Although there’s still a lot of good to this little excursion, it’s hot, uncomfortable days like this that get me pissed off at the folks, bro, sis and God. God hates me and there’s no denying it. Never once have they been put out in the ways that I have. Never once were they forced to live with low-life welfare bums. Never once have they struggled financially, etc. They got to stay in places they were happy in for years without the constant uprooting I’ve been forced to endure on account of various circumstances. I’m just as much the black sheep of the family now as I was as a kid. They’re all living in luxury while I’m suffering in this hot, still, humid heat that’s going to see no end in sight anytime soon. Life’s been handed to them on a silver platter and I’m like why, why, why? Why was I doomed for such a lack of stability and insecurity? Why did I have to have such lousy neighbors so much of the time? Why was I forbidden to experience true lust? It’s like I spend my time groping and grasping at nothing, and when I do manage to grasp whatever it is I grasped, it slips away from me in no time. It’s like, fuck this shit! It’s a never-ending cycle of bullshit!

It’s going to be in the high 80s all week, which means it’ll be in the low 90s in here if we don’t think of something quick. Especially if he gets a job by some miracle. If he doesn’t, then I can go into town with him while he hopelessly fills out applications. It’s his age that’s hindering him, I think. The world was meant for the young, skinny and rich, and in some cases, the Mexicans and blacks.

There are storm clouds everywhere now. The problem is, it doesn’t usually rain till after dark, so all it does is up the humidity. We slept with windows open last night for the first time to try to make it cold in here to prevent it from getting too hot, but it never cooled down last night!

It’s so, so obvious that something up there has it in for us and wants to see us put out and made to be very uncomfortable. So much for the better life I so foolishly hoped to have here!