Right now I am extremely sad, mad, disgusted and ashamed of the bigots of California and the God above that continues to allow gays to get shit on by them. The bigots only won by a few percent, but a win is a win, and so once again it’s back to legal discrimination against gays. I had become so proud of this state, too.

Let me vent about some other issues first.

Jesse’s been driving me absolutely crazy with the engine gunning. I mean CRAZY! Especially today. He was grading the drive and whatever else he could think of for nearly 4 fucking hours and I was forced to be up much later than I’d have liked because the thing was unbelievably loud. He’s become much worse than the dogs. It used to be once a week or so he’d get on my nerves with the engine-gunning, but now it’s every 2-3 days. Sometimes I wonder if we got that good a deal after all. If we’re going to have to listen to people’s shit everywhere we go, we could’ve done it in a more modern place in the convenience of the city. On the other hand, we’d have had to pay utilities and it’s still quiet here more than he’s noisy.

But enough is enough already with all the loud engines! When is it going to stop? And when is this cock going to return to work? He can’t be out of work because of his finger or else he wouldn’t be able to do all the shit he does here. He’s out of work because he’s a rich, spoiled, pampered little boy who can afford to stay home and annoy us. Especially me. Remember, I’m the one who can’t sleep through noise, and I’m the one who works from here.

Tom said he saw the grader parked by the fork and that it’s an old, ancient thing. Great, that means he’s not done yet and that he’ll be at it again around the time I want to go to sleep. I’m tired enough cuz of this asshole! I was up nearly 20 hours and only slept for just over 6 hours. Maybe I ought to call up there at 3:00 in the morning and screw with his sleep for a change.

The MedSpa people have changed their story and are now telling me I wasn’t one of the 3K winners and that I only won a $150 certificate. They’re still scamming assholes. That’s not a prize, that’s a DISCOUNT.

As expected, Barack Obama is now president and I have mixed emotions about that, too. McBigot would’ve been worse, who almost won to my surprise, but I don’t think Obama should’ve been elected simply because he’s black. Yet people have been favoring blacks since the L.A. riots in ’92, and it’s obviously not going to end anytime soon.

The only good thing I’ve seen in all the elections is that women didn’t lose their rights in a couple of states that were trying to ban abortion, and they legalized doctor-assisted suicide in WA. It’s also legal in Oregon. That’s the way it should be everywhere. We put animals to sleep that are suffering, so why not people? Then again, animals do get more rights than some humans, don’t they?

Anyway, gays really got fucked over big time. They reset the constitutional amendments in Florida and Arizona defining marriage as between straights only, and now AR is discriminating against singles from adopting or being foster parents (even though half the kids born these days are to single women what with the way so many guys run when they learn their woman’s pregnant) and admitted it was actually gays they were targeting. So they shit on their own kind to shit on gays.

These bigot’s logic is totally twisted as far as why they think gays shouldn’t marry. They say it will encourage others to be gay, which is pure bullshit. You can’t encourage gayness any more than you can straightness. We are who we are. Period. The day we can choose who we’re attracted to is the day we can choose what flavors and colors we like.

Then they bring up the issue of gays not being able to produce kids, which is also BS or else they wouldn’t adopt or have artificial insemination. The population isn’t rising because more people are having kids, but because people are living longer. If anything fewer women are said to be having kids because of the emphasis on work, the economy, whatever. So if fewer straights are getting married and fewer of them that do are having children, and more children are being born to single mothers, then why aren’t these idiots running to ban straight marriage? After all, it isn’t producing nearly as many children as it was 50 years ago and this seems to be such an issue for them. These assholes are so stuck in a time warp and not only seem to hate gays, but singles, single mothers, and people who are married without kids! If all marriages supposedly produce kids, then I’m amazed they don’t try to keep people like Tom and I who don’t want any from marrying, as well as old people and infertile people. Oh, and of course they’re so sure that gays will raise gays. Like straights only raise straights, right? I can’t believe some people are as dumb as donkeys!

They claim they’re not trying to change what gays do and that they just don’t want them to marry, but that IS trying to change what they do. I agree that it’s ok to hate someone. You can think it, you can say it, you can write it. But you shouldn’t have the right to make their own personal decisions for them! And they shouldn’t be jerked around where sometimes they have rights, sometimes they don’t. Why won’t they either just give them their rights and leave them alone, or forever deny them? Why keep cruelly teasing them and going back and forth?

There have been times I’ve actually thought of killing myself even when things weren’t going all that bad in my own life simply because I’m so sick of living in such a sick, unfair, crazy and twisted world. The whole thing just makes me want to throw up!

Maybe gays should incite a riot. Hey, it worked for the blacks. Ever since ’92, the laws have been favoring them like crazy and they’ve got more rights than whites ever had. A white person can be charged with a hate crime against a black person, but since when have you ever heard of a black person being charged with a hate crime against a white person? You haven’t because reverse discrimination is perfectly legal!

And so all that money was spent on legally discriminating against gays that could’ve gone to the hungry and the homeless. I’m still not sure what money has to do with influencing people’s opinions anyway. I’d still feel the same whether I was rich or poor. Still, if that many people hated me I’d just want to give up and crawl into a closet and just hide away from the world forever. I’ll bet a lot of gays probably feel hopeless right now, too.

Tom said not to let this fool me into thinking that most people hate gays. He insists that most people don’t vote and that most of the people voting are the ones who hate gays. It’s also been said that older people tend to hate them more and that as they die off the world will be a better place for gays, but I have to see it to believe it. For now, it looks like things are getting worse. Tom says it’s only a matter of time before it’s back on the ballot and passes, but what’s the point? It’ll only get shot down again a few months later. What’s the point of getting ahead if you’re going to just be torn down? I also heard that males tended to be more against gays, but they’re more against everything from kids to women’s rights and everything in between so this doesn’t surprise me. I almost wish that only women could be gay because then they might’ve won. Gay women are still more accepted than gay guys.

I agree, though, that while the younger folks may be more loud, rude and obnoxious, they sure are less hateful. And yes, in another 20 years, a lot of bigots should be dead. I know I was thrilled to see the pope go after the way he’d openly flaunt his hatred towards gays.

As Tom and I agree, if most people believe in something, it’s usually for a reason. So I started to wonder what if all these people are right? Could all these people who hate gays so much (and I still think 70 to 80-something percent do, unlike Tom who thinks most people don’t care) be right about God seeing us as evil sinners and sending our souls to burn in hell forever? Tom doesn’t believe in heaven or hell, saying he doesn’t see how any place could be either all bad or all good. I don’t know that I believe in heaven or hell either. I don’t know what to believe. I do know that I’d still rather be who I am and take my chances than be someone I’m not and find it was all for nothing. And while we can never know for sure what, if anything, happens to us after we die, I don’t see why God would create a group of people He hated, as much as the way He allows them to be treated suggests He hates them at least somewhat. I think the fucking bible is what started all this shit. A group of hateful people got together, bashed gays in it, called it God’s word, then managed to brainwash an awful lot of people throughout the decades, and the hate spread like cancer. This is why I know I could never be religious in any way. Too many rules and restrictions that simply make absolutely no sense to me. Seriously, I’m sick of this “the bible says” bullshit. If the bible suddenly said that people must torture and kill their loved ones, would they do it? Probably so! People sicken me. They really do.

Speaking of God, I’m not going to cuss Him out and risk Him retaliating by making our lives as miserable as He helped make it last year, but I’m through praying. No one who can allow for such mean and unfair treatment of gays (and others for that matter) is any friend of mine. When He’s ready to give them a break, then we’ll see. For now, though, if He doesn’t care about groups of people, why would He care about little ole me? It isn’t just my own misfortunes and gay people’s misfortunes that I get fed up with, but what about the children who are still molested and murdered? What about the women who are still beaten and raped? What about arranged marriages and the legal murder of women in the Middle East? Our military now not only legally discriminates against gays, but it now legally tortures people in Cuba! As Tom said, he’s all for executing them, but torture opens the door to all kinds of horrendous possibilities.

Of course, so does the bigot’s victory over gays. This is going to go to their heads. Once they see they can do this in California where there are tons of people, they’re going to go after gays in Massachusetts and Connecticut. Maybe even Jews. Or maybe they’ll just target short people or redheads, anyone they can get away with picking on.

The ban won almost all of SoCal. I was surprised. With all the people down there I’d have thought it’d fail almost as badly as the coast. Again, 10-year-old “singer girl” didn’t dream of this when she’d go California dreamin’! First this state tried to kill us while it drove me batty for 8 months, now this. Tom just said it was cuz there are so many Mexicans down there and they hate gays. Figures, huh? Yet THEY expect to be accepted and treated fairly.

It just enrages me to hear the blacks gloat about yet another historic victory, but what about gays? When are they going to get theirs? I wish to hell someone would assassinate him!