint job. I can’t wait. I’m so sick of this neighborhood. It’s really bringing me down to the pits. I spoke to Mom about it and she seems to be on my side saying I never should’ve left there. The rent’s $440, but who cares. It’s safe there and pretty compared to here, with no graffiti or trash all over. Safe to leave your door open. Of course, I hope I have nice neighbors and that no one complains about my music. Everyone that was there before is gone now except for Jo. She was the one who gave me Russ’s number.

Later...

I finally did all my laundry, thank God. I also spoke to Jessie who isn’t doing too much grocery shopping cuz she’s got bad cramps, so I’ll go myself up to Food Mart tomorrow and come back in a cab. The only bitch is that on Saturdays the place is mobbed.

I bought this pen I’m writing with now at Store 24 and I love its razor-fine point.

I called up at the Forest Park Grill. Nervo wasn’t there but I spoke to some woman named Helen who says Nervous had lunch with some sexy blond and that he went to her house. This definitely must be a hooker, if it’s even true. Could he really be getting it off with some hooker? Maybe that’s why he hasn’t been so desperate and pushy.

No. No way. He’ll never get anyone with the way he is. Maybe a good screw every now and then from a hooker, if he has the money, but that’ll never stop him from spying on me or coming over for visits. I’m gonna mention it to him, but he might not say much about it. He’s so secretive. If he starts chuckling, then I’ll know for sure like he always does when I ask him something like that, although he may lie and say it’s a girlfriend.

Getting back to this girl Helen I spoke to, she says Nervo told him I sing and play guitar and piano and that she sang too, and asked for me to come in sometime. When I told her I was gay and why that was ok with me she said, “Really? Are you really gay? Wow, not too many people admit that.”

Later...

I feel so good today, as I recover from the flu. Spring is finally in the air. I had all my windows open and was wearing shorts and a tank top. Time really flies when you get older. It seems like just yesterday it was fall.

I will always prefer to be a night person, but I feel healthier when I sleep at night and get up in the daytime.

Later...

I still haven’t received that application in the mail. Oh well. Probably tomorrow.

I’m gonna be so bored for the rest of the day. Guess I’ll go to sleep early seeing I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning.

I wonder if Linda or Tammy will call later.

I sure as hell hope Nervous calls cuz I’m really curious about this sexy blond.

Later...

That fucking Bruce just called, telling me that I’m not good enough for someone decent and that my attitude sucks and that I should drop out of the dating service, but I know he’s just saying all this cuz he can’t have me. He even said he couldn’t handle being just my friend and that I need to change. I told him I’m just gonna be myself, not what anyone else wants me to be, and then he said, “Well, yourself sucks.”

He’s another Al. I mean, he is just like Al. I swear they could be brothers!

It’s not fair. I know I suck and am too intense as he says and this and that, but do I need to be reminded about it every time I talk to him? I hung up on him. I don’t need him.

It’s hard enough accepting the fact that I’ll always be alone, and I can and will in time, but do people have to constantly rub it in? Especially a fucking male? No way am I gonna let a male drag me down.

Right now I’m gonna have a cup of coffee and then go to sleep. I’ve been up so long.

I’m trying to go without the medication, but it is hard. I’ll just really have to convince myself to cope without drugs and that the drugs can’t solve my problems. They’re only fucking me up.