I did some cleaning, did my workout, printed out the grocery list, so now I’m free to read, write, watch TV or whatever.

I was surprised to find I have a 29” waist at 125 pounds. I’m surprised it’s not 1-3 inches bigger. The combination of the crunches and the zapper really helps. It’s been a while since I’ve “dieted.” Working out won’t make me lose weight, but it’ll keep my weight where it’s at, and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m not going to lose weight. Just like you can’t have thin curly hair or thick straight hair, middle age and skinniness just don’t go together. Not without drugs, a serious lack of eating, or some medical problem. It’s simply not natural for 95% of those over 30 to be thin and I wouldn’t lose the weight even if I could. Why lose weight I’d only pack on two weeks later?

I’m pleased to see that Scot has skipped July altogether as far as bugging me here at home goes. I thought he would. More so, I hoped he would. I still don’t think I’m gonna get 3 months off from him here, though. I think the time I did was only a fluke. It makes no sense to come less often when I’ve got more of a reason to run and then start coming more often when that reason lessens a little with time. Something else was no doubt going on in his life that actually took higher priority than me.

Paula is one fucked up individual. It’s sad. It really is. I told her to dump this cock that filed charges on her that he dropped, warning her that things wouldn’t get better and that he’d probably file charges again. Well, she didn’t dump him and he did file charges again. So now she’s got a show-cause hearing on August 15th.

After asking myself numerous times how she can keep putting up with the same old shit from the same old types of guys, the answer’s as clear as it was when I asked myself that about Tammy. She likes it. She truly likes it. It’s both sad and sick, but some people are like that. No one can be so dumb and naïve as to just happen to get with the wrong guys this many times. She’s obviously actively seeking this type out. It’s bad enough that they’re cocks, most of which are sickos, but to make bad news even worse, these are Ricans she’s going after.

Just like there are pain freaks out there, there are stress freaks, too. I honestly believe she enjoys the stress, the anger and the frustration. She’s an aggressive person who loves a good fight. Paula would be absolutely miserable if she suddenly had a good life with good people in it. That’s just not for her.

I’m not going to bother emailing her because half the time Justin doesn’t let her see the email. In an email I sent last night, I said I wasn’t smart enough to figure out the Hairdini and maybe she could. Then Justin replies saying: yer smarter.

Yeah, I am. At least when it comes to who I hang with. One can only advise a person so many times not to hang with users and abusers whether or not they’re related to us, but it’s up to them to do what they’re going to do.

Her selfishness really irritates me at times. All she wants to do is bitch about her fucked up men when we talk. Never does she ask about me, about Tom, etc. She did ask if it was hot out here, but that’s about it. It gets so frustrating. I try to change the subject and talk about something more cheerful, but then she goes right back to the usual shit she cries about.

I’m going to be talking to her less and less and writing less and less, too. I’m sorry for her, but it gets old. It really does. I’m not going to “dump” her and I’m not going to try to change her. I’m not Dureen. But I am going to avoid contact with her more often. That is after I find out if she got the package okay, then, if I can get a word in edgewise throughout her non-stop babbling and bitching, I’ll see if I can find out what she thinks of the stuff.

I can relate to and understand her selfishness to a degree. Abuse tends to make a person selfish, cuz whether or not you get off on it, you’re so wrapped up in your day-to-day survival that you’re just not in a position to be thinking of others.