We went to Toys R Us earlier only to find it surprisingly dead, reflecting the falling birthrate. So was the fact that they’re going bankrupt. Most things were overpriced, too. There were dozens of cute dolls and while a few of them were reasonably priced, many were $40 - $60. Not worth it, especially for plastic kids’ dolls. So it was probably the first time ever that I walked out of there empty-handed. They didn’t even have any children’s coloring books. Just adults’. This is okay, though, because I still have plenty of coloring books and plenty of knickknacks to have to dust. It’s just nice to get out.

At this time of year, the only time you don’t hear the freeway traffic at night is on Friday and Sunday night. Late last night I was thinking how quiet it was and then starting at 3:30, I could hear planes flying around for the next hour and a half. So I’m not even safe from that shit in the middle of the night. Right now I hear freeway traffic. I guess I’m not in for the TV tonight otherwise I would’ve heard it by now and they don’t usually fly two days in a row, thank God, so I guess it will just be traffic tonight.

The planes are just fucking ridiculous at times. I don’t know if this is a new thing or if we’re near an airport but I’ve never lived anywhere where I’ve heard this much plane activity. It’s definitely number three on my complaint list for LV.

Wondering how many more appointments it’s going to take Kathleen to become a whole different person, and I know damn well she will. Stacey is far from the only one that’s pulled that on me, too. The first time I remember it happening to me was when I lived on Woodside Terrace in Springfield when I called a girl who gave me her number at the bar. She didn’t just act like she didn’t know who the hell I was but also like she was totally annoyed by my calling her. But being the polite little sucker that I was back then I was nice about it. These days I would’ve been like, “Well, what the fuck did you give me your number for if you knew you didn’t want me calling?”

Sometimes I wonder if people actually like getting people’s hopes up and leading them on even if they’re doing it subconsciously and aren’t even aware of it, not that I think Kathleen is doing any such thing of the sort. But people, in general, do make me wonder. I’m not talking about those who have dumped me like Alison did. I’m talking about those who seem to want to be your friend (or more than that) that blow you off or suddenly change their mind for some reason.

Maliheh pulled the same thing on me when I called her in 1991, acting practically offended that I would dare consider calling her at the number she gave me.

My guess is that Kathleen chose to simply be “friendly” instead of saying she couldn’t contact me and why. Or maybe at the time, she thought she would but I’m sure a friend or coworker will talk her out of it as I suspect was probably the case with Stacey. I just find it hard to believe that Stacey kept everything to herself and didn’t seek advice from a close and trusted friend of some kind, but maybe she did “think it through” on her own. She did the right thing in the end. She didn’t do the right thing in the beginning. Or towards the end, I should say.

I’m never going to know Kathleen’s real reason for not reaching out to me in the future because I’m not going to ask, though my guess is that it will be for the same reason Stacey backed out; she may feel it’s going against ethics. When I see her in 10 days it will be interesting to see how she acts. Will she be her usual chatty, bubbly self? Or will she clam up?

When I sit and think about it, I don’t see why she would need or even want to have me as a friend. She strikes me as the type that has plenty of other friends she can go shopping with and whatever else she likes to do. I also think that no matter how much she may like the way I dress, that no, she can’t possibly be attracted to me. I’m overweight and aging and while I may not be the ugliest thing to look at, I’m certainly not the prettiest.

No matter how much you may love, cherish and honor our country, the flag is just a piece of material. It has no feelings or emotions. Also, the National Anthem is just a song. I think that sometimes we as people fail to keep things in perspective and focus on what’s really important. Instead, we get too caught up in material things, tradition and symbolism.

I was so glad when Walmart replaced our favorites. I was hoping they would. Now maybe they’ll leave the site alone for a while. I hate sites that are constantly changing, but being as big as they are there is bound to be many changes.

My pit rash keeps getting better and worse and better and worse but never goes away completely, even with hydrocortisone. Tonight it’s creeping down my inner arm. I might have to see a dermatologist. I can’t believe or accept that I’m always going to have all these rashes that are going to arrange from annoying to really annoying while being totally uncurable simply because I have an autoimmune disease. Perhaps a dermatologist can tell me for sure. It seems I have one thing after another. The appointments are backing off but not as much as I’d like. If life could stop giving me shit, I could cut them down even more.

The first night the solar wind chime bottles stayed lit most of the night. The last two nights, however, they’re not even staying lit for three hours. Bad batteries? Or not enough sunlight?

Lately, I’ve been alternating between two different walking routes. For one I head toward the back of the park and loop around, and the other I head toward the front of the park by the RVs. Each one takes almost a half-hour, depending on how much of it I run.