As I was saying earlier, I realized Laurie was awake, so I once again said to hell with it. I called back without giving out any information and got right to the point. She flipped on me immediately, denying she was gay and demanding a name. I hung up without telling her anything and was curious as to why she'd lie about being gay. Usually, hard asses like her tell it like it is with no fear. They're the types who don’t give a shit whatsoever about what someone else thinks. It was obvious too, by her looks, the sound of her voice, and definitely her attitude.

I gave up on her for almost two months until I looked in the phone book. There were three others with her last name listed, so I called her mother and her sister-in-law. Her parents were pissed, and her sister-in-law was too, but then they became friendly, figuring I was trying to help Laurie. I told them both that Laurie was gay and afraid to tell them. The mother swore at me, saying it was Laurie's business what she does. I asked the sister-in-law if she knew; she said no and that people's sexual preferences are none of her business. She also said Laurie knows she can talk to her and knows she works with a gay woman.

Finally, late one night at 3 AM, I called her brother Tim and “crossed” him with Laurie. They were confused at first until I whispered, “Laurie.”

She goes, “What was that?”

Tim said, “Someone just whispered ‘Laurie.’”

Laurie asks, “Are you serious?”

Then, after Tim said yes, Laurie told him to hang up and let his machine pick up to see if they could get a voice. I did call and left a tape of Nervous and Fran's brother Rick arguing on his machine. I did this a few times until I called back, begging for him to pick up the phone, all the while playing the AT&T operator. He did, and I crossed him with Laurie.

Laurie immediately told Tim, “That woman's on the line. I’m gonna kill you and pummel your face in. We’re gonna come down real hard on you, woman, as soon as we get a name. We know you’re connected with the hospital. That much we got.”

Tim said, “Laurie, when you get her, have her killed.”

She said, “With my very little hands.”

So finally, I spoke up with all my wacky lines and really confused them as to who the fuck I am and where I am and how I have so much information. I told her how I saw her and liked what I saw.

I asked her how you get AIDS in your ear, and she said she didn’t know. I said, “By listening to assholes,” and then she said she must have AIDS in her ear.

Tim asked which one was going to be the dominant one, and I began singing Crazy in Love with You by Linda. Laurie said, “You are crazy for sure.”

I said I was half sane, half insane.

Laurie said, “No, you’re leaning on a good 95% insane.”

I said, “Well, if you let me have a date with you, I’ll drop it to 90%.”

Finally, Tim told Laurie he thought the whole thing was amusing.

Laurie said, “Well, I don’t. Not at this point.”

Even though she was pissed, you could tell she was quite curious.

After Tim hung up, I told her I’d only seen her once and mentioned her lighting my cigarette. I never mentioned Kim’s name or my last name or address, but I did give her my first name and phone number.

She swore she’d never harm me and said, “We all have our skeletons in the closet, but I don’t think you’re a bad person. I have the information now, Jodi, and I could do something if I wanted to, but I’m not going to. I give you my word as a woman and as a cop: I could, but I won’t. However, if you agree to stop calling my family and call me here at a decent hour, I’ll talk to you.”

After I hung up, I realized she could find out who and where I am, as I know so many cops. I also knew that if she spoke to cops who knew me, they’d put in a good word for me. I figured, why worry about it anyway? Yes, I was skeptical, but she really had me believing she was sincere.

The next day, I left two messages on her machine in the early afternoon, plenty of time before she was to be at work. I tried other times too, but hung up as soon as I got the machine.

At that point, I started to get a bad feeling. After three days of not hearing from her, I got a call from Sergeant D at the Springfield Police Department. At first, I hung up on him until I realized two things: one, he and Laurie had probably found out my full name and where I live; two, he sounded nice and not “out to get me” in a bad way. He sounded much nicer than Laurie. At that point, I could see that Laurie would freak out over anything and was just another insensitive, lying butch.

I tried to call Sergeant D back, but he had already left.

I called Laurie after that; of course, she had her answering machine on and said, “I want you both to call me back, and I want to know why you lied.”

I’ll write more after I watch A Current Affair. I spoke to Andy last night, so later I’ll write about that too.

Later...

I watched A Current Affair but decided not to watch Unsolved Mysteries as it was another repeat. You’d think with all the crime in the world, they’d come up with new shows, but I guess not.

Last night when Andy called, he played me a tape of some calls he’d made. They were funny. He said that as soon as he fills up the tape, he’ll mail it to me so I can edit it.

He also told me that he and a friend are going to see Gloria in July. He’s going to send me two tour books. Two, because they put pictures back-to-back. We figure they’ll be $10 apiece, so instead of him sending me $35—which he owes me—he’ll send $15. I told him to send me the money right away, and I’m mailing him a tape of the new edits.

Now, to continue with Laurie, Sergeant D, and the bench warrant: the following night, I went to the movies with Kim. Upon returning home, there were two messages on my machine. First was D, sounding friendly and patient, telling me he just wanted to run a few things by me and to call collect if I wanted to “save a dime.” Lord only knows what my phone bill is gonna be, even though it was worth it.

The second message was from Laurie, with a slight snobbish edge, though she was calm. She said, “Hi Jodi, this is Laurie H. If you’re there, I’d appreciate you picking up the phone (pause). Well, obviously, you have my number. Return the call, and I’ll talk to you at this point. Thanks. Bye.”

First I tried reaching D, but once again, it was too late. He had gone home.