Tom decided he has a cold and not the flu. Even sleeping in a separate room with my sound machine blaring I could hear his coughing, and I slept as lousy as I usually do when I sleep during the daytime. First he woke me up, then I was too hot, then I was hungry, then I had major cramps. There’s always something during the daytime. Because I slept in spurts, I slept later, though, so that’s good.

We were to go to Denny’s early this morning to celebrate our 14th anniversary, but we may have to postpone it due to Tom’s cold.

I feel so singled out and picked on by whatever’s up there when I think of how everyone else in our family remained owners once they were able to own a place. We’re the only ones who got kicked back to having to rent, and I’m still not sure we’ll ever own again. It’s like we’ll always be in some place with some quirky highlight. I love it here, don’t get me wrong, but I get sick of funky heating or cooling setups and shit like that, you know? But as long as God allows people to keep sabotaging our credit, I gotta assume it’s because He, or something, doesn’t want us to own anything.

I got a letter from Mary today, and in regards to my saying that if God didn’t make mistakes, then why the Arabs and the shit they cause, she said that even the greatest of artists can make mistakes, and God’s certainly a great artist.

I never thought of it that way, but it’s nice to think God may be a touch human because humans certainly do both good and bad.

At least I had some good wins for the first time in a while. Won a prize pack from Special K that includes cereals, snack bars, a beach towel, and a tote, plus more. I also won Rembrandt toothpaste, a DVD and a CD.

Jessie said she has free long distance and asked when was a good time for me to talk, even though I told her what hours Tom sleeps. She never gave me her address for the coupon, dolls and books I offered to send if she’d pay for the call, but I’ll get it when we talk if she still wants these things. I asked Tom if I should still send them even though she just told me she has free long-distance, and he suggested I wait and see what she says.

She says the neighbors broke a plank in their fence and the dogs stick their faces through it and bark up a storm. She said it’s so bad at times that the lawnmower repair guy on the phone couldn’t hear her because they were so loud. I’d totally kill them!

Gotta tell Mary about Kiwibox.com. When she ever gets outa that damn jail, she’d love it. It’s a social site for writing and sharing journals and you can get little things with points you can earn.

Anyway, the site is mostly so people can write/read journals. There’s no way to know how many people read your entries, but you’ll know if they respond or subscribe to your journal. You can also choose to have your journal open to everyone, just some people, or totally private. You can change the background color, text color, font, font size and things like that, and it’s just a really cool and fun site.

Mary says she’s had some depressing legal stuff going on and may be going to trial in late July. Wonder why she’d be depressed? I would’ve thought she’d be thrilled. I mean, to finally get it over with.

I agree with her, true forgiveness is being able to forgive the unforgivable, something I’m not at all good at. I think Tom’s the only one I could be truly forgiving of, though I can’t imagine him ever doing anything literally unforgivable in the first place! Guess I married the right guy, huh?

Yeah, I thought of keeping the line open where my folks are concerned, as she asked, but I also believe in self-respect and part of that, to me, is not bothering with those who don’t want to bother with me, or who have abused me. I will always appreciate their jumping in to save us, but this still doesn’t change the past, you know? And I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of any relationship of any kind being one-sided. There’s caring and then there’s caring. They cared enough to save us, yes, but they didn’t care enough to keep in touch, and it doesn’t surprise me because I’ve been abandoned by them throughout most of my life in various ways. They may also feel I deserve a taste of my own medicine and are “getting me back” for abandoning them as I did for nearly a decade. I’d be totally lying if I said I wasn’t glad they were ignoring me. For every one good thing they’ve done for me, there are a thousand horrible memories they’ve given me as well that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

Tom said he heard more trees going down that sounded far away.