Today’s our 12th anniversary and while it may not count for much with us being just friends, I still couldn’t imagine life without Tom. So to feel this way after so many years tells me I didn’t make no mistake 12 years ago today. His personality is way worth any amount of fun, and mutual sex with a gorgeous woman, not that that was ever meant to be for me anyway.

Yesterday he got me a small barrel cactus. Hope it lives. The lavenders didn’t make it. At least I got the pretty lavender-colored pot out of it in which the cactus is now living.

The Stick Man at the Incense Rack was so thrilled over the email I sent them letting them know how much I enjoyed my win that they put it in their ‘save’ folder. They always strive to produce good products at fair prices, they said. Well, I didn’t tell them that while it’s nice that the incense is fresh, their prices are insane! All but their 25-cent ‘try me’ packs are ridiculous anyway, which consist of 3 sticks each. Incense should never be more than a dime a stick and a retail 100-pack should never be over $5.50 yet they want $8 for their 100-packs! Kepa, however, is going to charge just 50¢ for 10-packs, 75 for 25-packs, $1.75 for 50-packs which is the price of Bendejo’s retail 20-packs, and $4.25 for 100-packs. Tom doesn’t see how they can afford to have their prices so low. I’m glad they’ll be making all their scents available in stick form soon, too. It used to be that most scents were only available as oils.

Mary’s annoying me again. Not with the favors, but with the sensitivity and taking things too seriously. I set her straight in my reply to her, but next time I won’t even bother. I don’t need any shit from anyone. I said I’d like to kill the canal dog at times and that set her off because her aunt’s neighbors poisoned her dog that wouldn’t shut up when she was 5 years old. As I reminded her, people say all kinds of things as a way of venting. She said she’d never speak to me again if I killed it, yet she continues to associate with those who have abused her. Besides, if Tom and I ever did kill any current or future neighbor’s dogs we wouldn’t tell anyone about it. We’re not stupid. Nonetheless, she knows she’s welcome to step out of my life if she needs to, and I told her this. I said I don’t mean to sound cold and indifferent in telling you this, but I’m used to people coming and going in my life, so it wouldn’t faze me. I mean, that is life, isn’t it?

She asked how I’d like it if someone killed my rat. Of course I wouldn’t like it, but I also wouldn’t let the rat annoy people and put her at risk. The dog owners need to take some, if not most of the responsibility.

Oh, and she also took my view of Westerners personally when she’s a Westerner herself. I reminded her that I never said all Westerners were bad, just that there seemed to be more rude, selfish, and vindictive people in the West than the East.

I’m amazed at just how defensive of guys she is for someone who’s gone through so much shit on account of them, as most women do, by saying that while I say most men don’t want kids, they really do because they want to procreate, it’s a macho thing, etc., though she admits they’re not always supportive after the kid’s born. I told her that while I’m no guy expert, this isn’t what I’ve personally seen in life and that the only reason there are so damn many people on earth is that they either don’t think they’ll get the women pregnant as long as they don’t want to, or they figure they can just take off if they do. I’ve heard just the opposite on the macho thing – that men find the idea of kids too non-macho. Macho to them, as far as I’ve always heard and seen, are things like sex, sports, cars, beer, etc. I think a lot of them tell women they want kids because they figure it’s what they want to hear, but this is just my opinion based on what I’ve personally observed. If I got a buck for every story I’ve heard regarding guys either preventing a woman from conceiving or who has run from fatherhood, I’d be filthy rich. I guess different people have different experiences with certain people/places/things. Helen said most of her experiences with blacks had been good. Mine hasn’t.

Her latest goal is to be a counselor when she gets out of there. Well, I won’t tell her this, but she’ll never be one. I hate to say it but her record will forever stop her, although this doesn’t mean she can’t be an advocate for others who have walked in her shoes. It’s unfortunate, but they want people who have always had sane, stable lives. I don’t understand why they should be the ones to counsel those with problems when they can’t relate to them, but that’s just how it is. I don’t think unstable people should be counselors, but doesn’t it make sense for those who’ve had problems in the past to be the ones helping those with problems in the present? Trust me, though, you’ll never meet a counselor who’s had abusive parents, been in funny farms, cut themselves, tried to commit suicide, or anything like that.

She also asked how I could believe such things as God punishing me for altering my teeth, ear or eyes, or that He’d protect my murderer if I were ever murdered, and I’m sorry, but that’s a stupid question. A totally stupid question. No one who’s ever wronged me, be it in a small way or a big one, has ever been made to pay for it. Never. So why in the world could I even think for a minute that anyone who killed me would be brought to any form of justice??? It’s kind of obvious that they wouldn’t, just as it is that He doesn’t like me altering the way I’m supposed to be in any dramatic way. I mean, how could I possibly write these things off as pure coincidence??? She really oughta stop and think before she asks such stupid questions. If by some freak chance any perp of mine did get jailed, it’d be for 5 minutes if even that, and it’d no doubt be someone who didn’t mind and who even liked being in jail. A lot of people do get a kick out of being jailed. I’ve seen it myself.

I got the two Tonner dolls and two outfits I ordered last week and they are gorgeous! I love them.

After what was an amazingly quiet day, it’s getting noisy with the fucking stereos. Late afternoons/early evenings are the worst.