Huffs and puffs I ran more than a mile today! I’m hot, sweaty, and a bit tired, but I love the feeling after a long workout. After a shower, my energy will be restored. You know you worked out hard when you sweat between your fingers of all places!

I’ve done some more reflecting on the sister thing. Okay, so maybe she didn’t know about the default warrant. Hell, we didn’t know about it. But what happened still happened. And even if she’s telling the truth by saying it was Bill who called the cops, he couldn’t have told them where to go if it weren’t for her.

So I’m still okay with not forgiving her just yet and I don’t know that I ever can or will. That’s one of those things you can never know for sure. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel differently. Maybe I will in 5 years. Maybe 10. Maybe never. I can only take it one day at a time.

For the longest time, I’ve believed that people should never be forgiven. Not for big things anyway, even if they didn’t mean to do anything wrong, or don’t think they did. I know most people believe that forgiveness is about moving on, but to me it’s giving the person a chance to screw you again.

I deactivated my Facebook account not just to make it harder for her to contact me, but mostly because I have no interest in it.

I am grateful to Tom for supporting me as he has and for letting me know that in his opinion, there is no right or wrong feeling and that it’s okay to do what I feel is best.

Even if what happened never happened at all, why associate with someone on the other side of the country that I have absolutely nothing in common with? Looking at her as just a person and not my sister, she’s someone I’d never be friends with, and so that’s enough to tell me that we should just continue keeping to ourselves.

Do I think she’s hurt? No, probably not. Pissed? Yeah, maybe a little. But I felt it best to be honest with her and risk upsetting her in any way than lie to both of us and resume a relationship that my heart simply wouldn’t be into. I don’t hate my sister, but I don’t love her either. Nor do I feel anything for her daughters or for my brother at this point in life. Call me cold, call me cruel, call me insensitive, call me selfish, but ice princess or not, this is how I feel.

Tom said it was quiet all morning. When I got up around noon, Jesse did his strange motorcycle thing again where he started it, then stopped it. Then a few minutes later he started it again and left. I heard a few barks as he was leaving, but nothing else since. Today’s definitely like old times and I’m enjoying it immensely and glad Tom can concentrate easier than I can on his programming work as tomorrow’s going to be rocking. Fortunately, I’ll be sleeping through the worst of it where my schedule is at right now.

The program is still being tested rigorously and is still passing like crazy. We’d have won a grand the other day, so he saw. Consistency matters more than big wins, though, as consistency can multiply itself quite well. It could still be a year or two until we can buy a land/house package.

Of course it would be a lot easier just to win this mansion that came into the sweeps site the other day. It’s actually in Sonoma which isn’t too far from here. We’d sell it right away since we couldn’t afford to pay the taxes on it, but a two-million-dollar house would give us plenty of money to get something else. Besides, I wouldn’t need anything as big as a mansion would be.