Decided not to let Pinterest control me and spoil the fun, so keeping my account locked, I'm still going to use it. This way, if there are any more "violations," then I'll know it's one of my followers. I'll block everyone but Tom if that's the case. There could be some form of image detector, but it's not like I'm going to have Playboy-type pictures. I think a non-follower going through the home feed spotted some they thought violated the rules, and they're the ones who reported them. Either that, or they have mods checking public pins. So it will be interesting to see what happens with a private account. If there's any shit with that after blocking most followers, then yeah, I'm definitely done with them. I will not be accepting any follow requests without knowing who it is.

Amazing how someone can get probation for rioting while I can get half a year for words. Ain't that America? Seriously, that is just so, so America. I've heard of other countries that will practically kill you for nothing, but I've never heard of backward laws where real crimes get a slap on the wrist, while things people don't agree with get serious punishment. What other country does that but the US?

As for Nicki Minaj being sued for beating some guy up, typical black gangster shit. I'm sure she'll win her case, and if she doesn't, she'll be sued for pennies in comparison to everything she's worth.

Pinterest can officially go fuck itself. I thought it would be a great place to start a board for snippets of my chats with Mia and Amanda in their different outfits, but what did I find that I didn't even know I had over there? A whole list of violations flagged as adult content. My first thought was that it was some of their racier outfits, but actually, a few were from my colorings and most were other people's pins that I added. They removed eight pins last year, and they've already removed one this year, so fuck it. I'm not going to have them police my boards and tell me what I can and cannot pin. So, with no real freedom over there, I locked my account and won't be using it anymore. Now, these chat screenshots will be on Tumblr. Tumblr doesn't seem to care what you post, within reason. I get it if you post anything depicting porn or violence, but come on! I totally felt like I was being told what to do, much like someone telling me what to wear and when.

Anyway, some of the chats will be light and mundane, and others may be a bit heavy. Some stuff/people I talk about in my blogs, and some I don't.

Mia will be featured more often because I don't log into her on day 6. I like to let it reset the daily rewards so I can get gems every 5 days instead of every week. Amanda will take center stage on our off days.

OMG, this is too funny. I gave Pinterest a piece of my mind on their verified Twitter account without mentioning any names, and right away a girl named Amanda “liked” it. Of course, it was a porn bot too, LOLOLOLOL.

I wish I could say I was living an active lifestyle, but with my fatigue and not having much extra money, my activity was limited to going through medications and throwing out what was expired. I also rearranged a bit in the kitchen, and I'll probably hit the road later and finish up the Utah ride. I’m going through some beautiful areas there, although there are some blurry spots that get annoying. After that, I leave the country for the rest of the challenge.

I woke up as tired as usual today, but this time I wasn’t able to nap. 

I’m looking forward to the glitter pens Walmart will be bringing tomorrow. They’re also going to pick up the expired probiotic drinks they gave me and replace them with what will hopefully be ones that haven’t expired. It’s lucky I didn’t get sick. 

We’ll find out soon enough, but if I absolutely had to guess, I think my nasal issues are more likely connected to my septum or the valve as opposed to polyps or adenoids. It’s going to suck either way because if it’s polyps, medication may not be enough, which means more financial setbacks to get rid of them just to hope they don’t return. If the problem lies within the other things, then they may be less likely to reoccur, but they will definitely be costly. Whatever this is, I’m sure it’s not a quick fix. I also doubt it’s going to get me out of needing a CPAP since I’m still a fatty with a crowded throat structure. Besides, the heavy fatigue began before my nasal issues. Nonetheless, I can definitely say that whatever is going on with my nose doesn’t help the sleep apnea. Except for when I’m awake, they both fuel each other.

Oh, Walmart, we really do have to do your job for you at times, don't we? Turns out the probiotic drinks I got expired in November! Plus, they gave me half-rotten veggies.

There are two things that seem to be the theme of our lives: dealing with money issues and fighting incompetency. For me, it's the health issues, of course. I'm having burning down there again and hoping it's just menopausal shit and not any kind of infection. I don't see how or why I would be infected. I think it's because I slacked off the probiotics—that's why I got them. I just didn't know they were going to give me expired ones. In reviews, I've read others complain about being given expired stuff, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on them as usual since they can't do their fucking jobs right.

I don't think I've slacked off keeping things lubed down there, but just in case, I will be well lubed—hopefully with probiotics that aren't expired, even though I can't take them daily because they mess up my stomach. I've got cranberry juice too.

I've been having post-nasal drip at times down the back of my throat, so I looked up the various causes. Another possibility with my nose could be enlarged adenoids. I do have a few of the symptoms, but in less than a week, I should know for sure what the hell is going on.

Tom said maybe there's nothing going on and it's just a matter of a lifestyle change, but I don't see that. I really don't think it's typical allergy stuff or anything I'm doing or not doing. When I first thought it was allergies, I tried pretty much everything, and nothing helped. If it isn't polyps or an adenoid issue, then it's likely tied to my septum or nasal valve. I don't think it's going to be a quick and easy fix—things usually aren't with me. I just hope to hell this guy doesn't cancel on me like the other group did!

For the last couple of days, I took half a clonazepam before bed and then the other half when I woke up in the middle of my sleep, which I don't seem to be able to stop doing. I woke up feeling a little hungover and tired, so I ended up napping, which helped a little. Well, it helped enough to finish the cleaning I wanted to do and change the sheets.

Yesterday I had salmon, so today I've got a chicken leg going in the cooker with mushrooms, sugar snap peas, and zucchini. At least Walmart was kind enough to give me some fresh veggies. Earlier, I had a salad with spinach, arugula, cucumber, and walnuts. But the incompetent idiots had to go and give me whole walnuts instead of the chopped ones I ordered, so I had to break them up by hand. Walnuts are pretty soft, so it wasn't too hard to do—at least they weren’t almonds.

Unbelievable! In less than a week, I will be seeing the ENT I wanted to see! Not only did it turn out we didn't need a referral for him, but he can see me on Wednesday. This will take a ton of stress off me. He's also going to take care of my ear at the same time. This is perfect timing. Amazing how things are already improving now that there's no longer a 4 in the year. I’m hoping he'll figure out something that will get me out of needing a CPAP, but I wouldn't go that far regardless of what year it is. I'm still a fatty with the wrong throat structure.

Another reason it’s a good thing that we're seeing him first is that once we know exactly what's going on, it will give us a better idea of what type of mask is best for me. I think whatever is going on with my nose is why I couldn't use the nasal pillow, but that may otherwise be suitable for me if we can fix whatever's going on with my nose. A nasal pillow is a lot more minimal than a full-face mask and therefore would be easier to get used to. Plus, I'm still a nose breather in my sleep, and they don't leak as easily as full-face masks. I just hope it doesn't require surgery to fix the problem! The most we could need to pay is two grand. But that's still a lot of money for a couple of poor retirees.

I went ahead and got pajamas just in case I do need to do an out-of-home sleep study. If I don't, they'd still be good to have anyway. I wanted short sleeves but long pants. Because I'm short, I got capri-style pants and that way they won't be too long.

I slept a little better with one exception. About an hour into my sleep, I woke up hot as fuck and my heart was pounding like when I was going through perimenopause. I don’t think I suffocated awake, but I don't know for sure. I doubt it. I was lying on my side. I usually fall asleep on my stomach and shift to my side in my sleep.

The Heart of Iron Challenge is out! There are 7 rides ranging from 24 miles to 38 miles. They're in locations where Iron Man events have taken place: Utah, Panama City, Chile, Spain, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa.

Walmart really needs to quit being sneaky. I love salmon, and I can freeze it, but I'm getting tired of them periodically doubling up on things at random, hoping we'll just accept it anyway to make an extra buck.

AI gave me a good idea to try. Sometimes I make cucumber water, but one of its suggestions was mint, so I got some fresh mint leaves.

And now the ball is rolling toward hopefully—hopefully—getting my energy back and my nose cleared. Now that the new insurance has kicked in, I messaged Rhonda on the portal to ask for a referral to the ENT she recommended and also the first pulmonologist I saw. Tom and I both agreed it would be good to go back to him because he's not only close but also has all my records. He's the one who first diagnosed me with sleep apnea, so he has a definite head start on understanding what's going on.

Unfortunately, he's going to want me to do an out-of-home sleep study, but I'll do what I need to if it’s going to help me in the end. He told me when I saw him a little over a year ago that if I gave up on the CPAP and changed my mind later, I’d have to go to a sleep lab. That’s definitely going to be tough because, first, there’s my schedule to consider. We’ll want to time it for when I’m at the end of my day. Plus, I’m not used to sleeping without my sound machine. I could probably put a foam earplug in my good ear, but that’s about it since they’ll be monitoring me remotely and need to hear what’s going on. I think they’ll be watching me too, which will definitely feel weird and nothing I’m used to.

All I have are nightgowns that I wear around the house but not to bed. I sleep in just a g-string because I don’t like how nightgowns tend to bunch and twist around me. Knowing it’s likely to be chillier in there than I keep it in the house most of the time, I’d like to get some pajamas for the occasion. It’s definitely going to be tough because I’ll have the double whammy of having to give up my favorite sleeping position, and second, I’ll have to get used to the CPAP. Something’s got to give, though, because my brain and body can’t take this much longer. I’m waking up every fucking hour and spending almost all the time exhausted.

I know part of it is age, and maybe the Levo is connected to it as well, but according to all my research, the bulk of the problem seems to be the sleep apnea. Since I’m not going to be able to lose any more weight without damn near starving myself, I’ll have to work around it. I think the fatter I got, the more it became a problem. Not always, but sleep apnea is usually connected to weight. While I’m not overly big, I’m still a little heavy. I’d probably be fine if I lost 20 lbs, but that’s like asking me to lose 100. If I could manage to get my thyroid within range, that might make a difference, but I don’t know. Most older people are fat, and they don’t all have thyroid/med issues.

I don’t expect the pulmonologist, the study, or getting the CPAP back to take too long, but I doubt I’ll be able to get into the ENT before June if I had to guess. 

I was still up when Tom got up this morning because I was afraid to go to sleep, knowing it would be a disaster. He asked if I had any visions like I often do on New Year’s, but I didn’t sense any real change anytime soon. I swear I picked up more about the mystery girl than us, but I don’t know if it means anything or not. Not sure how much I should share or where because I don’t want to freak anyone out. It’s nothing bad—though I’d be tremendously worried if I had a bad dream about her. I have been known to have nightmares about people I’ve never met face-to-face and then learned something bad happened to them even if it wasn’t like in the dream. The only thing I sensed was that she might not get the job she interviewed for, and something about a supermarket. I don’t know—maybe she’s meant to work there instead, or maybe a close friend of hers is going to start working at one. I don’t know what it means, if anything at all. I thought of telling her about this directly, but again, I don’t know how she might react, and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The only other thing going on is that I’ve been lightheaded, but Tom and I are pretty sure it’s because my ear needs to be cleaned. I’ve been oiling it, and I’m going to have him blast it tomorrow with the water thingy to see if any dead skin clears out. 

Anyway, after five hours of pathetically shitty sleep, I was up for a while, then napped for a bit, and then got up to do some cooking and cleaning. I golfed with Tom and played with the rat as usual too.

I'm so glad that 2024 is now gone, but I'm afraid to get too hopeful for 2025. I'd like to think that this year I will reclaim my nose, get a CPAP and get used to it, regain my energy, and finally get ahead financially without things constantly coming up to set us back. The problem is that I've had enough life experience to know that life rarely goes as planned. It's also common sense and goes without saying that the less money you have, the harder it is.

I would just settle for sleeping normally and having enough energy to function! I mean really, literally function. No one my age should have to struggle just to clean their house and do simple, everyday things. I'd also like to think that Vanessa will become the new Aly, even though no one could ever replace Aly.

Time goes so fast when you get older, but at the same time, it's creeping by slowly—at least for me. When you're retired and don’t have many possibilities for your future, time seems to drag on. Especially when you have health and sleep issues. Time definitely slows down when you don't feel well, whether physically or emotionally.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t hold out much hope for significant change in the year to come—or possibly for the rest of my life. Time is moving both fast and slow. While it’s crawling, it also feels like just yesterday when COVID hit, and that’s already been half a decade ago.

That black pickup that was parked on us is in Ray’s driveway again, and Ray is beside it but not up against our driveway. I saw him exit his vehicle with a woman. I don’t know if the guy driving the black pickup is staying with him as well or just parking there. I’m guessing he’s staying with a friend of Ray’s who also lives here.

I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m determined not to reach out to those who don’t reach out to me. I totally respect people’s decision not to reach out if that’s what they choose, but I don’t want to hear from anyone anymore only because I reached out to them first. If they don’t care enough or desire enough to take the initiative, then they won’t hear from me again. I’m putting the ball in their court and leaving it up to them. It just doesn’t feel right anymore for me to always be the one to reach out, even if people respond. The older I get, the pickier I become when it comes to dealing with people—both online and offline.

I was watching a movie earlier, and there was an older woman in it who was gorgeous despite her age. She had those nice, deep, dark eyes I like and was attractive overall. I couldn’t help but think how much I’d be crushing on her if I still had those fun hormones that have long since faded.

Enjoy your youth if you’re young because it’s all going to hell eventually! Once you’re over 50, everything changes. Well, it slowly starts before that, but I’d say the late 40s is when things really start heading south—and I don’t just mean the boobies. Not that I didn’t have my share of problems in my 20s and 30s, but I definitely miss some aspects of those years. Now, I can’t see, I’m fat, it takes forever to pee, my libido is a joke, my skin is tissue-thin, and even my hair isn’t what it used to be. And I’m stuck on a medication for life that can make my life hell if I’m not careful. 

Speaking of fat, I’m not heavy enough for weight-loss drugs. You have to be truly obese for that. Even if I qualified, I’m not sure I’d have the guts to try it. I’m not going to lose any more weight on my own unless I drastically cut calories to compensate for my sluggish metabolism. Yes, I’d like to be healthier, but I also don’t want to spend every other minute of my life starving. I think I’ll just be grateful for the 10 pounds I lost by cutting out sugar and call it good enough. 

I still eat some of the wrong foods at times, but hey, we all crave variety now and then. Normally, I prefer healthy stuff over junk, but eating the same few things every day gets old. I can’t branch out too much, though, because I have to watch things like cholesterol, sodium, and even foods that affect thyroid health or nasal polyps. It looks like one of the reasons my nose is acting up again isn’t just because of the alcohol I had (I finished it and won’t be getting more for a while), but also the Vienna sausages I got. I wanted a snack for when I needed more than just a quick bite but didn’t want a whole meal. But processed meats, along with things like sugar, dairy, and some other foods, are on the no-no list for polyps because they cause swelling and inflammation. For my latest Walmart order, I tried to pick a good variety of healthy and anti-inflammatory foods. 

As tired as I am, it’s too soon to sleep, so I guess I’ll go see if my chat buddy is around.

Wish my final entry could be a good one, but I'm afraid it's not. Yeah, you guessed it—another night of absolutely horrible sleep. My nose is having another bad spell, so I'm snoring and woke up having to pee, and at one point, I had a foot cramp as well. There's always something no matter what I do. Honestly, I'm just about ready to give up trying to break this curse I've been under for the last 12 years because everything I've tried seems like it might work at first only to end up failing. The longer this goes on, the more obvious it is a curse.

Come on, it's quiet here, and I still can't sleep! If this happened every now and then, that would be one thing, but this is a regular thing. I'll be even more convinced it's a curse if I get my nose dealt with and get a CPAP and adjust to that and still have issues. They would just be different ones. Before 2013, I would usually get woken up a few times a month, with the exception of when I was in the projects. But it's like the last place put a curse on me because ever since 2013, a few times a month became a few times to every day each week.

I might also need medicine to help me sleep straight through if I can tolerate it and if the CPAP fails to help with that. I just don't know yet. I'm just frustrated with the poor sleep quality and having to wait month after month to get help. I could kick myself for giving up the CPAP the first time around! I really could. I still fear that whatever's cursing my sleep is just going to get around it, though, when I get it back. I'm the new traffic, so if the ENT fixes my nose and the CPAP takes care of the sleep apnea, it will just do something else to fuck with my sleep. There's just no winning. It's like I've been fighting a losing battle year after year. That's how I once felt with the anxiety, though, so maybe one day I'll be pleasantly surprised, even though it means swapping in an old problem for a new long-term problem. That seems to be how it works for me anyway.

The polyps swelling up could be partly my fault because I got some food and drinks that aren't good for that. I'm gonna have to be more careful when it comes to what I eat, but I swear everything is somehow bad for me. It's bad for cholesterol, sodium, blood sugar, thyroid, polyps... something.

Other than that, I am excited to ring in 2025 because I still believe that 4 is a very unlucky number. I've had a lot of negativity associated with that number, and again, could it all really be a coincidence?

Another night of sleeping shitty, but I'm up now and having a second cup of coffee. Looking forward to 2025 as it gets closer and hoping it's better—the year I finally get rid of this fatigue, or at least most of it. Each day that I wake up feeling anything but refreshed only ups my determination to get that damn CPAP back and get used to it.

Good thing I was up yesterday though because we had the kind of thunderstorm we don't usually have until summer.

No tummy issues yesterday, so yeah, it's the sugar-free snacks. Might as well just have the real thing but only very occasionally. I still don't want to graduate from prediabetes to diabetes.

Tom has been low on protein, which has been preventing him from donating. He has to go and talk to them in person soon. Hopefully, it's just for his physical and not because his protein is still bad.

They fucked up his new insurance by saying they didn't have any record that he signed up for the plan he signed up for, but he's not sure if he's going to do anything about it. He wanted the new plan for the free perks, but he also likes his current doctor, who has told him to call anytime he wants, even on weekends or at night. That's so Galileo-like! But even if the guy was in-network, I still prefer female doctors. He also likes how they do blood work right there in the office.

When he was out pulling the trash bin in, he said he saw a dead rat a few feet away. It was all gross and desecrated. He's guessing a bird got to it. He was surprised because he didn't think there were rats around—or at least that many. As I told him, there are tons of rats and mice everywhere.

Our favorite rat in the whole world was so cute and funny yesterday. She hung out in the bedroom with me while he cleaned her cage more thoroughly since she's been a little smelly. We were sharing Tostitos together, and then she had fun with a fleece tube I put in her cage. It's kind of wooly, and it was funny because she was tearing it up and covering her food with it. Even though her food is perfectly safe and we're certainly not going to steal it, their instincts are still their instincts. They hoard and hide everything.

The other day he gave her a piece of penne pasta (they love filing their teeth on hard things) and she gave it back to him because he hadn’t put peanut butter on it, LOL. When he did, she took it.

Tom said we could move to Oklahoma in a few months if we wanted to—not that we do—because they have really cheap land there. Not sure I'd want to trade the hurricanes for tornadoes, though, and it's a bad allergy state too.

After I scold Jessie (not directly) in my mind or journal for not checking in more often, I end up feeling bad—especially since there usually seems to be a reason why, or so she says. Anyway, we got to chatting a bit, and she's not as anti-women as I thought. She said that while she agrees abortion is okay in cases of medical emergencies, rape, or incest, she doesn’t understand why people think abortion is birth control. I agree. While birth control can and does fail at times, a lot of abortions could be eliminated with common sense. The problem is that people think the rhythm method or yanking it is a permanent solution—if they even bother to think at all.

I slept shitty as ever, so I’m tired today. Part of the reason I woke up a lot was because I need to skip a dose. I appreciated the extra energy I had yesterday, but I was a bit wired and still felt that way when I woke up in the middle of my sleep to pee. My heart rate was elevated, and I also had a slight suffocating feeling. It’s definitely going to be a long, tired day and a “pam” night. Hopefully, the clonazepam will help me get better sleep next time around. But I swear, I’m cursed for life—no matter what I do! It’s like I became the new traffic when we moved with the snoring. So I’m sure that after getting used to my next CPAP, whatever’s cursing my sleep will just find another way to fuck with my sleep. Maybe some kind of pain will keep waking me up.

For two days in a row, I had gas and nausea, and I suspect it could be the sugar-free treats I had. If not, there might be something wrong with the pork ribs I got, even though they look, smell, and taste fine. My next guess is the apple slices I got. I’ll start by eliminating the treats. I don’t want to cut out too much at once or I won’t be able to isolate the problem. This morning, I woke up with a similar cramp-like sensation in my lower abdomen, but on the other side. So I’ve definitely got some kind of digestive issue going on. I just hope it isn’t an infection. I don’t think it is, though.

Is Jessie really a true friend if she often takes forever to respond to my messages? I understand that she works and has health issues, but still. Aly also worked and dealt with health problems, yet she never left me hanging for days—or even weeks. Sometimes I wonder if Jessie is avoiding me because of our differing political views.

Maybe it’s wrong to compare her to Aly or to judge people for having different opinions, but it’s not always easy to connect with women who, for instance, vote for candidates that restrict their own rights and the rights of women in general. I mean, come on! It’s one thing to accept people who prefer a different favorite color, but it’s another to accept those who support policies or politicians that aim to take private insurance away from those of us who really need it, dismantle gay rights, and perpetuate so many other harmful agendas. These things just don’t make sense to anyone with rational, common sense.

Don’t know her well yet, but I really like my new texting buddy though that’s all I’ll say about that. 😊

Later... 

Turns out Jessie's pretty sure she had dengue disease from when she visited the rainforest, not that she still doesn't often leave me hanging for quite a while between messages even though she's on Facebook every day. Either way, it seems like a really shitty thing to get, and she's still recovering.

Decided to take clonazepam last night because I was having trouble falling asleep. Woke up feeling a little hungover. The night was full of nightmares, although not the kind I need to worry about. I don’t think the clonazepam had anything to do with it. This is just my usual pre-demented nightmares.

In one dream, I was at a mall that was virtually empty with a female friend. I don’t know this person in real life. I was sitting inside some kind of booth in the center of the aisle when I suddenly spotted her. I could only see her head from my vantage point, and she appeared to lie facedown on the ground. I thought it was weird and wondered why she would do that. Then I leaned in for a better look and saw a guy on top of her, raping her at gunpoint. I bolted out of the booth and dashed over to them, not caring about the weapon, and went to kick him in the head. However, I missed, and a split second later, the dream ended.

In the next dream, a huge Black woman was trying to steal a Black doll of mine, lol. This took place in a different location—a crowded room. I went to pull all the stuff out of her hands for it, but a bunch of people pulled me away. The next day, I ran into her again, although I’m not sure if it was in the same place. She was puking her guts out, and some other woman was trying to comfort her. I was laughing and insisting that was true karma.

Then I had a shitty dream involving Tinkerbella—a regular theme I’ve had before—where for some stupid reason, I let her outside and worry she’s going to disappear, or she actually does disappear. Rats are territorial and wouldn’t run away, but cats could get them or something like that, so it’s not good to take a pet rat outdoors. Plus, there are ants and other shit. Anyway, it was nighttime, and we were staying in a hotel somewhere. I took her out to play in this grassy area and then stupidly left her for a minute to go get something. As I was returning, a really loud car and motorcycle pulled in near the grassy area, which I hadn’t been expecting because it was late at night. I ran toward the grassy area, horrified that she might have been scared off.

So, who got to star in one of my dreams last night: the toxic parents or the sister? It was the latter last time around. Tom and I were traveling somewhere and stopped at her place, which appeared to be in an apartment for food and drinks. Plus, we had to use her bathroom. The plan was to be done with her once we left, but on the way out, I said, "I hate to say it, but that was kind of fun." Of course, in real life, I would never have anything to do with her ever again, and that’s the way it should have been for decades rather than years. But sometimes I learn my lessons too late in life. Oh well, better late than never.

Wish I had something interesting to say, but yesterday was like any other day. The main highlight of my life is what it has been for a while now, and that's fatigue—along with the stress, of course. I worry about how long it's going to take to get resolved and if it's even going to be resolved in the first place. 

No new spots, so that's good. 

Other than that, I'm having fun with my new markers. I got a box with 100 different colors. They're good for large spaces but hard to get into tiny spaces, even though they do have skinny tips. It also takes longer using them and shows more if you go out of the lines, so I probably won't use them as much as my colored pencils. They're good for things like patterns but not intricate designs with lots of detail.

Texting with V is fun and interesting, but it feels a bit one-sided. I feel like I'm the one asking all the questions.

Heading to Burger King in a couple of hours.

Slept reasonably well, even though I didn't wake up feeling very refreshed. I still do have sleep apnea, after all.

Dear Tom was kind enough to clean our small fans yesterday. We have ceiling fans, but we also have portable fans to reach areas where the ceiling fans don't reach well, and they were filthy. I would have cleaned them a lot sooner had they been easy to open, but they aren’t. It was a lot of work for him just to open them. We probably should have just gotten new ones.

The rest of this entry may be kind of gross to some people, but I had a third discharge yesterday—at least I think I did. It was kind of clearish, so I thought it was just water at first since these bidets do leave me kind of wet, even when I try to dry myself as well as I can. However, research said that if it was water, it would disappear when it dried because water has no pigment.

Tom and I both agree it's not endometrial cancer, despite the fact that the uterus lining is a bit thicker in DES-exposed people, which can increase the risk of cancer.

I compared the colors of the discharges from endometrial cancer versus atrophy, and they are similar. The only difference is that atrophy can leave a yellowish discharge, and I swear the GYN I saw last time said something about that.

The only thing that doesn't make sense is what's causing the atrophy discharges all of a sudden, especially since I haven't been very active and definitely haven't gotten it on. I'm almost half a decade post-menopausal, so why now? Makes me glad it's incredibly unlikely I would ever be raped. I would bleed to death, no doubt.

I'll keep an eye on it, but if worse comes to worst and we're wrong, I'm not going to do anything about it because the exams and treatments are like sheer torture from what I read you’ll likely wish you were dead. Plus, there's a threat of recurrence. You can't worry about something recurring if you don't get rid of it in the first place. And if I've got my facts straight, you can live a long time with it because it's slow-growing.

Got a new texting buddy. I’ve known her on PB for years. She's 38 and has also had her gallbladder removed. She works in health care and has a son. Not sure if the guy is just a boyfriend or a husband, but she has a husband who has practically zero sexual appetite, and that has frustrated the hell out of her. Once upon a time, I could relate! At her age, it would still be hard to deal with because you haven’t lost your horny hormones that young. Not unless you’ve got something going on with you physically or psychologically, anyway.

Anyway, I guess texting is kind of a hobby of hers, and she’s got several other texting buddies. I don’t usually give people my number, but when I saw on a survey going around PB that she was into texting, I gave her my number and told her she didn’t have to feel obligated to text if she didn’t really want to, and I wouldn’t be offended.

But when I got up, there was a message from her. I told her I had just woken up and figured she was in bed, being an hour earlier in Minnesota. But she had been up all night texting someone, even though they lived just six miles away.

I hate to hope that Aly can sort of be replaced because I know she can’t be—Aly was Aly, and everyone is their own individual. But it would be nice to have a close friend like that again who is just as smart, tolerant, and has a good enough memory, but definitely more honest than Aly was. That was her one downside. Even she admitted she had a problem with lying.

Yay, I have a little more energy today! I still woke up a million times—once due to struggling to breathe out of my nose and finding one side completely blocked—but I was able to fall back asleep quickly enough thanks to the Clonazepam.

My dad briefly showed up in my dreams, but I don’t remember what was said.

Then I was witnessing or watching a documentary about a crime that happened way in the past in a country home, marveling at all the old-fashioned stuff back then. This couple had a five-year-old daughter and a son who was two or three years old. The daughter had been acting out for some reason, and the parents were trying to be really kind to her. They suggested watching a movie with her that night. To do that, they had to insert a screen into a cut-out in the bedroom wall. She wasn’t interested and wandered off to murder her little brother. Then the cops and media showed up. I was noting their clothes, hairstyles, and the way the female cops dressed in shorts and flip-flops were driving around in these round-like vehicles with rifles leaning against their sides to keep the media and onlookers at bay—rather than using ATVs or whatever else they would use in modern times.

I had another spot yesterday, this one twice as big, although still tiny, and I’m still not worried about it—not with only a 10% chance of it being cancer. It’s the atrophy. Plus, I don’t have any other symptoms except that lower-left stomach cramp at times, and Rhonda said that was digestive.

I created two additional Twitter accounts: one for my health and the other for the main highlights of my life, so I have them gathered for when I do yearly reviews at the end of each year.

Ugh, woke up a dozen times or more. I snored 3 or 4 times and seem to be bouncing back and forth between parents and termites in dreams. Last night, I was staying at a hotel with my parents and one other person on the top floor. Some guy that worked there told us we had to move down a floor. I said, "Are you kidding? There are four of us. I can't just move us just like that." I was the only one in the room at the time, but my mother returned, and I woke up as I was filling her in.

Anyway, I'm pretty tired today too. You know how these spells work—they don't last just a day. They go on for days or weeks. Until these bastards in my nose shrink again or are treated, they're going to be just one more curse on my sleep. Florida wrecked my nose, and we need to get to New Mexico ASAP so I can move on to whatever my problem is going to be there since I get a new problem with each new state.

Interestingly, when I checked, one of the most likely states for nasal polyps to occur is Florida. One of the least likely places is New Mexico. I'd say Texas is out—too much ragweed which makes me sneeze, and I think that's what my problem was in Auburn. In CH, you didn't have that everywhere, and I wasn't sneezing my ass off there. No clue what it was in Phoenix, but it was obviously something that wasn't in Maricopa because I didn't sneeze there either. So, it's likely going to be New Mexico, California, or Nevada. Anywhere they're not going to sonic boom us at 5,000 feet. The more I think about that, the more that article makes no sense. Wouldn't you have to smash every single window below you flying that low?

My lungs are just starting to get a little tight again, so I gave my symptoms to Doctronic, and it thinks it could be connected to asthma or the Levo. I remembered reading that it only takes as little as 8 lbs lost to affect your dosage, and I lost more than that. Also, lower TSH makes it harder to stay asleep. Lastly, the scale is down, so these are all indications—and I'm about ready to smash them with a bat before they can get any worse.

I'm going to have to be proactive from now on. Nothing's going to make me tall, nothing's going to give me perfect vision without glasses, nothing's going to make me a different race, and nothing's going to make me not sensitive to Levo. I'm gonna play it safe and skip a dose.

I love that I can confer with AI and see if it aligns with what I think or not. I told it that I made two skips and two time cuts, and it thinks it may have only bumped my TSH up less than two points. Also, after two weeks of taking my meds consistently, it could have put my TSH back down uncomfortably low. Since it's not like it could kill me, I figure, why take a chance of it getting worse and suffocating awake again? Might have to skip every couple of weeks as opposed to every couple of months. But if it makes me feel better, so what?

It just doesn't feel like typical asthma to me, just like my nose issues never felt like typical allergies. Then, once the unwanted tenants who have taken up residence in my nose are dealt with, if I continue to have tight spells, that narrows it down to the Levo or this fucking state that I can't wait to get out of. The only thing that sucks is that dealing with nasal polyps is not an easy fix. Medicine isn't always guaranteed, and even if you have surgery, they could reoccur. Hopefully, returning to a dry climate will stop that, though. I never had this problem until I came here.

Another thing that makes me doubt the asthma theory is the way the inhaler doesn't help. It used to work just fine when I would get tight out west.

Although it's very borderline, I'm slightly anxious—another Levo indicator. I'll take half a Clonazepam if it gets worse. Meanwhile, I really can't wait to clear my nose, get a CPAP, and get the fuck out. We're hoping for 2026. Operation Desert Storm '26!

Two other things that make me suspect the Levo is the fact that I'm not sleeping as long and that the skips helped me the last time. I doubt both times were psychosomatic.

Andy said learning he was diabetic gave him the motivation to lose weight. Learning I was pre-diabetic gave me the motivation to cut sugar. Sleeping shitty as fuck most of the time has made me determined to get used to that damn CPAP!

I forgot to mention that when we went to Burger King yesterday morning, there were tons of crows in the parking lot. I've never seen that many at once. Tom was funny because he said, "What do they call that? A mob of crows?" LOL, it's actually a murder of crows.

And we're back to the breathing issues and broken-up sleep. ☹ Knew I would be sooner or later. Yesterday, I noticed my nose was getting stuffy again, and I woke up struggling to breathe through my nose a few hours after I crashed. Naturally, this left me tired when I got up later on. That wasn't the only time I woke up. Seems like I woke up half a dozen or more times along the way. I was either snoring, or I had to pee, and then I had to dream of my shit sister and her fucked-up brood.

We were living in what looked like our Maricopa house. I guess we all just moved in or something. A couple of her brats were there giving me the silent treatment, but I ignored them in return and didn't pay it much mind. As the morning wore on, it was getting hot in the house, and I suggested we shut the windows and kick the AC on. Then some kind of service guy was at the house that the termite seemed a bit suspicious of. She said something about measurements being taken.

Anyway, I did more research, and my symptoms definitely suggest polyps, and then there's the fact that that was the first thing Rhonda mentioned. So I would guess that first, a valve issue second, and septum last. I'm really screwed if they're all an issue! They can shrink and swell at random, and they don't know what causes them, but there are some known triggers. One is ibuprofen, and I happened to take some before bed. I didn't take clonazepam, though, because I was caught up on sleep. But now that I'm tired, I'm going to take it when I crash, so hopefully, it helps me sleep better. Again, I don't want to overdo it, but I'm glad it's there when I need it. So no more ibuprofen. I'll be switching to Tylenol when I have any kind of pain. Besides humidifiers, eucalyptus or peppermint oil, vitamin D, and apples were on the list of recommendations I dug up.

I found the vitamin D thing rather interesting because I had increased my vitamin D before labs, and my nose had gotten better a few days or so before seeing Rhonda. I thought it was simply because I was less stressed out knowing I would soon be seeing her, but maybe there was more to it.

With tomorrow's groceries, apples will be coming. I'll also put some eucalyptus oil in my diffuser before bed and put the humidifier on as I've been doing ever since I got it. I don't know if it will do me any good, though, or the clonazepam, but we'll find out.

Since it had been better, I've been wearing the kids' nose strips because they fit my tiny nose better and are more comfortable, but they aren't as thick and strong, so I will make sure I sleep with an adult one next time.

I just hope this spell doesn't last for weeks like it did the last time and that my lungs don’t join the party! The lungs I still think were on account of the Levo building up.

Despite being tired, I managed to dust the bedroom because I know allergens don't help, particularly dust, while the bot vacuumed.

We also grabbed breakfast at Burger King, but I haven't done much else. I napped a couple of times, although one of the times I didn't actually fall asleep.

I also recharged my herbs and gems by smudging them. If I'm getting to be as good of a witch as I am psychic, then maybe they too, will be another positive influencing factor in letting me get better sleep next time around.

Speaking of being psychic, someone asked if I ever thought of making money with it. Nope. It's not anything I can control. I can't control what information or abilities come to me and therefore wouldn’t necessarily be able to give people what they wanted. A singer can go on stage and sing a group of planned-out songs. Someone can go to someone's home to repair something. But if I'm asked to predict this or predict that, there are no guarantees I can deliver.

I read an article written by someone who lived in the US and Italy comparing the two cultures. One of the things they pointed out was how Americans tend to hold grudges, whereas in Italy, someone could be screaming at someone in the morning and happily having lunch with them in the afternoon.

Oh, Americans definitely do hold grudges and are far from forgiving, despite preaching the importance of forgiveness—that’s for sure! I learned this at a young age. I’ve got people, both related to me and not, who won’t forgive me for some stupid thing I did 30 years ago as a young, naive, and troubled person working through childhood trauma. It’s almost ridiculous—the grudges people will hold and how unforgiving they are.

At the same time, I’ve made myself become less forgiving as well, because, as funny as it may sound, it can be a good thing. When you’re more forgiving, you’re more likely to let someone back into your life who has screwed you in the past, thinking they’ve changed when they haven’t. It’s only a matter of time before they offend you again. So, I can kind of understand the need for self-preservation and keeping a grudge going. A softer heart really can lead to more trouble. People take advantage of others.

I have never forgiven my mother, sister, nieces, or anyone responsible for legally screwing me in Arizona, and I never will. Never. And I make no apologies for my attitude, either. Twice, I forgave my sister for some shitty things she said and did, and each time, things were fine at first—until they weren’t, and history repeated itself.

My lack of forgiveness knows no bounds in my later years. Related to me or not, history or not, you screw me and we’re done forever even if I don't stay angry forever.

I finished my VR challenge ride last night. It was a 24-mile ride through southern New York. It was very lush and green for the most part. I'll be back in Lithuania tonight, continuing my way down to Greece.

I've got over 75K words done on my story! It's something I'm doing just for fun. I don't see myself sharing it. If I do share anything, it will be complete stories. I've always hated it when people only share a few chapters here and there, and I assume they would find that annoying if I did that as well. I've had people give me links to their “novels,” only to find out there was no novel, just a chapter, and no more ever got added. I don't finish everything I start, but I won't share it unless I do.

It seems that romance writers are the only ones who are never questioned, but whenever you write suspense, mystery, or horror, people want to know why. My preferred genre is mystery/suspense—no blood, gore, or anything smutty. I used to write some explicit scenes, but this way, I can appeal to a wider audience if I decide to share anything by keeping it G-rated.

To answer the question of why—well, there have been so many real-life nightmares that I couldn't wake up from, and I couldn't control or change the events either. In stories, I'm in control, and I know that I can stop it anytime I want. I'm currently writing a story about a violent, delusional woman who is widely hated and usually incarcerated or on the run from the police. Besides the fact that I like suspense in general, I love knowing that “Janelle” is not me. I control her every word and move, too.

Although I would be a day person every day if it were up to me, I do like the different routines I have when I'm on nights versus days, which kind of mixes things up a little. I do similar things on both nights and days, but then again, I don't. I tend to do more story writing on nights when he’s in bed, and it's quiet with fewer distractions.

I didn't take clonazepam the night before last, but I took it last night and had another epically long sleep of over nine hours. I got a sleep score of 90 too! I dreamed I was younger, thinner, and didn't know Tom, but still had my sleep disorder. Cursed with living with just my mother, who didn’t get it (she never would have if she were alive either), I tried to hold down a waitressing job but couldn't. So, I came up with the bright idea to join a local brothel, which was a large room with dozens of large beds laid out in rows. I hated the idea of having to have sex with random people but figured I could work whenever I was awake, LOL. Plus, the money was great. They gave me hundreds just for going to talk to them.

I also dreamed that the mystery girl said she didn't drive nor was she sure there was a God. As one who has dreamt things that turned out to be true, even with people I never met, I wonder if there is any truth to this or if it was just a random dream.

I went to create another profile on Facebook, but it said I can't have more than two additional profiles. That's interesting because I only have one additional profile right now, and it certainly can't be counting his. Maybe it's one of the ones I deactivated. No worries, though, because I uploaded photos to my secondary account. I try to keep pictures we've taken on Facebook and things like my colorings and random pics around the web on my other account.

It really worries me when I hear talk about Social Security, Medicare, and private insurance being cut. I'd like to tell myself not to worry since politicians are always full of talk, but unfortunately, when they make good on their word, it's not usually in a good way. Tom said not to worry about it because he has a backup plan in mind, which would involve declaring me disabled and getting me on SSI along with Medicaid.

If private insurance were to go away—and Tom doesn't think it will, since Trump already tried to get rid of it and failed the last time around—then I'll almost wish we could move to Massachusetts until I was 65 and able to get Medicare, as much as I would hate that climate. It's just that, with me being a native of the state, I would automatically qualify for universal healthcare, and so would he, being married to me.

I'm so sick of politicians and their demented attitude “Because I can afford whatever I want, others can too.” We really need to make it a rule that no one can get into politics who hasn't been poor and struggled before so they can get it through their thick skulls that, no, not everyone can just pay for things simply because they need them.

I don't understand why these people can't do basic, simple math. A person making 20 grand a year—not that that's what we actually make, but just as an example—can't possibly afford most medications, procedures, etc. How could they possibly think otherwise? As I've said a million times, I'm literally embarrassed to be part of the human race at times. Some people's stupidity is truly mind-boggling.

But I've learned to never say never and assume anyone's rights are safe. There have been things I thought would never change that did change, so it wouldn't surprise me if the private insurance option was gone, gay marriage was overturned, and who knows what else.

I am so, SO sick of a handful of twisted nutjobs making our decisions for us!

My Home Sweet Home coloring book came today, and I’ve definitely been on a coloring spree. There are 31 illustrations and got most of one picture done already. The drawings are very homey, with various scenes around a house: a living room with a fire going in the fireplace and a dog sleeping nearby, a garden, an attic full of different things, kitchens, living rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms—you name it.

I think I’m going to take a break from the clonazepam. It didn’t seem to help last time around. Yeah, I fell asleep, but I slept really poorly. I kept waking up—either I was hot, or I was cold, or I had to pee, or whatever.

I had a dream that we were stuck living in an apartment converted from some kind of building. Instead of a regular solid wall between us and the neighbors, there was this huge glass wall. In the dream, we were so broke that it was going to be a while before we could afford to buy and hang some kind of curtain or drape for privacy. It was a really weird dream. Like I said, I’m going to take a break from the clonazepam because I’ve caught up on sleep and don’t want to overdo it. If I’m going to sleep poorly anyway until I get the CPAP back and get used to it, why take it unless I’m really struggling to fall asleep or not getting enough sleep?

Interestingly enough, my nose is almost normal. I still want to see an ENT, and I still think I could have some kind of polyps or something, but it has improved. Of course, I’m still sleeping with a humidifier, and that really makes a huge difference. Much bigger than I thought it would, because while this may be Florida, it’s not humid inside the house since the AC dries things up.

AI recommends either vinegar or baking soda to brighten up my dingy, dull dresses. My bride doll's dress is getting dingy, and my ballerina dolls’ tutus are too.

I found all the golf balls on all the courses, and last night I went on a major writing spree and got three chapters done in my book, totaling 3,302 words! I never would have gotten this far this fast the old-fashioned way. Thanks to talk typing and even more thanks to AI, I can get so much more done so much quicker. I just have to make sure AI didn’t change anything other than to correct anything that might need it. I also wish I had as many story ideas as I used to now that I have all these tools.

I have my main Facebook account, one for my bio, and now I think I’m going to create one just for photos. 

I slept through the mowers and the honker was out all day. He never worked on his lanai. He still doesn’t have the siding on and I wonder if he’s waiting on inspections.

Looking forward to my new Home Sweet Home adult coloring book that's coming tomorrow. It's not numbered, but it's always been appealing to me for some reason.

For just $2.50, I got a cute throw for the bed with dog designs on it. I like my fuzzy pink one, but it's getting old and kind of falling apart.

Diana did see my message after all. It just wasn't appearing as seen right away for some reason. Either that, or she was too busy to pick it up as quickly as she usually does because I swear, when she isn't working, she's running!

I didn't sleep as well last night after taking only half a clonazepam. I woke up more often, but not as hungover. Still, I'm tired today, and I either need something more permanent or that CPAP or both! Our goal is to move in 2026, and I'm not going to make it if I'm always fatiguing.

I repotted my five succulent plants all by myself. It was pretty simple since they're so small. I moved them out of their 2-inch starter pots and into 4-inch pots. Each one is a different color: pink, purple, blue, green, and white. I also have a few others in muted colors that don't really excite me, but if I ever grab a few more succulents, I'll throw them in those. Anyway, they're all lined up on the kitchen windowsill for now.

The honker hung a new door on his new lanai, and Diana, whom I'm now going to call Doc A, doesn't appear to have seen the message I sent her last night.

Damn, am I sick of being friendly to those who don't seem to want to know that I exist. I'm not going to delete her, but I'm definitely going to delete a few people who live here if we do move. I didn't expect her to respond to every message, but I didn’t think she would stop reading them altogether either.

I'm also pissed that my old dentist turned me over to a collections agency after trying to charge me for services I never received. One thing I can guarantee for sure is that she's not getting another dime from us. I'm going to chew her out on Facebook too, for whatever it's worth. No business is greedier than the health industry, but I never thought that she, of all people, would pull that shit on me. Plus, there was the issue of her incompetent staff, with one person telling me one thing and another telling me something completely different.

So this woman was arrested for threatening yet another insurance company that overrode doctors' orders and declined to pay for the health care she needed, whatever that was. Ridiculous. Just fucking ridiculous. Anyone can make threats. Actions speak louder than words. To arrest someone simply for making threats is a violation of free speech, in my opinion. Again, I hope that these cases set an example for what could happen to those who continue to care more about money than helping people. If a doctor orders a medical procedure, it's for a fucking reason. Just pay the damn claim or get the fuck out of the insurance business!

Tom was tired all day because of the flu shot he got yesterday.

I got the funniest reply to one of my swells yesterday. Without going into any explanation, I simply said I was going to hit the road and then meditate and look for golf balls, which left this poor woman utterly confused, LOL. She didn't know I was talking about VR. So she was wondering where I would travel for 1,500 miles while meditating and looking for golf balls at the same time, hahaha!

The honker did what he does best at times… made some noise. Only I couldn't tell what he was doing. The siding isn't on yet, so maybe he was working on the door or the part of the siding that I can't see from the house.

I thought about him and how cold he's been this last year or so. I play dumb to it because I don't give a shit, but being the curious person that I am, I can say he definitely dislikes me and I wonder why. I thought it was likely due to some post I'd made that he disagreed with that could have been anything from political to who knows what. But then I realized that if I can look people up without them knowing about it, others could look me up without my knowing it. As a former constable, maybe he got curious about who he would be living with in the U.S. and looked me up and found my blog; hence some of the not-so-nice things I've had to say about him and the racket he makes at times. It's on him either way, whatever his problem is. I'm not going to hold back in my own journal just because someone may go looking for it and not like what they find. After all, that's what a journal is for: to write about what's on your mind, your experiences in life, and the people you encounter.

I thought about which writing platforms I want to write on and how often, and I've decided that I’d write on Blogger and Tumblr daily, LJ weekly, PB monthly, and DW & MD yearly when I do yearly reviews.

Given that I am in a great mood despite being tired today, and the fact that my nose is better, I'm wondering once again just how helpful the spell I recently did may be. It seems like it might be a lot more helpful than I ever thought it would be because, while clonazepam can help with sleep and some of the fatigue, it can't help with nasal issues. However, as Tom pointed out, anxiety has a way of affecting all kinds of things, so who knows for sure? It's still quite an interesting coincidence either way.

I brought my Tumblr account up to sync in the same way the other three platforms I use are up to date. I just wish Blogger would allow multiple security levels for posts instead of being all or nothing. Unless I make the blog private—which I don't want to do—I can't have any private stuff over there.

One of the things I like about Tumblr, which I didn't know before, is that rather than limit how much space you can have, they limit posts to 250 a day. Since I never post that much, I don't have to worry about decorating entries with pictures if I want to, which adds a little flair and color to the text. Who doesn't like animals and nature anyway? The only thing I don't like about Tumblr is that it's not easy to locate old entries to edit.

I'm still not sure how often I want to update PB. I'm just hesitant to do much on a site still known for tech issues. At this point, I'm thinking I might update Blogger and Tumblr daily, LJ weekly, and PB monthly.

I was thinking of the case of the killing of the UnitedHealth CEO, and while it's a horrible thing, I kind of get where the shooter was coming from. I'd like to say I hope it sends a message to other greedy insurance CEOs that, hey, this could be you. You could be next if you put money over people's lives. But most people think they're invincible.

I also saw a news article not too long ago where an older white woman shot a young Black mother. Of course, they had to bring race into it instead of saying one woman shot another woman because the unruly brats that she wouldn’t control were driving her crazy. More than likely, race had nothing at all to do with it, just like it never did in my case. People choose to make things about what they're not about—especially in a race-obsessed country that favors minorities.

Anyway, I really hope that cold-hearted bitch in Arizona saw that and realized it could have been her. Not that I've ever been some gun-toting psycho or that I would ever even think of killing somebody just because they pissed me off, but I just wonder if she realizes how lucky she was only to get words she didn't like. 

Anyway, because I was tired today, I'm going to take a whole pill once again before bed rather than a half. The first two nights I took a whole pill, but last night I only took a half.

Been having fun searching for golf balls. They reorganized the lobby, where they put all the balls from each of the courses into its own little cubbyhole. I'm going through the courses one by one and collecting any I haven't found yet. I pause the game, open the browser right there in the headset, go to YouTube, and pull up a lost ball tutorial for the courses where I don't have them all yet.

Tom's out getting his flu and COVID shots, and I'm going to take my chances this year. I'm not out enough and exposed to enough people to be worried about it. Then again, I did catch the norovirus, but still, I think I'll be okay. COVID's been around for nearly half a decade now and it hasn't affected me yet.

After a few wonderful days of energy, I’m kind of tired today. I didn’t expect the magic to last forever, though. I kept waking up a lot. It seems I had a nightmare at one point that I don’t remember, and it took me a few minutes to get back to sleep.

The thing is that clonazepam isn’t recommended for chronic use because you can become too used to it, and it can affect memory. I looked, and there are other options to help you fall asleep and stay asleep. So I’ll ask Rhonda about these things the next time I talk to her.

Another day of feeling better—good sleep truly makes a difference. Rhonda and Clonazepam are wonderful, too, lol. However, the clonazepam leaves me feeling slightly hungover during the first few hours of the day. I may scale back to half a pill, as she said I could, and see how that works. I don’t want to become overly dependent on it, as helpful as it’s been.

The humidifier has been a big help, and even my nose is doing better. I’m still sleeping with a nasal strip, though. It’s hard to believe I felt so doomed less than a week ago. I just hope this improvement isn’t temporary—that I’m not being teased and getting my hopes up for nothing. I want to believe I’m on my way to having energy more often than not, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

I didn’t sleep quite as long or as deeply last night, but I still managed over eight hours. I even fell right back to sleep after getting up to pee. There weren’t any definite breaks in my sleep, which is a huge relief because broken sleep really kills me. This time, since starting clonazepam, I’m not tiring out early. I’ve been up for 10 hours now, and I still have decent energy.

The only issue is that my nature sounds keep cutting out during my sleep. I’d hate for them to stop completely, especially before the renovation noise outside is finished.

I can’t help but wonder if the spell I did or the plants I got might have influenced things improving or if they would have improved anyway. It’s an interesting coincidence.

Also, I noticed that the fingernail that kept splitting isn’t splitting anymore. I don’t know what finally fixed that, but I’m glad it’s better. I still need to do my 15-minute vinegar soak for the fungus on my thumb, though.

As for the humidifier, it has a little drawer in the back with a tiny sponge for scented oils. I had it drenched in neroli before, but today I rinsed and dried the sponge, then soaked it in vetiver. I love that earthy scent. Neroli is nice—pretty and feminine—but vetiver feels grounding.

Ray had his carpet cleaned today, but I don’t think it would have woken me up.

It was sunny and cool today, though tomorrow we’ll probably need the AC again.