Got lots to update on. For starters, I got the Fairy of Cork. She’s cute and her fiber optics display is much nicer than Chris’s. It’s more colorful, displaying more of my favorite colors. Chris only displayed green and red with a touch of blue. I’m sure Paula will love her, though. I doubt she’s ever had anything like the dolls I’m sending her and I doubt she ever will, either. I think this will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her.

Anyway, this fairy’s not attached to her wings which is what the fiber optics are attached to. She’s supposed to sit on a seat up against the wings that are attached to the back of the seat, but I thought she blocked too much of the wings. Therefore, I stuck a Kelsey doll on it. Kelsey dolls are slightly smaller than Barbies. This doll looks better on it. Meanwhile, I put the fairy on a shelf in my office. The only thing is that she’s battery-operated also. I thought she was a plug-in.

Other than that she’s 14” with red hair and green eyes with purple glitter eyeshadow.

I got two letters from Mary. The letters themselves were brief. The bulk of what she sent was book parts. I’ve got about 32 pages to type up.

So Hope’s trial is done from what she told me. The day after she sent the letter was the day the verdict was to be in, but I don’t know what it is or how she went from looking at 40 years to life, but this is what Mary told me. I know this is Arizona and that Arizona will practically hang a person just for breathing wrong, but she must’ve done more than break her baby’s ribs, as bad as I know that alone is. Maybe Mary can fill me in more cuz I just looked again and couldn’t find squat online.

Are those of us who supposedly sent threatening letters that much more entertaining than the child abusers?! If Hope’s kid were black, that’d be different. Then they’d plaster her story all over the place, calling her a racist.

The for-sale sign’s gone. I don’t know if it’s cuz someone knocked it down or if that property is sold. All I can do is what I always do when it comes to any new neighbors – hope they’re white and not trouble-makers. Especially not trouble-makers, but as I learned, all I can do is take whatever shit people dish out to me. The only one that suffers when someone fucks me over is me and the only one that suffers when I try to fuck someone else over is also me, so I won’t even bother to think about any kind of complaints or retaliation. It’ll either be useless or get me thrown in jail.

It looks like the shower leak’s fixed that he caulked, so that’s good. Also, he epoxied Ciara’s stand, my big 38” doll.

I switched back to my old wallpaper changer cuz Webshots was getting to be a pain, always wanting me to compress files and not saving pictures from other sites into my wallpaper directory. It’d save them to the directory, I’d just have to create a whole new file in order to add them in. With this one, I don’t have to do that. I still have Webshots on my computer, though, so I can still get pictures from them, then export them to my directory/changer.

I finally called and spoke to Justin and Paula after Paula said she’d call me back and never did. Without telling her what I was sending, I told her to stay out of jail so she could get the 2 or 3 packages I plan on shipping. Also, I hope she’ll at least be kind enough to call and let me know when she gets them. Hopefully, her PO won’t shelve them for a month before letting her know they’re there. I wonder how it is that they know when a package contains something that’s back-ordered. Unless it’s just part of the doll curse that’s on me, and hopefully not on her too, the PO has some way of knowing which dolls were back-ordered. Those are the ones I get as soon as they arrive.

Tom didn’t even have to wait in line for the fairy. This time they put her in the box they left him a key to.

Anyway, I spoke to Justin as well, answering a few computer questions for him. I told him I’d hang up with him and go send him direct links to all my albums and to let me know if it worked, and it did. I figured it would, cuz it worked for Mary. I’m still going to enclose a picture CD in one of the doll boxes for them.

He tried to get me to tell him what I was sending his mom, promising not to tell, but I knew he would. I gave him hints, though. I said there were 15 of them and that they consisted of a good variety. Also, like I told Paula, she needs to start making as much room in her place as she can.

Naturally, in spite of how dumb his poor mom is, Justin’s obviously not very bright himself. His writing was the equivalent of a 5-year-old’s, rather than an 11-year-old’s. Even an 11-year-old should know that ‘didn’t’ isn’t spelled ‘dint’. They must suspect I’m sending dolls, though, cuz I find it really hard to believe they could be that stupid.

All Paula had to say was the usual – how much stress this guy brings her whom she has so much fun in the woods and who dropped the charges he filed on her. I asked her, but what if he files charges again and doesn’t drop them?

“Then I’ll do 90 days in jail,” she said, “but God help him when I get out.”

I just don’t understand why she’d want to hang out with someone who could land her in jail, let alone put all the stress on her that he does. I don’t know, maybe she likes it in a sick, twisted sort of way. My own sister gets off on abuse from men.

Anyway, I told Justin that Tom would load up IM software so we can do instant messages.

I sent album links to chickenmax to see if they’d pick up their mail from me since I knew it would automatically notify me as soon as it was. They never picked it up and now I’m not sure what to think. Is it them shutting me out, or is it someone else altogether? Neither one makes sense at this point. If it was them, why ignore my mail when they could either block me out or change their address? If it’s not them, wouldn’t they either read the mail out of curiosity or let me know, hey, we don’t know each other?

Well, either way, I won’t be sending anything else.

I saw a roadrunner eat a baby prairie dog yesterday. I didn’t know they were carnivorous, but some birds are, so why not?

No cheeks today. I wish he’d show up on a day when Tom and the car were gone, so I could have the pleasure of saying “no” to anything freeloader-related, though I will say “no” the next time he wakes me up.

I thought we were going to get stormed on yesterday evening, but all we got was some wind, one little rumble of thunder, and a tiny bit of rain.

I know it’s a waste of time worrying about us getting old and dying while we’re still in our 30s and 40s, but I fear the end and that we’ll be alone and helpless. How will I take care of him if he gets really sick or senile when he gets old? How will I see him if he’s in a nursing home? What if he dies first and I’m forced to kill myself, knowing I couldn’t go on without him, and wouldn’t want to, even if I had all the money and transportation in the world? What if someone killed my husband, like some pig on a macho car chase that I couldn’t get to in order to kill them before I killed myself?

What if, what if, what if! Wish I could quit the what-ifs! But that’s easier said than done when it comes to Tom, my one and only true blessing in life. It’s not that I don’t have any other blessings, but most of those are material.

Ironically, ever since I quit wanting a kid, babies don’t always seem to be everywhere I go, though I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Back when I wanted one, it was in everyone’s conversation, on every billboard I’d pass by – everywhere. It was as if something up there wanted to torture me all the more, though it is still on TV like crazy. Yeah, I saw part of a documentary where a teenage gang-banger was expecting. She’s totally the kind that makes my blood boil.

Yesterday’s trip to the dentist went well. No cavities. They did X-rays like they say they do periodically. They did it right there in the chair, too. At the other place, you had to go into this little x-ray booth.

She asked me if I was still drawing, then I remembered the pictures I sent her. I told her I got sick of that and had hopes of becoming a dollmaker. She said that sounded cool and that maybe I could show her pictures. I asked for her email address and sent her the links to my albums so she could see what I have already, besides the critters and the land which we also discussed.

She complimented me as usual, telling me she likes my hair color.

Got a good-sized sample of toothpaste and another whitening kit. The stuff really works. I think this will be the last time I’ll need to do this for quite a while.

On our way out of the waiting room, the doctor asked if we knew the man waiting for the next appointment, a guy who was also from Maricopa. He told us where he lived and we both knew the streets he mentioned. He has a conservatory business at his place. Tom got his web address. We might go check it out sometime, as well as this place in town just 10 minutes from us that has porcelain doll signs. I don’t know if they sell them or just make them or both.

Later…

Another pretty rainbow off in the distance. It’s clouding up out there, but I don’t know if we’ll get a storm or how much of one we’ll get if we do.

We went the way we usually don’t go on our way back home yesterday and saw that they were paving more of the main road. Just two years ago we were 7 miles from any paved roads. Soon we’ll be just about one mile away!

Anyway, after leaving the dentist’s, we went to Fry’s Electronics. He got a new computer case and a new modem, in case the one we were using was no good. It was okay, though, so we’ll keep it as a backup. After an hour’s worth of work, Tom got us back online. At least we were only unable to go online for a day and not weeks.

I also got some white paper as well as decorative paper with a big tulip. At home, I sent in for the $3 rebate on the white paper.

Our last stop was Denny’s. Not only was the food great (my T-bone was cooked to perfection and cut very easily), but the people were civilized for a change. It was just our luck that no screamers were near us. The oldest kid around us was around 10.