Today it’s been exactly 20 years since I jumped. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, and at the same time, it seems like it was a century ago.

As always, the welfare bums have to take precedence over everything else, so although I’m going to try my best, I’m not going to kill myself trying to get to the wedding. At least I couldn’t be thrown in jail for it if I didn’t make it! I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if I were hit on at the wedding for two reasons. One, I’m married now, and two, I don’t look like I did a decade ago. Andy used to insist when I was a 100-pound 24-year-old, that the reason so many women didn’t hit on me was that they were intimidated by my looks, though I still think it was because of my femininity. Maybe not, though, for I may now be a 122-pound (yes, I lost another pound), 37-year-old, but I’m still quite feminine!

I got a nice long letter from Mary. She started off by telling me she could use some of my jokes, so I decided that the next thing to go out would be the envelope with the jokes, among other things.

She described her 7-day journey of a nightmare in vivid detail. I was wrong in assuming they slept on the bus. They were actually holed up in various jails along the way. They were strip-searched and walked to and fro at gunpoint by the extradition officers, though I’d rather that than have to pee in front of people. The surprising and good thing about it, though, is that they played an endless slew of DVDs on the bus! One jail even gave each inmate two packs of cigarettes and two books of matches! Mary smoked like a chimney, she told me.

She told me of her favorite actress and actors and I told her of my favorite actresses. As young as she is, I don’t even know if she knows who Kate Jackson is, and if so, has she seen her in the 70s when she was on Charlie’s Angels?

I had to laugh when she said she was by the “golf” when it’s spelled “gulf.”

I guess the reason she didn’t fly to Florida was due to the threat of terrorist attacks. Plus, she said something about a shooting that happened on the freeway near the airport. She thought she was going to the airport when she first boarded the bus, but as she’d learned, she was quite wrong on that one. Wearing street clothes along the way, the first place she was brought to was Florence prison which she said was cold, dark and scary with tons of male inmates everywhere. From Florence, she went to Albuquerque, Amarillo, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Memphis, Nashville, Knoxville, Birmingham, Montgomery, Pensacola, Tallahassee, Orlando, Tampa, Sarasota, and finally Fort Myers. She was sick as a dog and bruised from the cuffs, belly chains and shackles upon arrival. She said Fort Myers was totally different than when she was there in 2000 as they had remodeled.

She mentioned Terri stopping in to see her, the DA she’s a witness for. There’s still a chance that she may possibly get 10 years in prison, but at least she already has 3 years in towards whatever she ends up getting. Who knows, though? Maybe this really isn’t the homestretch. But at least if she goes to prison, she won’t be on the road for a week first. They’ll just take her to the local prison. I still vibe a late ’05 release, though, so we’ll see. It’s too soon to know for sure what to expect, but we know she’s going to be where she is right now for a while. Who knows how many delays there’ll be with this trial? Scot, her private attorney there, told her to get comfortable, and her aunt, who she says is ill, told her to spend away and do whatever she needs to to be comfortable.

Another reason she was moved, she said, was to make it easier on the detectives and DA.

She feels empty and confused but is taking self-help classes and taking means to achieve her GED as she only has a 4th-grade level.

She says that since she’s getting along with the other inmates in the dorm she’s in which houses 24 women, she’s gone GP. I guess the dorm she’s in is similar to an Estrella pod with a day room and tiers of cells. All they do is close your door when you’re PC. They can’t open/close their doors as they wish.

When I filled Tom in on the highlights of her letter, he told me that very few places, like Estrella, make you work. It was just my shit luck I had to be in Estrella then, huh? Had I known a few months before I was sentenced, when they hauled me to Florence, that I’d have to do 6 months no matter what, I would not have bonded out. I’d have stayed there, so I could do at least 4 of the 6 months in Florence, which I personally found to be a lot nicer, before being transferred to Phoenix.

The sucky thing is that she’s got bars on the door. I know I prefer steel/Plexiglas. How thunderous the noise must be! So, I guess where she is is like A400 with an open pod where they can go in and out of their cells, but if they close their doors they’ll lock. I don’t know if I’d like that. I wouldn’t want all the people out and about in the pod all day pestering me at my door, and I’d be afraid of being ripped off while I was in the shower or something.

She assured me she’d hold her own if anyone tried to attack her and go after them as if they were Monster himself.

She’s definitely done with Todd, Michelle and the whole family and said not to bother sending their Christmas card.

I emailed Chuck a note for her and assured her I’d get a big manila envelope and a letter out to her later on today when Tom goes grocery shopping.

Speaking of books, I was so, so flattered when she asked for my autobiography! Usually, I have to offer and don’t get asked first. You don’t know how flattering that was to me! Yes, I’ll send it like she asked when all of her stuff is sent. The funny thing is that I was going to ask if she wanted a new copy because it’s been revised, edited and corrected a bit since she first read it.

I got a kick out of how she said that as far as a guy goes, “Not only will I have Chuck do a background check on them, but he doesn’t have to be normal, just not abuse me mentally, verbally or physically.”

No one’s “normal,” I assured her, but still, I got where she was coming from. I also had to laugh when she said social drinking was okay, but no profanity. We’d make a lousy pair if I were a guy or she was gay since I don’t drink, but I do swear a lot!

She enjoys the tropical climate and says the food’s great. They get eggs (I take it they’re real), pancakes, hot Hamburger Helper meals and unlimited coffee. This makes me realize all the more just how demented Sheriff Joe really is!

She got my first letter alright, but obviously sent this letter to me right before she would’ve received the first manila envelope, so long as they let her have it.

She said that if she had to have anyone in the whole world to be my best friend, she’s glad it’s me. How sweet! She’s definitely my best friend, too.

The officers there are simply called officers. They don’t use the words COs, DOs, Ad-Seg or tank orders. Those are called information slips.

Also, they can receive 5x7 pictures. The other places only allowed 3x5. I’ve already got stuff printed out at 3x5, but after that, I’ll remember to make them 5x7.

Lastly, she says she’s working on her book but is unsure of where she left off. Therefore, I sent her the last few paragraphs she sent me before she left so she could take it from there.

The oleanders and the poplars are doing so well. The oleander’s blooms are really sprouting and the poplars are already sprouting leaves! The Rose of Sharon and elms are doing okay, but the lavender bush, bulbs and tulip trees aren’t showing any signs of life yet. We probably won’t be able to order more plants by mail till next spring, so maybe we can plant oleanders throughout the year till then? Just not as many since they’re more expensive. If they were as cheap as the Rose of Sharon I’d just as well do the perimeters with those, but they’re a few bucks each and that’d add way up.

It’s neat how some of the plants we got by mail were grown in Tennessee while others were grown in Minnesota.