Andy and I had a blast earlier tonight on the phone ranking on people, then I got really tired, but I want to just stay up and write. It totally cleanses my soul.

I just spoke to Andy a few minutes ago which I wanted to do before I continue writing. While on the phone with him I looked back into my other journals and read him about the day we were at the beach and also the day he taught me how to play La Isla Bonita but I have yet to find the day he taught me Talk To Me or the day we met up again which was downtown at the Sheridan where he still works. He now works at the Holiday Inn. He needed the extra money to support himself with his new apartment.

Later...

Can you believe that after all this time I still remember all my other phone numbers? I don’t think I’ll change it again when I move.

I’ve called my old numbers before to see if anyone’s called looking for me, and sometimes they have. The guy at my first number which was listed said a few people called looking for both me and Michelle L, the fucked-up roommate I had on Locust St.

I wonder just what kind of life good old Crystal C is leading now. Everyone who knows her knows what a loser she and her sweet old boyfriend are. They’re definitely meant for each other.

Also, Mary D is always gonna live a very lonely life with her usual slew of non-stop problems. She’s also going to get her ass severely kicked with the way she is. She’ll never have anyone decent any more than Crystal ever will.

Good old Nellie R is gonna no doubt spend most of her life in jail. I never met anyone so sick, cruel and cold-blooded, but it ended with her knowing just what I knew about her and thought about her, and God help any of these people if I catch them on the streets.

Oh, and don’t I remember that black bitch Barbara T so well? The user probably lives out on the streets or in someone’s cellar.

I spoke to Mom earlier and I pray to God she can help me out of here and into my old apartment by April which is when Russ says my place will be vacant again. She claims there are a few people interested in the house, but I know that it might take forever for that damn stupid house to sell. She also said they might not be coming home until the end of May, and of course, this year I’m not going to Florida. I give anything to stay alone at the beach, but of course not. I’m still a little girl, Tammy’s welcome, but not me. Not even if I was straight and married.

Later...

Last night I fell asleep between the hours of 4:00-5:00 only to wake up at 7:00 to go to the bathroom. I thought I’d never go back to sleep, but I was exhausted, so I forced myself, then I woke up again at 10:30 to someone’s pounding or hammering. I couldn’t tell if it was upstairs or downstairs.

Dotty said the Puerto Ricans upstairs moved out. I hope not cuz they were really nice and I’m worried as it is about who they’re gonna put downstairs in Hank’s old place, and as you know, Carabetta takes anybody. Yesterday morning, I thought I heard footsteps upstairs and was hoping the older couple, Emanuel and Iris, were still there and that it was only their daughter, son and grandson who moved out, but I don’t know. Time will tell. Their names are still on the mailbox. It sure would be quieter if the kids only moved out. They used to run back and forth up there constantly, although I shouldn’t talk. They’ve never once complained about me or my music.

I was surprised Linda never called me yesterday and I even left her a message. I really hope she’s not interested in me cuz I hardly ever see her although that may mean nothing, cuz Mary used to claim how much she was in love with me and wanted me though I only saw her once in a lifetime. But of course, it was the biggest favor she did for me. Linda’s so ugly, too. In a way, she reminds me of Mary.

Later...

I had a long conversation with Bruce today and he made me realize there’s so much more to learn on the piano. Scales, keys, chords and all kinds of things. I really want to go to school to learn but I’m so afraid of failing and I really want to graduate with honors.

He says part of making it as a singer is being attractive and that I am very attractive. When I told him why I wish I were ugly sometimes, he said my chances would be zero if I were. I reminded him of how fat actress Roseanne Barr is, and he said that she’s an actress acting in a role that’s suitable for a fat person. I also told him Ella Fitzgerald was fat and he said, “Look how old she is.” So, he definitely has somewhat of a point. You use your looks and image to sell yourself, as well as your talent.

I am not feeling all that great today cuz of the pork I ate last night. I obviously didn’t cook it well enough. I feel pretty lousy and I took my meds too but I’m glad I don’t need to take them every day. I can go a day or two without them. What I need to understand is that I’m not just going to be able to stop overnight. It’ll take time but, in the future, I’ll need them less and less.