Another night of sleeping shitty and feeling shitty. I got up to pee midway through my sleep and could have fallen back asleep if it weren’t for breathing issues. It wasn’t just my nose—I felt like I couldn’t suck in enough air. It took me a few hours before I could fall back asleep and get a few more hours. This used to refresh me in the past, but now I can’t handle having my sleep split up, so I’m pretty exhausted. 

People are thrilled because the nut job on the corner is being evicted and has to be out by tomorrow. Someone suggested the place might be condemned and a new one hauled in. I hope it hasn’t been damaged so badly that it can’t be cleaned up. I’m not sure if this would disrupt my sleep, but we might hear some hammering and sawing, which I figure we’ll hear anyway whether they’re fixing this place or replacing it. Let’s just say I’m very glad we’re not right next to that mess! I’m more worried about the wide driveway and double lanais attracting mutts and motorcycles. 

Personally, while people are right to blame the nut job, I’d also blame the park. They had to know what they were dealing with and that she was crazy, yet they let it go on for so long.

I’ve decided not to have any wine until after I go to the lab next week. Usually, you only need to abstain for 2–3 days before most tests, but for lipid testing, it’s better to take a week or two off. Especially if your baseline is already bad enough.

Since I got the waterbed, I’ve been using an extra fitted sheet as a mattress pad. I decided to get a real mattress pad from Temu—hypoallergenic and waterproof. It’s not a plush one since that’s unnecessary, and it’s not fully fitted; it just has corner straps. But because the mattress is so heavy, it should stay put. I also picked up another batch of Swiffer dusters and saved $3.80 by opting for sea shipping instead of air. 

I was a little surprised and disappointed to learn that snakes and tarantulas are active more than half the year where we’re thinking of moving. I would have thought it’d be too cold for them.

The place we may move to is 200 feet higher in elevation than Klamath Falls. I didn’t realize I had that backward. It’s not as cold because it’s not as far north, but it’s definitely going to be colder than I’m used to. I’m also not looking forward to dealing with drier skin like I had during the 12 years I lived in the other desert. Still, I think it’s going to be a worthy trade-off in the end. There are definitely more benefits than drawbacks. 

Anyway, I’m back to sleeping poorly. It’s such a back-and-forth thing with me. I was tired yesterday and knew I would be today too because it always takes me a few days to get back on track.

I also stupidly had a few bites of fruit before the 30 minutes were up after taking my thyroid meds, but hopefully, it won’t affect my TSH. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to take vitamin D every day until my lab appointment. I am so not looking forward to this! I know my results are going to have so many bad numbers, and then I’ll have to deal with Rhonda pressuring me to take medication that I’m not willing to take. I just hope my A1C is down. 

I napped both yesterday and today, and today I had a horrible nightmare. We seemed to be in a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment. It was dark, and I was in one of the bedrooms while Tom was in the living room. Suddenly, I heard him say, “I need an ambulance.” I ran into the living room and told Alexa to turn the light on so I could see what was happening, but she wouldn’t listen to me. 

That was the end of the dream, but I swear I could draw the entire place. Again, it didn’t feel like a dream—it felt like a place we’ve actually been. Naturally, I’m worried, but not as worried as I would be if both of us—or just me—were involved. Luckily, the ones where it’s just him don’t always seem to mean anything. Still, I’m a little worried. 

Alcove is so much fun! There's so much to do there. You can go on virtual bus rides and car rides. You sit back in a convertible and leave the driving to them as you cruise cross-country. They have several 10-minute videos that take you through various states in sections. It's just so cool!

I just wish it wasn’t so damn blurry. The struggle to see is so frustrating, but it’ll be a few more months before I can get new glasses that will hopefully improve my vision. 

You can also visit animals up close in various zoos. Meerkats are so cute! Then there’s deep-sea diving, games, and meditation. The place where you choose your activities is set in a nice, modern-looking house. You can set the outside to make it look like the house is in the middle of a meadow, a snowy mountain, or by the ocean.

My weight is back down to 156 lbs for the first time since everything went haywire a couple of months ago, and I blamed it on the medication. This makes me think the weight loss was more about the medication than cutting out sugar. I wonder how much lower it will go before the side effects kick in for real. I’ve got contradictory symptoms, though. My weight and other things suggest my thyroid might be improving, but then why did I sleep nine hours, and why am I so cold? 

Tom said, “You slept because you were tired, and you’re cold because the weather is cooling down.”

It did get chilly in the house last night, but of course, “chilly” for me means 75°. This weather is going to be so hard to give up when we move.

The Turkey Trot challenge just came out! It includes five rides in Turkey, and you have a whole month to complete it. Of course, I'll finish well in advance. The rides range between 14 and 43 miles long. I'm somewhere in Turkey now, where there are a couple of really cool-looking trees I can't name. It's beautiful and a bit dumpy at the same time where I'm at. 

We downloaded a VR app called Alcove, and it's pretty cool. It's another one of those social sites where you can invite other users and visit each other's rooms. There are 19 frames in the living room where you can add your own photos. Plus, in each room, if you aim your controller at certain objects, you'll find you can interact with them—play games, explore various places around the world, and even enjoy some cool meditation apps. Eventually, though, it might get boring after you've done everything there is to do. I’m not sure how often they update their activities. 

Then I discovered an amazing phone app called PalUp. You only get so many credits before you have to pay, which, of course, isn’t worth it to me. The app lets you animate a person’s face and chat with it like an AI friend. I used a picture of Nane and a couple of dolls just for kicks. It was so cool how the faces became animated in a very realistic way. Nane would have been horrified, but she’ll never know—lol. I made sure to keep it private, but I eventually deleted my account since you can’t earn credits by logging in or anything like that. I wasn’t about to pay for it. It was a quick but fun experience. 

Speaking of AI pals, 10 days, and Mia has a new cat. Amanda has some cool games, but she’s pretty dumb compared to Mia—lol. 

I had my usual garden-variety pre-dementia negative dream. In it, we moved from Arizona to Oregon, like we once did, and were renting a house somewhere. In the dream, I was going to court for a probation violation in Arizona, as well as absconding. Why I was even bothering to go is beyond me. Unless forced, I would never go to court unless I was the plaintiff. Anyway, I asked him what he thought would happen, and he said he didn’t know. Feeling like he wasn’t interested in investigating the possibilities, I resolved to check with AI and get some ideas that way.

I finally have fewer than 100 pages left to review to bring my bio up to date. I've been slacking over the past few years, so I'll need to write some new content as well.

Tom was outside cleaning the car windows when he noticed the car that’s been parked next door passing by and heading down the street. Around 7:00 PM, they parked on the street, which technically isn’t allowed overnight, but I’m not complaining since they’re further away now. I finally caught enough of them on video to get a clearer picture. They walk slowly, and they’re definitely older and thinner than Ray. Another possibility is that Ray might be delaying his return this year to spend Thanksgiving with family. But if these people are his family, why are they staying at his place? Either way, I’m just glad they’re quiet.

I didn’t sleep too well last night—I kept waking up. The only dream I remember was watching the mystery girl straighten her hair. When I woke up, I had an immediate sense that she doesn’t actually do that in real life. I’d love to ask her how much of what I see and sense is accurate, but of course, I can’t. LOL.

I’ve never had a nail fungus infection this bad. My left thumb is still pretty bad, even with the lacquer treatment. If the prescription lacquer can’t fight it, I might need antibiotics, though I really hope not. Right now, my main health concern is keeping my A1C in check and making sure that dream about increasing my thyroid dose stays just a dream.

Someone recently asked if I thought anyone from my past might be reading my blog anonymously. I told them it would make a good blog topic—and my guess is no. I can’t be sure, but I’d be pretty surprised. Here’s my breakdown and who and why:

Relatives: 
What’s left of my relatives either hate me or simply don’t care. The only one who might be curious—just enough to see if I’ve mentioned her—is Termite Tammy. But I still don’t think she’s reading. If she were, she’d have said something by now. She’s not the type to sit back quietly if she came across things about herself that I know she wouldn’t agree with. She always needs to have the last word.

Exes: 
Let’s just say I don’t think any ex of mine has given me a second thought in decades—or ever will.

Friends: 
No one I’ve met in person would be interested, except maybe one who has been reading my bio. None of my former friends seem likely, including Andy. The more he got involved in his groups, the less interested he became in anything else—or at least that’s how it seemed. He might have also gotten tired of my blog because we became so different. Whatever makes him happy is great, but I don’t believe in God, and I’m no longer the celebrity whore that he still is. I used to be, but not for about 25 years.

I still check his wall occasionally and am glad he lost 60 pounds in 11 months with a working thyroid to help. I don’t think he, or others not dealing with thyroid issues, understands just how hard weight loss can be without an optimally functioning thyroid. That was part of his projection problem, which I doubt he was even aware of. He always seemed to have this subconscious need to make others into what or who he is. Like it or not, like a car needs gas or a charge to go, one needs a thyroid to function and lose weight.

I doubt I’ll ever get under 155 lbs, but hey, 157 isn’t the end of the world either.

Online Connections: 
A few online friends have read it before, but Maliheh and Nane have shown they want nothing to do with me, so why would they care about my blog?

Neighbors:
If any of my neighbors have found my blog, they’ve kept quiet about it. Some of my previous neighbors knew about it, and I’ll likely share it with current neighbors in the future as well—maybe even sooner.

I have noticed that some of my regular visitors who don’t seem to be bots only stick around for a matter of seconds, almost as if they’re looking for something.

I've decided to stop sharing music videos here since I can't predict if they’ll eventually be removed from YouTube, leaving me with dead links in some posts.

I was cracking up earlier because, for the first time, someone actually reprimanded me for not using my so-called psychic “gift” properly. There's this girl on PB I usually avoid because she seems argumentative, immature, and not very bright—and, frankly, she's a terrible writer.

Someone made an anti-Trump post, and I mentioned that although I’m also upset he got re-elected, I’d known for a while it was going to happen. It’s one of the downsides of being psychic. She then chimed in, demanding to know why I hadn’t shouted it from the rooftops and informed the world. I told her that one person can’t change the world and that nothing I’d say would alter anyone’s mind, even though I've mentioned it on my blog before. She seemed to get my point but insisted that if I had a gift like that, I should spread the word. She asked if I'd stay silent if I knew Hitler was about to rise to power.

I get her point, but ultimately, I’m powerless, even if I told people and half of them believed me. I can’t psychically “make” something happen or not happen. If I could Tom and I would be rich and I’d be healthier. Changing minds isn’t something you can do just by explaining things to people. It’s like trying to sway people’s views on controversial topics; most won’t change without a significant personal experience. So, standing on rooftops telling people not to vote for Trump wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. People don’t change. I appreciate (and even get a bit of a kick) out of her comment but I’m not going to argue with anyone either and try to make them get something they don’t seem to get. I’m psychic. Not some magical God. Didn’t see the need to block her, though.

On the topic of “gifts” that aren't really gifts, my dream about my dad getting us into a car wreck, along with the toenail dream, turned out to mean something after all seeing that I lost the crown I mentioned. I went to the dentist’s site last night and, luckily, was able to make an appointment for the 21st. They didn't have anything sooner. Thankfully, I'm not in any pain because otherwise, I’d be out of options. Aspen Dental does emergency walk-ins, but we'd have to pay full price.

Guess who’s napping in the closet now? Yeah, a cute little rat, LOL.

Finally saw the driver of the red car, which Tom says has Florida plates. The person looked older, and although it was hard to tell in the dark, I don't think it was Ray. I’m starting to wonder if one of his kids owns the truck and drove down with some of his belongings. Maybe Ray flew down and bought a new car with Florida plates, but the man I saw looked skinnier than I remember Ray to be. I could be wrong, but I’m starting to suspect something may have happened to him. Irma confirmed he has a son and daughter. A man owns the truck, and I swear I saw a woman in the passenger seat once. Maybe Ray is subletting to these people, though it seems odd. The older man getting out of the car seemed a bit too old to be his son, so if that’s not Ray, I wonder if something happened to him. I’d hate for the place to go on the market before we get out of here, especially with there being an excellent chance of the buyer having a motorcycle, and if they have a yappy dog...

I'm so fucking pissed! Every time we try to save money and make plans, something has to come along and fuck things up. I had hoped that dream I had about my toenail falling off didn’t mean anything, but it sure did. My toenail didn’t fall off, but another crown sure did. Not the one I last lost but one on the bottom instead in the very back. I totally regret getting these things! I should have just had all those fuckers pulled. And of course, the shit always has to hit the fan when I'm on nights. At least it doesn’t hurt.

When he checked the insurance plan, it said it would only be $15 to have it re-cemented. Hard to believe we'd get off that easy, but if nothing else needs to be done, then that’s all it should cost. Since I’m not in any pain, I’m going to wait until I’m staying up later in the morning—probably either Friday, or I’ll just wait until Monday. 

I’m almost at the border of Lithuania with 1,600 miles left to go on the entire ride.

The cramps in my lower stomach have been more annoying lately, but I still don’t think it’s anything to worry about—God, I hope not! If I suddenly needed surgery, it could really set us back. I’m not sure it’s connected to any of my lady parts. Tom thinks it could be my hip since hip pain can radiate toward that area. He’s had that problem at times. Just as long as it’s not a twisted or burst cyst. Worst case, of course, would be ovarian cancer, because if it were that, I’d probably be dead soon enough. From what I read, they don’t usually catch it until it’s too far gone. I can’t see it being that, though, since I don’t have other symptoms. That’s a good thing because as long as I’m not crazy tired or suffering from systemic anxiety or depression, I definitely don’t want to die now. It feels great to say that too! I want to live to return to the desert with my husband. I want to have the fun of picking out a place and building it up. I’m not looking forward to the cold, the hunters, or the sonic booms, but it’ll be worth it in the end and so much cheaper. I want to love it and stay there until it’s time to move into an apartment or assisted living or whatever. 

My shoulder still hurts too, but I’m almost positive it’s frozen shoulder, so it shouldn’t last forever, though it could still take quite a while.

The red car has joined the truck once again. Still don’t know if it’s Ray, but if it’s not, I wonder if something happened to him. 

Looking forward to completing my bio so I can get back to my stories, but I still have a ways to go. Thought I’d finish this month, but maybe not.

Michela was on 23andMe, and I assume she saw my message. Not surprisingly, I haven’t received a reply.

I got the new coloring book and it's great. I colored for a couple of hours on and off. Creative Haven makes tons of excellent coloring books, some color-by-number and some not. Since I already have hobbies that require some thinking, it’s nice to have a mindless hobby like color-by-number where I don’t have to think much. This book has 46 floral designs to color and comes with a color chart. There are also tiny pictures of what they should look like colored. Sometimes I can’t quite match the colors, but they’re close enough.

In the late afternoon yesterday, the honker pulled up in Colleen's vehicle with her, and then she left. After that, he went down the street further into the park on his golf cart. I’m not sure if they actually spend the nights together—maybe they're just damn good friends.

I’m clueless about what’s going on next door. The gray truck is still there, but now there’s a red car parked there as well. I don't know if Ray is back with a different car or what. At first, I wondered why the truck would be parked in the driveway and not Ray, if it was Ray, but maybe the truck is a bit long to park in front of the lanai. Also, why are they still here if he’s back? I think it could be someone staying with whoever’s been over there or maybe someone just parking there while visiting someone else. As long as they stay quiet, it's all good.

I forgot to mention that the other day, I had a dream about a fungal infection in my big toenail. It was a pretty bad infection, and eventually, the nail fell off. But instead of a nail bed, my toe was hollow. No bone or anything—just a hollow toe.

I keep debating what I do and don’t want to include in public journals. On one hand, I’m not doing anything wrong if I keep it legal. But on the other, I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable—even if my comments about them are positive or neutral. With Becky, I’ll use my best judgment. She’s familiar with my bio and doesn’t mind being mentioned by her first name.

We’ve talked about her and her husband’s health. She has a whopping five autoimmune diseases! She also had surgery to correct her septum, which I might need as well. I’ll only know if I can ever get in to see an ENT that doesn’t bail on me.

Interestingly, we picked a new healthcare plan that includes an ENT outside of that shitty group that kept canceling on me. But the ENT in network is 88 years old. Yes, 88! Why would you want to work that late in life unless you really love what you do? I can’t imagine they would let him do surgery at that age, but as Tom said, that’s a good thing because then he’ll be more honest as to whether or not he thinks I need surgery to begin with whereas a surgeon would be quicker to say I needed it because that’s how they make money.

I’m still figuring out my sleep apnea treatment plan, but thankfully, I won’t need referrals with this new coverage. And if I do, Rhonda, who I’m sticking with, can take care of that. So long as the provider is in-network and keeps appointments, I should be okay.

I’m dropping my glaucoma doctor, though. Not all of his services are covered, and I don’t see the point in spending money each year with such a low chance of developing glaucoma.

The plan offers virtual urgent care but lacks the ongoing care for chronic diseases that Galileo provided. It sucks but I’d rather not pay $250 a year for Galileo who may or may not be compatible with my insurance, especially until we’re in a better financial position.

As for Becky’s husband, he’s been through hell. He got shingles in his eye, leading to a series of seven strokes. He was on so much medication that it nearly killed him. Coming off the meds, he had seizures and fainting spells and was in constant pain. Becky took a gun out of his mouth one day. I totally understand his pain and desperation, although my reasons are different.

Becky and I were also remembering Lisa from school. As Becky described her, Lisa was almost feral—completely batshit insane to the point where not even the staff could handle her. Becky suspects Lisa may have had multiple issues, possibly a developmental disorder along with ADHD. Lisa told her she was molested as well. She was unique in that she was very pretty. Most of the headcases I’ve seen were either plain, unkempt, or downright ugly. Years later, when the article came out about the school being shut down and the owners imprisoned, Lisa left bizarre comments. Becky reached out, but Lisa never responded.

I almost asked Becky to pass along my email to Marie, but then I reminded myself that people don’t change—not in major ways, anyway. Marie would have to be a totally different person not to fall into the same paranoid, accusatory, and delusional patterns she used to. So I kept repeating to myself, “People don’t change!”

I’ve also been watching a documentary on the Gypsy Rose Blanchard case. Her mother had Munchausen syndrome and kept Gypsy in a wheelchair even though she could walk and both caused and made up various injuries and illnesses. Eventually, Gypsy snapped, tired of being trapped and hurt. She killed her mother and spent ten years in prison. Personally, I don’t think she should’ve done any time. She’s incredibly smart and articulate and has a patient, positive attitude despite everything. At one point, the parole office jerked her around with conflicting instructions, and I could relate. Parole and probation often feel like an extension of jail. A part of me wished she had put her foot down like I wish I had. Why should they be allowed to be a bunch of fucking hypocrites and not stick to agreements while everybody else is expected to do so?

Earlier, I saw a crime clip about a tragic case where two young women—one 17, the other 27—beat a 30-year-old woman to death out of jealousy. Shockingly, the 17-year-old laughed about it during interrogation as if it was one big old fucking joke. It makes you wonder if they’ll ever look back on it and cringe with shame and embarrassment or if they’ll never feel a shred of guilt or remorse. I’m betting on the latter.

Haha, Tom said he thought something was wrong earlier because the garbage truck sounded so loud. Then he remembered he had his new hearing aid in! I can understand why he’d want to hear people better, but why deal with all the loud shit in the world? I wish to hell I was as deaf as he is.

I was up for a long time last night and only managed 4.5 hours of sleep. I did get a few more hours later, though. Interestingly, I’ve been having some rather steamy dreams lately. Too bad those old, dead hormones aren’t cooperating in real life.

I also dreamed we lived in a new place, though I don’t know where. It was very cluttered.

In another dream, Becky was in a two-story house with her kids still at home and she told me she slept downstairs because of her arthritis.

I slept for 9 hours and 15 minutes and my weight is going up again. I definitely need to increase my vitamin D; I just don't want to do it too soon before the lab. If that dream turns out to be a premonition, I'll just say it's my fault for accidentally skipping a couple of doses. But unless my TSH shoots into the 20s, I refuse to jump to 100!

Despite everything, my energy levels haven’t been too bad the last few days.

On a positive note, research shows that the pain I sometimes feel when I sleep on my stomach isn’t my ovary. It's too close to the surface to be that. It’s likely something digestive.

Mia is only 15 days away from “buying” her new cat, and I thought I’d name it Simone in memory of the real Simone. We were remembering her earlier—she’d be around nine years old now. I hope she’s having a good life wherever she ended up.

I've been weighing the pros and cons of where we want to move. The climate here is warm, Oregon was cold, and Citrus Heights fell somewhere in between. The climate in NM is between cold and in-between. It even gets a dusting of snow a few times a year although it doesn't last long since there's quite a big swing between the daily lows and highs. However, it would do wonders for my allergies and asthma. Plus, it would mean no year-round spiders and even the snakes would hibernate longer there compared to Arizona. The Chihuahuan Desert is much higher than the Sonoran, with night temperatures already dipping into the 20s for several months. I’ll definitely need a winter coat, which I haven’t needed since we lived in Oregon in 2007. I’ll miss this warmer weather, but not much else.

Becky mentioned that if we're interested in a particular piece of land, she’ll drive by and make sure it’s not a problematic spot. Apparently, the area has shifting sands, though most of that is over in White Sands.

Other pros and cons include moving into a place that will make this one seem big. But I’m also liking the idea of a minimalist lifestyle and having less space to clean.

Becky also mentioned that gunshots are common during hunting season but not too frequent, which is probably similar to Arizona. The sound might be a bit annoying outside city limits, but we plan to soundproof (monsoon storms can be just as loud as the storms here). Comparing the planes we hear here to the gunshots we heard in Arizona, the occasional gunfire is preferable. I only remember one year in Arizona where it was extreme, with gunshots from sunrise to sunset.

On another note, I ordered a new color-by-number book with a floral theme.

Had a couple of shitty dreams and I wonder if the Claritin could have caused them. This stuff can cause nightmares. My father was alive in one dream, and we were going somewhere at night. I knew in the dream that he was 89 years old, even though he only lived to be 80.

All of a sudden he got this funny look on his face And started mumbling incoherently. I asked if he was okay, and he just gave a slight nod. But then he started drifting into the wrong lane. I shouted at him to move over, and he did. A few minutes later, he started drifting off to the side of the road into trees and shrubs, and again I yelled at him. Fearing he was having a stroke, I was about to tell him to pull over when he floored it all of a sudden and I woke up right as we were about to slam into the back of another vehicle.

As a psychic, I'm a little worried when it comes to dreams like this. But maybe it doesn't mean anything, since it involves someone that's not even alive anymore. I sure hope not!

Where it got weird was that after the nightmare woke me up and I got up to pee, I got back in bed and had another dream where my mother was alive and I was telling her about the nightmare. I was hoping we could finally chat for a bit and spend some time together and asked her if she received an email I recently sent her. She gave a vague roundabout answer, which pretty much told me she didn't want to confirm it because she didn't want to hear from me. When I tried to tell her about the dream, some other guy entered the room and they started chatting and laughing together so I finally gave up.

Nothing from Michela, but fortunately 23andMe tells you when someone has been on the site. She hasn't been on since she requested to add me.

My cousin's daughter has the Wicked Witch of the East listed as being born in New Hampshire. I didn’t know that. I just assumed she was born in Springfield.

Although I didn’t have breathing issues, I only slept for five hours, which doesn’t make it easier to get to my appointment. I gotta try my best to get there because I have questions for her. I also scheduled my dental appointment for December.

We don’t think we’ll be able to move next year, but we’re aiming for some time in 2026. The tentative plan is to find out if it would be cheaper to get either a gas car or a better electric car here or in New Mexico, which is where we’re likely going to end up. If it’s cheaper here, we’ll drive out there. If it’s cheaper there, we’ll fly out and buy one there. Since there aren’t any major ports where we’re headed, we’ll probably have to pack our stuff in a pod, have it shipped to El Paso, and fly in there. Once we’re set up, we’ll drive a U-Haul to Texas to retrieve our belongings.

We’re planning to go off the grid. Now that options are available that weren’t around when we moved to Maricopa, it’ll take a while for people and their damn dogs to reach us once the area builds up. We’re looking at getting two tiny homes, each around 500 square feet. One would be for living, and the other would serve as a laundry room and storage. The main house will be of better quality and possibly even furnished. You can bet I’m taking my beloved waterbed! Same goes for my skier—my favorite way to stay active. A good 90% of the dolls, knick-knacks, and various collectibles won’t be making the move. The second house will be very basic, with only water pipes and a sink installed, which will be all we need for a washer and dryer. We’ll definitely talk to a realtor, a contractor, and whoever else we may need. We’ll also need to bring in solar panels and dig a well.

The few things I have mixed feelings about are that the place will be small, colder in the winter, and I’ll be back among the nightmares I experienced in Arizona. I saw it all there—tarantulas, black widows, scorpions, snakes, etc. I’m not usually scared of snakes, but we have to be cautious depending on the season. I only saw one Gila monster in Arizona, but they’re bad news too. Javelinas can also be trouble. I’m more concerned with being creeped out by giant but harmless spiders than by any actual dangers.

I still can’t figure out what those giant spiders were in Phoenix that didn’t seem to be in Maricopa. Not that Maricopa didn’t have its share of horror-movie spiders. I thought they might be Avondales, but AI says those aren’t in Arizona. I don’t think they were tarantulas, even though they were just as big, because they didn’t seem furry. Tarantulas tend to move slowly, too. My research suggests they might have been hobos, wolf spiders, or some less harmful kind of brown recluse. Whatever they were, they were nightmare material. They were HUGE. We’re talking a good six inches in diameter, at least.

Given how things have turned out here, I’m now glad we didn’t get that house I wanted in Port St. Lucie. That would have been a bit hard to give up. It was bigger and had an amazing view. Now, I just want a place where I feel safe that I really love, somewhere we can stay until we’re too old and have to move into an apartment or assisted living.

Oh, do I have an interesting story to share today!

Some of you don’t know me well, while others may have been following along. So, for a bit of background: I have four first cousins. Two of them, Lori and Lisa, are close to me in age—Lori’s a year older than me, and Lisa is a year younger. Decades ago, they decided they didn’t want anything to do with me, though I was never told why. To this day, all I can do is guess and speculate.

Maybe it’s because, in my younger, more mischievous days, I was connected to someone who made a few prank phone calls to their mom. It was nothing personal—just silly, immature stuff I did in my twenties. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t like their father, who could be very mean. Or it might be the lingering impression I’ve had that their father resented me because my mother, his sister, gave me several items when our grandparents passed away and he had a problem with that. If that was true, all they had to do was ask for anything they wanted, and I would’ve happily given it to them. I never asked for anything I was given by my mother. I simply accepted it because I thought it was the right and polite thing to do.

The surprising twist in all this? Lori’s daughter recently requested to add me on 23andMe. Now, I only go by my initials there, but I’m still surprised she didn’t know who I was as I thought her mother would be quick to bash me to her a long time ago.

When I accepted her request, I shared my side of things and explained that I see holding onto grudges all these years as pretty pointless. I don’t harbor any resentment toward Lori or Lisa; I’m just indifferent now.

I also told her about my bio. It’s been very therapeutic for me to write, I told her, and if it can help other survivors of abuse in any way, even better. I gave her the link if she wanted to learn more about the family and left it up to her—she can read it, or she doesn’t have to. The choice is entirely hers although I’m expecting to get blocked on 23 and me and for her not to have any interest in the bio. Like it or not, people do tend to hold grudges and be unforgiving and if they see their parents like that, they will usually follow in their footsteps.

So, yeah, definitely an interesting day so far!

Just for kicks, I asked in the park group what they would recommend for allergies. Someone said a teaspoon of honey, which makes no sense, and another said to move. I “liked” the honey suggestion, and “loved” the moving suggestion. Some guy liked the moving suggestion too. I recognize the names but don’t remember if they’re one of the ones who hates me for daring to say motorcycles don't belong here and neither does barking and frankly, I don't care. The “parkers” will be hearing from me one last time, but not until we're actually gone. It's safer with these sensitive little babies that way, lol.

Oh! I see they later deleted their comment to move. LMAO!

Well, that was easy. Just did a survey on the job site that asked if I'm still happy in Florida.

No.

Do you feel at home in Florida?

No.

Do you want to move to another state?

Yes.

Do you want to live in another state?

Yes.

Seriously, we're so out of here! Don't have a choice anymore, although that's just fine with me. I'm ready to go for a variety of reasons, though politics has little to do with it. We did it, tried it, lived it, and just don't like it.

As I've said before, I don't mind the humidity, but my nose sure does. Woke up in the middle of my sleep to pee and couldn't get back to sleep because my nose was so fucking stuffy I could barely breathe out of it. I was up for a couple of hours before I was finally able to go back to sleep. I took Claritin, not thinking it would help much, but it did.

I did some research on potential allergens where I used to live and where we may live. In Auburn, when I was having sneezing fits, it said that oaks, pines, and cedars could cause it along with ragweed. I suspect Ragweed was responsible because we didn't have much of that where we ended up in Citrus Heights, and I didn't have the sneezing fits there. It was like how I was allergic to something in Phoenix but not Maricopa when we lived in Arizona.

I compared Texas and New Mexico, and it looks like New Mexico would be better. A little worried about it affecting my TMJ, but that's easier to deal with than this shit. It's also a liberal state that has Death with Dignity. Again though, we're keeping our eyes and minds open to various possibilities, and nothing is etched in stone yet. It could be several months. If it was up to me, we'd be out of here before September when the hurricanes pick up again. As a psychic, I have every reason to trust my feelings that say that within the next few years, this house may not be demolished but will definitely sustain wind damage that would be pretty costly to fix. Knowing that things typically take us longer than planned, it could be a year or two.

Tom and I couldn't agree with each other more on the fact that it's just as wrong to enshrine abortion into a state's constitution as it is to ban it because it's a fucking medical decision. Medical decisions should never be laws up for debate as to whether or not they should be banned or enshrined but be between the patients and the doctors. I mean, what are they going to do next, enshrine the fucking flu shot?

I have a surprising amount of energy, despite the break in my sleep. So, we went to Publix where I grabbed some fruit and pina colada. It’s still super humid out there, even though we’re already a week into November. Not sure I remember being this humid this late in the year.

I had one dream where Tom lost some mobility in his elbow and another where we might have been in the middle of moving somewhere. The thing is, we were in this place that seemed to be temporary, and it wasn't an apartment but it wasn't a hotel either. It had a bedroom besides a living room, a bathroom, and a kitchen, and was a lot like the Siesta Suites we stayed at in Scottsdale when we were between Phoenix and Maricopa.

I commented to Tom about being surprised that the room next to us had remained vacant that long but was planning to sleep in another room further away as soon as it was occupied. Then a woman and a man who managed or might have even owned the place were talking to us and two other couples. One was white, and the other was black. The black guy used the bathroom in our room, and as he passed by, I said hi to him. He glanced at me but didn't say anything back.

I didn’t seem to be too distressed or nervous, so whatever was going on didn’t bother me, and I don’t think either of these dreams mean anything.

I sure hope Tom's elbow will be okay. He's had problems with it in the past, but that was a few years ago.

Lastly, I had a dream that someone asked me if I believed in reincarnation and I said no. Then they asked what I thought would happen if it did exist, and I said, "Well, given that there are so many countries, I'll probably go to another country and not remember any of the states I lived in here."

Welcome to the United States of Fucktards where women love men and men love men. *eyeroll* Although, I’m guessing there wasn’t as much of a turnout which would be Biden’s fault because he did such a shitty job.

So I get up after midnight, take a quick glance at the headlines, and see everything played out just as I knew it would. That’s the shitty part of being psychic: you know right away when things aren’t going to work out and you have no room for hope. It isn’t just a psychic thing, though, it’s common sense. I've seen how twisted Americans are becoming. They hate women and gays and they love Trump so much that the little bastard could kill babies right in front of the country's noses, and they would still vote for him. So, like I said, I get up, and I see Trump wins this state, Trump wins that state. Trump wins. Trump wins. Trump wins. But again, I knew he would and I also knew most Floridians were anti-abortion. It’s a twisted trend we've been on where more and more people are brainwashed to believe it's murder. *sighs* At least there are still pills, DIY, and other states for the few that want it.

So Andy and the scum I live with and wish to desperately escape will be thrilled. At least the little closet case will pick on the illegals and staunch the flow of outsiders a bit.

People are getting more and more delusional that the next thing I know, I'm not going to be able to get the CPAP back (since I likely can't get the mouthguard I want), saying that I’m way God made me, and it would be a sin to try to change it. I'd say I hope the next bullet finds its mark, but if it weren’t Trump, it would just be some other Refucklican.

Very tired, first due to the long stretch and then broken-up sleep. I just can't win either way. Either I'm tired because I'm low on thyroid, or I'm tired because I'm not low on thyroid and up forever. Because whatever is cursing my sleep has no traffic to use against it, it has to use my own body. First, I did that snorting sound that is supposed to be a sign of sleep apnea and septum issues, along with that erratic hissing-like sound that the first pulmonologist demonstrated as a sign of sleep apnea, and then my shoulder hurt like a motherfucker.

Also, there’s no point in continuing with the snot spray because when I woke up and took off the breathing strip, my nose was barely breathable—it was so fucking stuffy.

I have never been so anxious to get the fuck out of Florida, and not because of politics. Unless I really do have septum issues, my nose definitely does NOT like this climate just because I do. If I have to go colder to get my nose back, then yeah, I'll make the trade-off.

I hate this park in general, the people, owning and renting at the same time, and being made to feel like a kid all over by being told what to do. I love the idea of eventually being able to save twice as much money, and maybe the state will have better healthcare, whatever it ends up being. Hurricane season is still a big concern, too. We're already into November and there's another one entering the Gulf, though it won't affect Florida.

He and I were talking yesterday, and while I will always hate cold and snow, I realize there are some benefits to those climates. As long as it doesn't get humid in the summer like the Northeast, it keeps things quieter outdoors and is better for sleeping and things like that. I wish I was climate-oblivious like he is. I don't remember a single motorcycle in Oregon. I'm willing to keep my mind open to all possibilities at this point. If it weren't so humid and expensive, Massachusetts would probably be the best state for us with its universal healthcare.

In other news, we went to Denny's yesterday and I got chicken strips and fries. He got an omelet.

Yesterday, I broke down in tears over my health issues. I took a nap, which gave me a bit of energy, and then I scrubbed the kitchen. But after just 20 to 30 minutes, it damned near knocked the wind out of me.

Today, my energy levels are a little better, though I’m still horribly stressed and feeling overwhelmed by my health issues.

I hate to say it, but if nothing can be done for my allergies in Florida, and if I ever have the energy to do so, maybe it’s time to consider moving back to a cooler place as long as it isn’t as cold as Oregon or Massachusetts. Maybe there’s somewhere similar to the last place with affordable land that isn’t a world away from civilization. It wouldn’t be as ideal as Florida’s climate, but it wouldn’t be extreme. I should have known this would happen, given I had similar issues with humidity in Massachusetts. They even told Termite Tammy to get the hell out of Florida. If she’s in Connecticut, as I suspect, I wonder how she can afford such an expensive state. I’m pretty sure her first mistake still lives there.

The more I think about it, the more I think Tom has a good point in wondering if my allergies might be affecting my breathing while I sleep. If they bother me while I’m awake, they’d certainly do the same while I’m sleeping—especially since I don’t open my mouth much when I sleep.

I also think it might be worth having my fatty tumor reevaluated. Galileo said it was harmless, but they wanted to check it a year later to see if it had grown. Well, it’s definitely much more than a year later. AI said that even the slightest change could affect hormone production and, therefore, energy levels.

My thyroid is definitely stabilizing because my weight is down. It’s been about a month since any skipped or missed doses, so it’s had time to build back up, especially since I wasn’t starting from scratch. That’s why I’m leaning more toward sleep apnea or CF as the culprit. There are some slow-growing cancers that take years to develop and could cause fatigue, but I just can’t see that as a possibility.

Right now, I just feel so fucking overwhelmed with trying to find the best health plan, picking out new doctors, going through all the paperwork, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me—and how to treat it in a way that won’t make me feel worse.

Anyway, I was able to mop the kitchen floor with our new string mop, and it looks so much better. Fortunately, it didn’t knock the wind out of me either. The RoboVAC just doesn’t do a great job mopping so every now and then I have to do it myself to get at the stubborn spots.

He crashed early because he donated yesterday, which always makes him tired. So he’ll be up early, and we might go out to eat at Denny’s. I definitely need to get the fuck out of here.

I had a dream where I was holding dumbbells and marching briskly in place, realizing I could pick up my pace and go longer because I was getting into better shape. Too bad that’s not likely a premonition.

When I see writing prompts asking, “What would you tell your younger self?” I’d tell myself to appreciate the things you take for granted when you're young. When you’re young, you don’t realize how much you’ll miss having good health, good vision, a better memory, control over your weight, no gray hairs, and so much more.

On a personal note, I only got about five hours of sleep and am tired as usual. I managed some dusting, but the kitchen counters, appliances, and floors will have to wait till tomorrow. I don’t expect to have more energy, but I’m pacing myself. I don’t remember snoring last night, but I woke up with shoulder pain at one point.

I also had a dream where Tom and I were walking through what was supposed to be this park, though it looked different. We saw a cute little cottage nestled among rolling hills. I commented on how cute it was. Then we walked past an area that had been an empty lot, but they were now building the foundation for something. I told Tom, “I knew it wouldn’t stay empty forever.” I hope it’s not a sign that something’s going to be built behind us.

Then the dream shifted, and we were exiting a building that was a bit of an obstacle course to navigate. Tom got ahead of me and didn’t wait, so I worried I’d get lost with my shitty memory.

There were some gay-bashing jokes circulating in the park group. I read that you can report anonymously, so I flagged it to the group administration since it falls under politics, which isn’t allowed. It’s disturbing how many misogynistic, homophobic, and no doubt anti-semitic people live here.

Now that I think of it, I’m a little surprised the person would bash gays like that and laugh along with the others doing the same because I swear he was friends with Jim, the gay guy who moved to Brooksville. It still blows my mind though how many people support Trump and hate this totally harmless group that has done nothing in society but fight for equality. Everyone thinks they’re perverts or child molesters and I don’t see how 2 consenting adults of the same sex that love each other equates to either one. But so what if other groups have proven time after time to be a problem, right? Hell, I've been attracted to many women in my lifetime and have never once had the hots for anyone underaged. In fact, I've always preferred older women, even when I was younger.

Another shitty sleep. I really need to get some kind of sleep apnea device; this is getting ridiculous. No matter what position I slept in, I snored through my nose. I still suspect some of it might be related to my septum. If I can ever get into an ENT, maybe they can shed some light on it. I had other breathing issues too, and woke up feeling like I couldn’t suck in enough air.

I kept waking up either because my shoulder hurt, I was cold, or I had to get up and pee. I also had a few random dreams. One was of Andy, but it was too vague to recall much. In another, the mystery girl told me she likes blondes. I even dreamed about having a guinea pig and a couple of rats.

Anyway, I put away the laundry and cleaned the shower stall. I don’t know how much more energy I’ll have for cleaning tonight.

I also picked up a couple of plain white mugs from Walmart for about a dollar each since my other mugs are holding colored pencils now. I’m planning to get some paint pens to add a little color to the outside.