Tom and I had a pleasant morning. He went down on me and I did him by hand. He didn’t get off, though, cuz he was pressed for time and very tired. He’s been staying up late by the phone in case Ma calls. He says at least he’ll be built up and ready for the weekend. I hope this weekend will be as wonderful as last and that he doesn’t slip back into his old ways.

Tom was giving classic examples of how people just can’t deal with things that are different and how so many people think they’re better than others. I can kind of relate to the feelings of being superior, though. I wouldn’t say so to others or treat them differently, but I feel superior to most people. I hate society and I just think people, in general, are just too fucked up or too stupid.

Mary has a touch of Tammy in her. Tammy’s always felt superior to me cuz she’s older with 3 kids, etc. Well, according to Tom, Mary’s been treating Dad like a 2-year-old and like she’s so much more responsible and smarter than her brothers (though she is, excluding Tom), and David does nothing but bitch about all the stress he’s under. And I guess Ray’s stupid and Steven doesn’t get it.

Tom said, “Different people deal with things in their own way, but it’s amazing how people want to run scared when something or someone’s different or unusual.”

Oh, I know all about that. That’s why I never had very many friends and so many problems with people. I’m not perfect, either, and this may sound stuck-up and selfish, but the general population just isn’t good enough for me, so I guess we’re even.

I thought I heard those kids out back two yards down. In this fucking heat? Shit! They are gonna practically live out there from September to May if they can be out there in July.

Yes, the heat returned a few days ago, but it’s still a bit humid. It’s perked me back up, though, as the rain had made me energyless. It usually does.

I realize something else about something Gloria and I have in common. True love. If there’s anything I’d change, I’d have Tom be my first and only love, too, and I’d have been here, been ready for him, and been with him as soon as I was legal age.

I cleaned the house yesterday which Tom noticed. I had to really talk myself into getting started, but once I did get started, I was off on a roll. I cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. I dusted and vacuumed the whole house, then mopped the kitchen floor.

I forgot to mention that I called information to see if there was a Fran P listed within the Springfield area. Not cuz I’d ever want to talk to him again, but cuz I wanted to see if my vibes have been right all along as to why he hasn’t called in so long. Sure enough, there was no Fran P listed, so he’s either dead, in jail, in the funny farm, or without a phone. There’s still also a good chance he lost our number and can’t remember my married name, thank God, otherwise he’d be trying to call here and there from other people’s phones, no doubt, no matter where he was. I’m pretty sure that’s it, cuz Andy’s friend Donna’s grandmother still gets yearly calls in Springfield.

Later…

Got a message on AOL from Tammy, who I also spoke to. She and her family are driving to Florida (they can’t afford to fly) on the 17th, then they’ll return a week later. They’re gonna stay with a friend of Bill’s for a night or two in Orlando, then at Mom and Dad’s for a couple of nights.

I told Tammy I got a faint flicker of a feeling that someone may break into her house while she’s gone, but I hope I’m wrong.

Tom still hasn’t mentioned the secret and now I wonder if he has it in mind to get me pregnant, then say that was the secret. Meaning, maybe he’ll come out and tell me yes, he planned everything this way. I don’t know, though, it really does seem like he just needed an unusually extra-long time to develop with me sexually. I just hope 3 of my worst fears don’t come true. 1. That he returns to not cumming. 2. That I can’t get pregnant. 3. That I do get pregnant but lose it.

Later…

I sang and watched some TV, but now I think I’ll go play computer games and maybe do some drawing.

Later…

So much for trying to eat hotdogs outside without getting hounded by all those birds.

It’s so cool how things have changed for the better for us, besides his cumming. At first I felt like we weren’t physical enough, we didn’t have sex enough and he didn’t cum. Now he cums and we have sex more often and are more physical with each other even when we’re not having sex. I love it this way. Of course, I never thought I’d ever say that or feel that way, too.

I’m a person who loves to analyze things and play detective, so that’s what I’m gonna do now. When I think back to yesterday, I find it pretty weird that the mailman would deliver next door’s phone bill, then return 10 minutes later with our mail. See, I think this is an intentional game he’s playing. I haven’t seen any of the mail carriers around here in ages, but shortly after I got here, and for quite a while after, there was a regular mailman. He liked me. I mean, I could tell he was attracted to me, even though he never said one word about it or anything else other than “Hello” and “How are you?” Maybe he’s been misdelivering the mail with the hopes that I’ll go out and talk to him about it face-to-face. And that way, he’d get to see me again.

I hope to hell Wendy doesn’t call like hell this weekend, cuz we probably won’t be able to ignore the phone in case his mom calls. She’s called 100 times in the last few weeks and it really pisses me off how I’m trying to have a conversation with my husband who I don’t get to see that much due to all this stuff with his dad, then she calls. I wanted to say something like, “Look. The man’s super busy. His dad’s dying. I don’t get to see him that much, so back off, OK?” 

But Tom assured me that if he felt bugged by her he’d let her know. I hope so, cuz most of the time he’s just too damn nice and he’s got too much patience and tolerance. These are great qualities to have but within reason. And so what if she doesn’t bug him yet? She bugs me!

Later…

I just got an idea. Well, I’m taking my time writing up Andy’s journal little by little, since I want to stretch it right to before his birthday which is February 15th. As I write little chunks of it, I’ll copy it into my journals so that I have it written, as well as on the computer. I’ll start with what I’ve got so far. Whenever I’m copying stuff from Andy’s journal, I’ll put an AJ at the start and end of each chunk I copy. I’ll omit all the AJs from my typed version of these journals, cuz it has its own file.

Looks like little Miss Joely next door has no car. That old guy drops her off.

Well, well. No wonder I haven’t heard them. Perhaps they’ve decided to grant my request? Mike just came in with the music so low, I could barely hear it. Let’s hope it stays that way and for no longer than 20 seconds.