We not only ordered from Yves online but were able to do it through Lucky Points. I can even get Ashton-Drake dolls through them when the time comes!

For just $2.95 shipping, I’m getting a week’s trial of this diet patch they have now which they claim is all-natural and that 93% of those who use it lose 7-10 pounds a week. They say it suppresses your appetite and boosts your metabolism. I know they can make things to suppress appetites, but I still don’t believe there’s anything we can do or take to boost our metabolism. I’m trying it more out of curiosity than anything. I still say that if they’d stop using models who are young and usually skinny anyway, I’d be more impressed. They also claim you don’t need to exercise, but I’d never stop exercising no matter what my weight was. I like the feeling of being fit, strong and agile.

Supposedly it’s to be shipped within 24 hours and I’m to receive it in a week, but I accidentally gave them a bogus email address. The one I use when getting samples to avoid spam. Tom’s worried they might get paranoid and think we’re trying to scam them and therefore help themselves to everything that’s in the account, but will keep a watch on it. I’m more worried they won’t bother to bill or send us the item, but we’ll see. If I’m meant to get it, I will. I just know that either way it won’t work because I’m middle-aged and meant to be fat, but I couldn’t resist settling my curiosity. If it were pills or drinks, I wouldn’t bother. But a patch? This I gotta see. That’ll be the day when anyone, young or old, can slap on a patch and lose weight!

Someone bought another old computer programming book from the store and someone else got 4 things from the store. It’s great that the cheap books and software are selling, but I wish Samantha would sell! I decided to auction Amelia starting at $9.99. I’m sure she’ll go that way because she’s a Paradise Galleries doll. When we get moved I’ll want to place Maria in the store. She’s really not that great of a doll.

I haven’t smelled that foul smell since we discovered and fixed the pipe problem with the water heater, so we’re thinking it was connected to that and that what I was smelling was a build-up of mold. The water tank is also at the end of the house where the smell was strongest.

Later…

I am so pissed off right now I could break a champion wrestler in half! The bank is still fucking with us. Damn them and damn God for letting this happen! No one can get information or documentation as to how much we owe. When the title company went to call to try to find out, they hung up on them. We’re still hoping the investor, who’s coming out tomorrow morning, will buy it and leave a little leftover for us to move on, but we still may have to have his mother get us current. It’s the only way to take back the ammunition that the bank has got against us. If we’re current and go to list the house normally, they can’t do shit to us, though we could end up here for several more months. What’s scary is that they can alter the numbers and say we owe way more than we do, and we have no money for lawyers in which to fight them.

Once again, nothing up there likes us. Nothing. It never ends. It never fucking ends! Everybody’s always got a hold on Tom and Jodi, but never could Tom and Jodi have a hold on others, not that we’d want to. We just want people to leave us the fuck alone! God, I wish those freeloaders were here right now! It’s times like this when I just want to mutilate everyone that’s ever fucked me, Tom or both of us over, one by one.

I tell people to just ignore me if they don’t like me, and well, I wish God would do the same. If he hates me so much then why does he even bother with me? Can anyone just not like someone and avoid them, or do they always have to screw those they hate along the way?

It’s scary that people can have such power and control over us as free adults. We don’t care that our credit’s fucked up because we intend to deal with cash only from now on, but it’s still scary to know that this cock that fired Tom, who I never even met, could so easily turn our lives upside down and fuck up our credit as he has. Meanwhile, if I wanted to do that to someone or get them thrown in jail, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. All I can do is place spells and hope they work. I would love to have 5 minutes alone, for example, with the monster Mary was with. I know beyond a doubt that I could mutilate him in minutes. He wouldn’t think I could and his underestimating me, along with my rage, would be all it’d take, regardless of size difference, and I have experience and faith in myself when it comes to fighting. I’ve been in numerous fights in my life and am sure there’s more to come. At my size, you’re gonna get provoked and jumped here and there, even if you’re heavy. Anyway, since I can’t go to the jail and ask to be alone with him in his cell for a little while, I can only resort to my spells and hope they work. On the other hand, if God’s stripped me of the power to fight back against those who have wronged me, then I don’t know if I could harm someone who’s harmed someone else. The only time I’ve been known to be able to make someone sick was when they pissed me off because of something they either did to me or Tom.

I just want to get out of here and into a place we own outright NOW. Then, once the house is built, Tom won’t have to work outside of the house so long as the business is successful. At least we won’t have a huge mortgage to worry about if he gets laid off or fired.

Either way, there’s nothing more infuriating and frustrating than being fucked over while there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it but wait until it’s over and hope they don’t get you too bad. Even when you can fight your perps, you still can’t always fight God. Meaning, we can get in a position where no one can legally fuck us over, but what I wonder is if that’ll encourage God to do other things to get at us, like sic a homicidal maniac on us. I’d like to think he could never hate us enough to do something like have a sicko like that hold us hostage in our home and torture and kill us, but he’s hated others enough to have this done to them, so why should we be an exception? I just hope to hell we are an exception because his doing other things worries me. His hold we can never break free of. We’re forever at his mercy. I was raised to believe this and I still believe it as an independent adult with a mind of her own.

It wouldn’t make sense for God or whatever to have us stuck here for several more months. Something has always wanted us out of here, so you mean now it may not let us leave? That’d make no sense. If we do get stuck here, though, at least it’s not jail, and for once - for once - it’s not the freeloaders fucking us over.

My attitude towards God was similar to how it was with my family, both in the past and the present. I would try to seek out my family’s love and acceptance in the past, and, after two years of hopeless prayers for a baby back when I wanted one, I began to pray to God to keep me from getting pregnant. I know it sounds crazy, but it was the only way I felt loved by him because I knew that no matter what, he wasn’t going to allow me a child. Then once I got into my thirties, I just didn’t give a damn anymore what they thought as long as they’d stay out of my life and leave me alone. Well, I’ve achieved that with my family, but how do I ever achieve that with God?

Later…

I’ve been working on Angel Eyes now for 6 weeks and am on page 70. I think it may be 100 pages, but can’t say for sure.

Here’s a new reason to hope the investor takes the house, though it’s not that big of a deal – another house has been pulled in in front of next door. It’s closer to Bitter Root which next door faces, so it’s the furthest one of the 3 houses over there. I’m not too thrilled about having to sit and listen to the tractors and whatever other equipment go grinding away for hours at a time while they set up, but there are worse things to have to listen to than that, so I’ll live.

Next door is really going to be unhappy, and there probably will be 2 or 3 houses dragged in here too, and then maybe George will get the fourth rental. What amazes me is that he hasn’t yet and that no houses have been put in front of us or on the north side, though the north side probably wouldn’t have stolen much privacy or peace from us.