Last night I was so exhausted but too stressed out to sleep. I slept on and off in between wake-up calls till nearly noon, though. Thanks to people getting ruder and louder with each passing day, I have to sleep longer to make up for all the times they stomp and slam me awake. It’s just after 9:00 now, so hopefully in another hour, people will shut up for the night, not that I won’t have to get up with them at 8:00 in the morning when they bang on outa here. Ain’t God just grand? I miss the good old days of not being able to hear – or feel, for that matter – those in neighboring rooms. I just don’t understand why people have to come and go so much, or why they can’t simply close a door and not slam it. And why do they have to stomp rather than walk, and why do they have to stop and chat outside our window and not do it in their rooms or out somewhere? I totally envy Tom cuz at least he can sleep through this circus!

I decided not to bother changing rooms. I figured I’m so damn noise-cursed, that running wouldn’t do me any good since I could never hide. I’ll never again live in peace. I may never know why I don’t deserve to, but I know I never will. So it’s either drop dead or get used to it. I’ve lived in noisy places for more than half of my life now. It’s as meant to be a part of my life as it is for me to be short. Even so, I’ve had enough of the distractions, so while I can still feel them stampeding by, I can’t hear much shit anymore. I just wish I could sleep with these, but why would God give me even better sleep, right? The bigger question is, did He deny our request to get into that apartment to do us a favor in the end by letting us get a house, even if it’s a dumpy old tooth house? Or is it just to put us out even more and simply delay the apartment and its loud, rude, obnoxious inhabitants?

I’ll probably be up later tonight and end up exhausted again tomorrow, but as long as I can get caught up every 2-3 days I should be ok. I just wish I knew what was going on and when! When will he get a job and where will we live? How much will the job pay and how long must we stay in motels? My vibes still say we’ll be here till mid-September and that he’ll get a $9 day shift job. The only good thing is that I haven’t had apartment nightmares. Any dreams I’ve had have been in houses and I caught a slight vibe about a semi-dumpy house like the Phoenix one was, but didn’t see the size or what was around it. After living in such a tiny, dumpy house in the snow, I’d take a house like the Phoenix one in sunny, warm California any day!

But God doesn’t want me to live where I want to live. This reality keeps coming back to haunt me and dampen any hope of getting a house. He also doesn’t usually like us to have much money, so I won’t expect much over the next year or two.

Tom went to the DMV today and got a temporary permit so we can drive the truck, if it’ll let us, for the next 30 days in California.

That beauty basket isn’t all Suave products after all. There are things in it that Suave doesn’t make, from what I was told.