Well, one thing’s for sure and that is that I’ve definitely decided to stay alone. Fantasy is the best way to go for sure cuz everything is just as you want it to be during fantasy. Like I’ve said before, I’d rather fantasize about first best than settle for second best, and I’m proud of myself for being one of the very few smart ones that won’t put up with the heartache, hassles, and the ups and downs that even the best relationships have. I am totally independent and would never and could never depend on anyone for sex, money or love. I just wish I could have a kid, but I know I never will. I guess God has chosen me to be one of the ones to control the world’s population. I may be sterile, anyway.

Though I’m still up, the furniture guy’s coming from Goodwill to hopefully buy my couch, two chairs and nightstand soon, so I’ll just wait till after he leaves. I guess he’ll be here at 9:00.

Last night Andy and I talked on the phone for 2½ hours.

Later...

I woke up not too long ago. The furniture people never came.

About two hours before bed this morning, I destroyed my remaining half a pack of cigarettes. I’ve been awake now for almost an hour and I do not feel like I want one. Physically I’m half dead cuz of my asthma and allergies, and mentally I’m disgusted by what it’s done to my singing and how much money I have burned and wasted killing myself with cigarettes. I’ll take advantage of my asthma and allergies and look at it as a gift cuz if I didn’t have allergies or asthma I’d burn my money on smoking till I became as old as my mom, get emphysema or cancer and die. Also, this is God’s way of preserving my voice and allowing me to reach my full potential.