I awoke at 11:00 at 84º. I got up, opened the windows and brought it down to 81º. Tom had long gone to work after waking me up twice with his movements, along with strange dreams. Then the rain came and knocked the temperature just under 80º, so I closed up. Amazingly, not one drop of water leaked in here. It rained like it does in Massachusetts in the summer. It drizzled on and off for a while at first, then it came down harder. There was no thunder or lightning.

They say it’s to be in the 90s for the rest of the week. That’ll make the afternoons rather toasty, but the nights will be pleasant. I won’t have to sleep in anything and we’ll save propane by not needing heat.

Not surprisingly, the better job didn’t call him. See? It isn’t only me. 90% of the population doesn’t get their “ideal” job or realize their dreams, even if I may be one of the few to end up glad they didn’t.

Instead, he came home beat and stiff from a shitty job. He says the job is so incredibly physical that it’ll surely kill him if he stays there for more than a few weeks. No wonder it’s a temp job, as he says. No one can last long at it!

So, tears of worry flowed for a few minutes from me, but not for long. I’m too angry to be melancholy for long. Angry that all we do is struggle our asses off year after year. Angry that we work so hard for so little and sometimes for nothing at all. Angry at the cock responsible for putting us in this predicament, though I do not wish to return to Maricopa. Angry that we keep getting kicked down when we do build ourselves back up. Angry that old curses just won’t die! What will happen when we have a house no one can take from us? Will God see to it that a forest fire destroys it and takes it from us that way? Or will he take me from it by having me set up again by some vindictive shit with certain connections? What will happen when there’s no more ammunition to use to wake me up after 4 hours of sleep every week or two? Will I wake up just because, for no apparent reason, unable to fall back asleep?

Anyway, Tom eased my doubts and concerns by assuring me that the jobs are out there, reminding me that it’s barely been 3 weeks since he started looking. Besides, he got yet another call. This one’s from the Ross clothing store that they plan to open in a few weeks. They’re screening applicants on Tuesdays till they open.

He explained how he could work the rest of the month, then take 7 weeks to find another job if need be, and still support us without touching the $2,500 that’s left of his mom’s money. That’s all well and good, and yes it’s some comfort to know this, but I’ll still feel better once he gets a full-time permanent job he can handle with benefits and with people who don’t use and abuse him!

A chipmunk was climbing the inside walls of the screen room earlier. It was cute. I just hope they don’t tear it up. Especially before the rats get moved in here. See, once the shed’s up, we plan to move them and the plants in here, mount the satellite on a pole, then turn this bed back into a table and put our monitors there.

He was too beat to check for mail today (I’ll admit I’m curious as to what Mary will have to say in her next letter if I get one), but if he doesn’t check tomorrow, he’ll at least grab some groceries. I barely had 1000 calories today, the start of the 30-day, money-saving, prove-Tom-wrong diet. I awoke at 127 pounds, just what I’ll be waking up at 30 days from now. Oh well. I may not be able to lose weight, but I sure as hell can maintain it!