Last night and this morning sucked with all the damn banging. It’s noisier than it’s ever been since we’ve been here, and to my surprise, Tom says it’s just the opposite; it’s not very filled up here now. It sure sounded like it was, but I guess they rent rooms in clumps here. They don’t want rooms empty for too long for the sake of the pipes and shit like that.

My incense is 72 miles away in San Pablo. It’ll be interesting to see if it comes a day earlier than UPS says it will, which sometimes happens. I’ll send Tom a text message, letting him know to stop at the mail place if it does. I’ll check when I get up.

Aside from what sounded like a wrestling match in one of the rooms on the other side of the building this morning, it’s been back to being fairly quiet.

It was good to get out earlier and to have fun at Walmart spending some of the GC I won from Netwinner. I got a headband with gold metallic rings, a Barbie in a nice shiny pink and purple outfit, and a pack of cotton bikinis. The satiny kind I prefer is hard to find, but hopefully these will fit better. The kind I got before we moved was comfortable, but the elastic snapped like crazy, making them too loose. It’s hard to get clothes that fit well when you’re as big as I am, but I’ll never lose weight, so I have to just deal with it.

After Walmart, we went to KFC so I could try their popcorn chicken. A little peppery compared to the wings I usually get, but it’s always fun to try something new.

And now for the dream I hope wasn’t just a dream. Tom doesn’t think it was. I dreamt I won makeup, a robe, and one of those car-or-cash sweeps where you can get 25K if you don’t want the vehicle that’s offered. I’m not entirely sure if I dreamt that I won it or if I dreamt that I told Tom I dreamt it. Either way, is this a sign of a big one to come? Winning that amount would be great if I couldn’t win millions. There’d be about 20K after taxes in which we could spend 5K to get us a reliable vehicle. Then we’d have enough left over to easily get a place, furniture, and whatever other odds and ends we wanted.

I’m definitely due for compensation. September was my worst month for wins.

I’ve been concentrating more on writing and less on sweeping. It’s all I can do. The connection’s been horrible. There are just way too many people here now. It’s weird that there are more people after Labor Day, but I knew that if motels in Klamath Falls, Oregon of all places could be filled up in the fall, then the Sacramento ones surely would be.

Anyway, I’m not going to bother renewing my OLS premium subscription when it expires on the 2nd for a few reasons.

1. The connection sucks.
2. I’m not winning shit anyway.
3. There are more and more sweeps with restrictions and requirements.
4. I can’t use the Shazam feature here.
5. I can’t do the dailies every day.

Tinkerbell’s been dead for a month now. I sure do miss her! So does Tom.

Tom finally found his original birth certificate. So now he can finally get a California license. Ah, but can he get a better job? He’s getting to hate this job as much as his old one, and it’s looking less and less promising, too.

With just two wins this month, the win curse is still on, but is the money curse? Well, we’re not exactly broke. This week’s check was for $500, take home. The problem is that it’s all going to this goddamn bumpy, bangy place! I wish the people to our left would leave if that’s really where most of the banging spurts are coming from, and I think it is. Could be behind us or the dude on the end, but I don’t think so. Yet I’m sure we’ll be stuck with them till at least mid-October when Mary turns 30.

At least Tom’s no longer stuck with the loud music on the job. He complained again and this time it was banned from his area altogether.

I misunderstood him about overtime, too. I thought he said you could work up to 12 hours extra per week, but he said it’s 12 hours a day.

Now’s when I gotta make sure I don’t settle just so I can get out of here sooner because I’ll be forced to settle enough as it is in a house. We could probably get into an apartment in just 2-3 weeks, and while I’d love to shorten our stay here, I’ve got to remind myself that a house would be noisy enough because we’re not allowed to live in peace, so there’s no reason to make it real damn noisy just cuz I want out of here.

Got a Mary letter. She’s really getting into the idea of lesbianism, saying there are these sites where people submit their lesbian sex stories that she’s into. I wonder if she has internet access there. If so, then of course they’ve got emails blocked so she can’t email me, which sucks. Anyway, it’s a good thing she’s developing more interest in women because when she gets out of there, she’s going to be older and heavier, so she’s going to have a harder time getting guys as opposed to women. And of course, if she doesn’t get out before 40, she’ll be getting out with close to zero appetite either way.

I attached 5 of my stories to an email to Jessie to check out whenever she has time until I finish the one I’m working on now, which she’s read the beginning of.

Jessie confirms she’s been busy with moving, which I figured was why I haven’t heard much from her lately. She’s also picking her brother up in Northampton and going to her mom’s 65th birthday party which her step-dad arranged.

She says that while they miss him, Wyatt’s been staying with his girlfriend which has also been a big help. That’s awfully young to be shacking up, so I hope they don’t make any babies! Jessie’s not exactly the type to sit Wyatt down and explain the importance of not jumping the gun, of being responsible and not taking on too much too soon, of enjoying youth and allowing yourself time to evolve and mature. And of course there’s the fact that I doubt they could even afford a kid.

Other than the usual bursts of bumps and bangs, things have been quiet here. The dude on the end comes and goes a lot, I guess to either dump trash or get something from his vehicle, but at least he’s been doing it quietly ever since I dropped hints about door-slamming and wishing I could be on the end cuz of it. So now I’m glad that room will be occupied by him for the next month, as long as he doesn’t become noisy in any way.

Another cool, cloudy, breezy day. It’s nice to be able to open windows that don’t have two-inch gaps around the casing! And it’s nice to be able to let fresh air in that’s not on such a busy street, allowing more of the car stereos in too, every few minutes.

I was laughing my ass off at the Klammers. They got to wake up at just 27º the other day!

Today’s housekeeper was the prettiest and the chattiest, but she did the worst job. I had to ask for toilet paper, extra bags, etc. She even forgot to dump the kitchen trash. You never know who you’re going to get. Out of the 5 times this room has been done so far, we only had the same girl twice. This one was from New Zealand. Makes me wonder if foreigners are the only ones allowed to work here!

I was surprised when she said her house here in Sacramento was quiet and devoid of barking dogs. I guess that’s the difference between someone who doesn’t have a noise curse on them, versus someone that does. I think we’ll be able to get on a street that’s not as busy as the streets we lived on in Oregon, so the stereos won’t be as big of a problem, but I think the barking will be the same or worse.

December 16th is what I vibe for when we’ll get out of this motel. Not exactly tomorrow or the next day, but better than never. I’ve vibed the end of the year for a while now, but today’s the day a date came to me. We’ll see how close I come. I just hope that if I’m way off it’s for the better!

Right now it looks like Tom will be sticking with this job for a while. Especially since they’re having tons of overtime.

It’s 90º today.

Tom says the loud music is back at work, which doesn’t surprise me. People’s need for attention is far more important than consideration towards others.

I’m worried I’m developing the same killer allergies I had down in Arizona. Whenever I go outside it eases up, so whatever’s bugging my nose is in here. I dusted yesterday, but obviously that didn’t help. I’ve got the window open now, even though it’s getting a bit warm out. After those few cool, rainy days it went back to being warm and dry. We’ll even hit the 90s again tomorrow, something I thought we wouldn’t do anymore this year.

I just wish it was breezier out there right now. Overall, though, this is a great place for wind chimes. Arizona was too windy and Oregon was too calm, but here it’s perfect.

Hopefully, my sneezing is just leftovers from the cold, and hopefully the cold was only because I had to live cooped up in one room with someone else who was sick first. Maybe if we’d had room to spread out when he got sick, I would still be immune.

It’s too early to take Benadryl and fall asleep. Oh well. I knew God would do something to me when I moved here. I guess this means I get tight in the lungs next, then it’ll be on to something new. I just wish I could sleep at night every night! I sleep so much better without the constant disruptions.

Unfortunately, we got stuck with a couple to our left that can’t sit still for long. I stuck my head out at one point and saw a guy around Tom’s age. I asked if he was checking out, and they said they’d be here for at least two weeks. There were papers scattered all over their bed, and I could hear someone bopping around in the bathroom. At least one of them is there all the time, and they sure love to go in and out of the dresser drawers, kitchen cabinets, and whatnot a lot. They don’t blast the TV or slam their door as hard as the end room did at 5:00 this morning, but you can’t go much more than a half-hour at a time without hearing a thunk or two from over there. I doubt it’d be loud or vibrant enough to wake me up, but it’s annoying when I am up, trying to concentrate on sweeps and writing.

I also met the young guy and his father next door when they were on their way up when I happened to be out trying to figure out if whatever was triggering my allergies really was in this room or not. The guy moved from L.A. and is looking for an apartment. He paid by the month which amounts to about $60 a day. And they think it’s going to take a month to find an apartment?

The multiplier game didn’t work today. The game worked and it counted down my spins, but there was no multiplier. I sent an email to support, but haven’t heard back from them yet. I got my Walmart card from Netwinner yesterday!

Got a Mary letter, too. She said she was annoyed at her attorney for not letting her know Justin was found competent and asked if I could look and see when the trial date was. I couldn’t find that, but it’s better than her lawyer telling her she’s getting out soon. They may never let her out!

Later…

I’m pissed! Netwinner just replied saying the multiplier marathon was over. Then why did they say it was to be “every day?”

My incense is on its way!

We’re still broke and homeless, but I’ve got some incense on its way, and that helps brighten things up a bit. It’s a small order, but I’m looking forward to it just the same.

We went to storage on our way back from the casino and couldn’t find the stereo or my body pillow. We also lost the printer cord. Figures, huh? There’s nothing like the frustration of not being able to find things! At least I could grab my comforter and tea. Although I have no scale, I can see and feel that I’ve gone down a bit. Tom can see it too, though most of it is from being sick and depressed. I’d say I’m around 130-135 pounds, probably closer to 130.

Netwinner came out with their best extra points feature yet. At freemoneywheel.com, you get 100 spins each day with the magic multiplier and your points are combined at Netwinner. Once we get off this wireless bullshit, getting 1000 points or more each day should be a piece of cake!

Yesterday turned out to be our best day here so far. Definitely a much-needed, fun break for both of us! We went to the Thunder Valley casino out by where he works. We both agree that since it’s going to take months to save up for a place anyway, we might as well have a life at times while we’re waiting.

I came to believe something stripped me of my powers, between getting sick and not being able to influence much lately, although I did recently win a T-shirt and a couple of CDs. Then Tom reminded me that I always have trouble when we first move, which has seemed to be the case in the past. I remember how bad I was when we first went to Oregon as far as influencing things for the better was concerned. I could still sense trouble coming, but I couldn’t do much to prevent it.

First Tom showed me the “Emerald City,” the newer part of Roseville. The weather was perfect, cool and cloudy. A nice change from the bright sun and intense heat. While they have your typical tooth houses everywhere, they sure were gorgeous! It’s like they built the whole section at the same time. Everything was brand new. All the houses, the businesses, everything. I love those 2-story stucco houses with tile roofs. Since we could never go rural again anyway and have some acreage around us, some of these tooth houses may be worth a little noise as long as it wasn’t so extreme that I was getting woke up regularly or having my concentration distracted from my work. Even parts of Lincoln and Rocklin were appealing. We both know we don’t want to live in Sacramento. Tomorrow we’re going to call one of the places for rent just to get an idea of what they go for. We’re paying a little over $1200 here, so while we could pay that much, most places want you to make your rent a few times over. We would prefer to find a place not as dumpy as Oregon, but not too ritzy either which would leave us with hardly any extra money. We’d prefer to keep it around $800 so we have money leftover.

Anyway, the casino was gorgeous! Crowded, but full of all kinds of bright, colorful slot machines and other games. Much nicer than Arizona’s Harrah’s. Like most Western casinos, it was on an Indian reservation, but I don’t know what tribe it is.

I was doubly shocked by one of the women who worked there who told me I was very pretty and had very pretty eyes. While I’ve received compliments on my eyes and hair all my life, that’s not something you expect to hear at nearly 42 years of age. And I’m especially not used to hearing it from someone who wasn’t half bad-looking herself. She was tall, dark and lovely with the straight, thin hair I wish I had. It sure beats getting compliments from guys, especially those old, balding, potbellied perverts.

I first tried to influence a nickel machine we put a couple of bucks into to no avail. Then we went to a Denny’s-like restaurant and had an awesome breakfast. He got a ham and cheese omelet and I got steak, eggs, hash browns and pancakes. Next, I tried to influence a penny machine but had no success there either, so it was off to check out the gift shop and admire this shiny pink gem hanging on a purple ribbon. After a few minutes of that and another bathroom stop, Tom encouraged me to try influencing him at poker, and I found that I could! I only won $20, but it was nice for a change and loads of fun. I found it easier to concentrate on the credit amount rather than the cards he was trying to get.

Then I got to get a good laugh at the Klammers this morning when I checked and saw that they froze!

The cold I never should’ve gotten, my third in a decade, is over its worst. Yesterday I was achy and beat. Today I’m still a little energyless and my head’s stopped up, but I’m feeling more alive.

When I heard the housekeeper doing the room next door yesterday, I went out and asked for some coffee. A black man, who I thought they were training but was really getting stuff as well, said coffee wouldn’t do me any good for my cold and that I needed his special tea. So he went to his room a few doors down and returned with 8 teabags and 2 lemons. I decided not to tell him how much I hated lemons so as not to appear rude. There were 4 green teas which were bad, and 4 ginger roots which were incredibly bad! It was still nice of him to care.

It finally rained yesterday, and Tom said it poured Arizona hard. I guess that’s the way it rains in most warm climates. I was a bit concerned with having to run the heat, even though it wasn’t for long, in a warm climate in September, but then Tom reassured me by telling me how people were saying it was like winter out there. Well, if this is like winter, then it won’t be much different than Arizona and certainly not like Oregon, which is already close to freezing in the early mornings. The freeze will be put on old Cricket Legs soon enough. That’s one of the few bad things about being back in a warm climate; bugs live year-round here.

The win curse isn’t off yet, but the sale curse was off at least yesterday. Tom sold about half the DVDs I’ve won over the last couple of years for $35 after the guy at the store picked through the ones he wanted. Tom could then reschedule his appointment for a California license for Monday. I guess it’s to cost $27.

Tom, who ended up working 12 hours yesterday, said there was no music whatsoever! I was surprised. I wish they’d hire him on and give him a couple more bucks an hour at least, but he still doesn’t think this is going to be the place he’ll stay at. With overtime, he’s making more than what he made in Oregon, but it doesn’t seem like it since this room costs more than 3 times what the house rent cost. The house rent was about $12 a day and this is $40 a day. Then there’s gas and storage.

Sometimes I still think it’d be great if I could go to sleep one night and never wake up because sometimes the good in life just doesn’t seem worth all the aggravation. I don’t want to live to deal with any more security threats, lost sleep or other nuisances in life, but I want to do the things I miss doing, too.

I have been completely stripped of my powers. Tom doesn’t think so, but due to the fact that I’ve had a cold since yesterday makes me think so, along with the fact that it’s been weeks since I’ve won anything. Yeah, I’ve been run down and stressed out, but not like I was in jail, and since there’s been no extreme climate change like when we went to the Caribbean from Oregon, there’s no reason I should be sick. Not unless I’m no longer an influencer.

It started with a sudden scratchy throat late yesterday morning, plus a stuffy nose and a slight headache. After another night of poor sleep, thanks to being cursed with this fucked up schedule and being cursed even more by being such a light sleeper, my throat is better, but I’m still stuffy and achy. I don’t have the energy to exercise or do much else today either.

On top of not being able to win things, it seems we’ve got a selling curse on us now, too. Tom took the DVDs to a place that buys them, but they didn’t have any money that day, so now he’s got to check out other places and hope for the best. So much stuff to sell, but nowhere to sell it!

There hasn’t been anyone below us for over a week. I can tell when there’s someone down there because the pipes pop when they shut their water off. We hadn’t had anyone on the sides of us either since Sunday, but last night they all came slamming in.

You not only can’t get any peace where you live these days, but not even at work, so Tom says. I guess they’re really into blasting music there, too. Tom said he complained about it, but I’m sure that’s what the little attention-getters with their strange hear-me obsessions want. Tom’s decided either way that this is a lousy place to work and that they’re not worth holding out for. Yeah, I figured whatever’s up there was just having them praise him to get his hopes up for nothing. But now he can see they’re just talking, and since his worthless wife can’t work, he’s thinking of working two jobs just long enough to get us into a place. But there is no place for us! I keep trying to get that through his head and that it’d be a waste of time to kill himself for nothing. So unless he wants to exit this sorry world altogether along with me, we’re stuck here right where it wants us. I thought of selling or abandoning, since we’re not allowed to sell much these days, all the shit that’s in storage, giving it what it wants, and just making this little room our home, but I certainly would rather die than do that. I’m sick of being teased with the bare essentials in life! Sick of it! Just the simplest tiny little, reasonable, everyday requests are just too much to ask for if it’s us asking for them. Well, I’m not going to be a motel bum and I’m tired of living just to let God continue to take from us and prevent us from the bare necessities of life!

We’re absolutely no closer to getting into a place than we were before, and what would be the point anyway? Just to get woken up and have to listen to all kinds of shit there, too? The only light shining on us right now is that this Friday’s paycheck will have an additional $100. But we’ll still be broke, homeless and right where we were the day we came here. Nowhere!

It’s just after 5 AM. It’s 57º here and just 39º in K-Falls! See why I wanted out so bad? That was one of many reasons anyway. I just wonder when we’ll have a better life here, starting with getting out of motels. While it still may be quiet overall, we get annoying people on the sides of us at times like what we have right now. Everybody’s just gotta stomp, bang and slam anything and everything they can.

Anyway, Tom has an appointment on the 19th at the DMV so he can get a California driver’s license. As he reminded me, having an Oregon license really limited him as to what jobs he could get. Fortunately, he was told he could work up to 12 hours overtime each week, which amounts to more than what he was making without overtime in Oregon, but if they’re not going to hire him on soon and give him a raise, he’s going to start looking elsewhere. I know he’d rather work for higher pay and not have to do so much overtime all the time. But that’s just it; it’s not always available now when we really need it most. It usually is, but not always. That’s how life is; you never get what you need when you really need it. Once we do get financially secure (if we ever do), that’s when I’ll win cash.

Because something up there is so obsessed with me living where I don’t want to live, so much so that I’m surprised it doesn’t have me framed for murder and sentenced to life in prison, I still sometimes think maybe we ought to just settle on our own and get an apartment and get out of here faster, maybe even score some points from above while we’re at it. If I can’t live where I want to anyway, why wait for it to make me settle? Sure, I’d miss my privacy in an apartment, and sure apartments are noisier than houses, but does it really matter if we hear barking, car doors and car stereos from a house, versus house stereos, TVs and banging from an apartment? It’s all obnoxious just the same, you just usually get more of it in apartments. But we could get out of this single room and have our stuff back next month if we got an apartment, whereas this won’t happen till probably next year if we hold out for a house that may very well not be much more peaceful. No house is peaceful in the west that isn’t on acreage or in a retirement community. Especially in the warmer areas. Not until people start taking their dogs indoors and stop blasting car stereos, none of which will ever happen. Also, there’d be no need to worry about my own noise when I wanted to sing or crank up my stereo in an apartment since everyone else would be just as noisy, if not noisier.

Who knows what we’ll do in the end, but for starters, we’re going to be listing some stuff on eBay this weekend, which will wrap up week two of not having any major scares or crises. I really think being armed with “ammo” might’ve helped, and believe me, having that “get out of life quick” card really does make me feel better!

Later…

Tom has the cold I predicted he’d get a couple of months ago, although I am 4 days off on that one. I wish I could knock them out as soon as they take hold like I can with mine. As soon as they grab me by the throat and my throat’s all scratchy, I kill them with my spells. But they don’t work with him. All they do is ease them up a bit.

I also wish I was like OJ. Then I could get away with murder, and now apparently armed robbery, and just go out and steal the money to move into a place with, knowing I’d get away with it all for being rich and black and cuz of what might’ve happened to my ancestors over a century ago, and for the sake of keeping my fellow losers from rioting like spoiled brats! Then I could make even more money by writing all about it. But I’m white. Just a second-class citizen. Oh well, I can dream, can’t I?

While wishing I was the almighty black man, I dreamt of that dumpy house again. But even if we were ever lucky enough to save $100 a month, which would take a damn good job, we’d be looking at being stuck here for about a year and a half. This thought makes me just want to scream! I keep trying to tell myself that there are worse places to be, and there are, but being here that long would be bad enough. We’re never going to “get home.” There really, really is no place for us.

I heard from Mary who says she can understand my frustrations right now. Also, she doubts the car stereos will drive her crazy because she loves music. But that’s just it, it’s not music you hear. It’s all bass. The only way you can hear anything else is to be inside the car itself. She’s been in so long that she has no idea what they’re like today and just how loud and annoying the damn things are. She said they’d be okay as long as she could hear her own music over them, but quite often enough, she wouldn’t be able to. Obviously, it depends on how far away the car is and how loud they’re blasting it, but hell, I could quite often hear the damn things over a loud vacuum! I could hear them in the shower, over my own music unless I blasted it, over the air cleaner, etc. Unless it was snowing and below 30º up in Oregon, I did everything to the obnoxious thump of that fucking bass. I woke up to it, I had my coffee to it, I peed to it, I cleaned to it, I dressed to it, I worked to it, I ate to it, I showered to it. This is why I no longer want to live on busy streets, though “quiet” streets are no longer necessarily quieter. All it takes is one. You could end up next door to someone who loves to sit and get attention and use the thing to annoy anyone they can. They’re a problem here, too. The things can be heard from many, many miles away, depending on what’s around. Taller buildings and mountains will prevent the sound from traveling as far, but in open areas, you can hear them from over 20 miles away. They’re just like a bunch of live, traveling concerts, only worse because there are so damn many and so damn often. If you’re a light sleeper like myself and one who’s distracted easily when you’re trying to write or work on whatever, it can really make life hell. I don’t understand how most people can stand the damn things, but obviously, they can and they don’t mind the constant thunderous rumbling, or else something would’ve been done about them a long time ago. They’ve been a problem for years now, and if they haven’t been banned yet other than from a few touristy areas, they never will. Not until they get so damn loud that they’re literally smashing windows and people are getting shot over them. People act on extremes, and unfortunately, it’ll take extremes like that for something to finally be done. You know how twisted the laws are. You can’t drive with headphones which prevents you from hearing sirens, but you can play your music insanely loud and really not hear them! Anyway, in some cases you can blast your own stereo or wear headphones and drown them out that way, but in others you can still feel the beat vibrating throughout the place.

Netwinner was just like old times yesterday and I got 1200 points! It was almost up to speed and I won something - usually 25 points - every 3-5 spins (sometimes even a few spins in a row), hit 100 a few times, all in the usual 6 hours or so of playing time. I got hung up a few times, but still, it was nice to not get just 10 points every 10-20 spins. It started off slow today, but now it’s picking up and I’m going to influence it to hit 100 or higher at least once!

I’m just worried that like with most big and or good wins, I’ll be the one to have to work at getting Netwinner to deliver my wins to me. If my $100 Walmart card isn’t here by next week, I’ll have to start getting on them. They also owe me $50 in credit on a MasterCard. At least my account lists these prizes as being owed to me, and the date I redeemed points for them, so they can’t say they have no record of it.

I haven’t been winning shit for sweeps and Tom thinks it only means I’m sitting on a big one. I hope so and I hope it’s cash! Or something with a high enough value that we could sell like a vehicle. I know I don’t want another goddamn trip I couldn’t redeem or transfer!

I just hope Tom will find out soon enough if this job will be worth keeping. Even if we had the money right now to move into a place, we need to know where he’s going to be working for sure before we pick a place to start hunting. All he’s learned is that the lady having foot surgery isn’t leaving till October, and the pregnant lady isn’t leaving till November 1st. Right now my moving vibes say December, after my birthday but before Christmas, which isn’t great. If we end up here till March, that’ll make a total of a year that we’ve lived in motels between the time here, the 2 months in Oregon, and the 3 months when we moved to Maricopa.

I was wondering how long we’d be here. Then, as if to taunt me, I saw an article about a British couple who’s lived at a Travelodge for 22 years. This is by choice, though (at least some of us get to choose where we live). They do it to get out of cooking, cleaning and utility bills, saying it’s also safer and about the same cost as your average mortgage. They also like noise too, saying how there’s always something exciting going on outside their window.

Although I hear movement around me from time to time when the adjacent rooms are occupied, this is definitely the quietest place we’ve stayed in the last 15 years. I’m adapting somewhat, though he does wake me up at times when coming or going, and I do miss having more than one room and having our own stuff, too. It’s still nice to be able to do the things I usually do that are possible to do here for however many centuries we’ll be stuck here. I’ve been able to work on my story and just finished reading that great book I won. I began a new John Saul book.

Having gotten up too early and having PMS fatigue, I ended up taking my first nap in years. It was only for an hour, but it’s been so long. My last nap, according to my journals, was in an Oregon motel. It was the one where Blondie took a nap with us.

It’s been cooler, almost fall-like. We didn’t need to run the AC much last night or tonight, though the temperature should return to the upper 80s soon. I just don’t think we’ll have any more days in the 90s, which is fine with us. It’s even finer that we won’t be having any snow or single-digit weather! They’re already getting down to the high 30s back up in the Klam.

We’ve been here about a month and a half now, but it feels like 3 or 4 months.

We went out after midnight to Walmart on Saturday night. I was surprised to see a few kids out that late. But this is the 2000s. There’s no order or set rules where today’s animals are concerned. Next thing you know they’ll be allowed to gamble and to go into topless clubs.

eHarmony, an online dating site, is being sued. The bigots discriminate against gays by not including them. I say it’s ok to have clubs, sites and whatever is geared toward specific groups, but it’s not ok if you exclude others from these groups. That’s why it pisses me off to see whites barred from entering black pageants, yet they can enter white pageants. You know how it is, though, reverse discrimination on their part is perfectly okay. Especially cuz of what “might’ve” happened to their ancestors over a century ago.

The net continues to be pitifully slow and unreliable. I almost wish the number of sweeps was like they were when I first started sweeping. Back then there was an average of 60 sweeps a day, but now they average over 100. Where there were about 20 sweeps on weekends, there are now about 50.

I hope Tom will know soon enough if this job has the potential it at least seems to have. I say jobs are like lovers - it usually takes a few times around to find the right one. It sure would be nice, though, if they’d hire him on soon and raise him at least a buck or two. With all the overtime that’d make a huge difference in how fast we got out of here!

Wow, it’s been nearly a week now without any crises! Amazing, huh? Maybe I was right in sensing that getting the “ammunition” to end it all on the spot if need be at any time would back off whatever was so out to get us. Maybe it doesn’t see us as vulnerable, easy prey since we have an escape route.

The influencer hasn’t been able to influence the sweeps much lately or Netwinner, but perhaps his coworkers. Well, it’s at least quite a coincidence that the big players are taking a fall one by one lately anyway. See, from what Tom’s experienced so far at work by the way he’s been treated and by the way the biggest boss of all bosses has been impressed with his work and complimented him, he thinks that as soon as one of the managers leaves, then they’ll approach him about a promotion/raise since he has plenty of QA managing experience which I decided meant queer-ass till he explained that it meant quality assurance. Anyway, I’ve been focusing on elimination, and to date, we have a pregnant woman going on leave, someone out puking, someone who just injured her foot and needs surgery, and a huge chick who tore her pants bending over to put on the mandatory steel-toed boots that wouldn’t leave as soon as she was ordered to. Well, hopefully I can speed things up a bit and have some of the folks with the jobs he’d like to have made as hasty of a departure as I can possibly influence them to make.

He got an email from someone he worked with in K-Falls, saying that everyone saw us leave that day (that’s how small the town is) and that they miss him. Yeah, well he ain’t going back!

Tom wonders if management ripped us off due to someone vandalizing the place once they saw us leave. Even before we left there was broken glass in the driveway, someone egged the back of the truck, and of course they loved to mess with the picket fence. I still think they ripped us off cuz we were an easy rip, leaving the state and all that, but we hope someone did vandalize them just the same because, in a sense, they’d be getting back at them for us. I hope everything managed by Triple-A gets torched! Nah, I think the whole damn mountain should just blow.

Yesterday we wanted to go to a grocery store we thought was closer but ended up getting lost and wasting gas. It took forever to get just a few bags of groceries but ended up being worth it. I got Chinese from the deli and it was so good! It put 5 pounds on me too, but oh well.

Today I wanted to pitch the housekeeper over the railing for waking me up for no reason. Other than that, all is well for a pair of homeless people. The dumb ditz in the office said we were on for housekeeping today, so that kind of messed up my sleep for no reason. When I called down to the office, I was told Sunday. Apparently, you have to be here a week to get housekeeping services, and because we’d been booking this room for a few days at a time, for the most part, that threw off the schedule. But now we may be able to fall into more of a routine and be able to pay by the week, even though we can’t transfer to a room with two beds cuz they’re more expensive, as well as make weekly grocery runs to save gas.

Whatever’s determined to hold us back overall won’t even let me sweep. The connection not only cuts out and is murderously slow, but it keeps crashing as well.

Tom’s had lunch a few times with the top boss of all bosses and things continue to at least look promising in that area, but after he’s been there 30 days he said he’ll let them know that he can’t work indefinitely at $10 an hour, and see if that’ll prompt them into hiring him on and giving him a raise. I don’t know, I still think that if we’re meant to be financially cursed for a while, he simply isn’t going to get the bigger bucks no matter where he works, period.

We may pick up a printer and cable for this laptop because there’s this site that lets you print postage for shipping DVDs to them which they pay you for. There’s a list of movies and series seasons and what they’ll pay for them.

Jessie said she’s moving in a couple of weeks and isn’t sure whether they’re going to hire a moving company or have this guy that her husband, obviously an alkie, met at an AA meeting. The catch is that the guy did 16 years for something her husband won’t tell her about. Nice guy, huh? I said I thought he was at least obligated to tell her that much, but that I could send her some California fire ants. That way she could tie him to a chair, pour maple syrup over him, then let the ants scare him into telling her about it!

My guess is that he killed someone while driving drunk as 16 years seems too little for rape or murder like she feared he may’ve been in for. Well, people don’t do 16 years for merely flipping someone off unless they’re in Arizona or Texas, so who knows? Bob got 14 years for rape, so I’m sure it was serious enough, whatever it was, and the fact that the hubby’s so hush-hush about it tells me something right there. In the end, I suggested they move themselves, especially if they’re broke like she said they were. I told her that while Tom and I rent a truck of some kind when we move, I box things, he loads things, and we carry furniture together if need be.

Tom gave me a good scare earlier. I really thought something was wrong and was literally sick with worry cuz I had the runs! We agreed he’d call the room if he wasn’t back by 5:30. When 5:30 came and went with no call I began to worry the truck broke down. I called and left a message, then another one just after 6:00. Between his not answering and me not getting any calls, I really began to worry, fearing he may’ve been in an accident. All kinds of horrible scenarios began playing on my mind, like how would anyone be able to get a hold of me if he ended up in an accident? And how would I know if he were dead or just injured? I wouldn’t want to assume he was dead and kill myself just to have him be released with minor injuries to find me dead!

I was so relieved when he finally answered, telling me he had just parked and couldn’t answer earlier while he was driving. He also said he called twice, yet I never heard the phone ring. He tested it once he got up here and still, it wouldn’t ring.

I waited outside the door for him to come up the stairs while some guy in his 20s complimented my skirt a few doors down that was hanging outside since it was cooler today, in the 80s. It’ll be back in the 90s tomorrow.

I swear something is not only out to tease us both with our security but to play with my sanity as well!

I got the beauty basket. It only consists of 3 products and a dozen or so samples, and there’s no way it could be worth $275. It kinda stinks too, but what I’ve tried so far works well.

Hey, we’re rich! Yeah, we got $225 for the X-box, we have the room paid for till Sunday, we have a full tank of gas, and we even have $80 on our cash card! This truly is like being rich when you consider how bad off we’ve been so far. I even have a MasterCard coming from Netwinner with $50 of credit on it. They just came out with their own reloadable debit cards, so this is what I’ll use from now on, rather than go and redeem my points for gift cards for certain stores. I hope that and the $100 Walmart card gets here fast. I’ll be using the $50 to get incense. I just wish I could accumulate points as fast as I did in Oregon! But with this shitty connection and with the constant crashing and whatever evil has been hell-bent on holding us back, it’s been going so slow. I’m down to 235 points now.

Tom went to storage today and pulled a lot of his computer stuff and tools to start selling off.

We also got the charcoal briquettes and duct tape just in case. Just because we’re doing okay right this minute doesn’t mean we’re officially out of the woods for good. Whatever’s cursing us with our security seems to like to do so about once a week, so until and if we ever do end up in a place, which probably won’t be anytime this year, I wanted to be prepared to escape life on the streets if this thing really ever did decide for sure to have us run out of money. If they let Tom go at work or if the truck crapped out completely, we’d be fucked. And so the last thing I wanted to do was risk running out of money to the point that we couldn’t even afford to kill ourselves to save us from starving in the streets. Maybe if whatever source of evil it is that’s been after us knows we’re armed with “ammunition” against it, it’ll back off and go pick on someone else. We agreed to do whatever it is we’re going to do together. If we’re going to live, we’re going to both live together. If we’re going to end it all, we’re going out together. We would both certainly prefer to get by in life and be happy instead. Sure, the more money the merrier, but right now we’d gladly settle for just getting by in a modest house and having a reliable car, too.

It’ll be so nice to finally have my stuff again someday if we make it. Seeing my dolls again will be like seeing old friends!

I still miss my big soft cuddly fuzzy buddy.

Tom’s bummed out and scared too, but he’s mostly mad. He says the more he feels like he’s being pushed in one direction, the more he wants to fight back. He thinks he should sell all his stuff, saying so what if he’ll miss it for a while, cuz he can get better stuff down the road once we get what we want, and of course, I have stuff I don’t want anyway that I could sell, though he’d never insist that I sell anything of mine like my dolls. He could sell the X-box he won, tools and other computer stuff. I have some dolls I don’t want and the Denise mannequin we could sell on eBay and in pawnshops, it’s just that we couldn’t get nearly what the stuff is worth.

I don’t know, I still say we’d be better off dead to spare us a lot more grief and that we’d be fighting back even more that way. You can’t curse someone if they’re dead, but there are some things I’d certainly miss. Is this jam worth trying to get out of, even though I’m not convinced that we even can? It’s got my influencing blocked. I can’t influence, just see things coming.

We both agree we don’t want to give whatever’s up there what it wants by taking an apt. We’re going where we say we’re going if we’re gonna live!

To say we’re being cursed right now is an understatement! First the Unemployment people, then the truck develops an internal engine problem, and now, just as I predicted, the property management has taken advantage of our leaving the state and has ripped off our entire deposit, claiming we owed over $300 in repairs! I’m so sorry we didn’t trash that place on our way out! I should’ve known better, too. I’m so sorry we wasted our time prepping and putting ourselves out just so they could help themselves to hundreds of our dollars! God, I hate God so much! Damn you to hell, you evil bastard, for allowing others yet again to profit at our expense!

I sent the assholes a message, giving them a piece of my mind, and as if the shit with the property management isn’t enough, Tom says that some people at work said you have to be temps for 18 months! So he may not only not get hired on soon, he may not get much of a raise anytime soon either, but I knew from the get-go that it would be a long time before he made good money. The thing is that we can’t get to the point of finding out just how long it’ll take or what raises he may get because when the truck becomes totally useless, which will be any minute now, he won’t be able to work and our only two choices at that point will be to either starve to death in the streets or kill ourselves in a more humane and faster way.

There’s a part of me that regrets leaving that dump of a house in that dump of a state. I totally believe that the only reason God wasn’t so hard on us there and let us do okay financially was that we hated the house, he hated the job, and I hated the climate.

Jessie said in her message that her landlady was spiting her big time lately because she’s leaving, and we can certainly relate to that. The only reason his sick mother left us to starve in motels was that we moved far away to where Tom was no longer within easy reach to use and abuse at will. And the management assholes spited us because it was convenient to do so, knowing we’d left the state and wouldn’t be around to fight back.

I remember a few days ago coming out and telling Tom, “The bastard above really means business this time. It doesn’t want to just scare, threaten or make us miserable, it wants to kill us! Literally back us into a corner to where it’s either go its way or ours.”

This is no joke this time, no sick prank, no test. It seriously wants to drive us over the edge for real this time and leave us no way out. Well, I’m sick of being cursed! And so is Tom. We’re sick of the unfairness, the unnecessary and senseless punishments for God only knows what. What did we ever do to anyone but try to live in peace? I feel so unloved, so unappreciated, so unwanted and so uncared for by whatever evil’s up there. Nothing up there gives a damn about us, nothing up there is looking out for us. I feel so overwhelmed with helplessness and anger!

And so we’ve decided we’re not going to take it anymore. If we’re destined to die anyway by starving in the streets, we’re going to go out of this world our way and on our terms. We’re sick of the people He’s allowed to abuse us and the hardships and pain He’s inflicted upon us year after year. If I were still young I might have a sliver of hope, but I’m not young anymore and I’ve had enough years of shit to put up with to know that things will never change, and I’m sick of it! What did the rest of our families or people like Paris Hilton do to deserve to live in such luxury for simply existing, while we struggle our asses off just to suffer when all we ever wanted was a simple, modest home and a little extra spending money after the bills were paid. Just 50 dollars. Just 50 fucking extra dollars a month! I’d have gladly settled for that, but no, even that’s too much to ask for.

If we’d had just a few scattered rough times in life, that’d be one thing, but this is one problem after another, decade after decade, and it really adds up and has an accumulative effect on some of us, you know? Well, I didn’t do anything to deserve the childhood I had or to have my dreams denied me, and the one I did get turned into a nightmare! Instead, I’ve gotten nothing but trampled on all my life and forced to settle, sacrifice and suffer. So if the only way to be in the driver’s seat of my life and to escape this never-ending cycle of bullshit is to end it all, then perhaps that’s just what we’ll need to do. I know Tom’s just as fed up as I am. We came here to better our lives and look what we’re getting for it. We’re about to lose our truck, his job, everything we own, and be tossed onto the streets like yesterday’s trash, left to starve and slowly die off because no one gives a shit about us, and those who do aren’t in a position to help us.

Even if the truck could last till we saved up a few hundred for a new junker, do you know how long we’d be stuck living in motels till we could get a place without the Unemployment and the management company paying what they owe us?! Well, I’m through being God’s little bum while He gets a royal kick out of it! I’m not going to be His fucking whipping boy anymore! Maybe when we’re dead we can meet the bastard face to face and He can tell us why he’s always hated us so much, especially me. Let’s see if He can come up with a justifiable story as to why we’ve deserved to be stepped on all our lives and why He always protects our perps.

We don’t want out just to escape the big things, but the little things, too. Why live to have my eyes get any worse? Why live to have my metabolism get any slower and me any fatter? Why live to have to deal with my teeth? Why put up with people’s noise any longer? The stereos aren’t going to get any softer and the dogs aren’t going to shut up.