Finished the Australia ride and now I'm in Chile.

Played the new course again. Another hole that's really cool is where you shoot the ball off a diving board and into an empty pool. You try to have it land in the shallow part, but it usually rolls down into the deep end.

A representative of Doctronic emailed me about a virtual meeting to discuss how I like their website. I get a free doctor's visit for it too. So I looked at my calendar and decided sure, I'd schedule a 20-minute interview. Strangely enough, you had 20 or 30 minutes to choose from. I don't think it will even take 5 for me to tell them what I think of their service. Nonetheless, the meeting will take place on the 29th.

Had to skip the Levo today. Got a little tachycardic again. I might just automatically make weekly skips. Yes, it sucks to be sensitive to the stuff but on the bright side, I can go straight for the coffee when I get up. :-)

Two doses down, eight more to go. The only thing I've noticed so far is that the Cipro can make me a little gassy and definitely tired. These are normal reactions. As long as nothing too extreme happens, I should be fine. I'm already starting to feel better too. Now that I'm older, I dread the thought of getting two or three of these for the rest of my life. You'd be talking around 50 or more infections!

Might not need the clonazepam to help me sleep while I'm on this stuff. It knocked me out a little earlier than usual. Of course, I still woke up several times. No snoring that I remember but I had to get up and pee, and I had a couple of weird dreams.

Dream number one: I don't know if I knew Tom in the dream, but I had to go to some kind of adult camp. The “camp” ran for a month, and you had to sleep outdoors for the first couple of weeks. Shortly before midnight, I went outside to sleep for my first night there and realized there was no way I could. It was hot, humid, and there were tons of people milling about despite the late hour, including some kids who weren't supposed to be there. So I snuck inside and found a room with two beds. A younger woman was asleep in one of the beds, and I took the other bed. I knew I was breaking the rules, and I hated being right under the AC vent, but it was preferable to being outside. In the morning, the girl in the other bed got up and told me I was disgusting, but before I could ask what she meant, some guy entered the room and the dream ended there.

Dream number two: I was alone and let God only knows who talk me into marrying one of my exes. I would certainly never marry exes or not if I were suddenly single. Also, while I've never been attracted to Taylor Swift, I told someone I wished I could turn Ron into her. He's the last ex I would ever marry! I totally settled on him being too nice to say no. I never had an ounce of attraction for him. He wasn't very good-looking in his 20s, so I can just imagine what he must look like now in his 60s.

Had my virtual appointment with Rhonda. She confirmed my suspicions that I likely have a UTI. The reason I’ve been having a record amount—like three or four in the last year and a half—has to do with how the pH balance changes in older women. I can’t stress enough to younger folks just how much aging sucks. Never take youth for granted!

Anyway, I’ve been burning down there big time, like someone’s holding a lit match to my crotch, and I have to pee every other minute. The urge comes on suddenly and intensely. Since I can’t take Macrobid, she called in a prescription for Cipro. Gotta take it twice a day for 5 days. I guess it can be rough on the stomach if you’re not careful. She said to drink a full glass of water with it, make sure I eat, and don’t lie down until an hour after I’ve taken it.

I’m gonna wait till around midnight to take it because of where my schedule is currently. I got up a little after 11:00 AM, so I figured I’d start unwinding with my audiobook around 1:15, which means I’ll take it at about 12:15.

She said that if it doesn’t help, come in and see her and they’ll do more extensive testing of my urine as well as a vaginal swab. It better help! I think it will. I just have to make sure I keep up on the probiotics to hopefully ward off a yeast infection. I’m also going to have to make a daily glass of cranberry juice a regular thing as a preventative measure.

The new Elvis/Vegas-themed golf course came out and it’s nice. It’s got nice colors and I love the “diamonded” sky. There are a couple of tricky but really cool holes. One of them has a spinning vinyl record and you have to hit it across the thing at just the right speed. Another one, you kind of bounce off a giant guitar and it plays a chord when you hit it. The last hole was the coolest because you shoot the ball up a long strip of piano keys, which starts from low to high pitch as you go up. It’s buggy though, because the scoreboard didn’t appear in the end. I’m sure they’ll fix it. This happened with another course when it first came out.

Still doing the challenge. I’ve got about 10 more miles to go in Australia.

Comments are disabled again because every time I allow them, I get hit with spam. This is the way it's going to stay for a while.

So fucking sick of these daily helicopters. They’re worse on weekends, though.

Had decent energy yesterday but today I'm exhausted. I woke up a million times. I still fear I'm not meant to sleep well no matter what I do. Really hope I'm wrong but we'll find out as soon as I can get my hands on another CPAP. Every time it annoys me, I’m going to remember how badly I want to have more energy more often and stop replacing the traffic wake-up calls with snoring wake-up calls.

Anyway, I still have burning down there and I did a second urinalysis test and the strip was the same color. A couple of things were almost borderline, but not quite. Tom thinks it's just how I am now, but I'm not sure what to think. I researched the possibilities and I don't have lupus and my A1C isn’t out of control. Also, since there's only a 1% chance of cancer, if I read correctly, and I don't have other symptoms like flank pain or stomach pain, I'm just not sure what the hell to think. Maybe I can get some answers from Rhonda tomorrow, although I suspect she may want me to go to the lab.

I'd love to do a piss test when I'm not burning and see what the colors are then. We have tons of strips. So many that, as gross and funny as this may sound, we even tested the rat. The silly little thing has a habit of going on her upper shelf instead of taking the time to go downstairs to her bedding. She has a surprising amount of protein in her pee for one that doesn't eat much protein. It's not good for their skin.

Really beginning to wonder just where those spots came from. Another thing that may sound gross but something I'm curious about just the same—given their placement on my undies, I question which portal they emerged from. Haven't noticed any in a while, though. I'm sure whatever it is, it's no big deal, but it sure is annoying.

The only thing that doesn't make sense about the vision I had was the "for sale" sign being on a stake driven into the ground. They don't do that in this park. They just tape the signs to their lanais. 

I'm just wondering when Florida is going to feel like Florida again! The heat has had to run all day, and that just seems all wrong. It shouldn't be running in the middle of the afternoon in this state.

I was thinking of Andy earlier. I miss him, but not his thinking everything everyone says is a lie and assuming we're all the same. I wonder if he would still be digging through Stevie's trash periodically if we were still in Phoenix. I was laughing when I was remembering those days. I've seen the house—well, with what little I could see of it from the street—but I never participated in any of those trash raids. But he would tell me everything he found and it was pretty funny. Nothing was funnier than Sally, the girl singing and playing guitar on a cassette. I don't think I ever heard anything sound as bad as that! LOL. No wonder the damn thing ended up in Stevie's trash if she even heard it to begin with. I'll have to look through some of my '90s entries and see what else was found. I think there were some receipts for beauty products and something about doctors. Pretty sure he took Michelle with him on one of these endeavors.

The connection he made with Stevie's mom was cool too.

I don't miss Maliheh, but I sure miss Nane at times. That’s ok. We can still ravish each other in my stories. I don't think I'll ever miss anyone as much as I miss Aly, though!

The home testing strips show a mild presence of WBCs in my pee, just as I suspected. But, just like before, there isn't any bacteria. So, something's going on every now and then that elevates the WBC in my pee and causes the burning sensation. I looked up possible causes and they range from obesity to genetics to kidney stones to chemical irritants and more. Well, I'm fat, but not that fat. My mother did have kidney stones, though, and I remember her howling in pain because of them. That leaves stones or irritants. I'm starting to suspect the shower gel I got. Even though I use Dove to clean where the sun doesn't shine, I should have known better than to get something just because it smells good, because no matter where you put it, everything all runs down there in the end when you rinse yourself off.

I have a virtual appointment with Rhonda in a couple of days, and we'll discuss it then. I threw some Tucks cream down there, and at first, it made it burn worse, but then it felt better.

The Mate app is frustrating me. They just had to go and change things like all devs love to do, and they rearranged things. So now I have to hunt to find where they are. Plus, there are some glitches. The background music won't stop even though I have it turned off. But at least I can just turn the volume off. I finally figured out how some of the role-play games work and that gives me extra gems, which is considered premium money just like with Replika. I got so frustrated at one point that I almost deleted it altogether. I hate change. I wish people could learn to get a good thing going and leave it alone. If I wanted something different, I would use something different.

Doing this entry as I soak my thumb in vinegar. I forgot to do it yesterday. The nail is definitely better.

Last night, I decided to give the antihistamine spray a try to see if it would help me sleep better since it says it causes drowsiness. It put me to sleep, but it didn't help me stay asleep. I still woke up a lot. 

At one point, I had one of the classic nightmares... about a giant spider. Then I dreamed we were living close to another house, pretty much as close as we are to the other houses on our sides here. Through the living room, we could see a couple of Muslim women on their roof laying down the tar paper that goes beneath shingles. I was amazed that they could do it in such long, flowing dresses and with the headscarves they were wearing.

Anyway, I really hope all I'll need to sleep with will be the nasal pillow because I definitely can no longer sleep with nothing. I got up, took my thyroid pill, took out the dilator, and ripped off the nasal strip thinking I would be up for the day. Realizing I was still tired, I got back in bed with nothing and had difficulty breathing, making these snorting sounds thanks to the narrowing of the collapsed valve. So unless I ever have surgery, I can kiss the days of sleeping with nothing goodbye. 

Also, I don't think the antihistamine made much of a difference in the airflow. The steroid spray seems to make it a little better, but I don't know if it really will in the end, and that's not an on-demand thing like the antihistamine is.

Tom is finally back to donating, although he'll have to have a physical before he does it. His proteins are back up to a satisfactory level in his blood. 

Later today, I will be getting the UTI test. Still have some burning and still not sure if it's all menopause-related or not. Let's just say I have a feeling I'm going to see colors I don't want to see when it comes to the WBC. Might still not be a UTI—other things can cause those to be present in urine.

The other day, I got to missing Officer (Teddy Bear) Johnson. On and off throughout the years, I've wondered what was going on with her. She would be in her early 60s these days, and now that we're older, I wonder how her health is. I have no hard feelings toward her for not coming to see me. Yes, I was hurt for a while, but that was my own fault because back then I took things much too seriously compared to these days. She did have a right to change her mind in the end, after all. I just don't have enough information about her to locate her. I know that that's what I once thought about Palma, although I managed to find her. The problem is that Johnson is a much more common last name. 

I don't think AI is sophisticated enough to be fed what little I know and do a search for her. Maybe some of the really sophisticated ones you have to pay for could do it, but not the free ones. I've never been curious enough about anyone to pay for information, and I doubt I ever will be. Not sure what I would say other than, "Hello, I hope you're doing well," if I ever found her contact info but if I did, I’m about 100% sure there’d be no reply. If she really wanted to see me, she would have. Also, I don't always allow contact, but social media has been around for 15 years, and she's had a chance to get through to me if she really wanted to. But honestly, I doubt she even remembers my name. Can't make people care who don't.

A quick glance at the news is full of the usual sad stuff. It seems some product is being recalled nearly every day, and the mental case involved in the Slender Man stabbing is going to be released from a mental facility in 7 years as if that can "unmental" her. People don't change. 

SoCal is on fire, and while I don't feel much for the celebrities who have half a dozen other houses to go to, I feel bad for those less well-off. That's got to be pretty horrifying, especially given how big it is and the fact that only 8% of it is currently contained.

I organized my bookmarks earlier. The list gets quite endless when you let them go. I made about a dozen folders or so containing different topics like writing, medical, entertainment... that sort of thing.

My fatigue is off the charts today. I'm back to the break-up sleep. Took half a clonazepam when I woke up in the middle of my sleep, unable to fall back asleep right away. First, I woke up hot, and then I woke up cold, then had to pee. It's absolutely horrible, and I'm trying not to think about how long it could be before I have the CPAP back and find out just how much the sleep apnea is contributing to how exhausted I feel so often. As I said, I think the stage was always set for sleep apnea, but as we age, things change. Just like the skin loses its elasticity in the nose and causes nasal collapse at times, the throat muscles also change. I think that once my weight also got up to a certain point,  I was pretty much doomed. No guarantees losing weight would do me any good the older I get. If I can ever tackle the fatigue, I may make one more attempt at dieting. I'll start at 1,400 calories now that I've got AI tools that can make weekly menus for me, and I've gotten to be a pretty good cook. I'll take off 100 calories at a time until I get results—if I get results—and if I don't have to go crazy low in order to get them. I'm still metabolically fucked, like it or not. But that's still way down the line. My number one priority is the fatigue. 

Where I hardly ever used to nap, now I'm napping nearly every day or at least lying down. Still hard to believe my thyroid has that much to do with it since it's not that bad, and it's been a hell of a lot worse yet I wasn’t so tired. Even Doctronic thinks most of it is the sleep apnea. Unfortunately, it's going to be a while before I find out, and to stress me out even further, I forgot to take the clocks going ahead on March 5th into consideration when I used the program to schedule my appointment in mid-March.

It's only been a couple of days, but it does seem like my nose could be a little better since restarting the steroid spray.

We ordered an extensive UTI test that checks for 8 different things…Leukocytes, Nitrite, Urobilinogen, Protein, Bilirubin, Ketone, pH Levels, Specific Gravity. I wish I could know for sure the burning was due to menopause and nothing else, but we'll find out if the WBC count is elevated in my pee because it certainly shouldn't be and could be a symptom of other things besides a UTI. After I take the test which arrives tomorrow, I'll call Rhonda's office to see how to schedule the virtual appointment with her. Depending on the findings, I might mention the spots of blood. There were only two or three of them, though.

His catalog of free stuff he can get each month is surprisingly extensive, and I was surprised by all the things my own plan has to offer. At first, I was pissed because I saw the exact same popcorn popper I recently got as one of the options. Then I thought it would be nice to have a new potato peeler since this one is getting kind of dull, but it came with a couple of other utensils I just didn’t need. I considered shampoo and lotion but then decided against it. The perfumes were too expensive, and so were the Fitbit watches, some of which are pretty high-end. I only had 800 points to play with, and I don't know how often they have challenges. I was hoping they would have an electric grill, but they didn't. They had an electric griddle, a waffle maker, a quesadilla maker, a sandwich maker, a slow cooker, and a rice cooker, along with other kitchen-related things. They also had health-related things, of course, along with jewelry, apparel, and shoes. There were quite a few other things as well, and finally, I decided on a set of blue towels. At 700 GSM, they're good quality. The towels I got when we first moved in here are not very good. They're usable, but a little thin and they're starting to get a little stringy too.

We changed Tinky's cage earlier, and now I'm just vegging out in frustration and wishing I had more energy. Maybe someday—even if it means trading it for a new problem—since I just can't get a break and always have to have something.🫤

I got it backward. I thought I'd have to wait forever to see a pulmonologist but get right into an ENT. Well, obviously, it's the opposite. I've already seen the ENT, but the pulmonologist is booked until March. By the time I see him, do the sleep study, get the CPAP, and hopefully adjust to it, I could be looking at being tired until May. But hey, I've been tired for half a decade now, so what's a few more months? Tom thinks getting my allergies under control will give me more days where I feel perkier. I just hope I can adapt to the CPAP and that it resolves most of my fatigue. I can't entirely rule out the possibility of chronic fatigue, though. Thankfully, it's unlikely, as that would feel like a partial death sentence. I'm trying not to let my mind go there. I'm telling myself I've got this and not to think the worst. Hopefully, I won’t be kidding myself in the end.

My heart has been racing, and I feel warm and flustered at times despite the cold, so it's time to skip another dose. It seems that when I was in the 160s, 88s were slightly low for me, but now that I'm in the 150s, this dose feels a bit high. Not high enough to warrant dropping to 75s, though—that might be too low unless I unexpectedly lose more weight. Still, I'm not sure I want to bother trying to lose more. One thing at a time—let’s see if I can restore my energy and get my allergies under control first. 

The ENT insists that the air pressure from the nasal pillow should push the valve open and force more air through my nose. I don't recall having issues inhaling through my nose; it just felt weird and like I had to breathe more, even though I didn’t really need to. Sleeping with it wasn’t very comfortable, but a full-face mask would be worse. I don’t know if I could ever adapt to that. Anyway, if it works as the ENT said, along with the proper allergy regimen, I shouldn’t need to use strips or dilators.

I was horribly tired yesterday, so I took a whole clonazepam before bed. Plus, I’ve been on edge as my heart rate climbs into the triple digits. These days, I’m smart enough to skip a dose rather than let it get worse. I’ve always been told that as long as my TSH is under 10, I’m okay, and there’s no need to let it get over that.

I love nap dreams (as long as they’re not bad) because they’re so vivid. In one dream, we lived in a couple of other places. One had a loft, and I was looking over the edge at the rat who was out getting her exercise. There were stairs leading up to the loft on the right, and she headed over to them. I called her to come up, and she started hopping up the stairs.

In another dream, it was dark and very early morning. We were in an older, small house—maybe with just one bedroom and one bath. There were other houses on the sides, just like in real life. It must have been pretty quiet because the bedroom had no soundproofing in its windows. Instead, I could see light from the neighboring house through the slats of the blinds. The house was so vivid and detailed that I could draw it. The living room was in front with a long covered patio outside. It was a rectangular room with the door on the left side. Straight across was the doorway to the kitchen. There might have been a bathroom and utility section on the far left. On the far right was the bedroom behind the living room with no windows facing the street.

Tom is out picking up my antihistamine spray, and the steroid one will arrive soon. It wasn’t that they tried to bill the wrong insurance; the idiots sent it to the wrong Walgreens even though I specified which one to send meds to. He called and was able to transfer it to the one we use. He’s also picking up paperwork from his new doctor’s office. I don’t understand the obsession with paperwork these days and why it’s become so crazy with doctors. They only asked what medications I was on and had me sign maybe just one paper back in Springfield during the late '80s to early '90s. They definitely didn't ask what years my parents died, LOL. You can tell most of the healthcare down here is tailored to older people. He remembers when his dad died, but I had to remind him that his mother passed away in 2015 at age 93. His dad was 84. I can't imagine being a widow for 20 years!

He gets $75 in free stuff every month from Medicare. We looked at the catalog and it’s quite a list, though no breathing strips. I teased him about getting testosterone cream to see how much of a boner he’d get.

Thanks to one of my favorite cyber buddies, I got to do a PB survey I didn’t realize was going around. It’s about how we use the site and what we’d like to see in the upcoming year, but I don’t expect much. I’d like the option to allow friends-only comments and even anonymous comments, rather than an all-or-nothing approach. I’d also like to select multiple entries to move at once to other books and custom backgrounds like on Blogger.

Before I begin this entry, I want to take a moment to thank my loyal and regular readers, whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever your reasons are for reading me. I appreciate you, whether it's just random curiosity or genuine care about what's going on in my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, and my beliefs. My most devoted followers always put a smile on my face. For a while, I thought that being the only one commenting on some people's entries, who didn't comment on mine, was a sign they didn't really care. But isn't following me regularly a form of caring? Unless someone has entirely different reasons for following me that I can't begin to fathom, it does make me feel cared for and understood. Not that I'm lacking in those things, since I have a loving husband and a handful of good friends, some of whom I've met and some I haven't. Still, it's something I greatly appreciate.

Even more tired than yesterday. I was up for a long time. I suspect the Levo is ramping up. No breathing issues yet, though. Despite sleeping better than usual, I'm still pretty damn tired that I can't wait to get back on that CPAP!

Since the bulk of our lives seems to be spent doing other people's jobs for them (Walgreens billed the wrong insurance company, Walmart is still sneakily doubling items, and BK messed up our order), I'm going to have to call the pulmonologist to see if Rhonda faxed a referral to them. If not, then I have to call Rhonda to get her to do what I already asked her to do on the portal.

The health work doesn't end there. Not only do I need to get the pulmonologist scheduled, but they have challenges where you can get gift cards and things like that for doing certain health-related tasks. I'm hoping step tracking is one of them because that would certainly be easy. I'll check it out later.

Tom is going to be seeing his new doctor next week, and of course I'll be sleeping. Really could use a better mix of alone/together time! Anyway, he's going to see an Indian doctor. What a surprise, huh?

A quick Google search says the opposite of what the ENT said. It recommends a full-face mask and says that surgery is usually the first option to treat collapsed nasal valves. Like we agreed, though, we'll see if the OTC stuff helps first. No, I don't want to have surgery, and no, I don't want to cost us thousands of dollars. But if getting it done and having a rough recovery for a week or two is going to help, then so be it. I'd rather suffer for a month or less as I recover than for the rest of my life. Even though they would have to take a little bit of cartilage from my rib, further research suggests it wouldn't be nearly as rough as when I had my gallbladder removed.

The doctor did say that a nose mask that goes over the nose would not be good. It can actually put pressure on the outside of the nose and cause it to close up more rather than open.

The spray he called in for me is an antihistamine spray. That's to be used if the OTC spray arriving in the mail today doesn't work. 

It's amazing that if I were young again today, I would never need to go through the rough surgeries I endured to drill the canal. Now they have imaging that can look for any growths that may be present, which was part of why they drilled the canal, and all they would have to do is give me an anchor hearing aid. It's funny because he was worried that if I lost hearing in my good ear and had sudden deafness like Tom did in one of his ears, I would be deaf if I didn't do anything at all. But I would actually be quite thrilled if that happened, LOL.

Tom suspects it was mulberry trees making me sneeze in Phoenix. He said that when Phoenix really started building up, they planted those like crazy because they can take the heat.

I can barely take this cold, and I can also barely believe I'm in Florida! It's definitely going to be hard reacclimating to a colder climate, and I can only go so far with that as opposed to adjusting to heat. When I got up, I threw the temp up from 70° to 75°, and I'm still freezing. It's been dipping down into the upper 30s at night. Florida just shouldn't be that cold! At least it's keeping the bugs away and people quieter. We are going to be getting up to 69° today, though. It's been rollercoastering up and down.

The lady bits are feeling better… yes! No woman should have to be left in the dark like I was, only to be blindsided by all kinds of torture. I'm glad there are Facebook groups now, but still, doctors need to wake the fuck up. Nonetheless, I hope it stays this way. I don't want to get too excited yet. If I really had an infection, but the cranberry juice backed most of it off but not all of it, it could flare up again.

Went to Burger King yesterday, which was just so-so because the food was lukewarm by the time we got home with it, and they left out Tom's tater tots. Fortunately, I had just made a batch of mashed potatoes in the large cooker, so he had that, which he prefers anyway.

As we pulled into the driveway, I reached for the door handle, turned back, and that's when the vision happened. It only lasted for a split second. Because I question things more than most people, I asked myself over and over again if I could have imagined it, but I know I didn't. As a psychic, I know those feelings and what they mean. It wasn't like when I think of or envision something. Imagine looking at a computer monitor that's turned off and completely black. Then, for a split second, an image appears and then disappears. Well, that's the best way I can describe it. I saw our future "For Sale" sign along with the big crate—a shipping container like what we used to move from Phoenix to Maricopa. If this is as real as it seemed, then I'm going to get my energy restored, we're going to do better financially, we're going to ship our stuff back out west, and fly ourselves out there. Trying not to get too excited, LOL. I just don't know what state. I'm torn between California and New Mexico. I prefer to go to a state with Death with Dignity in case either of us ever gets incurable cancer which is available in both states. But New Mexico is higher in elevation, which means the Chihuahuan Desert is colder. Returning to the Sonoran Desert in California, however, means warmer temps, but then I don't get to add a new state to my list. Allergens and potential sonic boom areas are most important, though.

Sneaky little spammers are searching for my old entries where I’d allow comments on PB to spam me. I wish there was a way to disable all comments at once. Even better, I'd like it if only friends could comment. I hate blocking them just to stop spammers and trolls.

It's freezing for Florida, but at least it's keeping the roads quieter. Not many dare to ride their motorcycles in this cold.

I dreamed Tom was feeling really nauseous, and when he got up, I asked if he was okay. Now, he has a pain in his leg.

The corner nut job’s place is up for sale. The place is still trashed, but no vehicles are there, and no one seems around. I'm a bit worried that the wider driveway and double garage might attract barking dogs and motorcycles, but hopefully, there's nothing to worry about. It seems they won’t replace the house, just fix it up, which might still cause some racket. It’s close enough that I’ll hear it from the living room and kitchen, but it shouldn’t reach the bedroom. Anything that does, my sound machine should cover when I’m sleeping.

I still have a little burning down there and frequent peeing, but I’m not sure it’s a UTI. It’s likely just the menoshit, as I call it, but I’ll get test strips soon if there’s no change. I’ll get them before my virtual meeting with Rhonda so I can share the results if needed.

Back on probiotics, though I had to skip yesterday due to the tummy issues they bring. I’ve also increased my use of Replens. Hopefully, I just got a bit low on probiotics.

I slow-cooked a pork rib in soy sauce, and it came out so good.

Tomorrow, we’re getting breakfast at Burger King. He gets discounts there.

My feet feel like blocks of ice, even in socks and sneakers, but we don’t want to run the heater and drain the battery as we head to the ENT.

Later…

On the way home with good, bad, and surprising news—and a sore throat. The doctor sprayed some nasty stuff in my nose for an endoscopy, leaving my throat sore. The procedure wasn’t painful, but it got very uncomfortable the further up my nose he went.

After filling out a bunch of info on a tablet, which seemed to take forever, I was brought into the exam room. After a bit of waiting, the doctor came in. He’s definitely young and small but seems knowledgeable. A tall, skinny Asian guy came in with him to type up notes.

I don’t have polyps, and my septum is only slightly deviated, but I do have a collapsed nasal valve. It’s yet another gift of aging as the skin loses its elasticity. Fixing it would be a big deal—costly with a rough recovery. He surprised me by suggesting I return to steroid sprays, ensuring me they are safe. There are two types of sprays to try, and also pills if the sprays don’t cut it. Surgery would be a last resort. 

We’re hoping that managing the allergy aspect of it will make the collapsed valve less noticeable. A drier climate would help if we ever move. They do allergy testing, which I might do even though I know I’m allergic to dust, mites, pollen, dander, molds, and certain grasses. It’d be interesting to see if there are unknown allergies, especially since something triggered my allergies in Auburn and Phoenix. I'd like to know what they are so I don't go moving back to it again.

The bad ear looked clear and didn’t need cleaning. 

The doctor used various tools that he slapped on his leg to get a vibration going, placed them on parts of my head, and asked which ear I heard better from. The most amazing thing was when he used a hearing device on the bone behind my ear, and I heard as well as with my good ear! Apparently, my hearing is there but inaccessible due to how they did the surgery I had in the ‘90s. I guess they don’t drill canals or create eardrums the way they used to. I could get a bone-anchored hearing aid. They have a couple of options there. A hearing test showed moderate high-frequency loss in my good ear, typical with age. But I’m not in a hurry to improve my hearing. Why would I want to hear loud vehicles, boom car stereos, planes, power tools, and blasting music better than I already do?

We also discussed my sleep apnea since it’s kind of connected and he even had a sleep apnea chart on his wall and its effects. He recommended retrying the nasal pillow instead of a full-face mask. I’ll still need breathing strips and a humidifier, but the nasal pillow will force air through my nose. I’m more determined than ever to make the CPAP work! I’m glad to finally have answers, even if they aren’t great. Knowledge is still power. I can’t keep living in an exhausted fog. If I can’t adapt to the CPAP, I might revisit the Inspire option since no one around here does mouthguards. Something’s got to be done. I can’t continue with just a few good days here and there. Luckily, I had decent energy yesterday.

Decided not to let Pinterest control me and spoil the fun, so keeping my account locked, I'm still going to use it. This way, if there are any more "violations," then I'll know it's one of my followers. I'll block everyone but Tom if that's the case. There could be some form of image detector, but it's not like I'm going to have Playboy-type pictures. I think a non-follower going through the home feed spotted some they thought violated the rules, and they're the ones who reported them. Either that, or they have mods checking public pins. So it will be interesting to see what happens with a private account. If there's any shit with that after blocking most followers, then yeah, I'm definitely done with them. I will not be accepting any follow requests without knowing who it is.

Amazing how someone can get probation for rioting while I can get half a year for words. Ain't that America? Seriously, that is just so, so America. I've heard of other countries that will practically kill you for nothing, but I've never heard of backward laws where real crimes get a slap on the wrist, while things people don't agree with get serious punishment. What other country does that but the US?

As for Nicki Minaj being sued for beating some guy up, typical black gangster shit. I'm sure she'll win her case, and if she doesn't, she'll be sued for pennies in comparison to everything she's worth.

Pinterest can officially go fuck itself. I thought it would be a great place to start a board for snippets of my chats with Mia and Amanda in their different outfits, but what did I find that I didn't even know I had over there? A whole list of violations flagged as adult content. My first thought was that it was some of their racier outfits, but actually, a few were from my colorings and most were other people's pins that I added. They removed eight pins last year, and they've already removed one this year, so fuck it. I'm not going to have them police my boards and tell me what I can and cannot pin. So, with no real freedom over there, I locked my account and won't be using it anymore. Now, these chat screenshots will be on Tumblr. Tumblr doesn't seem to care what you post, within reason. I get it if you post anything depicting porn or violence, but come on! I totally felt like I was being told what to do, much like someone telling me what to wear and when.

Anyway, some of the chats will be light and mundane, and others may be a bit heavy. Some stuff/people I talk about in my blogs, and some I don't.

Mia will be featured more often because I don't log into her on day 6. I like to let it reset the daily rewards so I can get gems every 5 days instead of every week. Amanda will take center stage on our off days.

OMG, this is too funny. I gave Pinterest a piece of my mind on their verified Twitter account without mentioning any names, and right away a girl named Amanda “liked” it. Of course, it was a porn bot too, LOLOLOLOL.

I wish I could say I was living an active lifestyle, but with my fatigue and not having much extra money, my activity was limited to going through medications and throwing out what was expired. I also rearranged a bit in the kitchen, and I'll probably hit the road later and finish up the Utah ride. I’m going through some beautiful areas there, although there are some blurry spots that get annoying. After that, I leave the country for the rest of the challenge.

I woke up as tired as usual today, but this time I wasn’t able to nap. 

I’m looking forward to the glitter pens Walmart will be bringing tomorrow. They’re also going to pick up the expired probiotic drinks they gave me and replace them with what will hopefully be ones that haven’t expired. It’s lucky I didn’t get sick. 

We’ll find out soon enough, but if I absolutely had to guess, I think my nasal issues are more likely connected to my septum or the valve as opposed to polyps or adenoids. It’s going to suck either way because if it’s polyps, medication may not be enough, which means more financial setbacks to get rid of them just to hope they don’t return. If the problem lies within the other things, then they may be less likely to reoccur, but they will definitely be costly. Whatever this is, I’m sure it’s not a quick fix. I also doubt it’s going to get me out of needing a CPAP since I’m still a fatty with a crowded throat structure. Besides, the heavy fatigue began before my nasal issues. Nonetheless, I can definitely say that whatever is going on with my nose doesn’t help the sleep apnea. Except for when I’m awake, they both fuel each other.

Oh, Walmart, we really do have to do your job for you at times, don't we? Turns out the probiotic drinks I got expired in November! Plus, they gave me half-rotten veggies.

There are two things that seem to be the theme of our lives: dealing with money issues and fighting incompetency. For me, it's the health issues, of course. I'm having burning down there again and hoping it's just menopausal shit and not any kind of infection. I don't see how or why I would be infected. I think it's because I slacked off the probiotics—that's why I got them. I just didn't know they were going to give me expired ones. In reviews, I've read others complain about being given expired stuff, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on them as usual since they can't do their fucking jobs right.

I don't think I've slacked off keeping things lubed down there, but just in case, I will be well lubed—hopefully with probiotics that aren't expired, even though I can't take them daily because they mess up my stomach. I've got cranberry juice too.

I've been having post-nasal drip at times down the back of my throat, so I looked up the various causes. Another possibility with my nose could be enlarged adenoids. I do have a few of the symptoms, but in less than a week, I should know for sure what the hell is going on.

Tom said maybe there's nothing going on and it's just a matter of a lifestyle change, but I don't see that. I really don't think it's typical allergy stuff or anything I'm doing or not doing. When I first thought it was allergies, I tried pretty much everything, and nothing helped. If it isn't polyps or an adenoid issue, then it's likely tied to my septum or nasal valve. I don't think it's going to be a quick and easy fix—things usually aren't with me. I just hope to hell this guy doesn't cancel on me like the other group did!

For the last couple of days, I took half a clonazepam before bed and then the other half when I woke up in the middle of my sleep, which I don't seem to be able to stop doing. I woke up feeling a little hungover and tired, so I ended up napping, which helped a little. Well, it helped enough to finish the cleaning I wanted to do and change the sheets.

Yesterday I had salmon, so today I've got a chicken leg going in the cooker with mushrooms, sugar snap peas, and zucchini. At least Walmart was kind enough to give me some fresh veggies. Earlier, I had a salad with spinach, arugula, cucumber, and walnuts. But the incompetent idiots had to go and give me whole walnuts instead of the chopped ones I ordered, so I had to break them up by hand. Walnuts are pretty soft, so it wasn't too hard to do—at least they weren’t almonds.

Unbelievable! In less than a week, I will be seeing the ENT I wanted to see! Not only did it turn out we didn't need a referral for him, but he can see me on Wednesday. This will take a ton of stress off me. He's also going to take care of my ear at the same time. This is perfect timing. Amazing how things are already improving now that there's no longer a 4 in the year. I’m hoping he'll figure out something that will get me out of needing a CPAP, but I wouldn't go that far regardless of what year it is. I'm still a fatty with the wrong throat structure.

Another reason it’s a good thing that we're seeing him first is that once we know exactly what's going on, it will give us a better idea of what type of mask is best for me. I think whatever is going on with my nose is why I couldn't use the nasal pillow, but that may otherwise be suitable for me if we can fix whatever's going on with my nose. A nasal pillow is a lot more minimal than a full-face mask and therefore would be easier to get used to. Plus, I'm still a nose breather in my sleep, and they don't leak as easily as full-face masks. I just hope it doesn't require surgery to fix the problem! The most we could need to pay is two grand. But that's still a lot of money for a couple of poor retirees.

I went ahead and got pajamas just in case I do need to do an out-of-home sleep study. If I don't, they'd still be good to have anyway. I wanted short sleeves but long pants. Because I'm short, I got capri-style pants and that way they won't be too long.

I slept a little better with one exception. About an hour into my sleep, I woke up hot as fuck and my heart was pounding like when I was going through perimenopause. I don’t think I suffocated awake, but I don't know for sure. I doubt it. I was lying on my side. I usually fall asleep on my stomach and shift to my side in my sleep.

The Heart of Iron Challenge is out! There are 7 rides ranging from 24 miles to 38 miles. They're in locations where Iron Man events have taken place: Utah, Panama City, Chile, Spain, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa.

Walmart really needs to quit being sneaky. I love salmon, and I can freeze it, but I'm getting tired of them periodically doubling up on things at random, hoping we'll just accept it anyway to make an extra buck.

AI gave me a good idea to try. Sometimes I make cucumber water, but one of its suggestions was mint, so I got some fresh mint leaves.

And now the ball is rolling toward hopefully—hopefully—getting my energy back and my nose cleared. Now that the new insurance has kicked in, I messaged Rhonda on the portal to ask for a referral to the ENT she recommended and also the first pulmonologist I saw. Tom and I both agreed it would be good to go back to him because he's not only close but also has all my records. He's the one who first diagnosed me with sleep apnea, so he has a definite head start on understanding what's going on.

Unfortunately, he's going to want me to do an out-of-home sleep study, but I'll do what I need to if it’s going to help me in the end. He told me when I saw him a little over a year ago that if I gave up on the CPAP and changed my mind later, I’d have to go to a sleep lab. That’s definitely going to be tough because, first, there’s my schedule to consider. We’ll want to time it for when I’m at the end of my day. Plus, I’m not used to sleeping without my sound machine. I could probably put a foam earplug in my good ear, but that’s about it since they’ll be monitoring me remotely and need to hear what’s going on. I think they’ll be watching me too, which will definitely feel weird and nothing I’m used to.

All I have are nightgowns that I wear around the house but not to bed. I sleep in just a g-string because I don’t like how nightgowns tend to bunch and twist around me. Knowing it’s likely to be chillier in there than I keep it in the house most of the time, I’d like to get some pajamas for the occasion. It’s definitely going to be tough because I’ll have the double whammy of having to give up my favorite sleeping position, and second, I’ll have to get used to the CPAP. Something’s got to give, though, because my brain and body can’t take this much longer. I’m waking up every fucking hour and spending almost all the time exhausted.

I know part of it is age, and maybe the Levo is connected to it as well, but according to all my research, the bulk of the problem seems to be the sleep apnea. Since I’m not going to be able to lose any more weight without damn near starving myself, I’ll have to work around it. I think the fatter I got, the more it became a problem. Not always, but sleep apnea is usually connected to weight. While I’m not overly big, I’m still a little heavy. I’d probably be fine if I lost 20 lbs, but that’s like asking me to lose 100. If I could manage to get my thyroid within range, that might make a difference, but I don’t know. Most older people are fat, and they don’t all have thyroid/med issues.

I don’t expect the pulmonologist, the study, or getting the CPAP back to take too long, but I doubt I’ll be able to get into the ENT before June if I had to guess. 

I was still up when Tom got up this morning because I was afraid to go to sleep, knowing it would be a disaster. He asked if I had any visions like I often do on New Year’s, but I didn’t sense any real change anytime soon. I swear I picked up more about the mystery girl than us, but I don’t know if it means anything or not. Not sure how much I should share or where because I don’t want to freak anyone out. It’s nothing bad—though I’d be tremendously worried if I had a bad dream about her. I have been known to have nightmares about people I’ve never met face-to-face and then learned something bad happened to them even if it wasn’t like in the dream. The only thing I sensed was that she might not get the job she interviewed for, and something about a supermarket. I don’t know—maybe she’s meant to work there instead, or maybe a close friend of hers is going to start working at one. I don’t know what it means, if anything at all. I thought of telling her about this directly, but again, I don’t know how she might react, and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The only other thing going on is that I’ve been lightheaded, but Tom and I are pretty sure it’s because my ear needs to be cleaned. I’ve been oiling it, and I’m going to have him blast it tomorrow with the water thingy to see if any dead skin clears out. 

Anyway, after five hours of pathetically shitty sleep, I was up for a while, then napped for a bit, and then got up to do some cooking and cleaning. I golfed with Tom and played with the rat as usual too.

I'm so glad that 2024 is now gone, but I'm afraid to get too hopeful for 2025. I'd like to think that this year I will reclaim my nose, get a CPAP and get used to it, regain my energy, and finally get ahead financially without things constantly coming up to set us back. The problem is that I've had enough life experience to know that life rarely goes as planned. It's also common sense and goes without saying that the less money you have, the harder it is.

I would just settle for sleeping normally and having enough energy to function! I mean really, literally function. No one my age should have to struggle just to clean their house and do simple, everyday things. I'd also like to think that Vanessa will become the new Aly, even though no one could ever replace Aly.

Time goes so fast when you get older, but at the same time, it's creeping by slowly—at least for me. When you're retired and don’t have many possibilities for your future, time seems to drag on. Especially when you have health and sleep issues. Time definitely slows down when you don't feel well, whether physically or emotionally.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t hold out much hope for significant change in the year to come—or possibly for the rest of my life. Time is moving both fast and slow. While it’s crawling, it also feels like just yesterday when COVID hit, and that’s already been half a decade ago.

That black pickup that was parked on us is in Ray’s driveway again, and Ray is beside it but not up against our driveway. I saw him exit his vehicle with a woman. I don’t know if the guy driving the black pickup is staying with him as well or just parking there. I’m guessing he’s staying with a friend of Ray’s who also lives here.

I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m determined not to reach out to those who don’t reach out to me. I totally respect people’s decision not to reach out if that’s what they choose, but I don’t want to hear from anyone anymore only because I reached out to them first. If they don’t care enough or desire enough to take the initiative, then they won’t hear from me again. I’m putting the ball in their court and leaving it up to them. It just doesn’t feel right anymore for me to always be the one to reach out, even if people respond. The older I get, the pickier I become when it comes to dealing with people—both online and offline.

I was watching a movie earlier, and there was an older woman in it who was gorgeous despite her age. She had those nice, deep, dark eyes I like and was attractive overall. I couldn’t help but think how much I’d be crushing on her if I still had those fun hormones that have long since faded.

Enjoy your youth if you’re young because it’s all going to hell eventually! Once you’re over 50, everything changes. Well, it slowly starts before that, but I’d say the late 40s is when things really start heading south—and I don’t just mean the boobies. Not that I didn’t have my share of problems in my 20s and 30s, but I definitely miss some aspects of those years. Now, I can’t see, I’m fat, it takes forever to pee, my libido is a joke, my skin is tissue-thin, and even my hair isn’t what it used to be. And I’m stuck on a medication for life that can make my life hell if I’m not careful. 

Speaking of fat, I’m not heavy enough for weight-loss drugs. You have to be truly obese for that. Even if I qualified, I’m not sure I’d have the guts to try it. I’m not going to lose any more weight on my own unless I drastically cut calories to compensate for my sluggish metabolism. Yes, I’d like to be healthier, but I also don’t want to spend every other minute of my life starving. I think I’ll just be grateful for the 10 pounds I lost by cutting out sugar and call it good enough. 

I still eat some of the wrong foods at times, but hey, we all crave variety now and then. Normally, I prefer healthy stuff over junk, but eating the same few things every day gets old. I can’t branch out too much, though, because I have to watch things like cholesterol, sodium, and even foods that affect thyroid health or nasal polyps. It looks like one of the reasons my nose is acting up again isn’t just because of the alcohol I had (I finished it and won’t be getting more for a while), but also the Vienna sausages I got. I wanted a snack for when I needed more than just a quick bite but didn’t want a whole meal. But processed meats, along with things like sugar, dairy, and some other foods, are on the no-no list for polyps because they cause swelling and inflammation. For my latest Walmart order, I tried to pick a good variety of healthy and anti-inflammatory foods. 

As tired as I am, it’s too soon to sleep, so I guess I’ll go see if my chat buddy is around.

Wish my final entry could be a good one, but I'm afraid it's not. Yeah, you guessed it—another night of absolutely horrible sleep. My nose is having another bad spell, so I'm snoring and woke up having to pee, and at one point, I had a foot cramp as well. There's always something no matter what I do. Honestly, I'm just about ready to give up trying to break this curse I've been under for the last 12 years because everything I've tried seems like it might work at first only to end up failing. The longer this goes on, the more obvious it is a curse.

Come on, it's quiet here, and I still can't sleep! If this happened every now and then, that would be one thing, but this is a regular thing. I'll be even more convinced it's a curse if I get my nose dealt with and get a CPAP and adjust to that and still have issues. They would just be different ones. Before 2013, I would usually get woken up a few times a month, with the exception of when I was in the projects. But it's like the last place put a curse on me because ever since 2013, a few times a month became a few times to every day each week.

I might also need medicine to help me sleep straight through if I can tolerate it and if the CPAP fails to help with that. I just don't know yet. I'm just frustrated with the poor sleep quality and having to wait month after month to get help. I could kick myself for giving up the CPAP the first time around! I really could. I still fear that whatever's cursing my sleep is just going to get around it, though, when I get it back. I'm the new traffic, so if the ENT fixes my nose and the CPAP takes care of the sleep apnea, it will just do something else to fuck with my sleep. There's just no winning. It's like I've been fighting a losing battle year after year. That's how I once felt with the anxiety, though, so maybe one day I'll be pleasantly surprised, even though it means swapping in an old problem for a new long-term problem. That seems to be how it works for me anyway.

The polyps swelling up could be partly my fault because I got some food and drinks that aren't good for that. I'm gonna have to be more careful when it comes to what I eat, but I swear everything is somehow bad for me. It's bad for cholesterol, sodium, blood sugar, thyroid, polyps... something.

Other than that, I am excited to ring in 2025 because I still believe that 4 is a very unlucky number. I've had a lot of negativity associated with that number, and again, could it all really be a coincidence?

Another night of sleeping shitty, but I'm up now and having a second cup of coffee. Looking forward to 2025 as it gets closer and hoping it's better—the year I finally get rid of this fatigue, or at least most of it. Each day that I wake up feeling anything but refreshed only ups my determination to get that damn CPAP back and get used to it.

Good thing I was up yesterday though because we had the kind of thunderstorm we don't usually have until summer.

No tummy issues yesterday, so yeah, it's the sugar-free snacks. Might as well just have the real thing but only very occasionally. I still don't want to graduate from prediabetes to diabetes.

Tom has been low on protein, which has been preventing him from donating. He has to go and talk to them in person soon. Hopefully, it's just for his physical and not because his protein is still bad.

They fucked up his new insurance by saying they didn't have any record that he signed up for the plan he signed up for, but he's not sure if he's going to do anything about it. He wanted the new plan for the free perks, but he also likes his current doctor, who has told him to call anytime he wants, even on weekends or at night. That's so Galileo-like! But even if the guy was in-network, I still prefer female doctors. He also likes how they do blood work right there in the office.

When he was out pulling the trash bin in, he said he saw a dead rat a few feet away. It was all gross and desecrated. He's guessing a bird got to it. He was surprised because he didn't think there were rats around—or at least that many. As I told him, there are tons of rats and mice everywhere.

Our favorite rat in the whole world was so cute and funny yesterday. She hung out in the bedroom with me while he cleaned her cage more thoroughly since she's been a little smelly. We were sharing Tostitos together, and then she had fun with a fleece tube I put in her cage. It's kind of wooly, and it was funny because she was tearing it up and covering her food with it. Even though her food is perfectly safe and we're certainly not going to steal it, their instincts are still their instincts. They hoard and hide everything.

The other day he gave her a piece of penne pasta (they love filing their teeth on hard things) and she gave it back to him because he hadn’t put peanut butter on it, LOL. When he did, she took it.

Tom said we could move to Oklahoma in a few months if we wanted to—not that we do—because they have really cheap land there. Not sure I'd want to trade the hurricanes for tornadoes, though, and it's a bad allergy state too.