Yesterday I ended up feeling
wonderfully normal after a few shaky hours at the beginning of my day, mostly
because I was afraid of what I might be in for.
Today I’m doing okay with
very faint traces of anxiety so far. As funny as it may sound I almost wish I
would get hit with it hard so it may help convince me that maybe Tom’s theory
is right and that it really is mostly on the perimenopause. But I can’t make it
be caused by what I want it to be caused by. It is what it is, and I totally
believe the bulk of it is on the meds. What I’m feeling is residual traces of
it because it’s not a short-acting drug. It doesn’t leave the system in 12 to
24 hours. That’s why it took a few months for me to recover when I got really
bad.
The only thing that doesn’t
make sense is the changing symptoms. Why did this particular type of anxiety
not start until a year and a half ago? What made the booming heart stop?
The racing, booming heart
stopped, the butterflies in the stomach stopped, and I would like to think this
will stop too, but it’s been going on too long to be very hopeful.
The frequency of high BP
readings isn’t good but oh well.
The bulk of my problems
yesterday was all the fucking noise. I still can’t believe that a retirement
community could be this fucking noisy! Noisiest place I ever lived in the West.
Well, it’s about as noisy as the apartments but in some ways, it’s noisier than
the house in Phoenix. The dogs, brats and car stereos there weren’t as
consistent as the steady stream of daytime noise here is. I think it really
helped to be on concrete and have brick walls too. Being elevated and having
wooden walls really allows the loud vehicles to rumble and vibrate throughout
the place. At least the last time around I was only woken up once instead of
twice but still…
So the Twenties, who are
regular little project junkies (they just hire people to do their projects for
them), are redoing half of their roof. I don’t know why the last lady would
only do half of it, but only half of it is newer. So they’re redoing it before
they get leaks. It’s a company called Thompson Roofing that has a good
reputation. We’ll keep them in mind if we decide to do our roof. What’s weird
is that they only worked during the morning yesterday. They have another day or
two of work to do, though.
I didn’t know this but after
I mentioned us possibly going to Hawaii next January, Carolyn said she was a
travel agent and to let her know if we need brochures.
I was actually more annoyed
by the cable company than by the Twenties. If they stayed up the hill doing
whatever it was they were doing there, it wouldn’t be so bad. But they had this
thunderously loud truck going back and forth like crazy and it’s totally
annoying as fuck. Didn’t see any evidence of what they were working on during
our walk, but I’m sure they’ll be back for many days to come. There is always,
always something going on here. Projects in the street, projects by the park,
home renovations, landscaping galore. God, it gets old! It’s so distracting and
some days I just want to hear nothing at all and to live my life in peace
without all the damn annoyances. But I know that we’re just going to get the
same shit no matter where we go and I just have to remind myself that like it
or not, this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my 20 to 30 years.
Tom didn’t get a chance to
pick out an oven because he had to work super late and today he’s going to be
stopping at Walmart to pick up our prescriptions. Not sure if I’ll be back on
my old brand today or tomorrow because I don’t know if I’ll be up when he gets
in. Maybe he’ll get a chance to look on Thursday since Friday we’ll be getting
groceries delivered.
I think I’ll go make a board
on Pinterest dedicated to Keisha Castle-Hughes. She’s between boring and hot.
She actually reminds me of one of the fictitious characters in one of my books.
With less than 1000 words to
go, I should win CampNano today.
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