Went back to Twitter but decided to share my little microblog there with just Maliheh for now. Haven’t decided if I want to share with Nane yet. I don’t think I will, though. The reason I’ve decided to be so secretive about this one and have signed up as Miss Anonymous is that I have more freedom this way. This way I don’t have to worry about overtweeting and annoying friends, or feeling obligated to follow back those that annoy me with their own share of overtweeting like Kim used to do. I can’t control who chooses to follow me, but I don’t have to follow them back if they’re not friends and they can choose to unfollow me anytime they want.

The reason I chose Maliheh is that we have no mutual friends. I would have loved to have bitched about Kim on my old Twitter account but couldn’t do that because I knew it would offend Alison. This way I don’t have to worry about offending anyone. So yeah, the decision’s been made. Only Maliheh will read this entry and only she will get the link, and I will make sure I don’t connect my Twitter account with my Facebook account or anything like that where I use my real name.

Another reason for sharing my “secret” Twitter profile with Maliheh is because that way if she wants to, she can get an idea of what my current schedule is like and whatever else I’m up to and random thoughts I may have. She doesn’t have to check it of course. I’m just going to make the link available to her so she has the option.

I kind of wish Maliheh would start tweeting from her own secret account too, so I could know what was up with her even when we weren’t in the mood to chat, and even if it were something as trivial as what she ate for lunch, but I understand that isn’t her thing.

Maybe I’ll end up deactivating on Twitter. I left for a while because I got sick of all the constant change and the forced ads, recommendations and “promoted” tweets being thrown into my stream.

For now, it will be for Maliheh and I, though I’ll still tweet at least for a while even if she’s not interested in checking it out, and have fun changing backgrounds every few days or so. They don’t allow animated ones, but I have plenty of stills to decorate with.

Later...

It fucking figures that less than 24 hours after rejoining Twitter the site is down. I can’t access it at all, so they’re down hard. Probably got flooded over the latest mass murder.

Before I state what’s on my mind, remember that you chose to read this blog. If you’re sensitive or you disagree with what I may have to say, that’s fine, but that’s your problem. Whether you live in my country or not, whether you’re rich or poor, whether you have an “important” job or not, I don’t want to hear it. It’s fine to disagree, but don’t even think for a minute that so long as I don’t harm or threaten anyone you can still mess with my rights. Or try to. The worst you can do is make yourself look worse and me get rich. So… am I worth it?

Ok, so as far as what’s on my mind. That’s easy. I hope to hell they fry the guy’s ass that’s responsible for the theater shootings in Chicago. I really do. I’m glad he’s white because that will up the chances of him getting the death sentence he deserves instead of pity and a lifelong stay at a local funny farm at the taxpayer’s expense.

What pisses the shit out of me is knowing that this cock probably will get off on an insanity defense because apparently, he’s showing no sense of reasoning, unlike the Oklahoma bomber. He was sane and did what he did for a reason. The government fucked him over so he blew up one of their buildings.

That’s another thing that’s scary. You would think those that have bombed or flown into government buildings would be an example to the government of just what can happen when you fuck over your own while catering to the rest of the world, yet they still go on fucking us over and nearly killing some of us as in the case with my husband and I last year.

Ok, why is my landlord driving his loud truck up and down the driveway??? I have sound machines and fans on yet I still hear this fucker! That’s why we may as well not worry if we go back to having neighbors so close to us. They’re going to be just as annoying whether they’re close to us or hundreds of feet away, so why not? Seriously, God doesn’t give us any breaks when we distance ourselves from neighbors, He just makes them louder. What this cock is doing right now more than makes up for the distance. It’s no different than if he were just an arm’s length away. It’s getting dark, though, so maybe it’ll stop soon, and he’ll either stay home or take off for the night like he sometimes does on Friday nights and leave me with 8 hours of barking.

What else can I complain about? How about attitudes toward suicide? Just like some people’s attitudes towards rape victims suck with the way they blame them and not the perp, people always blame the suicide victim, too. Sure there are some that kill themselves for the wrong reasons, and sure some of them would have made it through life just fine had they not given up when they did, but what if Tom and I hadn’t received a miracle in the end and therefore gone through with our plans? I’ll tell you exactly what would’ve happened. People would’ve blamed us for our own deaths and insisted we just “didn’t try hard enough.” But when you fill out every application available to you yet no one calls, that’s NOT your fault. Luckily for us, though, one did just that in the nick of time, and they saw past Tom’s age and skin color and right through to his qualifications.

We still would’ve preferred to go quickly and painlessly in the comfort of our own home and bed, as opposed to slowly starving on the streets, but we definitely would’ve preferred to go on living a normal life. We are forever grateful to our deceased loved ones for saving us in the end, cuz no other theory makes sense to us and it’s too hard to write it off as a coincidence. At the same time, I wonder just how much of an influence the dead really have on the living. Overall, it doesn’t seem like much. But I wonder things at times like if my dad can and will try to help us get the right home.

It annoys the hell out of me when people say that suicide isn’t the answer. That should be up to each individual to decide and not society. It’s our lives and our bodies. So if you can tell me that suicide wouldn’t have been the answer had a miracle not saved us in the end, then what you’re basically saying is that a slow miserable death on the streets would have been the answer. Sorry, but that’s just pure bullshit knowing my own self as well as I do. I’m pretty in tune with what my limits are and what I can and can’t handle. Streetlife wouldn’t have been one of them. But someday, unless something else kills us in the meantime, my husband will die and then I will kill myself so I don’t have to live without him, rich or poor, then you can all blame me for it. :)

Last night’s negative dreamfest consisted of the dogs barking and me going to turn the sound machine on to drown them out. But the sound machine wouldn’t work. So I decided to go yell at them to shut the hell up, even though I knew it would only last about 10 minutes. Yet when I opened the door to let them have it, the place looked just like we were in the city. Instead of seeing trees and hills, all I saw were closely set houses.

The other bad dream I remember is that I had been run over by a car and was trying to sue the driver for millions of dollars. One night I was at a party and although I seemed to be just fine physically, I was talking to a legal expert at the party who told me that the case would probably drag on for years and in the end, I would most likely lose. I felt myself tense up with anger, not just because of what they said, but knowing that God would protect my perps as usual. Then I spotted the guy who ran me over. I hurled myself at him and he went down on his back with me on top of him. I pummeled his face with my fists till it was perfectly red and unrecognizable. It took 3 or 4 people to pull me off the cock.

sighs Why can’t I have fun, happy dreams more often? The kind you hate waking up from.

When I was bitching to Tom about there not being any home jobs that pay at least minimum wage, he said everyone would be doing them if there were. Really? I thought most people would want to work outside of the house and be around other people.

I had to laugh when Tom said he worried if I’d be able to survive an adult community without blasting music. LOL, I don’t have to blast music. I do it cuz it’s more convenient than using the iPod when I’m cleaning or something like that. I’d worry more about how well others will control their dogs there than anything I may do. I can use iPods and headphones anytime I need to. I don’t expect two big dogs to be left outside overnight to bark their asses off, but I still worry about a small dog being left out during the daytime when the people are working, or more than likely out on errands or entertaining company since we don’t seem to be allowed to have neighbors who work no matter where we live. Besides, the only pet restrictions I’ve seen mentioned so far are the size and number of dogs/cats, not that they’re not allowed to live outdoors.

Jesus, now TIP is down. What is wrong with people tonight?!