I’m swinging onto days which sucks. I like it better on nights when I can go into the kitchen without getting barked at. What’s really going to suck about living attached to others again, since it’s just like being in a separate room of a big rooming house or something, is that I’m going to want to be up at night when it’s quieter, yet it’ll be too noisy to sleep during the daytime. That’s how it was in the duplex the last 4 months we were there, and I’m sure it’ll be that way again soon, making this house seem like it had been oh-so remote. But I won’t miss this microscopic shoebox of a dump either!

I’ve been trying not to think about how much I miss our old house and all the space around it. I don’t miss Arizona or the shitty life we had down there, but I sure miss being in a newer place on acreage. I’ve been feeling so much like a lost soul lately. This must be what they mean when they speak of lost souls that can’t quite make it to the other side. I just want to go home, but there is no home for me!

Sure enough, we couldn’t order the Claritin because Oregon is one of the states they can’t ship it to. It may be an over-the-counter thing in California, but so what if it is? They’d just change that after I started using it again. I’m so fucking sick of living a life that belongs to the government or God! Now Washington wants to ban “boos” from high school sports, that’s how controlling this country is. Next thing you know you’re not even going to be allowed to say “hello.” It’s ok, though, I don’t mind staying big. It may not be as easy to get around with all this weight, but it’s all I’ve known for years now and it will help when some asshole that can’t shut up in the apartments is stupid enough to shove me like Bonny did or threaten me like Barbara did. I prefer peace, but it’s going to feel so good to be able to do what I so stupidly didn’t do for various reasons the last time I dealt with people like Bonny, Barbara and Nancy. I’m going to love seeing their looks of utter shock when they see that yes, someone shorter than them really can and will fight back, and maybe it’ll protect someone else in the future. Of course, it’ll be me defending myself, so God will see to it that I get subpoenaed for it. Ah, but this time I won’t be playing court with anybody! There are so many people I wish I hadn’t cowered down to that I know I would and could hurt if I had been like I am today when they threatened me, but maybe God was actually doing me a favor by having me be a wimp for a while. Yes, the accumulation of threats made me more aggressive and angrier, but think of how many jail sentences I’d have served by now before I stopped answering to court calls! But things are different now, and like I said, I’d prefer for people not to provoke me in any way, but as soon as one does I’ll be ready for them, male or female, and I don’t have to be a big tough guy myself. All I need is good, quick reflexes and one hell of a temper, and I’ve got these things. I also get mad a lot easier than I get scared, so submissiveness is something they won’t get from me. That fury, along with speed, eye contact and blows to their faces and necks should be enough to do the trick as long as no one shoots me, clubs me on the head from behind when I least expect it, or is much heavier and pins me. I’m also willing to be hurt as well. I’ll have to as no one can slam their fist into someone’s face as hard as I’ll need to and not get their hand messed up.