I believe tomorrow’s Gloria’s 37th birthday.

I fell asleep around 9 PM and got up 5 hours later. I got more of a period. I feel OK, though, cuz yesterday I slept very long.

I told Tom about the injection, and when I see Dr. Rausch in about a month, I’ll ask him more about it. We originally planned on me not doing anything till January, even though, Tom said to do whatever I want whenever and that he wants a kid. Well, I’m probably gonna get on this stuff as soon as I can cuz I’m sick of his shit and he’ll never change. I’m sick of him not putting his actions where his mouth is and maybe he says he wants a kid, but I don’t. No more games! I don’t care if my getting this stuff hurts him. Don’t you think his bullshit about us having a kid has hurt me more? I’m not gonna be played for a fool. I love him, but he’s not gonna tease me about this subject anymore. He can say he wants a kid 100 times a day. I don’t believe it! If I ever see a day when he cums, then I’ll believe it. And I’m not talking about an occasional orgasm during the times of my cycle when I can’t conceive if all’s OK with me. I want to see some serious, consistent effort before I ever buy anything he says.

How can this guy be such a saint otherwise? How can the same person have every good quality a human can possibly have and be such a liar and a joker on this one subject? Why is he doing this to me? Why is God doing this to me? Just what did I do to get into and deserve this situation? How can a guy tell me so much about how he wants a kid and that I’d be a good mother, yet do absolutely nothing about it?

Well, the otherwise saint was a real saint and hero at work. After only being there 3 months he’s now Employee of the Month. They gave him 3 balloons, candy, a letter opener, shoe polish, and a few other things.

Later...

Tom and Tammy talked yesterday cuz Tammy wanted to ask him about her piece of shit computer she says she’s ready to shoot. Tom’s gonna send her some programs.

A commercial came on for a service we’ll probably never need, but it’s nice to know about it anyway for $40. The number is 1-800-US-SEARCH and they find past/lost friends and family members with a full name provided to them. Is this commercial a sign that yes, I will get Robin’s full name, but have no way to find her? Or find someone who can tell me if she’s dead? I’d start my search in Maine or Massachusetts first, but she could be anywhere.

Later...

Tweak Daddy is leaving early this morning.

Anyway, I’m writing on my bed now with Tom still sound asleep in the bed next door. When I look at him, I feel so much love, but I also feel so much anger. I still feel foolish and awkward about praying to God to help him, cuz only he can help himself.

A part of me is considering returning to dancing just to make him feel part of how I’m feeling, but I don’t think I could stoop that low. Plus, all he’d feel was a little worried. He would not feel the emotions I’m feeling and as deep as I feel them.

As for this injection, I’m very seriously considering it before January. He might pretend this bothers him, but to me, it’s all a show to cover the truth. He had the nerve to say to me, “Well, obviously if you want this, you’re saying you don’t want a child.”

No, I’m saying I don’t want periods until and if I see him cum. Also, even if we had the one kid we want, who needs or wants periods till they hit menopause? The reason why I say he had the nerve to say that is due to how easy it is for me to say, “Obviously if you don’t cum, you’re saying you don’t want a child.”